NOTE: Guesses in italics are only guesses;
guesses in RED are a link to the solution or substantial clues.
There's some trouble brewing backstage at which banter-heavy gameshow? The cheeky chappy host was cracking some jokes about the wife of one of the panellists in the green room and was quickly treated to a smack in the mouth for it. Keith Lemon (Leigh Francis) ("Celebrity Juice")
GOSSIP LIFE 02/01
With the Harvey Weinstein and Hollywood sexual abuse stories coming to somewhat of an end recently, the Gossip Life expects stories of emotional abusive stars to take their place as the medias latest fad. One key person who might find their career in tatters is this A list diva, who nearly everybody in Los Angeles, New York and Las Vegas has a terrible experience with or a bad story on. Mariah Carey
What annoying talk show host paid several media outlets to say, untruthfully, that his newest hosting gig had far better ratings than when it was hosted by the person he replaced? Talk about ego stroking. He might not be at his new hosting gig for long, because his cohost and "friend" was fed up with him by the end of the gig, mainly because he was snorting from a vial full of cocaine between commercials.
Talk show host: Andy Cohen
Hosting gig: "CNN New Year's Eve Live with Anderson Cooper & Andy Cohen"
Replaced: Kathy Griffin
Co-host and "friend": Anderson Cooper
LAWYER 02/01 **#1**
Despite everything that is going in Hollywood, there are multiple A list actresses who are all vying for the lead in this sequel. A sequel directed by one of the worst of the worst in Hollywood when it comes to treating women. He had been in Hollywood jail, but apparently a good project on offer makes that all go away. He is a former A+ list mostly movie actor turned actor/director. Mel Gibson ("Passion of the Christ")
LAWYER 02/01 **#2**
This foreign born superhero is known for a guy who pushes the edge sexually with his partners so it is no shock that even though he has a girlfriend he wants to hook up with this former tweener actress turned A-/B+ list adult singer. Henry Cavill/Demi Lovato (and 2 days later he doesn't have a girlfriend any longer)
LAWYER 02/01 **#3**
This A list female K-Pop singer who sounds kind of financial is hooking up with this married A+ list mostly movie actor who is an Academy Award winner/nominee. BoA
LAWYER 02/01 **#4**
This B+ list celebrity offspring of a permanent A++ lister and a B lister is desperate to land a recently opened network gig due to a firing. She could really use the influx of cash. Lisa Marie Presley (Charlie Walk "The Four")
LAWYER 02/01 **#5**
This former A+ list mostly movie actor is not in the best of health and is slowly reaching a Howard Hughes level of paranoia about everything but the sleazy cult is furious that he managed to escape a trap that would bring them some kind of deal with them and him that would get them some new energy. Jim Carrey (cleared of wrongful death lawsuit) (Scientology)
LAWYER 02/01 **#6**
I'm not sure how I feel about this former A+ list reality star who is still pretty much hated and still as thirsty as she was a decade ago being pregnant. I fear the baby will be shown off and end up in like one of the reality star's many abandoned dogs. Paris Hilton
LAWYER 02/01 **#7**
This former A list "singer" from a celebrity family is really trying to get back in the limelight. A reality show return was nixed when she couldn't ever make it a day being sober though. Ashlee Simpson
LAWYER 02/01 **#8**
This A+ list mostly movie actress who also directs says that she has spent years of therapy because one of her mother's boyfriends used to have sex with the actress on a regular basis from the time the actress was about 15 or 16. She says that her mom, who she has always lovingly praised welcomed her daughter having sex with him so she wouldn't have to every day. Angelina Jolie
LAWYER 02/01 **#9**
Which Athlete? There is an athlete out there who is a PERFECT comparison to Bonds. And this person IS in their respective HOF. (Not baseball) For most, I would say the "name" is as big if not bigger than Bonds in both sports and, I guess, pop culture. Like Bonds, this athlete set records which will more then likely never be broken. Like Bonds, this athlete was better than their competitors (the best on the planet) by a VERY significant margin. Like Bonds, this athlete was widely speculated to be using PEDs on absurd levels yet never failed a drug test and always maintained their innocence. Unlike Bonds, this athlete is considered a groundbreaking athlete. This athlete is revered and loved. And, as I said, in their respective HOF. Havent read any articles on the comparisons which are interesting and so similar. This athlete did this in our lifetime and on the biggest stage in the world. Who is it? (Note: not an obscure sport. One of the biggest sports on planet earth. "Real" sport, not pro wrestling. This sport is represented in the Olympic Games and has been for a very, very long time). Florence Griffith Joyner
LAWYER 02/01 **#10**
Musings Of A Former A+ List Tweener: The quotes are from the former A+ list tweener. I provided the descriptions. "The network brass at this huge family of networks is complicit in allowing predators to continue to work for their company, many times after they are exposed. On my last series, I personally witnessed the producers and show runners fondle, kiss, hug, and even forced male actors to sit on their lap. One of the kids on the show was just 12 years old. What I saw shocked me to my core and honestly wouldnt be surprised if my decision not to play the game had something to do with me being fired. It was the most uncomfortable, unprofessional, sadistic, agenda-driven set Ive ever worked on. And on top of that, the honchos in charge seemingly conditioned everyone on the set to become accustomed to this inappropriate behavior." (One of the producers of the show, who is A+ list has already been exposed and has the full support of at least two female permanent A listers.) "The other two are currently slated to begin another show at the network. I think its important for children, especially child actors to understand the dangers of the industry. And how parents can be easily manipulated and forced to allow their children to be put into adult situations. I was not a minor when I started working on this series. The show I did before that was a massive hit and there was nothing inappropriate ever that took place on set. I worked on that show during my early to mid teen years. The last show, even though it was a hit was a different experience for me because it was the first time I openly witnessed grooming of young talent and physical contact between older men and young actors. One of the first episodes of the show was directed by (former A- list mostly television actor from back in the day who had a hit network show and has been spoken about in this space before.) One day after filming I discovered him using drugs with two of my adult cast mates on the set. They made me promise to stay quiet. And it was definitely one of the worst experiences of my life. Im not seeking any attention. My goal is too simply do my part to help expose some of the darkness in the industry. The sad thing is there are so many honest, hard-working genuine people that work on sets. From hair and makeup and scenic/ special effects artists, gaffers, craft service, etc. that do just want to go to work and be home at night to spend some time with their kids. Then there are legitimate executives and predators who hide behind charity and live as though they are 18 years old and in High School, sexualizing underage talent at parties and even on set in plain view. The reason people are afraid to speak out is job security. Getting a job in the entertainment business is a matter of relationships, connections, and getting hired based on who you know. No working professional wants to risk losing their source of income. Tutors who speak out on set are fired. The people who are responsible for looking out for the welfare of minors on set are very complicit in allowing the behavior to continue."
LAWYER 02/01 **#11**
This former A list tweener actress from an acting family who is rich and doesn't act any longer really needs rehab. Apparently she has barely been going to work any longer and just sits in her huge apartment and does drugs all day and night. Ashley Olsen
LAWYER 02/01 **#12**
Apparently this foreign born C listish celebrity worth a ton of money just discovered she is HIV+. Perhaps she should have read the site and she could have avoided that situation. That B- list celebrity boyfriend of hers is the culprit. Chloe Green/"Hot Felon" Jeremy Meeks
LAWYER 02/01 **#13**
Truth. Will. Out - A Himmmm Blind: This will hardly be a blind to those who've been here for years. But when you've known the truth all this time, and are no longer bound by the promises you made due to their impending exposure and someone's approval? You can start to tell others. It's not the crime that gets you. It's the cover up. The night this actress (long time A lister) and her hubby (probably permanent A- lister just because of his television and movie history and name) got together with this other actor (permanent A- list mostly movie actor) was the epitome of tragic. Too much booze, too much drugs, too much bottled-up hostility. She was drunk and angry. She mocked him and threatened to cuckold him, including about something she caught him doing years before which caused their split. That alone would've destroyed his career and life. The fight was epic. The guest really did leave for bed, though he heard it all happen. As did the worker on board. The hubby was so drunk and angry, he really didn't remember it all. But according to his memories, and those of the long-silent guest, this is what happened: Just the two of them, yelling and shoving. She retreated indoors, he went after her. When she got back outside, she demanded to be taken home - already had her coat on. She said she would call her lawyer and he can stay behind. Since the house and money were hers, she'd get the kids too. She had it with him, his cheating, and his drinking and pouting. He wasn't going to let her go at all. He actually reached to grab her when she pulled away, slipped and fell. He could've saved her right there. That would've been easy and could've just been a spat. But he mocked her. She screamed, yelled, begged for help. He taunted her. The guest came to see what was happening and tried to help. The hubby told him she was just playing hysterics for attention - she could save herself he said. He escorted the guest back inside forcibly. She continued out there, cold, screaming - for several minutes. The worker had been yelling to her he'd help her. He banged on the hubby's door. He was told to go to bed and mind his damn business. The three men argued. Then they realized - she wasn't screaming anymore. Hubby panicked, and they all went out to try and find her. She'd given up and was already gone. They said it happened so fast. Maybe in drunk time, but in reality? It was over 20 minutes. These three drunk men, very drunk and high. Nothing they did worked. The guest demanded to call for help or be taken home. The hubby threatened him, said he was part of it too. The hubby sat outside for hours, drinking heavily, crying. The scared, weak and stoned worker finally took him inside when he passed out. When they awoke, they knew how deep of shit they were in. They tried to get their story straight. If one went down - they all would. The first call they placed was to wake up a legendary Hollywood attorney/fixer. He in turn called (permanent A+ list singer) who really was a friend to the actress. The hubby confessed all to him. It was the booze, the anger - he never thought she was in that much danger. He pleaded for mercy. That legendary singer/actor was angry, but he understood how it could happen. The cover-up began instantly. There were tons of leaks in their story. But anytime a discrepancy popped up? The powers that be were reminded they were elected officials and stop digging because it won't bring her back. You have no idea how powerful (the A+ list singer) and his legal and illegal pals were in those days. They even had the White House, not to mention City Hall. No local yokels were gonna make waves. Besides, the hubby was so destroyed. And he really was. He tried suicide many times. He confessed to her daughters, which nearly destroyed one of them. But they too realized that all this time later would not bring her back. But people knew the truth. They spoke. On the record. Even with varying degrees of murder or manslaughter, it's the cover up that'll get you. So no matter the final outcome of the case, even all this time, he doesn't have long to live naturally. But that cover up? A lot of them are still around. That one long-silent guest? Not so silent. He too is up in age and cleared his conscience. Thing is - he did it in 1985. Yep. It's been on record since then. Way past time for this to come out. It's tragic for those young ladies now, but...Truth. Will. Out. Always.
Actress: Natalie Wood
Husband: Robert Wagner
Guest: Christopher Walken
Boat captain: Dennis Davern
Permanent A+ list singer: Frank Sinatra
Daughters: Natasha Gregson Wagner; Katie Wagner
LAWYER 02/01 **#14**
I Blame Him: This week it is all coming out about what a horrible sex predator this designer is, but I blame him for the downward spiral he put this iconic type figure on which caused her early death. Over the years, when I would speak to her about him, her first response was always he helped me so much. That was a rote answer she gave to anyone. Once she got to talking though, things were a little different. I think she always considered what he did as help, but the hoops he made her jump through were extensive. She probably slept with three or four dozen guys to help him land deals or get extensions on financing or a new line of credit or get a deal on advertising. She says there was always another reason for her to sleep with yet another guy. Not all of those experiences were pleasant. They treated her like a piece of meat because she was just there as part of a business transaction. I'm not trying to make this particular blind all that political, but a long time ago I wrote that this now A++ list celebrity paid for some of the financing of one of straight to video movies once she slept with him. Back when she first started with the designer, he wanted some kind of tax break and he offered her up to a then A++ list celebrity who was at the time the same status as the A++ lister above is now. For close to six or seven years after they started working, she would do this for the designer. When she would travel all over the world, there would always be what you saw on the red carpet, but what you wouldn't see is who was waiting in that country for her to have sex with for the designer. She started using drugs an abusing them and dealing with the pain and all of you know where it sent from there.
Designer: Paul Marciano (Guess? Inc.)
Iconic type figure: Anna Nicole Smith
A++ list celebrity who paid for movies: Donald Trump
A++ list celebrity offered to: Bill Clinton
ABOUT THE TEA 02/02
A reality star is in the closet and has no idea that he outed himself. A scandalous photo on the reality stars cellphone exposed the truth and inadvertently landed in the hands of one of his castmates. The bicoastal reality boss doesnt know that the dick pic was seen and that his cast mate was rocked by the photo proof. The reality bigwig was snapped intimately grabbing another mans exposed penis up to his lips but continues to walk a straight line on TV. The reality gents cast buddy is keeping his secret but the dicey dynamic could produce messy results. Name the reality star, the castmate, and reality show.
Reality Star: Whitney Sudler-Smith
Castmate: Thomas Ravenel or Shep Rose
Reality Show: "Southern Charm"
GOSSIP LIFE 02/02
Friends and family of this high profile Hollywood activist are worried about their mental well-being, sources tell me. [name omitted] has been having some very strange thoughts, a source whispers. I wont get into detail, but its scary. Another blames the era of Trump for triggering something in the activist.
LAWYER 02/02 **#1**
Unless you fit a very specific type, this female celebrity chef who seemingly has multiple Food Network shows rotating on a constant basis with a variety of c-hosts is probably not going to be nice to you if you approach her. She thinks she is better than you, and unless you are young and blonde, she is probably not going to be real friendly. Anne Burrell
LAWYER 02/02 **#2**
The whole concert sales strategy for this A+ list singer is to make you think she is the most popular singer on the planet when it is basically just a smoke and mirrors trick to have great sales numbers even if the concerts are half full. Taylor Swift
LAWYER 02/02 **#3**
Apparently they didn't teach this former tweener turned A- list adult singer/fairly bad actress that she will keep dooming herself to her same behaviors if she keeps hanging out with the guy who brings out those dark behaviors. She wasn't contemplating killing herself a year ago like she was a few months ago. What has changed? Hmmmm. Of course there were also all those things she had to do for the serial predator too who she still thinks is a great guy.
Actress: Selena Gomez (completed rehab stint)
Guy: Justin Bieber
Serial predator: Woody Allen
LAWYER 02/02 **#4**
Did he sexually harass you? Yes
Did he sexually assault you? Yes
Did he treat you like crap most days you worked with him? Yes
Are you in debt and need a job desperately? Yes
So, will you work with him again and pretend he is the greatest? Yes
Welcome to the world of this reboot from back in the day that was a big hit for an at the time A+ lister and his co-star who has been in and out of the tabloid news the past year or two. Tisha Campbell/Martin Lawrence ("Martin")
LAWYER 02/02 **#5**
This very very rich sometime reality star with barely there celebrity offspring expects a certain service when he pays the agreed to fee even if you decide against it. This recent episode also shows his significant other, who he met under the same exact circumstances really should be packing her bags like I said the other week. Mohamed Hadid/ Shiva Safai
LAWYER 02/02 **#6**
This foreign born A list celebrity has always said no to any more of the situations that out her front and center looking ridiculous. That being said, her fashion line is losing money faster than it ever has so a reunion would bring in some cash. Victoria Beckham/Spice Girls (and two days later an article was published saying she was doing it because her fashion line is losing money.)
LAWYER 02/02 **#7**
I wrote about this actress earlier this week I think. Maybe it was late last week. Probably permanently A list. She has been in some of the biggest movies of all time and has had a career lasting well over four decades. I wrote about her undying allegiance to the child molester because of what she knows and cant really go back on it. Apparently there was a huge conference late last year in a Midwestern state. Our actress was asked about all the Harvey stuff and said it had never happened to her and she had never seen that kind of thing, probably because she wasn't pretty enough. She also said she didn't believe it happened in Hollywood all that much and seemed offended that she was being asked those types of questions when she had told audience members they could ask anything they wanted. She thought they would all want to ask about the book she was promoting. Diane Keaton (Indiana Conference for Women)
LAWYER 02/02 **#8**
Stood Around And Laughed: A few years back there was a movie made starring a group of women who were all probably equal status in the movie. There was also an A- list mostly movie actor involved. He got involved simply because he knew the director and knew the movie would be filled with teen actresses. The group of women were probably all A-/B+ list actresses who all of you know. They stood around and laughed while the teen actresses and walk ons were subjected to constant sexual harassment and groping by the actor and director. If the extra allowed it she would get a walk on role. If she had sex with one of them she would get a speaking part. The actor and the director were like kids in a candy store. The wife of the director was around but didn't say anything either because that is how she got her start and said it was just the way things were and if the extras and walk ons didn't want to do it, they could leave. A few of those extras are speaking out and really calling out the group of A-/B+ list actresses who didn't care because it wasn't happening to them and never said anything. They would encourage the actor and director by laughing and clapping when some random actress would have her top ripped off or groped from behind when she wasn't expecting it.
Movie: "Spring Breakers"
Director: Harmony Korine (Rachel)
Actor: James Franco
A-/B+ actresses: Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Ashley Benson & Heather Morris
LAWYER 02/02 **#9**
This A+ list singer might admire the talent of this A list rapper but she still had to have sex with him before she could land that current deal. For her, it means getting away from her relationship for awhile. Bruno Mars/Cardi B (opening act on Bruno's tour)
LAWYER 02/02 **#10**
It has been awhile since I wrote about that fan convention loving A- list mostly television actor who also is filming a reality type show. While in a particular town to film it he was approached by fans all day wanting pictures. No problem. When a fan approached our drunken actor at a hotel bar though, with his tongue down the throat of a woman not his actress girlfriend, there would be no pictures allowed. Norman Reedus ("The Walking Dead") ("Ride with Norman Reedus")/Diane Kruger
LAWYER 02/02 **#11**
It was about a year ago exactly that I was writing in this space about the breakup of this foreign born permanent A list celebrity/singer everywhere but North America, although we all know her, and her boyfriend. It was a bearding thing. She is marvelous at those. I also wrote how he had already moved on. Guess what? Almost exactly one year to the date of the beginning of that bearded relationship, he and that woman suddenly called it quits and now he has moved on to someone else. The guy should just come out or at least make some of the contracts 14 or 15 months. Don't make it look so obvious. Kylie Minogue/Joshua Sasse/Harriet Colling
LAWYER 02/02 **#12**
This foreign born A list model who is probably permanently A list at this point told her boyfriend before she agreed to get married that she could earn $1.5M a month hooking up with men, but for marriage, she would give him a discount. She is getting paid $1M a month, every single month to be married. I don't know what she gets for each child. Miranda Kerr/Evan Spiegel
LAWYER 02/02 **#13**
The Dancing Boy - There Is A Picture: From a long ago friend of The Dancing Boy who got in touch with him after reading the blind. I can confirm that I know the identity of the "dancing boy." He was a longtime childhood friend of mine, and I was the only one let in to visit him in the hospital back then. The studio people didn't really trust the parents, only his sister. She was one of those very Christian girls, selling no-sex-before-marriage in mega churches and on talk shows even before it was a thing. In fact, I think she pretty much helped to make it a thing. It was all bs of course, but he was afraid of her, and she kept him in line, which was what the producer and everyone wanted. You should've seen the letter she wrote him when he came out to her a couple years later. And because you know the world always seems to work in horrible and ironic ways, she went on to become known for her progressive activism. She founded a certain cause oriented mostly documentary film festival in the early 2000s annually visited by celebrities who want to up their profile on this issue (not LGBT or feminist, but people associated with it would be shocked by her past). It's funny too because he actually went to high school with one of the _____________ (acting family siblings), and was thinking of confiding in the brother about some of his experiences in the business. At that time, the show was still on, and few people outside of it knew of his new interest in religion. So, my friend was pretty shocked when talking to him at a school party, and he started going off about Satan and being born again, and everything. It was like his sister all over again. So, anyhow, I got in to see him in the hospital by pretending to be his sister. I was even able to smuggle in a point and shoot and take a picture so it wouldn't be forgotten. He looked so sad, bound to the bed, and groggy from whatever it was they were making him take. I'm actually a retired career Marine and I've seen some disturbing things, but this memory really left a mark on me. I've been keeping the negatives in a family safe deposit box since then, but a print of the picture is going to be made public in a documentary that I guess is going to be made alongside the movie. It's not all top secret or anything. I asked him. PS Apparently there's a longstanding rumor that the studio has security camera footage of him running off the set in an on or off site vault. My friend believes one or more of them kept it for sick reasons.
LAWYER 02/02 **#14**
This A- list mostly television actress on a hit network show is going to be really disappointed that she split from her husband but that married conservative commentator she has been hooking up with for much of the past year during flights back and forth to NYC is sticking with his wife. Julie Bowen (Scott Phillips)/Tucker Carlson (Susan Andrews)
LAWYER 02/02 **#15**
This B list actress all of you know who tries to social media way through life to stay famous and continue to get work is being cheated on by her husband which will crush her. It will literally crush her if she finds out. Alicia Silverstone/Christopher Jarecki (the question is had they already split or was this the cause of the split)
LAWYER 02/02 **#16**
Something a little out of the norm. The mayor of this southern city is about to resign because of an affair she had with a protective officer. Apparently before holding office she also had several affairs. Megan Barry (Nashville) (apparently two guys she had affairs with before becoming mayor don't want to come forward because they were also married)
LAWYER 02/02 **#17**
A Family Member Speaks: We need to go back in time about 18 months or so. You have an up and coming expert who has been getting tip after tip about a group of men who are involved in a child sex ring. Yes, the same ring that produces thousands and thousands of photos for sale on the dark web. Yes, the same people that took all the photos that Mark Salling had in his possession when he was arrested a day or two prior to 2016. There was a lot happening in 2016. It was a very big year. People on both sides of the aisle were throwing money everywhere to make problems disappear or appear. One of the things that happened when Salling got arrested, were the questions. Where does someone get 50,000 images of kids? Most of these 50,000 images and videos had not been seen in other arrests. These were not the ones you were scooping up off 4chan. Many of the 50,000 were recent. Very recent. One person, who along with her NGO, was asked by the FBI to see if they could help track down any of the victims or locations. This person started asking around. As they were asking around, they were also leaving detailed notes they were backing up every single day. Not just in one place either. They were leaving the USB drives everywhere. At one point, the investigation led to this B- list actress/entertainer who comes from an acting family. This actress had been with some men, including an actor who enjoys sleeping with men and women who bragged about the trove of kids they had access to for child porn. They named some names. Those names were not names known to the actress but she wanted to pass them along. So, she got in touch with the investigator who she had known for a long time and possibly could help with all of this. Within a month, the actress was dead. The actress was easy to kill. Her body was failing anyway. All she needed was a little push. Our investigator decided to go to the location where the people named by the actress were located. The investigator kept backing up information and even though was out of the country, sent it to various family members for them to back up on the USB drives the investigator had been using. Shortly after the investigator began seriously digging around and asking questions, she was killed. Fast forward a few months. This A list singer has been in touch with a woman who says that one of the last things the investigator wrote was related to the singer. This woman has no idea what half the stuff on the USB drive has to do with anything, but would the singer be interested. The woman is in the town where the investigator was living prior to her trip and death. Yes, the singer would be interested and is going to be in that town in a couple of weeks and they can get together. A few days before the singer arrives in town, he is killed.
Investigator: Monica Peterson (Assistant Director at the Human Trafficking Center in Colorado, died in November of 2016 while doing research on child trafficking in Haiti)
B- list actress: Alexis Arquette
Actor: Jared Leto
A list singer: Chris Cornell
LAWYER 02/03 **#1**
Alex Winter's Molester: The guy Alex Winter was molested by was an evil man and suffered death as an evil man should. A man, who by all accounts molested and raped hundreds of boys throughout his life and was eventually killed by his adopted teenage son who he had molested and raped for years. Our actor is foreign born and was killed just shy of his 70th birthday. Foreign born and a multiple Tony Award winner who was nominated multiple more times. One of his wins was for arguably one of the more famous musicals ever on Broadway. One of his nominations was for a musical that was great on Broadway and absolute crap when they made it into a movie. He was in both. One final clue is our actor died in a different foreign country from where he was born.
Molester: George Rose (born in England, died in Dominican Republic)
Most famous musical: Best Actor in a Musical "My Fair Lady"
Musical, but crap movie: Best Actor in a Musical "The Pirates of Penzance
LAWYER 02/03 **#2**
Talk about being jealous. This review site has been taking heat for the promised bad reviews about to flood its site of this upcoming superhero movie which is going to make tons and tons of money. It might even make $200M the first weekend. Why would it do this? The site is owned by a rival studio/comic book series. Oh, and making sure all of the bad reviews and trying to link bad reviews to the soon to be blockbuster is this cable news network owned by the same movie studio.
Movie: "Black Panther"
Review site: Rotten Tomatoes
Rival studio/comic book series: DC
Movie studio: Fandango/Warner Bros.
LAWYER 02/03 **#3**
Proving once again that money is thicker than friendship for this A list everything in her mind singer/actress (television and movie)/diva she is teaming up to make a lot of money with a mortal enemy of her actress supposed best friend. A lot of bad optics with this. Jennifer Lopez/Skrillet (Scientologist)/Leah Remini
LAWYER 02/03 **#4**
This foreign born A- list model turned B+ list actress did a turn as a Queen and that was probably her biggest role. She also has the movie footnote of being in the final film of this beloved actor. Anyway, she can't really explain what happened to that $250K of charity money which seems to have gone to line the pockets of those closest to her. Lily Cole ("Elizabeth I") (Heath Ledger "The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus")
LAWYER 02/03 **#5**
Pretty tough to enjoy yourself during award season if you are this foreign born A- list mostly movie actress and your husband is cheating on you but you have too many commitments to go see him. Alicia Vikander/Michael Fassbender
LAWYER 02/03 **#6**
Tough to get all those hundreds of opiates overseas when you don't have access to doctors like this A list celebrity does in the States. Lady Gaga
LAWYER 02/03 **#7**
This thirsty celebrity none of you had ever heard of until a couple weeks ago when she shook things up has seen a drop in her yachting customers since that initial burst which also allowed to raise her rates. Now, the celebrity/actress is trying to sell a story about how she had an affair with this A list talk radio host she shares something specific with. Blanca Blanco
LAWYER 02/04 **#1**
Arranged Couplings: This actress is someone all of you know. I can't give her usual identifier here because all of you would guess her in a second. I would venture to say almost everyone in the world knows who she is. Her position in life allows her a lot of freedom. She has many people working for her on a variety of different visas and passports. Many of those people have diplomatic passports even though they are not diplomats or really entitled to carry them. Instead, those who are holding them in her house are young female teens. Not super young, but 15-17 or so. There are about four of them and they come from a couple different countries. Those teens are there solely as sexual companions for a couple of her children. It is the strangest thing ever. The actress rotates the teens every six months or so because she doesn't want the children to get too emotionally close to them. Angelina Jolie
LAWYER 02/04 **#2**
Apparently this A-/B+ list mostly movie actress all of you know is getting bombarded by calls from several women who say that the A+ list actor ex of the actress owes them money for sexual services and promises. The actress isn't sure how they got her number, but from talking to one of them, the woman definitely was with the actor sexually because she knew something you would only know if you saw him naked. Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck
LAWYER 02/04 **#3**
As usual, this tabloid/media organization is taking the side of the man involved rather than the woman accusing the man of being a sexual predator. Their favorite game is to bring up as many bad things about this back in the day B+ list actress as they can find, while only finding positive things to say about this back in the day A list actor. TMZ/Scott Baio/Nicole Eggert
LAWYER 02/04 **#4**
It would have been really embarrassing for this A- list rapper with the A list reality girlfriend he never sees to be served with those multiple paternity lawsuits which was going to happen live on stage at a concert, so he bailed. He is not going to be performing anywhere where the stage is anywhere close to the audience for the near future. Travis Scott/Kylie Jenner
LAWYER 02/04 **#5**
This former A- list mostly television actress who was on a long running network dramedy and had an iconic television moment works a little, but she is spending thousands of dollars a week on some guy half her age she thinks loves her and he is going to drain her bank account while still sleeping with his boyfriend she doesn't know exists. Teri Hatcher ("Desperate Housewives") ("Seinfeld" "They're real and they're spectacular")
LAWYER 02/04 **#6**
This former A list singer in a group and a flash in the pan A- lister solo spends most of her time doing reality television now. Apparently she is giving up on pretending to be straight because she was publicly making out with her girlfriend while out of the country. Does her husband know? Not about the being closeted part, but that she was going to go public like that. Kelly Rowland in Australia
LAWYER 02/04 **#7**
At a pre Super Bowl party, this OITNB actress offered to orally service this closeted former A+ list athlete (that high on the list is because of name recognition). She wanted to see if he could tell the difference. Guess what? He agreed. They left together. Tim Tebow/Dascha Polanco ("2018 DIRECTV NOW Super Saturday Night concert In Minneapolis")
LAWYER 02/04 **#8**
This celebrity used to be A+ list and not for the right reasons. She is probably a B lister now, although if someone reminded you of her you would all remember her. Anyway, she really needs to do a better job of pretending her boyfriend is her boyfriend. I have written about how she is one of a few women in her position who charge a lot of money for sex. It is a very big fetish thing. He is basically her pimp/bodyguard. The reason he needs to do better is he must have a half dozen profiles on gay hookup sites. Casey Anthony/Patrick McKenna
Imagine being plucked from obscurity to be on a reality show. Suddenly, you need an entertainment attorney to handle your contracts. Back when this all first started, many members of ensemble casts would find out about an attorney from another cast member and that is why so many of them have the same attorney. This is a really bad idea, but they didnt seem to know that at the time. The only time you want the same attorney as someone else on the show is if you are bargaining as a group. A husband and wife for example. Yet many members of ensemble casts across franchises are still using the same attorney. The smart ones are not. Two rivals (Linda and Kate) have been sharing the same attorney for many years and are very competitive with each other when it comes to salaries. Linda has always assumed she was the highest paid. When she found out how much Kate was making, she threw a fit. The back and forth contract fights between these two has been going on for years. Both fought for a Most Favored Nation clause for years. Linda finally got it on the most recent season along with the highest pay PER EPISODE ever paid for this particular show (not the franchise). An MFN is a clause that means that no one else can make more than the MFN. Her MFN is a PER EPISODE deal. So she makes the most per episode of any other housewife on her show. If anyone else on her show gets a raise per episode above hers, they have to match it for Linda. She was very happy. Until she was not included on every episode. When Kate found out she was FURIOUS. So when Kate made her first appearance on the show for the season, she was very salty with Linda because it was the first time she had seen her since she heard the news. Her rude comments seemed on the surface to be random barbs from long ago, but her real issue with Linda was her MFN clause. You see, initially Kate and Linda were both offered part-time contracts for the season. The networks goal was to pit them against each other and make them duke it out for the one full-time slot on the following season. However, someone was fired and Linda got the full-time role back for the current season. Currently, Kate is slotted to replace someone who is very likely to be fired after this season. At least that is the current plan. Still, in the end, a third person, Karmen is making the most money overall if you count her other projects on the network that include multiple checks. Karmen is on every episode and that is most likely part of her contract. She does not use the same attorney as Linda and Kate do. Karmen also has a deal for first look talent for other pitches, specials and spin-offs that includes executive producer status. Meanwhile, Lindas rival Kate is making more than Linda in overall income because she has spinoff and gets production rights from that show which comes with another small check. The filming schedule of that show is being rearranged to allow for Kate to be available when the next season begins filming. Oh did I mention Kate hired another attorney to send cease and desist letters to Linda and a part-timer for slanderous comments? Because that happened. I believe another website got one as well. So of the three, Linda probably makes the least overall. She definitely does if you consider the network income of other members of Karmen and Kates households. And I dont think Linda realizes this. Can you identify Linda, Kate and Karmen?
Show: "Real Housewives of Atlanta"
Linda: NeNe Leakes
Kate: Kim Zolciak-Biermann
Karmen: Kandi Burruss
GOSSIP LIFE 02/05
If you thought one Kardashian family was bad This A list family, which has had a little experience with reality television in the past, has reportedly approached E! for a reality TV show that follows the lives of nearly every member. It would be great for their brand, says the source, which has declined in relevance a tad in the last few years and Id be lying if I said the potential income wasnt a big appeal either. David and Victoria Beckham
LAWYER 02/05 **#1**
The management team and her agency are scrambling. It seems this young, former Disney actress turned A-/B+ list mostly movie actress wants to come out. She is tired of pretending otherwise but her team is scared she won't ever get to that A list level which is so close. They want to find a boyfriend for her who will stick this time. Zendaya
LAWYER 02/05 **#2**
The steady decline for this A+ list mostly movie actress continues. There is a really nervous studio about her new movie after her trailer landed with a thud. Her Q score is atrocious and the botox use, for someone so young is out of control. No one believes her when it comes to her version of events with the disgraced producer. Jennifer Lawrence ("Red Sparrow")
LAWYER 02/05 **#3**
I admire this A list mostly movie actress with the occasional television appearance thrown in from time to time who is an Academy Award winner for sticking with her marriage and working on it. Over the past few weeks she has even allowed them to be photographed together again. When I say she is working on it, he really isn't though. She should look a little more closely at that person he says is a lesbian, but hooks up with every Thursday. Natalie Portman/Benjamin Millepied
LAWYER 02/05 **#4**
This long dead permanent A+ lister who was in one, if not, the greatest band of all times used to travel to a country just to have sex with tween and teen girls. He said it brought him to a new state of mind. Apparently there are several children of his he never met from those rapes that are still living in that country and are about to sue his estate. George Harrison ("Beatles") (Bangladesh or India)
LAWYER 02/05 **#5**
I believe this B+ list mostly television actor last seen on a now defunct long running CBS show that had some incredible acting is making his first appearance in the blind items. The actor, thinking very highly of himself threw a fit at an opening because no one provided him with any coke. He really thought it would be part of the deal and grumbled about it for an hour. Alan Cumming ("The Good Wife"); Jon Cryer ("Two and a Half Men")
LAWYER 02/05 **#6**
With all apologies to every celebrity sex tape out there, the fact there exists somewhere, this particular recording would probably be the most watched ever. It would be the one that you would have to watch in 30 second increments as to not vomit every time you see the guy in it. It involves this back in the day A+ list mostly movie actress who is an Academy Award winner who is still A list even though she really only plays one role these days. The recording was made two decades ago when she was up for a certain role. Gwyneth Paltrow/Harvey Weinstein ("Shakespeare in Love")
LAWYER 02/05 **#7**
This A- list reality star is taking a 25% cut of the legit work he gets his celebrity girlfriend and 100% of the non legit work that she thinks he is not getting paid but is getting paid a ton. Scott Disick/Sofia Richie
LAWYER 02/05 **#8**
Back in the day, this actress was in some of my favorite movies. Now, she actually is being recognized for her talents and has been picking up Emmy nominations/wins right and left. She put in jail an ex back when they split. The thing is, he begged her to not tell everything in her complaint and she agreed. There was a lot more than a beating or two. He constantly abused her and demeaned her and assaulted her. She stuck with it for far too long and wishes now she would have said it all back then because of the way he treated subsequent girlfriends. He bought their silence after the fact but if she had gone public they might not have had to go through what they suffered through. She says he would cheat and then come see her and tell her how good the other woman was in bed. This actor is probably A-/B+ list. That face you know, but never know his name. He has had his own show. She says he used to go visit the sets of rap videos and use his star power from a movie he starred in that had some black star power to talk to some of the background women. He would find a woman and pay her to have sex and yell racist things at her the whole time they were having sex. He would then come and tell our actress what he did and be so proud of it and make her feel bad for not being there for him like she should be.
Actress: Lili Taylor
Emmy nominations/wins: "American Crime" Season 3
Ex: Michael Rapaport
Show: "The War at Home"
Black star power movie: "Higher Learning"
LAWYER 02/05 **#9**
This A- list mostly movie actress had a good 2017. She is not foreign born but sounds like she might be. She was also wasted beyond belief at an event over the weekend and made her former boss ticked off to the point they didn't speak for much of the night even though they have been pretty good friends for some time now. Saoirse Ronan ("LadyBird")/Greta Gerwig ("Academy Awards Nominees Luncheon")
LAWYER 02/05 **#10**
This A list singer/wannabe actor said he would walk out of a talk show appearance if asked any controversial questions, so the talk show host folded and just tossed up softballs. Justin Timberlake/Jimmy Fallon
LAWYER 02/05 **#11**
This A list everything in her mind had to film a sex scene in a recent movie. Apparently she had most of the crew removed because she didn't want anyone to see her topless. It was the only time during the movie she even acknowledged the crew or pretended they existed. Jennifer Lopez
LAWYER 02/05 **#12**
Another 17 year old for that foreign born A list superhero. He has a thing for high school girls. The last one nearly caused his career to come crashing down, but he won't ever change. Henry Cavill (Tara King)
LAWYER 02/05 **#13**
The actress I consider to the best to ever be a primetime soap actress recently told me a story. She said her very first role many decades ago almost made her quit. It wasn't even really a role. It was more of a stand in thing for the female lead. A body double if you will. Well, it turns out the then 16 year old caught the eye of the then A+ list mostly movie actor who was starring in the lead role. He is still a permanent A lister and all of you know him. He cornered the actress multiple times and kissed her and groped her and a day where she had to wear a dress for a scene tried to do more. Our actress didn't work again for three years.
Actress: Morgan Fairchild
Primetime soaps: "Falcon Crest", "Flamingo Road"
Movie: "Bonnie and Clyde"
Stand-in for: Faye Dunaway
Actor: Warren Beatty
LAWYER 02/05 **#14**
I was talking to a new friend who has been in and around music his entire life and it reminded me of a story. Back in the day at this benefit concert, there were these two actors. At the time, one was an A+ list television actor who was known all over the world from a hit show. Also there and about a decade or more younger I think was this A list mostly movie actor who was still a teen or close to it. Anyway, they both struck out and missed with this entire group of women from Playboy. Who did the Playboy women want to be with? This goofy looking country singer who was a 30 year old overnight success and is still goofy looking but has lost all his hair too. He is so good when he gets a chance at acting roles. The actors at this festival just couldn't believe they had been turned down because it so rarely happened.
Benefit concert: Farm Aid in Manor Texas 1986
A+ list television actor: Don Johnson "Miami Vice"
Teen actor: Rob Lowe
Country singer: Dwight Yoakum
LAWYER 02/05 **#15**
KINDNESS: This foreign born A- list mostly movie actress who no longer has a franchise, donated her entire paycheck from the movie she is working on now to a boarding school always on the short end financially comprised mainly of orphans who now don't have to worry for the next few years about the finances of the school. Kate Beckinsale ("Farming")
LAWYER 02/05 **#16**
Money Talks: I saw that another A list actress thought she could sneak into this country and no one would notice. No, it is not Dubai or anywhere in the Middle East. It is honestly, right smack in the middle of nowhere and I'm guessing 99% of you, and I am right there with you, have never been to this country. I don't want you to think this is just about actresses either, but they go there for a different purpose. The actors who go there are few and far between, but male athletes get invited all the time. The men also don't seem to be as concerned with getting busted going, but they should be. One of the few actors I know who was invited was A+ list back in the day. Foreign born. He is still front and center on your almost television screens. He was invited a few years back and he was offered the chance to hunt a prisoner. Straight out of Running Man kind of thing. The actor didn't know if the offer was serious. He thought the offer must have been a joke and then while the offer was still in the air he was shown highlight videos of the hunt. Don't go to jail in this country. I think people already knew that, but this kind of takes it over the edge. The country gets its money from oil and acting as a middleman for drugs. They also are a hot bed of terrorism recruiting using some of their best athletes as messengers for the cause. Many of the actresses from the US who have gone, are supposedly these huge champions of human rights and immediately forget that when they see that seven or eight figure payment wired into their bank. There are not actresses solely from the US, but I'm not sure how much you care about some random A list actress from China or Korea. This foreign born A list mostly movie actress who is an Academy Award winner/nominee got paid $2M to have sex with the leader of the country. That seems like a lot, but this A list singer/actress got paid $10M. Granted, she had two nights with a different leader each night, but still, that is a lot of money. Our favorite former almost A- list mostly movie actress turned escort has spent a lot of time in country, but never with the leader. She is given as a reward to some of the athletes if they do well in a competition. She barely even gets five figures any longer. One of my favorite stories from this whole thing is that this foreign born female A+ list athlete who also models and much prefers women to men had a change of heart when she got into bed with the leader of the country. He said fine, but a week later a drug sample came back showing she was dirty. The scientists who had been helping her were told not to by the leader of a different country as payback for her actions. In the same sport, there was another A list female athlete who was invited back for a second time but she had a change of heart before flying out to the country. She kept the money they sent and they threatened to kill her child and also have her fail a drug test. Apparently that has now been settled. There was this then and current A+ list mostly movie actor who flew in to see some MMA fights. He left after a night because the leader kept trying to find a woman the closeted actor would be interested in and it was getting to the point where the actor was going to have to be with one of the women, and it is just an impossible thing for the actor so he bailed. I remember one time this at the time A list mostly movie actress went and she got really low six figures and she got busted doing it and the reason she was so upset was not so much getting busted, but because this permanent A list mostly movie actress who all of you know was also there and wasn't busted and hadn't done a movie in awhile and still got about $3M to be there.
Leader: Ramzan Kadyrov
Foreign born A+ list back in the day actor: Jean-Claude Van Damme
Foreign born A list mostly movie actress who is an Academy Award winner/nominee:
A list singer/actress got paid $10M: Jennifer Lopez
Almost A- list mostly movie actress turned escort: Lindsay Lohan
Foreign born female A+ list athlete: Maria Sharapova
Other A list female athlete:
Current A+ list mostly movie actor/MMA fights:
A list mostly movie actress went and got busted: Hillary Swank
Permanent A list mostly movie actress who all of you know got about $3M: Angelina Jolie
TATTLES 02/05 **#1**
When it comes to television programming, most networks schedule their best shows from Sunday night to Thursday night. Sunday nights are big because everyone is back home from their weekend activities and preparing for and dreading the upcoming work week. On Friday nights, most of the 18-49 year old age group coveted by advertisers goes out on the town either on dates or searching for a hookup. Friday night advertising is cheap and the networks dont make much. Thats why you will see lots of ads for made for TV products. That is why Friday night is called The Death Slot. Its where networks send shows that are not pulling good enough ratings to draw the more expensive ads. Those shows on the four major network stations get cancelled. The same thing often happens on cable networks. This is why when one network sent two series to Friday nights we all thought they were done. One show failed to get a million viewers after the first episode and ratings continue to drop. The spin-off shows are difficult to find because it never makes the top 25 list yet it keeps on getting renewed. However, the network is pleased with the ratings for both shows because you cant really compare Friday night ratings to other weekday nights where shows can enjoy the lead-in of more popular shows. So, the spin-off show has not only been renewed, the production schedule has been bumped up to begin at the end of this month. That is so the "star" of the show will be available to film the parent show next season. While I cant say with 100% accuracy that the star will be full-time on the parent show, the network is clearly arranging things to make that a possibility should they decide to go that route. The other show is not only being renewed, but they are getting a bigger budget to allow for more exciting trips and perhaps a raise in pay for the participants. Even more odd, development has begun on an additional franchise of the show in a west coast city. So if you enjoy your Friday night shows on this network, things are looking even better for you. What is the spin-off? What is the other show? And more importantly, when I give you these super easy blinds, its not just about figuring out the answer. Its about the news that the blind is giving you! What do you think about this news?
Failed TV show: "Married To Medicine"
Spin-off: "Don't Be Tardy"
"Star": Kim Zolciak-Biermann
Parent show: "Real Housewives of Atlanta"
TATTLES 02/05 **#2**
Look, we all know that none of the ensemble casts knew each other from Adam when the first season started shooting. However, relationships form when people work together. Especially when they work together year after year on a show that gives us at least a small window into their lives. Just like any other workplace, sometimes romantic relationships develop. More commonly friendships develop and occasionally people get together in between filming seasons. Its kind of like teaching. I had strong cliques at some schools I worked at and we would often go out every Friday after work. But when summer came, we rarely talked unless there was some major gossip going on and then the next fall, wed pick up where we left off. Its a lot like that with filming reality shows. After months of being tied down, people want to get the hell out of dodge and take vacations and hang out with their real friends. And then there are the drama queens. Many shows have that one person who starts screaming about how they are not sure they can endure another season with their cast mates. There are people who get fired and go on social media ragers against their on camera enemies for weeks or months after they have been let go. Then there is that one show. For a while there, a season or two ago, this show looked like it didnt have the ratings to return. At that time one female cast member single-handedly started a social media storm that sent rating through the roof just before the reunion. Websites everywhere were talking about the drama. Weve basically become immune to it at this point. That drama queen that saved the show has apparently given up her role as villain for the upcoming season and we will supposedly see a more mature and sophisticated woman when the show premieres. However, this is one of the show with male drama queens. Drama kings? This one is outraged that his newly hired fair maiden to play the role of his love interest is being maligned on social media. Heres the thing, back when I got the exclusive on Kenya Moores elopement, I was reporting other things that got a bit overshadowed. One of those things was this young lady. So this is not news. This information was being discussed from the inception of the relationship when I was sent exclusive photos. So it is very interesting to me why this male reality show participant is screaming from the mountain tops about it now, other than to drive up the ratings for the next season. The male reality show participant is doing more to advance the accusations than the party he claims to be so outraged about. Literally, no one would have known about the "bully" if he, and to some extent the young lady whose virtue is being questioned, would have just ignored it. Instead, he keeps giving ammunition anyone he can coerce into attacking this alleged "bully." At the same time he is accusing multiple cast members of befriending the "bully" and denouncing them publicly saying they were never friends. Thus the reason I covered the whole "friends" thing in the first paragraph. The male reality show participant is well aware of the nature of his own relationship. All the histrionics are for ratings. Which is why it is basically being ignored by most of us. Who is the male reality show participant? Who is the young damsel in distress? And most importantly, whats up with the name of this blind item? Perhaps there are other clues on this site if you can find them.
Show: "Southern Charm"
Male reality show participant: Thomas Ravenel
Drama queen: Kathryn Dennis
Damsel in distress: Ashley Jacobs
"Bully": Luzanne Otte
Befriending cast members: Patricia Altschul
Top LITE-SKINNED NBA Player . . . Caught CHEATING On His Wife . . . With A Latina INSTA-THOT!! MediaTakeOut.com just got word that one of the NBAs hottest players is caught up in CHEATING DRAMA. The baller, who has the reputation of being a GOOD FAMILY MAN is about to get EXPOSED by a Mexican INSTA-THOTTIE who claims he was cheating on his wife with her. The THOTTIE approached several media news networks trying to sell her story along with PICS of her and the BALLER apparently on vacation together. When the news drops . . . Its gonna be BIG. We dont know why these high profile players think that they wont ever get caught. There are thotties out here seeking out opportunities like these for the sole purpose of outing them and making a name for themselves or just to get paid. Kobe Bryant suffered a huge scandal back in 2003 when he was charged with sexual assault of a 19-year-old hotel worker. Though he denied assaulting the teen, he did admit to having relations with her and was forced to publicly apologize to his wife. His accuser later refused to testify against him, and the case was dropped and settled for an undisclosed amount out of court. Lebron James was also caught cheating just months after marrying his longtime girlfriend after he was outed by an NBC producer who publicly announced via her social media that he had asked for a womans number in front of her, and the rumors of his extramarital activities continue to swirl. The ballplayer in question should really have known better. We just hope his error doesnt cost him his family and any of his endorsement deals! Stephen Curry ("Golden State Warriors")
WITHERSPOON ABUSE 02/06
Reese Witherspoon opened up to Oprah Winfrey about leaving an abusive relationship in her past. The actress, 41, said that making the decision to leave the relationship was the most important one she made to fulfill her destiny, after being prompted by Winfrey during a Super Soul Sunday talk. Witherspoon told Winfrey the abuse was "psychological, verbal"and there was a moment that made her decide to leave. "A line got drawn in the sand and it got crossed, and my brain just switched and I knew it was going to be very difficult but I just couldnt go any further," she said. Witherspoon continued, "But it was profound, and I was young. Really young. I couldnt ever be the person I am today I was a different person, too. It changed who I was on a cellular level, the fact that I stood up for myself." The actress, who was also joined by their Wrinkle in Time costar Mindy Kaling for the chat, said that making that decision is what allowed her to become more confident and sure of herself. "Leaving those situations [isnt] easy because its wrought with self-doubt, particularly if someone damages your self-esteem," Witherspoon said. "People say to me that knew me then, Youre a completely different person. I didnt have self-esteem, you know? And Im a different person now. Its part of why I can stand up and say, Yes, Im ambitious because someone tried to take that from me before." A Wrinkle in Time opens March 9. Mark Wahlberg
MCGOWN MOLESTED AT 15 02/06
Rose McGowan revealed details about an alleged molestation that happened to her at the age of 15 at the hands of a 'very famous director' while promoting her new memoir Brave and docuseries Citizen Rose. The actress and activist gave details about the alleged incident during a live interview with journalist Ronan Farrow at the 92Y in New York City last night - something she had initially mentioned to Farrow when he spoke to her for his New Yorker pieces. While she wouldn't name the "prominent" director, she did say he has "won Oscars" and "worked for my rapist [Weinstein]." "This man picked me up when I was 15 years old," McGowan detailed. "He took me home after he met me and he showed me a soft porn movie he had made for Showtime, under a different name. And then he had sex with me." After the alleged sexual abuse, she explained she was left in Silver Lake "standing on a street corner." It's something she didn't realise until recently. "In my mind, playing it back, I had been attracted to him, so I always filed it away as a sexual experience," she explained. Then she deferred to Farrow saying, "I dont have a normal trajectory, I dont know if you do either." Farrow replied, "I do not." Farrow helped McGowan come to the conclusion that her experience with this director wasn't right. "It was not until two weeks after your story broke our story, our worlds story that I was in bed and I started saying, Oh my god. I think thats molestation,'" she explained. In an off the record conversation with the son of Woody Allen, McGowan did reveal the director's name, however Farrow will let McGowan reveal his name when she's comfortable. While McGowan describes her encounter with the director as "molestation," it could likely be considered rape because of her age and the circumstances. McGowan accused Harvey Weinstein of raping her in 1997. Quentin Tarantino
GOSSIP LIFE 02/06
Someone dropped me a text message recently about partying with this Hollywood A lister thats notoriously "wacky" and the source insists that the A lister has access to the best drugs on the face of the planet. It blows my mind, says the unashamed source, who details the experience as glorious. The source claims A lister boasts about knowing the very best suppliers across the universe and receives such an abundance of drugs for free that "[name omitted] has to give them away." Johnny Depp
LAWYER 02/06 **#1**
This A list stand up comic who has been in Hollywood jail for almost a year is in line for an acting gig on a new almost television show. She has been kissing the butt of this A list showrunner who is moving from television to almost television for this one. Kathy Griffin/Ryan Murphy ("The Politician" on Netflix)
LAWYER 02/06 **#2**
With negotiations going super slowly, this C+ list celebrity who has a much better known ex who you know by nickname rather than name has been yachting. It isn't like she has never done it before, but prior to her becoming a celebrity it was more of a by the hour or fifteen minute special thing. Now, she is all over the place. Hopefully someone is watching the kids when she is flying all over the place. Melissa Meeks (Jeremy "Hot Felon" Meeks)
LAWYER 02/06 **#3**
This former A list mostly movie actor who has always been a pain and never nice to any fan who wasn't a young female interested in him is about to have several women come forward. Apparently on the set of a movie in which he starred and won an Oscar, there are a handful of then teenage girls who say he was always touching them and groping them and making comments about how tight they were. The teens did not complain to anyone because a different teen had been fired from the movie for complaining when the actor tried to kiss her. Richard Dreyfuss (NOMINATED for "Mr. Holland's Opus")
LAWYER 02/06 **#4**
This former B+ list mostly television actor from a long running now defunct network show you all loved growing up comes from an acting family. He has also been pimping out his wife which has not worked out well lately because she is trying to leave him for one of her clients. Jeremy London ("Party of Five")/Juliet Reeves
LAWYER 02/06 **#5**
Apparently there was a theft of some videos from this A list rapper/producer/former reality star who has a love of underage girls and has even got at least one of them pregnant. I still don't know how he has managed to avoid jail for that one. Anyway, most of these videos were sex tapes he has made over the years and involve an ex who is a singer/actress/model/former reality star who is probably B list. One of them though involves this talk show host from back in the day when she was much younger. This would be a huge scandal if it gets out. No one except the former A lister even knew the recording existed because it was recorded from secret cameras he had installed in his bedroom. This would be a jaw dropper if it gets out.
Rapper: The Game
Talk host: Wendy Williams
LAWYER 02/06 **#6**
This A list singer needs rehab right now after her tour but won't go because of a new commitment that is paying her a fortune. She is going to crash and burn and it won't be pretty. Katy Perry ("American Idol")
LAWYER 02/06 **#7**
This foreign born A- list mostly movie actress who all of you know caught her foreign born A- list mostly movie actor husband cheating again but refuses to leave him because she wants to keep the family together. Penélope Cruz/Javier Bardem
LAWYER 02/06 **#8**
Field Trips: This actor was probably B+ list at his prime as far as acting went. He was probably an A list celebrity at his peak though because of his almost daily (well weekday) appearances on multiple television shows. One of those shows was basically a drunken mob of celebrities who would spend all day getting progressively more drunk while in front of the cameras playing a very easy game which required very little actual thought. A book could be written about everything behind the scenes. I am just focusing on one person right now. He would run into some parent with a tween boy at a grocery store and strike up a conversation and the whole point was to find out what school the boy went to. He then would start talking about getting the boy's class invited to the show for a field trip. The school would invariably say yes and then with the one teacher and a couple of parents star struck and also drinking, the actor would find some boy he found attractive and take him back to his dressing room where he might give him some booze or a pill and then molest the boy or have the boy touch him. This happened dozens of times and the show knew it was happening but didn't want to do anything about one of the main attractions of the show. Charles Nelson Reilly ("Match Game")
LAWYER 02/06 **#9**
This old permanent A- list actor who all of you know is trying to convince a government to give him a passport. Apparently he thinks they owe him a favor for something. I think the guy is getting ready to skip the country should it be necessary. Robert Wagner (death of Natalie Woods)
LAWYER 02/06 **#10**
This A- list mostly television actress who started off in show business doing something completely different is trying to convince her often treated like crap co-star to have a baby with her. Ideally she doesn't want to date him ever again, just have a baby. Katharine McPhee/Elyes Gabel ("Scorpion")
LAWYER 02/06 **#11**
This host of multiple shows is cheating on his wife with a co-star from arguably his biggest gig. Steve Harvey; Mario Lopez
LAWYER 02/06 **#12**
This multiple Oscar winner/nominee is an A- list mostly movie actress. She is back on drugs and I blame the boyfriend. He knew she had issues but just kept pressuring her to join him. Rooney Mara/Joaquin Phoenix; Emma Stone/Dave McCary
LAWYER 02/06 **#13**
This A- list dual threat actor still has a franchise I guess. You mostly see him on television these days on a hit network show. Back when he had his first chance headlining a movie, he sexually assaulted an actress who had a nude scene. It was her first movie and her last. She blames him for that. Terrence Howard ("The Best Man") ("Empire")/Kristen Andreotti ("Love Beat the Hell Outta Me")
LAWYER 02/06 **#14**
Mr. Hedge: This off-Broadway magic show just announced another extension to it's successful theatrical run. The show originally launched about a year ago, at a theater named for, and controlled by, the mogul you all know about. The show is produced by a beloved gay A-list mostly television actor /former child star, who dabbles in magic. Since the show's creation, a certain recently revealed serial child molester's company has been listed in the credits, also as having produced the show. The company was included in the press release announcing its extended theatrical run. Hours later, that company was mysteriously scrubbed from the very same news article. It's obvious the show's owners are trying to cover up the likely continued involvement of the serial child molester's company in the show. After all, his company is heavily involved with the design of the sets, sound, and visuals. When this serial child molester was first revealed a couple months ago, his company allegedly claimed he was "taking a leave of absence". The amount of time was unspecified. The total lack of specifics indicates the whole thing was a very likely thinly-veiled PR sham. The serial child molester's company was hoping they could continue to function with clients and on projects, despite being controlled by this despicable human being. It is also strange that this otherwise reputable and beloved A-list mostly television actor/former child star is doing business with these vile and disgusting people.
Show: "In & Of Itself"
Mogul: David Geffen
Show 1st Venue: "ORIGINALLY PRODUCED BY GEFFEN PLAYHOUSE"
Serial child molester: Gary Goddard
Company: Goddard Group
A-list mostly television actor/former child star: Neil Patrick Harris
LAWYER 02/06 **#15**
This A- list mostly television actor from a very hit NBC show has a fetish for little women. He has a favorite he sees every week that he flies in from Dallas. She is earning a lot of cash from him. Milo Ventimiglia ("This Is Us")
LAWYER 02/06 **#16**
When this A list writer/director crashes and burns with the celebrity/model/author he pretends he is not hooking up with every chance he gets, it is going to be epic. She already wrote one book about bad celebrity behavior. He is supposedly sober but she says that he did lines off her naked body, so that is how the book is going to go. Aaron Sorkin/Molly Bloom ("Mollys Game")
LAWYER 02/06 **#17**
Account Number 37911133339: Over the weekend, the head of this company, who had never been seen in person at this particular location showed up in the middle of the night. He had called ahead and the highest ranking person still left at this business was told to be there for the meeting. He instructed that no one else be there. The urgency was dictated because of multiple deaths that happened a short time before involving two very key employees of this company. Those two employees were in charge of the account number mentioned in the title. That account number was established several years ago when the new owner bought out the original owner. It was an internal billing account, but the bills were never paid. They were never supposed to be paid. It was simply to keep track of a special group of clientele who are friends of the owner. The problem was that after the death of the two employees, one of the clientele showed up at the business with two very young women he said were his nieces and said he had a reservation. He used the name associated with that account. The problem is these clientele were always processed by the two dead employees. They were not always there in person but would arrange that all the formalities would be taken care of beforehand so whatever clientele were there could get on with their activities quickly. When this man showed up with his nieces who really looked nothing like each other or the man and were really young to be wearing what they were wearing, calls were made. Did anyone know about the reservation and then someone looked up the history of the name associated with the account and sent a group e-mail asking about the reservation and included the account number in the e-mail. The man and his nieces were not given a room because none of them had or were willing to produce identification or a method of payment. The man explained that no payment was ever required because it was handled through Mr. Weishaupt. No one at the company had ever heard of Mr. Weishaupt and another group e-mail was sent inquiring about Mr. Weishaupt. Only a few hours later, the call was made by the man who came in the middle of the night. Was it Mr. Weishaupt? I don't know. The person who told me all of this only caught a glimpse of the man as he left the next morning trailed by that highest ranking employee available at the company. The person who spoke to me is adamant that the previous owner didn't have a special account number. The employees had been trying to recall anyone they remembered who had used the account number or name when they checked in. One person several people agreed on because he had been there multiple times using the name was this A+ list mostly movie actor who lives most of the year overseas. He also likes to direct. He is also an Academy Award winner. The staff just assumed he liked his privacy and it was a fake name. It wasn't until now, they realized he was using the same name as the man with his nieces. Whenever the A+ lister came, he always came without his wife and would only stay a few hours. No one saw anyone who came with him, but it seemed like given the circumstances he was meeting someone who would come to see him. This A+ list mostly movie actress who is an Academy Award winner and is known all over the world used the name too. Someone remembered she stayed a week when she was in hiding and some of her employees would come by and have no idea they were supposed to use that name to see her or contact her. The staff said the name was used a lot, but mostly by men who had a woman or women with them. There was one man they remembered because he stuck out. He was an older white man and he would often come with young black men and also would only stay an hour or two. I think I know who that person is and have written about him before, but no one remembered exactly what he looked like and he wasn't using his real name so it is tough. There are rumors that the man behind it all has big time professional sports interests. One thing is certain. Any trace of that account number is gone from every system the staff can get into.
Company: The Standard Hotel
Original owner: André Balazs (member of "Quill and Dagger")
New owner CEO: Amar Lalvani
Death of two employees: Kimberly Lynne Watzman (General Manager) and Brian Reichelt (Regional Finance Director) (died in helicopter crash)
Mr. Weishaupt: Johann Adam Weishaupt was a German philosopher and founder of the Order of the Illuminati, a secret society
A+ list actor: George Clooney
A+ list actress: Susan Sarandon
Man with big time professional sports interests: American businessman, former Goldman Sachs executive, and minority owner in the Philadelphia Sixers and part of group of investors of Standard International
2015 - Smiling gunman who opened fire at Standard Hotel in Los Angeles killing one and injuring three as police continue their manhunt to find the suspect
GOSSIP LIFE 02/07
This world-famous A lister tries to pretend hes the pinnacle of masculinity but several separate sources have told us over the years that he has a real thing about dressing his partners and insisting they only wear clothes that he puts his stamp of approval on. Creepy and controlling, one source told us back in 2015. Hes like a deranged Stella McCartney. Hes actually just trying to help, an insider told us anonymously. He knows fashion! Its hilarious, says another. No wonder so many people think hes gay. Tom Cruise
LAWYER 02/07 **#1**
It looks like the abuse I wrote about several months ago might finally come to light when the marriage of this A list singer comes to an end. She suffered some extreme abuse and I'm still shocked to this day she didn't call the police. Carrie Underwood/Mike Fisher
LAWYER 02/07 **#2**
It looks like this former A list tweener actress turned B+ list mostly television actress on a decent cable show is not above hitting the casting couch for a role. She wanted the lead of a movie and everyone said no. The next thing you know, the no turned to a yes. What changed? Her willingness to sleep with the producer. I wonder if she told her boyfriend.
Actress: Hilary Duff (Matthew Koma)
Cable show: "Younger"
Project: Sharon Tate ("The Haunting of Sharon Tate")
LAWYER 02/07 **#3**
This A-/B+ list mostly movie actress you all know is from an acting family. What she doesn't know is that her boyfriend slept with her actress sister. He loves to brag to his friends about it. Eventually it will get back to his girlfriend. Dakota Fanning/Henry Frye/Elle Fanning
LAWYER 02/07 **#4**
I really thought this foreign born A list rapper would be out of rehab last week. She went there after losing a baby to drug use. Things must have been worse than anyone thought. Nicki Minaj
LAWYER 02/07 **#5**
Back in the day before he learned about the dark web, one half of this magical duo used to carry around his child porn in a three ring binder. Penn Jillette or Raymond Teller
LAWYER 02/07 **#6**
Why yes, that was the closeted B- list celebrity offspring of an A lister getting lots of phone numbers from male models at a NYFW show while the woman he calls his girlfriend didn't seem to care at all. Patrick Schwarzenegger/Abby Champion (Tom Ford's first underwear show)
LAWYER 02/07 **#7**
Speaking of NYFW, this A+ list designer likes to pose for photos with his celebrity guests and he had some very choice things to say when he saw this one named singer and what she wore. He was not a fan. At all. Halsey/Tom Ford
LAWYER 02/07 **#8**
Mr. Hedge - The Lawsuit That Kept The Secrets Hidden: You all remember a couple years ago, when that former child actor filed lawsuits against the now-disgraced A-list director, and 3 of his friends. He was part of that film that you all know about, which was released for free online a few months ago. Those lawsuits ended with a public apology to at least 2 of the accused, and allegedly paying a low 7 figure settlement to them. There was never even a fight before the lawsuits were dismissed. One day they were there with a huge public splash, and seemingly the next, they were gone. What you dont know was the real plan behind this, and how well it all actually worked for the parties who orchestrated the whole thing. The former child actor was not lying. He believed what he told the public. His accusations look much more credible these days, given what we now know about the disgraced A-list director, and his recently exposed serial child molesting friend. Obviously, it would be very difficult to prove in court exactly who raped him 15 years earlier, given that he was being force-fed drugs and alcohol to the point of being barely conscious, if at all. The former child actor had previously taken his case to others, who turned the case down for those very reasons. Despite the case being very thin, the publicity surrounding the announcement was huge. The motivation for such a public announcement was the expectation of more recent underage sex victims, with more solid evidence of their rapes by these people - to notice the huge amount of press, and get legal representation. This succeeded beyond anyone's wildest dreams. At least 4 victims came forward. The public is not aware of this yet, but there is incontrovertible proof. The private settlements are rumored to have totaled over $10 million dollars combined. The A-list director and his legal team were quite happy, because it resulted in these even more disturbing accusations being settled privately, and never seeing the light of day. That lawsuit which you all heard about just a couple months ago, against the same A-list director, accusing him of underage rape - its the same game being played again. The one alleged to have taken place on a boat in the Pacific Northwest. Just a thin, old lawsuit with no witnesses, designed as public bait - in hopes of luring in more recent big money victims, with much more proof. This time, there was no press conference, just leaked news of the lawsuit instead. So, thankfully, this victim will not have to be publicly embarrassed if the case doesn't move forward. The former child actor was offered a mere $100k by the A-list director to keep his mouth shut forever, but turned it down. There is also incontrovertible proof of this.
Former Child Actor: Michael Egan
A-list director: Bryan Singer
3 friends of A-list director: Garth Ancier, David Neuman, Gary Goddard
Rape on boat: Cesar Sanchez-Guzman
LAWYER 02/07 **#9**
This B list celebrity/part-time reality star/part-time porn star has already been black and blue multiple times in this relationship of hers and passed around to whoever asks her significant other. I'm sure this will all end well. Courtney Stodden (Chris Sheng)
LAWYER 02/07 **#10**
This foreign born A- list mostly television actor who has had two big shows on the same channel is just a hypocrite. I remember when the closeted actor would be visiting gay clubs in the town where that first hot show was filmed and trade sex for walk on roles all the time. Most of the time he couldn't make it happen and he knew that but didn't care. Alexander Skarsgård ("True Love" and "Big Little Lies" on HBO)
LAWYER 02/07 **#11**
Things really are bad between these two long time co-stars. I wrote a week or two ago about how they went from hating each other to liking each other and it is now back to hate. Oh, and a note to the wife of the male lead. He did find 30 minutes alone with the foreign born co-star, so your plan to keep him faithful didn't quite work out. That foreign born co-star loves to brag when she foils your plans. Dakota Johnson/Jamie Dornan/Rita Ora
LAWYER 02/07 **#12**
This A list mostly movie actor who comes from an acting family is stalking a co-star. He has been down this road before and it knocked him out of commission for close to a year. Owen Wilson/Jessica Gomes ("Father Figures") (previously Kate Hudson)
LAWYER 02/07 **#13**
I'm counting down the days to this divorce announcement or at least taking a break or something because this foreign born permanent A list celebrity is taking the new woman to dinner and things now and it is getting embarrassing to see his A list wife acting as if everything is great. I don't get it at all. David and Victoria Beckham
LAWYER 02/07 **#14**
This B+ list mostly movie actress with A+ list name recognition all of you know got some kind of botox injection that has paralyzed a portion of her face for the past week. It kind of looks like she is doing an Elvis thing. Apparently it is going to be like that for a few weeks. Katie Holmes
LAWYER 02/07 **#15**
Another divorce coming is this B+ list mostly television actress/host all of you know from a movie franchise and a long running television show. I am blaming the husband. Alyson Hannigan/Alexis Denisof
LAWYER 02/07 **#16**
All that laundered money involving the foreign born infamous A+ list celebrity and his wife and her very connected political friend is being put to a new use now. Buying a jury member. Joaquín Guzmán/Emma Coronel Aispuro/Huma Abedin
LAWYER 02/07 **#17**
Broadway: Hi there, folks. You won't know who I am, and that's okay. You're better off that way. But to introduce myself very briefly: I am a producer, mainly in the world of theater, but hoping to move increasingly into film and television. In this era of #MeToo, and Enty's exposure of general unpleasantness in the industry, I thought I'd share some tales from the dark side of Broadway, because if anyone thought we were immune, you don't know jack. This story, I'm privy to because I was a negotiator on this project at a later stage. In the words of Bette Davis, "Fasten your seatbelts; it's going to be a bumpy night." It all starts with two artists. In one corner, we have a fellow I will call H, a respectable family man and widower trying to support two kids with profound health conditions and his elderly mom. He has been a noted wunderkind in certain circles since the mid-to-late Seventies - you name a hat, he's probably worn it, which has been both a blessing and a curse for him for different reasons at different times. He is known to the entertainment industry at large as a workhorse at the level of a project machine and has enjoyed an illustrious professional career as a venerable veteran auteur (director, writer, producer, mainly for the stage). He has a reputation for being a "bad boy" which has landed him in hot water (at one point, his college tried to spuriously expel him in spite of sterling, exceptional academic history), but though I'm biased because I happen to like the guy, I'd argue that this comes from being persistent and argumentative, and if you were working for three decades and had amounted to Spielberg without the money, you'd be entitled to cause a little stir. He has never committed a crime of any kind ever in his life, and in this town, that's saying a lot. The only vice I've witnessed is a little pot and booze now and then. In the other, a guy I'll call K. K is a composer, lyricist, occasional performer, and director of an annual awards ceremony that only anyone on Broadway cares about, and not as any sort of "ace in the hole." The biggest musical he ever had, to which he made endless unnecessary revisions after freezing out his collaborator, was nominated for six Tony Awards in a very lean season a few decades back and won none of them; it could have been more successful if he had any idea how to properly exploit his work (the only serious coin it's ever made is in the high school/community market, and that coin is a very thin dime). K is also a temperamental psychopath with more demons than you can shake a stick at, among them a sex life that consists solely of barebacking with barely legal male escorts. Before they go out with him, they should demand a copy of his blood test; God only knows how many have been given an unwelcome surprise gift that no one would be delighted to receive or be stuck with for a lifetime. (At 20 looking 16, I once had K size me up like a Second Avenue hooker at a reading. It felt as though a snake had crawled over my foot.) During the late Eighties/early Nineties, H (unaware of K's proclivities at the time) and K teamed up to collaborate on an original show, and the combination of two rare talents turned out a terrific musical, a killer futuristic adaptation of a lesser-known Shakespeare play. (Of the two, H was arguably the mover-shaker/conceiver /problem-solver who brought the show into being. There's one more driven member in every team.) It was staged in workshop with a performer who went on to become a Tony winner/nominee (you guess which), and it got serious attention: to this day half the League wants it, and many argue seriously that it's a shoe-in for Best Musical if it ever hits Broadway. There's just one problem: K wanted (still wants) absolute control of the project, never mind that he'd be incompetent to exercise this control if he got it and that he's not entitled to it by any industry standard, and to that end he has consistently gotten in the way of getting everybody (including himself) paid. H has never requested such control from K, and is still by no means trying to divorce him from the project, if only because it's easier to work with a finished score than solicit a new one. At one point, H learned of K's proclivities, and combined with their increasingly poor business relationship, he understandably slowed his roll. Things broke down to a point that the only solution was to draw up an ironclad contract that both of them must sign off on all decisions related to the show. This didn't sit well with K, who then conveniently forgot he was part of a team. He suddenly started making deals on his own, going around town, with bravado, raising development money without H's consent, and using it to make demo recordings with Broadway stars, breaking union rules by paying his friends and not paying others, and sending out these recordings without H's permission. Anybody who's serious about this field knows that this behavior would get both of them disgraced and blacklisted, so naturally H rang K's phone off the hook, imploring him to cease and desist, that he would disgrace them, and finally pointing out that their contract wouldn't allow him to get away with this. Unfortunately, when K did pick up the phone, it wasn't to call H back; the call he placed was to the NYPD, lodging accusations of harassment (although when questioned, he said that he didn't feel physically threatened) and playing them a number of H's phone messages, which were mostly begging him to stop. This might have gone nowhere, but there were extenuating circumstances. At that time, about a year prior, in the same general area, a fight had broken out between two other known writers, about the same status in the industry as H and K, and one threatened the other; the threatened party went to the police, who did nothing, and one writer ended up killing the other, with the cops catching flack for not taking it seriously. So, when K called them and played them H's messages, the boys in blue weren't about to be caught slouching on the job again. H got locked up on misdemeanor charges, along with his aging mom who refused to leave his side. After 12 hours in lock-up with the seediest NY has to offer (terrifying, to say the least), they were let go, and the charges were ultimately thrown out, with Equity ordering K to destroy his illegal demos. (This wasn't even the last time it happened. By the time I came to the project, K had tried and failed to name his negotiator, a regional theater director who thought you could solve the world rights of a major property in a fifteen-minute conversation; H's side had wiped the floor with him. K appealed to a mutual friend of his and H's, the wife of a major former star of coming-of-age films, for help. She hooked him up with a so-so NY lawyer who tried to strap us with a contract outlining the same deal K wanted since day 1. When H wrote a single email to her husband hoping to explain his side of the situation, and possibly hook both of them - and their daughter - to play parts in the show, the star's beastly side came out, and he threatened in writing to falsely report H to the cops for harassment. Guess that's a general M.O. for K and his crew.) Needless to say, over 20 years since its inception, the project remains stalled because of K. What would you do?
H: Richard Haase
K: Barry Keating ("Starmites") (Director of the Theatre World Awards from 2006 - 2012)
Musical, a killer futuristic adaptation of a lesser-known Shakespeare play: Pericles
Which primetime star has found a novel use for an out-of-commission phonebox? He gets his dealer to drop his coke off there, so they don't have to do any business on the doorstep.
GOSSIP LIFE 02/08
You may have already noticed that this A lister always sports weaves and wigs, and is very rarely seen with their natural hair. Its defended as a time-saving practise, but the truth is the A listers natural hair has thinned beyond repair and she even has a few bald spots due to excessive bleaching. Margot Robbie; Nicole Kidman; Sophie Turner
LAWYER 02/08 **#1**
This former reality star turned B+ list mostly movie actress who is still in her teenage years is worried some information is going to come out about her which will ruin her career. I don't think she has shared with other than a few people what could be so damaging. Maddie Ziegler ("Dance Moms") (phone hacked)
LAWYER 02/08 **#2**
This permanent A+ list legendary singer/writer had pneumonia to go with his flu and nearly died within the past week or so. Willie Nelson
LAWYER 02/08 **#3**
This former A lister is already setting himself up for a plea deal for some recent activity which is why he started spilling publicly about the misdeeds of other A listers, at least one of whom is probably a permanent A list actor. I think he is also trying to save those around him family wise from going down too. Lenny Dykstra (Charlie Sheen admitted being the mastermind behind the overdose death of personal assistant Rick Calamaro) (son Cutter Dykstra and daughter-in-law Jamie-Lynn Sigler)
LAWYER 02/08 **#4**
Another young actress is set to come forward to speak out about this former A list mostly television actor. Apparently it will explain why he was fired from a very long running hit network show. Hunter King/Michael Muhney ("The Young and the Restless")
LAWYER 02/08 **#5**
This former A+ list singer turned part-time singer/part-time reality star has been seen at a sex club in LA where she and her significant other swapped partners. Usually she just makes him watch her with other men and women. Christina Aguilera/Matthew Rutler
LAWYER 02/08 **#6**
This A- list reality star has been on multiple shows for the same corporate parent, but different channels. He is currently hooking up with two of his employees and has tried to hook up with multiple other employees. He is not currently married to his former reality star wife. Dr. Paul Nassif/Adrienne Maloof ("Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" and "Botched")
LAWYER 02/08 **#7**
This former A-/B+ list mostly television actor has had two big television hits to his name. One network and one pay cable. He had a nice run on a third, but is not as well remembered for it. He has done some big movies too. He has a long time girlfriend that all of you know about. What you probably don't know is when he is on the road with his band he sleeps with different women all the time and always leaves his girlfriend at home. David Duchovny ("The X-Files"; "Californication"; "Aquarius") ("David Duchovny Music") (Gillian Anderson)
LAWYER 02/08 **#8**
This permanent A list singer is not being allowed to go public with her story about the abuse she suffered at the hands of her A list ex. She says at least once every couple of weeks he would hit her or grab her by her hair and throw her to the ground. He said she was ruining his career and taking all the attention. Several times throughout her career she has thought about calling him out for it. He threatened her once when she told him she was going to do it and the threat was scary enough that she backed off. She was going to have others do it for her but they were too scared she would not back them up when the time came. Now, she is ready, but her own people won't let her because they just want to let it go and not have a bunch of other dirty laundry come out that she would not be able to control. This is as close as they will let her speak for now. Britney Spears/Justin Timberlake
LAWYER 02/08 **#9**
This foreign born A-/B+ list actor is halfway to an EGOT. I think if he focused on television he could probably knock out the third pretty easily. Most of the time he shows himself on television though it is to do Shakespeare. Although our actor is foreign born, his #MeToo journey began here in the States when he was molested by one of his drama instructors. That same man is still running a theatre company and still likes to have productions featuring young men as often as possible. That instructor was released when the school found out about his behavior. He has also been released from other places for the same behavior, but yet, he still has a theatre company and says everything is a misunderstanding. Does that also include what went on in that Asian country known for attracting molesters.
A-/B+ list actor: Mark Rylance
EGOT: OSCAR (Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role "Bridge of Spies"(2015); TONY (Best Featured Actor in a Play "Twelfth Night" (2014), Best Lead Actor in a Play "Jerusalem" (2011), Best Lead Actor in a Play "Boeing Boeing" (2008)
LAWYER 02/08 **#10**
Apparently this A list singer and this A list alliterate model are best friends now. That is really bad news for this A+ list singer for keeping things quiet because whatever the model tells the singer will end up in a tabloid, including the big secret. Katy Perry/Karlie Kloss (POSSIBLY:Taylor Swift is gay)
LAWYER 02/08 **#11**
This A list dancer turned B list mostly television actress had some decent roles on television. Back when she was a dancer for a permanent A++ lister he made her do some things with some people that she regretted. One of those people was a probably underage (no one knows for sure how old he was because no one is saying) A- list singer at the time. He basically quit the business after being with the A++ lister and the women the A++ lister would insist he sleep with. Later, our dancer turned actress had a falling out with the A++ lister. They didn't talk for years. One day, out of the blue they each called the other on the same day at almost the same time. Both insisted it was a sign from God and stayed in each other's lives until the A++ lister died.
A list dancer/television actress: Carmen Electra
A++ lister: Prince
Underage singer: Tevin Campbell
LAWYER 02/08 **#12**
I give this new show a season at most with the cast as it is currently set. The A-/B+ list actress who ALL of you know doesn't know what she is getting into with this B+ list actress recently seen on a now defunct pay cable show. It is going to be a lot of drama. The A- list actress does not need drama. She does not need or want to be close to controversy. It is just not a good fit at all.
New show: "Camping"
A-/B+ list actress: Jennifer Garner
B+ list actress: Lena Dunham ("Girls")
LAWYER 02/08 **#13**
This A+ list singer with a ton of Grammy Awards and a ton of number one songs continues to cheat on his long time girlfriend with any woman that shows an interest. The only good news for the girlfriend is that according to recent women who have tried to hook up with the singer, he has "molly d**k," and is unable to stand to attention. Apparently when he does manage to stand to attention, he doesn't use protection, so she should get tested. Bruno Mars (PROBABLY Jessica Caban)
LAWYER 02/08 **#14**
Our favorite foreign born closeted A- list pay cable actor couldn't decide whether he really wanted a beard again. Meanwhile, the unemployed actress he calls his beard has been real dating a NFL player and that is who she spent all the holidays with. Well, apparently money talks and our actor was not getting the publicity he gets when they are together, so she is dipping her toe back in the water and meeting him on his side of the ocean. The thing is though, the NFL player is still her boyfriend and on that side of the ocean too with her, so I am not sure how this is all going to play out. Sam Heughan/Mackenzie Mauzy (Jimmy Graham)
LAWYER 02/08 **#15**
I just can't with the widow any longer. The widow's mom is joining in with trolls to try and change the narrative to fit what they need the narrative to be to allow them to make as much money as possible off the death. Apparently they have a bunch of his hair from brushes and such and are getting it cut and packaged so they can sell it one tiny piece at a time. Vicky Karayiannis (Chris Cornell)/Toni Karayiannis
LAWYER 02/08 **#16**
Coke Mom has a brand new nose. Hopefully she will treat this one better. Debra Messing
LAWYER 02/08 **#17**
The Dancing Boy - The Long Shadow Of Abuse: What I didn't say in my previous email was that the near miss was preceded by years by an event that would shadow me for the rest of my childhood. I was young at the time, still going to a school where you have the same teacher all day. The man - a trusted friend of the family - was a network exec. (My father also worked in the business.) You wouldn't know his name, as with the exception of certain CEOs most of these men are fairly anonymous cogs who by virtue of hard work or connections have risen to high levels. They're not without influence though, or access. Fittingly, this man was once the Santa for that annual entertainment-linked LA holiday parade. It happened at a party hosted by the man and his wife. The adults were all out by the pool, wasted and joking, and the kids were indoors playing video games, and watching "Jaws" on the big screen tv. When the man came to get me - I was with the boys at the game console - I thought I had done something wrong. But he assured me it would be okay and held my hand as we went upstairs. I was taken into the master bedroom where I was told that you were supposed to shower after swimming and had I done that? I shook my head no. The man, who reeked of liquor, and also smelled like skunk (something I didn't understand at the time), took off my swim trunks, and his. After showing me a nudist magazine from the 70s (or so I surmised, from the hairstyles), he pulled me into the shower with him. And if there's anything we learned from that Division I school scandal a few years back, it's that there's probably no good reason for a grown man to be showering with a young boy. (Earlier, at one of these parties, I had fallen into the pool and nearly drowned - it was before I could swim. All the adults were either drunk or high, or otherwise not paying attention to the kids in their midst. I basically had to save myself.) Gifts and opportunities followed, mostly access (back stage passes to network shows and events, that kind of thing), and swag. The man, along I guess with other network people, also had a stake in a production company that produced medical/educational films and videos. My first role? The "drowning boy" in a film about pool safety. Of course, in it, the trouble is not negligent adults, but that I'm "mischievous" and manage to get into the pool area despite being told not to. Over multiple takes, I had to fall into the pool, only to be pulled out by my "dad," and "resuscitated." (One thing you learn, apart from that adults may have sinister intentions, is that wet clothes weigh a lot. A few more takes and I may have actually been the drowning boy.) Next, naturally, I played "abused boy," and had to share my story of being inappropriately touched by my swim coach (I'm an aspiring youth competitive swimmer in this one) to the hospital shrink after acting out at school and at home. These were followed by medical/educational "stardom." I got to play "tonsillectomy boy" and later "appendectomy boy." As it happened, my own medical emergency coincided with the filming of the former, and the shot of me being put under - the look of fear in my eyes - was really a shot of me being put under. (Apparently this was not considered unethical back in the day.) So, I don't know, a nod (or at least on the list) maybe for best performance in a medical/educational film? As with many other kids to whom stuff happened, there did come to be acting out. I was telling the truth in the last email that at the time of the events described I had never used drugs, and had maybe only had a baby sip or two of my dad's wine. I did get help, eventually, too, as I suggested, but it was not right away. It started with pot, of course, provided by a now industry union man and habitual social media virtue signaler (who also happens to be a serial philanderer and harasser of women, and who not to be outdone once exposed himself to me - I mention all this not because he's known but sometimes these are the kind of people who turn previously clean but vulnerable kids onto drugs). Acid and other hallucinogens followed, provided first by a classmate and son of a certain left coast dairy/ice cream fortune heiress. You should've seen the high school graduation party at the family pad in that beach town - straight out of a Bret Easton Ellis novel (yes Virginia they really do have a police department in Malibu), although he went to another school of the same type (we used to play them at sports) in the same topographical feature. The son is now a trustee of the school. (Analogously, I attended the same type of college as BEE but in a different state. He mentions the college unflatteringly in one of his novels - the friend goes there. A movie was made of it not starring the super hero actor.) Next came coke, speed, benzos, and more unusually heroin (I never liked the throwing up). It took an overdose of some very sketchy SF meth, and an intervention by the attending ER doc and male nurse (this all took place in the Bay Area) before I got clean. The worst part was having to tell my father - something you'll hear a lot from addicts (a friend of mine said the same thing when he was about to do his first stint in rehab). To this day, I suffer from chronic insomnia resulting from the drug abuse, and o/d. (If there was anything I was good at in childhood, it was sleep.) What was the other way I acted out? What is that line of work that 3/4 of teens (my shrink told me this) doing it were sexually abused as children? Yes, that, and on the San Francisco street that is or at least was associated with the sex-specific version of it. (I had run off to SF after a romance, my first, ended badly, and some of these issues were coming up; I was nineteen.) I have haunting memories of it all, from the "nice" middle aged man in the sweater vest - a doppelganger for my abuser - who tried to kidnap me, to the boy - no older than 14 and clearly out of his mind on meth - playing chicken with oncoming cars on a bmx bike. I was probably fortunate not to end up HIV+ (or with some other STI), in jail, or dead. So, all that. And: the itinerant backers of the feature project I mentioned, including a French born billionaire/head of a vc firm, want a proof of concept short for it. The flick, whose working title is "the Man from Mars," is slated to be shot later this year, and is a variation of some of the feature material. It's about a kid actor hired to do a tv docudrama for one of those pulpy but still feel good networks about boy hustlers in San Francisco. (In this sense, it's kind of a "reboot" of those 70s tv movies of the week, with the transitioning dad or girl turned streetwalker.) His character is picked up by a well meaning undercover cop who gives him a choice: the hospital/rehab or jail. The boy gets the help he needs, and the cop becomes his foster father. Only, late into shooting, the actor finds out about an additional scene - one not to be included in the airing. The cop, in this secret version, becomes a predator, and he becomes his kept boy. Fearing his imminent assault, the boy flees the set, only to find himself hitchhiking home on a street where young male hitchhikers aren't really doing that. His part becomes his life.
GOSSIP LIFE 02/09
Members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences are reportedly disgusted with the behaviour and comments of this Oscar-winning B list actress, and a source tells me theyve seriously discussed ousting the actress and banning mentioning/attendance in the future. MoNique
LAWYER 02/09 **#1**
This B+ list celebrity who is an A+ list athlete in her sport refused to take pictures with several of her teammates. She said that maybe if they were lucky she would take one with them sometime. And she wonders why people don't like her. Lindsey Vonn
LAWYER 02/09 **#2**
This B-ish celebrity offspring of a permanent A lister is dating someone exactly two and a half times her age. That is pretty much the same age gap her dad likes. Sailor Brinkley Cook
LAWYER 02/09 **#3**
This foreign born UFC fighter is A+ in his sport and even people outside the sport know who he is because of his celebrity status. He beat the crap out of his significant other in the past couple of weeks to the point where she lost consciousness. She never called the police and he apologized and is getting her plastic surgery to fix the damage.
LAWYER 02/09 **#4**
This A- list singer that can be a person who is not very likable just can't quit the pills she has been prescribed for the past year or so to deal with trauma. Luckily she has stopped combining them with pills and booze because there were a couple times people thought she was going to die. She is still in bad shape though. Ariana Grande (Manchester terror attack)
LAWYER 02/09 **#5**
One of the offspring of this permanent A+ list celebrity/actor who has been in the news in a strange way this week says her dad used to always get in bed with her and want to have sex with her. She wouldn't say whether it ever actually happened though. Robert Wagner ("It Takes A Thief" and "Hart To Hart") (Courtney Brooke Wagner)
LAWYER 02/09 **#6**
This A list rapper has spent almost $250K on some clothes and security for this weekend and is trying to bill it to the record company. Why? Because she has spent everything she has and is living on their credit right now. She spends nearly $50K every day on things and is taking in about $10K. Cardi B (2018 NBA All-Star Game)
LAWYER 02/09 **#7**
This former A+ list tweener singer still makes a lot of money with his tween group. He is married but keeps his in person cheating contained to those once a year trips he takes with groupies. Online is a different thing though and will webcam with lots of women a day as long as they will get naked. Jordan Knight "New Kids On the Block" cruise
LAWYER 02/09 **#8**
Burglary: You know that actor who recently was killed but made to look like a suicide? His place was recently broken into and that of a girlfriend. Yes, apparently someone was willing to be his girlfriend. She called police, but no one made the connection. No one even bothered to call the police for the break in at his old place because it had already been cleaned out by relatives. His girlfriend said nothing had been taken, but two of the screws for air vents had not been replaced. They were on the floor in the kitchen even though the screws went to air vents in her bedroom and living room. It looks like someone had installed recording equipment in both of the vents and had to retrieve them. It is assumed the same thing was done at his old place, but no one is sure that I spoke to. What is very interesting is that this A+ list television producer of shows all of you know did the same thing once to a former lover. The lover discovered them when he was trying to hide some money from his current boyfriend. This story was big talk about two years ago. Mark Salling
LAWYER 02/09 **#9**
This B+ list mostly movie actress who is not that great of an actress but everyone knows and is married to an a-hole A lister was crying at her side business the other day because she says her husband told her that her side projects were crap and she should be more focused on him and his needs. Jessica Biel ("Au Fudge")/Justin Timberlake
LAWYER 02/09 **#10**
I wrote about this gubernatorial candidate not that long ago. That brought even more information about him. This A list candidate has a very big coke problem. Gavin Newsom or Antonio Villaraigosa (Governor of California in 2018)
LAWYER 02/09 **#11**
This B list mostly movie actor had his Oscar dreams dashed last year because of how he behaved towards women. Another two are set to come forward alleging the same type of behavior he was accused of before. Nate Parker
LAWYER 02/09 **#12**
Mr. Hedge - Hello SEC - No This Is Not A Football Blind Item: This foreign born A+ list celebrity is being investigated by the SEC and it is much more serious than he is letting on to his investors. This is crash and burn type stuff for the shareholders in his company. Perhaps this is why in his most recent relationship he was not willing to make the financial commitment his partner demanded. I have a feeling they will be back together soon anyway even if she can't get something in writing. Elon Musk/Amber Heard (Tesla autopilot death)
LAWYER 02/09 **#13**
This permanent A++ lister known to everyone in the world keeps deflecting her role of complicity in the ongoing disgrace of this A list producer. She keeps supporting others but never looks in the mirror to see that she helped enable his behavior. Where is the apology for that? Oprah/Harvey Weinstein
LAWYER 02/09 **#14**
There is more and more buzzing that the boyfriend of this permanent A lister has abused the children of the permanent A lister. Mariah Carey (Bryan Tanaka)
LAWYER 02/09 **#15**
This foreign born Oscar winner thinks she is making a faithful attempt at reconciling her marriage. The A- list mostly movie actress has no idea that her husband is saying one thing to her and not letting go of the woman he has been seeing the past two months. Cate Blanchett (Andrew Upton); Natalie Portman (Benjamin Millepied); Alicia Vikander/Michael Fassbender; Penélope Cruz/Javier Bardem
LAWYER 02/09 **#16**
Do It With A Twist: Perhaps this person got their inspiration from the recent court case involving a woman convicted of repeatedly telling a guy to kill himself. This particular case has a little twist though. Well, a big twist. Not saying it is like Sixth Sense or anything, which I sometimes kind of curse because now every film seems to always want to try and Sixth Sense you to the point you spend all movie looking for whatever possible twist they may try and throw your way. One could argue of course that Usual Suspects begat the Sixth Sense twist, and just didn't get the credit. There was B. She was well known to C. Very well known. They used to be best friends. They used to be best friends who hung out all the time together. C and B had a falling out, but still would talk. Recently though, things became worse between them and C decided to go after B in a way she knew would make B vulnerable. She would call and text B from a variety of different phone numbers. Each of these messages was designed to make B think she was having hallucinations. It was always her reaction in these types of stressful situations. She had confided in C about them years ago. C knew from past experiences that B would be searching for answers online instead of talking to a therapist. C exploited that and hired a person who micro targeted B on Facebook. They were designed that probably only B would see the ads. They were designed to really push her over the edge. It was one thing to get random texts and calls, but this messaging was right there in front of her. B would have been in a state of panic almost 24 hours a day and would not have been sleeping at all. Paranoia would be setting in and then C pushed it over the edge. C is not a stable person. She has always had a big ego, but now she has become a megalomaniac. She craves attention and adoration. She demands it. This would show everyone who has the ultimate power. C picked up the phone and called a person who she supports. Not only has she slept with this local politician before for money when she was not making as much, she also makes sure potential donors are happy to give to him as well. She knows what he arranged several years ago with the death of that A list publicist. C called him to send that person out to get B. Within two days, B was dead.
B: Jill Messick
C: Rose McGowan
Politician: Antonio Villaraigosa
A list publicist: Ronni Chasen
LAWYER 02/10 **#1**
This former almost A- list actor who used to be married to a permanent A/A- list mostly television actress from an iconic role is married. What his wife doesn't know about is the out of the way house he owns which has a small casino and strip club inside and several rooms he lets professionals rent to be with their customers. David Arquette (Christina McLarty)/Courteney Cox
LAWYER 02/10 **#2**
This A list mostly movie actor from an acting family is going to quickly drop to B+ list with no one willing to hire him. It is going to get even worse when the new accusations hit against him. He will go really deep into hiding. James Franco
LAWYER 02/10 **#3**
The daughter of this permanent A list one named celebrity is in college. She also has a sex tape. Lots of people at the school have seen it. Lourdes Leon/Madonna
LAWYER 02/10 **#4**
A private settlement agreement is being worked out where a very large cash payment is being offered in return for relinquishing all rights to a recently born baby. The agreement is not with the supposed boyfriend. Kylie Jenner (Stormi)/Tyga/Travis Scott
LAWYER 02/10 **#5**
Now I Believe: This A- list tween actress is just now really a tween. She has been acting for many years already and says she never believed the stories she heard about kids being molested on set. It had never happened to her. In the past year though, she said that since she has been working so long, her parents don't always stay on set any longer. Plus, she is getting older. Apparently that combination led to her being cornered in places alone with her bosses. They are writing her sexier scenes and making her perform the scenes in front of them. She says that not a day goes by where she is not touched or groped by her bosses and feels like it is a matter of time before things get worse. She says her new venture is worse because she is almost always one on one with a producer or director and no other cast around to help her. Millie Bobby Brown ("Godzilla: King of the Monsters")
LAWYER 02/10 **#6**
This Northern California retreat is moving into the full-time retreat business at a compound not far from their legendary space. The compound has filed paperwork to create their own university. There won't be any classes or classrooms or teachers. It is all a shell game which will be given a wink and a nod and approved. This will allow them to "apply" (they will get them) for 50 visas under what was explained to me as a university affiliation cap exemption. I find it remarkable that this program which is designed for teachers is going to consist of four dozen men between the ages of 18-21 who will be the year round playmates of the rich and powerful. Bohemian Grove
LAWYER 02/11 **#1**
This slimy cult is beyond worried that at some point the now ex of this B+ list celebrity offspring of a permanent A++ lister is going to spill about his child porn collection and where he got it from. The cult has hundreds of thousands of pictures and videos. Lisa Marie Presley/Michael Lockwood (Scientology)
LAWYER 02/11 **#2**
This foreign born A- list mostly television actor who is on his second hit network show loves to play in a band. Everyone knows he loves to drink. When on tour, someone has to sleep in the same room as him to keep him from bringing anyone back or wandering out of his room in the middle of the night. Kiefer Sutherland ("24" and "Designated Survivor")
LAWYER 02/11 **#3**
With the recent revelations, I am actually shocked this foreign born former A- list mostly television actress from a show turned movie didn't go ahead and tell the world it was this permanent A/A- list actress who ruined the franchise by wanting so much money. The foreign born actress always takes the blame, but as I told you before it is the permanent A/A- list actress who is at fault. Kim Cattrall/Sarah Jessica Parker ("Sex and the City")
LAWYER 02/11 **#4**
I recently told you about this one named singer who was going to start making porns to help her make some money. She is having a lot of opioid issues right now because of all her past medical issues. The addiction is strong. Fantasia Barrino/Kendall Taylor
LAWYER 02/11 **#5**
This former stripper turned model turned celebrity girlfriend of an A+ list rapper turned reality star turned whatever she can do to make a buck is cheating on her boyfriend and stalking an A list rapper ex hoping to get back together with him. Amber Rose/21 Savage/Wiz Khalifa
LAWYER 02/11 **#6**
This A list comedian thinks he is a stud right now with his new girlfriend. See how studly he would be though if he stopped giving his girlfriend $5K a week to help her out with her bills. Dane Cook/Kelsi Taylor
LAWYER 02/11 **#7**
This former A list tween turned A- list dual threat actress turned too many demons from being raped and molested as a tween/teen to work any longer purged an entire meal at a restaurant this week. She thinks she is too fat. Amanda Bynes
LAWYER 02/11 **#8**
This one named A- list singer is doing some out of the country yachting in the country that made dry yachting famous. I'm kind of shocked to be honest because former drug issues usually turns them away. Kesha (Dubai)
LAWYER 02/11 **#9**
This dadager who was probably the biggest dadager in the world for several years got at least one daughter (probably two) pregnant at varying points in their teen years. He has also sexually assaulted nieces and no one has ever tried to stop him or reported him. Joe Jackson
LAWYER 02/11 **#10**
The significant other of this Teen Mom likes to think he is all high and mighty, but he needs rehab in the worst way. Jenelle Evans (David Eason); Catelynn Baltierra (Tyler)
LAWYER 02/11 **#11**
This former A+ list mostly movie actress has tried to go the television route before. No matter how much money she might need, she can't do it though and bails. This time will be no different. There is no way she can work five days a week and be somewhere at a certain time each day. I think last time, she didn't even make it through one or two days of filming. Meg Ryan ("Picture Paris") ("Wildside"/1985)
GOSSIP LIFE 02/12
A book on the Trump White House is apparently being written and a proposal is already circulating publishers. Is there anything special about that? Not particularly, but what makes this noteworthy is that it should be the first book by a former member of Trumps administration. It will make Michael Wolffs book look like kids stuff, the source boasts. Very juicy! Omarosa Manigault
LAWYER 02/12 **#1**
This former A list mostly television actor from way back in the day all of you still know thanks to what that role was. I wrote about him not too long ago because he is setting up an alibi to pull off the same thing he got away with years ago. He doubled down on that alibi this past week and that person close to him should watch her back. William Shatner (Elizabeth)
LAWYER 02/12 **#2**
Still no sign of her abusive husband and no PR pieces about how he is helping his A list wife return to work so it isn't looking like there will be any reconciliation. I am wondering if she will go ahead and tell her story or just file for divorce leaving out the reasons. Carrie Underwood/Mike Fisher
LAWYER 02/12 **#3**
One of the reasons this foreign born A list mostly movie actor who is arguably permanently A list and has a franchise has spoke out against #MeToo are the several women he has taken out on dates the past few years and had sex with. He only dates women who want something from him and makes it clear their only chance is to have sex with him. He thinks they do it because they like him. Liam Neeson
LAWYER 02/12 **#4**
This foreign born A list mostly movie actor who is an Academy Award winner/nominee recently got married. He also recently tried to force himself inside an actress while they were filming a sex scene and blamed her when she spoke up about it. Josh Brolin (Kathryn Boyd) (Jessica Chastain "George and Tammy")
LAWYER 02/12 **#5**
Now that our favorite closeted B+ list mostly television actor is being talked about for an Emmy next time around, it looks like the woman he calls his girlfriend will be sticking around for a bit. The thing is though she has been dating someone for real on the side and if she gets busted, it is going to be really messy. Darren Criss/Mia Swier
LAWYER 02/12 **#6**
In a recent meeting with industry types and PR managers, which A-/B-list actress assured everyone present that she would use every resource available to her including her kids to get as much publicity for herself, her social media accounts and her projects as she could? This expressly goes against the image that she has tried to project for years. She will no longer hesitate to use her kids and their activities to keep everyone interested in that area of her life, and tabloids have been alerted to create articles out of whatever they can to keep her name active and alive. She is desperate to keep her status around the industry after her disastrous marriage to that A list actor/director ended. She will even take work from that scorned former A/current B list actress/creator. Jennifer Garner/Ben Affleck (Lena Dunham "Camping")
LAWYER 02/12 **#7**
Noticeably absent from a superhero reunion thing was this foreign born A- list dual threat actor who was told in no uncertain terms that he was not welcome there by the still least famous sibling from this acting family. Their past history is still very sensitive. Tom Hiddleston/Elizabeth Olsen (Marvel Studios: The First Ten Years)
LAWYER 02/12 **#8**
This A- list still relatively new to the masses is a comic actress. She is also fast running out of friends because she is known to spill secrets to tabloids and doesn't even ask for payment. She is becoming the go to source for the weekly tabloids. The interesting thing is the tabloids never would use the dirt she is providing to publish it but are using it as trade bait to get better access to the celebrities. Tiffany Haddish
LAWYER 02/12 **#9**
The C list celebrity offspring of a permanent A++ list celebrity recently had to shell out about $200K on a car for her boyfriend. He is always threatening to leave her and she always buys him things to get him to stay. It is creepy. Frances Bean Cobain/Matthew Cook
LAWYER 02/12 **#10**
There have been a lot of women this permanent A+ list mostly movie actor has been having sex with the past few days while out of the country. None of them are his wife. The good news is they are all of legal age. Robert De Niro ("World Climate Conference")
LAWYER 02/12 **#11**
This former A list singer is probably B+ list and has never really recovered after that scandal which was a long time ago. Her husband is cheating on her with one of their threesome partners. Ashlee Simpson/Evan Ross
LAWYER 02/12 **#12**
This barely there celebrity family is so good at exploiting diseases. They will do it for money or attention or to, as one is now doing pretending they are not using drugs and that it is a disease that has changed their appearance. Gigi Hadid (Hashimoto's disease)
LAWYER 02/12 **#13**
There is an A- / B+ list actress you all know. She had a very public meltdown a short time ago. Lets call her G. G has always been out for only herself. G is known for ruthlessly and nefariously pursuing her ambitions. G began her career as a mostly-movie actress, with a series of small, low-paying roles. About a decade and a half ago, G scored her first good, steady work. G joined a popular, long-running almost network TV series as a main character, at about the halfway point in the series. As that TV series was winding down, G was looking for her next gig. She ran into an A list director at a film festival. Lets call him D. D was promoting a big film he directed, based on a novel. Lets call that film OT. OT had an ensemble cast, loaded with stars. OT had a special A+ guest director as well, with whom D has worked on many projects. Lets call him RD. RD has been in the news recently, and not in a good way. Ds wife produced OT, as well as many of his other films. At the time of this film festival, Ds wife of about a decade and a half was heavily pregnant with their 5th child, so she stayed home. G ended up on Ds lap during one of the parties at this film festival, while rubbing an ice cube all over her body. G and D left the party together. This all happened in front of many people. The tabloids quickly got word of G and D. Ds marriage ended pretty quickly. G got a starring role in the next film D directed. It was the 1st part of a double feature. Lets call this film T1. RD produced T1. G and D's relationship was not serious during the filming of T1 - more of a dalliance. After filming for T1 wrapped, the 2nd half of the double-feature was scheduled to film several months later. Lets call this film T2. T2 was set to be a much bigger film than T1. RD directed T2. D produced T2. D sent G to casting couch RD, for a role in T2. RD was also at that film festival, when D and G first got together. D even gave G instructions on what to wear and what to do for RD. G flew out to meet RD for the occasion. G got a supporting role in T2. G and D got more serious after T2 wrapped. About a year later, they got engaged. For a few years, G and D both tried to gloss over the fact that their relationship began when D was married to his then-pregnant wife. They were able to obtain some favorable press, claiming that their relationship began during the filming of T1, which was after D had already separated from his wife. D and G broke off their engagement after 2 years. That was probably a good idea. Recently, G decided to very publicly tell the truth about when her relationship began with D. She just leaves out the part about D being married to someone else at the time. In return, D called out G on some of her lies. G recently claimed that D sold T1 to that disgraced A list producer (whom G accused of raping her) out of pure spite. D pointed out that prior to shooting T1, the disgraced A list producers company had 1st look rights, and its parent company had already agreed to finance the film. G also recently claimed that D played mind games with her during the filming of T1. D and G got engaged about a year later, right after T2 wrapped - so D clearly got over whatever problems she is now claiming happened with the whole thing. D, G, and RD all stay quiet about the most important thing which happened on the set of T1. D assaulted a stunt man on camera. The footage was destroyed. D and RD got the stunt man to agree not to tell anyone about it. The entire double-feature was a financial disappointment at the box-office. At one time, D also pursued sisters related to his ex-wife. Ds now ex-wife does still produce some of his most recent films.
G = Rose McGowan
TV series = "Charmed"
Film Festival: AMFAR Benefit Party/Cannes, France - May 20, 20015
D = Robert Rodriguez
OT = "Sin City"
RD = Quentin Tarantino
T1 = "Planet Terror"
T2 = "Death Proof"
Double Feature: "Grindhouse"
Disgraced former A list producer: Harvey Weinstein
Ds ex-wife / producer: Elizabeth Avellán (nieces Electra & Elise Avellan)
LAWYER 02/12 **#14**
This past weekend our favorite A- list mostly television actor/Comic Con drunk broke up with his foreign born actress girlfriend even though he was the one cheating. At first the actress seemed OK with the breakup, but now she wants another chance with him. Really? Show some pride in yourself. Norman Reedus/Diane Kruger
LAWYER 02/12 **#15**
Not only are they complicit, but many of the production executives at this almost television outlet are set up with actresses by producers of shows to get their shows picked up.
LAWYER 02/12 **#16**
This is from an unpublished interview in 1990. The magazine, which is a monthly magazine, is known by all of you and fact checked the story. They refused to publish it though because they didn't want to ruin the lives of the men involved, based on the recollections of a person they knew would have her past actions called out. One of the editors also said that at some point, the woman gave consent to the sex. Umm, she was barely a teenager. There was no consent. I will use R for reporter and S for subject. The father they are discussing was a B list mostly television actor. The ___________ in the interview is a permanent A+/A list mostly movie actor who was a long time family friend of the B lister. The subject killed herself about a year after this interview.
R - When did it first begin?
S - I was about 12. My dad came in my room sometime during the night. He was drunk and told me it was time for me to grow up. He then crawled into my bed and slid down my underwear and raped me.
R - Was that the only time?
S - From that point forward, whenever he would get drunk I knew he would be coming after me. I started spending the night away from home whenever I thought he might go out and start drinking. I started stealing sleeping pills from a stash of them I found in the medicine cabinet just to not be awake during the rapes. I then started taking them during the day just to numb the pain. I have been addicted to some kind of drug ever since.
R - You mentioned earlier that your dad would sometimes bring others with him. Would you clarify that?
S - Sometimes, but not often, my dad would bring over _________________. He was a big movie star even back then. My dad would bring me to one of the guest bedrooms and tell me to make his friend happy and that if I didn't, he would beat me. This started after I had started taking pills and most of the time I was a zombie, but knew there was no fighting it so would just do what he or any of the other friends dad brought over, wanted to do to me.
R - How many times did ____________ come over?
S - At least five or six times. One time my dad brought me to a film set to watch ___________ make ____________. I thought it was really fun to be there until my dad told me to go to ______________' trailer and wait for him. I knew what that meant. I hated going to any movie sets after that. My whole life has been one f**ked up mess because of what my dad did to me. Do you think I like doing what I do for a living? I hate it. Every single time I have sex the faces of these men show up everywhere. I hate my life and I hate living.
Reporter: Cameron Crowe "Rolling Stone"; "Playboy"
Subject: Kelly Jean Van Dyke
Father: Jerry Van Dyke
Friend: Gene Hackman
Actor/film: Andy Griffith ("Angel in My Pocket")
Creepy twitter photo
"CLOSETED AMERICAN FILM ACTOR" 02/12
First of all, I would just like to say that being closeted is the hardest part of being in the spotlight, especially when one is famous for their 'looks'. I am an American film actor and I have been pretty much inside of the fragile wardrobe for some time now... I wasn't 'gay' or 'into men' persay throughout my whole career or life for that matter. Only did I realize a few years ago that my attraction towards men grew and grew over a period of time and from friendly grazes did it turn into something more with malice. I've only ever had relations of the romantic sort with men possibly once or twice in my whole life (and its been just as exhilarating with women) and was one of those regretful 'one night only' incidents I could never ever speak of again. Away from that, I am of American descent and an actor and more than anything, I love my job with a passion, so much so that even up until now, I still don't have the heart to come out despite being one of the few 'straight' activists for the community. The public as far as I'm aware of has made zero rumors of my sexuality, seeing as how I've been caught dating quite a lot of women in the span of only a decade. This (I'm not even sure at this point if I should be thankful that the media doesn't take notice of this) dating 'spree' of mine if you must is really genuine and I do feel attraction to women; quite a lot. With that being said, I never went publicly about my supposed 'bisexuality'. And yes, I do believe I am bisexual (I've only come to realize it around the mid-2000's if I recall correctly) and am completely proud of it. But being proud does not equate committing what is arguably 'career suicide'. I never felt like I needed role models in terms of sexuality since I felt extremely comfortable in my own skin and felt zero self-hate with this feeling growing up (my family has been extremely supportive and having siblings who were gay helped), its just that I can't tell the world about this and risk my life's work be ruined. I have starred in a lot of action movies that have been recently on trend with what teenagers love to watch and that further amplifies my guilt. Being a closeted man with a fanbase comprised of women of all ages (possibly due to the fact that I am also a leading man in many romantic comedy's) and teenagers of both sexes, I feel like it is a responsibility to be an inspiration for these kids to be free and be who they want to be especially since I play a character in my most well-known movies that portrays everything an American man should be. But in Hollywood, you just can't pretend like everything will be fine and dandy the moment you come out and start to promote the community to the society. I'd risk losing half of my fanbase and the movies that I'd be offered to if I came out. My manager who is also one of my best buds has always supported me in my personal decisions but has constantly warned me that if I do attempt to come out, sadly, I should do it when my career starts to dwindle and right now my career is at its peak and according to my team, right now (coming out) my 'profile' would be extremely boosted but I would most probably lose about 10+ film offers with massive paychecks and big names to boot. Right now, I am dating a charming and hilarious woman, and I am very much in love with her (and yes, she knows and is fully accepting of it). However, I still can't come to terms with the fact that I can't tell the world of my true identity and its been hurting my relationship with her over the past few months. I'd consider myself someone you would never suspect to have an attraction to men since I grew up in a very sports-oriented family. That being said I do love theater and grew up into it with my sisters and brother, which was a place that really opened my mind even as a child. In my almost two decades-long career I have yet to come across a rumor about my sexuality and for some time it fueled my desire to support the community since it only came off as me being 'open-minded and extremely likable'. The only people who know are my team, my bestfriends and my family. I just truly hope that one of these days, I still get to do what I love with the same amount of effort and support from my fans despite not being able to tell them the truth of who I am. I love all of you and please please despite not being honest with all of you, please love yourself and be who you are. Chris Evans
Beyoncé taught us in Obsessed that you do not touch her child, and according to Tiffany Haddish, she wants you to keep your hands off her man as well. In a NSFW clip for TV One's Uncensored, the comedian with an affinity for Groupon and a way with words spilled the Lemonade on how she and the great and powerful Bey met. It seems at the after party following a Jay-Z concert, Queen B was quick to claim her territory. "I was talking to Jay-Z for a little bit, and there was another actress that was there who was also talking to Jay-Z," Haddish said, withholding the actress' name. "(She) touched Jay-Zs chest, and Beyoncé came walking up like, '(Expletive).' But, she didnt say that." Haddish explained that Beyoncé's vibe conveyed her intentions. "Her demeanor, her body from the way she walked up on them was like, 'Get your hand off my mans chest,'" the Girls Trip actress said. "Then, she started talking to that actress and some other stuff happened, but I ain't gonna say nothin yet, but it's gonna be in these streets." Sanaa Lathan
GOSSIP LIFE 02/13
What happens when youre a young A list superstar that loves women, drugs and drinking? You usually get bored and thats definitely the case with this A lister, who apparently can only get hot and bothered when it comes to taking the virginity (either or) of a new girlfriend. I cant begin to imagine how creepy it will be in 25 years. Justin Bieber
X 02/13 **#1**
Another payday for this A+ list mostly movie actor from a modeling agency. They wanted their star to get some attention and paid extra for some PDA from the actor. Leonardo DiCaprio/Camila Morrones
X 02/13 **#2**
It is going to be really interesting when the next dominoes fall in the #MeToo/#TimesUp movement. It is going to take down the people who like to pretend they are part of the leaders of the movement. They have been trying to ingratiate themselves with actresses as of late so they can hopefully cushion the blowback. CAA ("Creative Artists Agency") (Rose McGowan Brands Times Up Movement Fakes for Partnering With CAA)
LAWYER 02/13 **#1**
This former B list mostly movie actress turned part-time network reality star has been making most of her money lately a couple hours at a time with her ex. He is accused of multiple rapes and once dated the actress. Apparently the money is good and she has been on a losing streak of sorts. Shannon Elizabeth ("Celebrity Big Brother")/Russell Simmons
LAWYER 02/13 **#2**
This very religious cable reality star is trying to keep her long time husband from discovering she once gave up a baby for adoption prior to meeting her now husband. He is under the impression she was a virgin when they married. Victoria (Joel) Osteen
LAWYER 02/13 **#3**
This significant other of a Teen Mom went on a rampage last week and slapped her several times before telling her she needed to start earning more money. Jenelle Evans/David Eason
LAWYER 02/13 **#4**
Very interesting that when this tween show starts taking some bad hits publicly in the gossip world they send someone out to try and steer the train away from the news. The producers have never done this before so must really be worried the truth about what is happening on this show is about to be revealed. Jace Norman (Dan Schneider/"Henry Danger")
LAWYER 02/13 **#5**
This A- list singer has an adjective describing his name. He is currently dating a singer who probably is going to regret the permanence of her love for him. He is cheating on her with at least two different women. Big Sean/Jhene Aiko
LAWYER 02/13 **#6**
This married former tweener actress turned talk show host has been hooking up with this very wealthy executive who is one of the biggest political donors around and has always had a crush on her since her tween acting days. He previously hooked up with her co-star. Tamera Mowry (possibly Adrienne Bailon)
LAWYER 02/13 **#7**
This street artist who likes to hide his anonymity but seems to end up on every LA based reality show anyway, hooks up with seemingly a new Instagram model each day. He always tries to give them a print of one of his works instead of cash and tells the women it is worth much more (it isn't). Mr. Brainwash
LAWYER 02/13 **#8**
This married former reality star who should have gone to jail and not just Hollywood jail had to be bailed out again recently by the pastor at his church and his family when a 15 year old at the church said she had been having sex with him on a regular basis. Considering she is 15, it is rape rather than sex, but she was worried about her parents finding out so spoke to the pastor about it. I don't think her parents know yet. The only reason anyone knows anything is she told someone at school so it is only a matter of time before it gets back to her parents. My guess is they will get a big check and disown their daughter, because in their minds (guessing by which church they belong to) that it is her fault. Josh Duggar
LAWYER 02/13 **#9**
The widow and her minions should be more careful. Some of the people they are going after have ties to some not so friendly Eastern European mafia figures. If those people get doxxed, the mafia figures will have no issues paying a visit to the widow or her minions. Vicky Karayiannis (Chris Cornell)
LAWYER 02/13 **#10**
Don't believe the hype. This former on/off screen franchise couple are not getting back together. Yes, they were at the same location recently but didn't get closer than five feet from each other and didn't exchange any words to each other. So, hold off on the reuniting and wedding. That is just not going to happen. Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson
LAWYER 02/13 **#11**
This A+ list mostly movie actress who is probably permanently A list and is an Academy Award winner/nominee has been leading a separate life from her husband and it is only a matter of when, not if they are getting a divorce. Julia Roberts/Danny Moder
LAWYER 02/13 **#12**
This A list celebrity chef and her husband must have an open marriage. He spends more time with other women than with his wife and now she is sleeping with some assistant director from a television show. Rachael Ray/John Cusimano
LAWYER 02/13 **#13**
This foreign born YouTuber is being gay for pay with another woman. A lot of pay. A whole ton of pay. Gigi Gorgeous/Nats Getty
LAWYER 02/13 **#14**
Our favorite former almost A- list mostly movie actress turned escort went on an epic rant and racist tirade as she accused a maid of stealing her coke. The former actress was in a rage. The coke was later found in a bag of the former actress but she still blamed the maid and then went on another racist rant. Lindsay Lohan
LAWYER 02/13 **#15**
This former A+ list mostly movie actress who rarely acts outside her franchise any longer is an Oscar winner/nominee. She was also a no show at a NYFW where she was expected to be leading tributes to a designer. It was a shocker to everyone that she wasn't there as planned. Renée Zellweger ("Bridget Jones's Diary") (Carolina Herreras final runway show at New York Fashion Week)
LAWYER 02/13 **#16**
Direct This: I think it is possible that I may have found a director who is even worse than the Oscar winning A+ list director that has been in this space frequently or even Woody Allen. The director of which I am speaking is an Oscar winner, but not for what you might think. It is shocking actually he does not have more Oscar wins. I do hope this is in some small part due to his raping and abusing women throughout his career. Although the number of actresses he abused is in the dozens, I am going to focus on just a few of his more notorious crimes. He raped three tweens during a casting process and gave the role to the tween he said was the one who was the best in bed. He later ordered her to sleep with the much much older foreign born co-star on the movie who would go on to have an A list career. That co-star injured her severely and production had to be stopped for a week to allow her to recover. The director kept her around for a couple of years under the guise of getting her more roles, but the real reason was he could send her out to find other tweens and early teens to bring back to his place where he would get them drunk or slip them drugs and then rape them. He often filmed these rapes and would film the actress with the other tween and teen females. In the movie for which he is most famous he had friends of one of his children come to the set with the child. All of the friends were probably no older than 7 or 8. He molested a dozen of them at least during the filming of the movie and filmed many of them. When he died there were hundreds of hours of footage which was some of the most extreme versions of child porn anywhere.
Director: Stanley Kubrick
Oscar win: Best Effects, Special Visual Effects "2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968)
Movie: "Lolita" (Close to 800 girls auditioned for the part of Lolita Haze)
Tween actress: Sue Lyon (born 1946)
Much older foreign born co-star: Peter Sellers (born 1925)
Children: Anya Renata (born April 6, 1959); Vivian Vanessa (born August 5, 1960); stepdaughter Katherina, aged six in 1959, daughter of Christiane Harlan
("2001: A Space Odyssey" (1968))
GOSSIP LIFE 02/14
You might have seen this high-profile ensemble movie in theatres last year, but apparently the cast was almost very different with a certain controversial A list actress in negotiations for a key supporting role. It fell apart, whispers an insider, because she wanted script changes, more money and most of the marketing focus. Its a fucking ensemble and she wanted to be treated like the star of a one woman play. Angelina Jolie ("Murder On the Orient Express")
One of Americas Sweethearts is battling a serious drug addiction- not hers, but her best friends. Through the years these two have been stuck to one another like white on rice and her fame rubbed off on her pal. Theyve been roomies, have worked together on set, and even launched a business venture together. But all that success has come with a price. After years of being sober, the less famous friend has fallen HARD off the wagon and our gal doesnt know what to do. Shes hosted an intervention, hired an addiction specialist, and even threatened to end the friendship, but nothing seems to work. Whats a girl to do?
LAWYER 02/14 **#1**
It takes a lot to get fired from a hit network show. It takes even more to get fired from two hit network shows on completely different networks. That is what happened to this B+ list mostly television actress and she says she is blacklisted from getting any new work. You know, the middle of the night rants against your bosses on social media while you were working for them might have something to do with other bosses not wanting to hire you. Diane Neal ("Law & Order: Special Victims Unit") ("NCIS: New Orleans")
LAWYER 02/14 **#2**
This A- list mostly television actress is a celebrity offspring. At this point I hope her short lived romance with a former A list celebrity is over because he is hooking up with other women on a regular basis. Laura Dern/Baron Davis
LAWYER 02/14 **#3**
This A li$t rapper was being an a-hole at a recent event. He kept hitting on the B list celebrity offspring of this permanent A++ lister. He kept trying to kiss her and grope her and rub on her and called her some choice words when she refused his advances. ASAP Rocky/Paris Jackson (Calvin Klein Collection's NYFW Show)
LAWYER 02/14 **#4**
This foreign born B+ list dual threat actor from an acting family was sharing stories with a group of people at a bar this past weekend. Suddenly, he tells a story about when he was a kid and killed a cat and it was like everything stopped. Lock your doors when he comes around. Possible future serial killer.
LAWYER 02/14 **#5**
This one named A- list singer was in tears yesterday in a park. Apparently she didn't want to exercise but her boyfriend said she needed to lose weight. Kesha
LAWYER 02/14 **#6**
This flash in the pan former reality star from a spinoff of a spinoff is actually probably a B+ list celebrity because of her side jobs. She was also coked out of her mind at a NYFW event this week. Olivia Palermo ("Laguna Beach: The Real Orange County" > "The Hills" > "The City")
LAWYER 02/14 **#7**
This very smart A list runway model not named Karlie Kloss says that this A list singer who doesn't usually sing in English tried to sexually assault her several years ago when she was first starting out. I will have to check the timeline, but I think he was still married then too. Marc Anthony/Joan Smalls (both Puerto Rican)
LAWYER 02/14 **#8**
Something Rotten: The widow and a family member think that they have the undying support of their lackeys. The lackeys are given orders and then run with them like deranged robots. What the widow and her family member do not realize is that one of those lackeys isn't what they appear to be. This particular lackey is mentally unstable and is playing double agent. Along with doxxing their enemies, the lackey has also trashed the widow and her family member online too. A mistake was made when this lackey targeted someone more unhinged than they are and tried to blame them for the doxxings. This wrongly targeted person took the situation to some of their buddies on the dark web to retaliate. That crew were easily able to extract the lackey's identity from electronic footprints and tie them to everything. The target has made sure that this information has been shared to a bunch of dark web groups that are now buzzing about how much fun they're going to have with it. Vicky Karayiannis (Chris Cornell)
LAWYER 02/14 **#9**
Pretty remarkable coincidence about a recent actor death and a very huge almost television deal. Mark Salling/Ryan Murphy (Netflix)
LAWYER 02/14 **#10**
It is getting close to rehab time for this television talk show host and I'm not sure she can wait until the show takes its next break to do it. Wendy Williams (and she couldn't wait until the next break and is taking an unplanned three week break)
LAWYER 02/14 **#11**
The quickest resolution to a legal situation ever. This A+ list singer wants no one looking into her ghostwriting situation. Taylor Swift
LAWYER 02/14 **#12**
This singer/reality star/host/diva from a celebrity family hit her first movie casting couch. She really wants to be an actress but no one would cast her except as stunt casting. Kelly Osbourne ("Daytime Divas")
LAWYER 02/14 **#13**
This foreign born A list model/wannabe actress who takes a million selfies a day, usually half naked should probably ask around about those abuse claims from some of the exes of her boyfriend. He is not a friendly guy. Emily Ratajkowski/Sebastian Bear-McClard
LAWYER 02/14 **#14**
This recently unemployed B+ list mostly television actress/wannabe singer who should be higher on the list but her shows always seem to be so middling lately saw a doctor about getting larger breasts and a lift. She is trying to shake up her image. Lea Michele
LAWYER 02/14 **#15**
These two former television rivals are rivals in real life now. They used to star in that cable reality franchise. The more famous rival has continued in several other shows and also has various side gigs. One of those side gigs needed some financing, but she lost out to her lesser known rival who, how shall we say, sweetened the pot.
LAWYER 02/14 **#16**
Warmer Waters - Mr. Hedge: This former child actor was A-list at his peak. The introduction to this story is well-known to many. His more recent dealings have not yet been exposed. Our former child actor was still in his late teens when he quit acting. He was already friends with that A-list director. The A-list director introduced our former child actor to a serial child molester. The newfound friends became partners in a shady business, which served as a thinly-veiled front for a pedophile ring. He fled the country with the his 2 partners, and had a very close brush with the law in a foreign country. Our child actor was arrested, but not charged - for all the child porn the police found in the residence which was shared by the 3 partners. For the past few years, our former child actor has been spending a great deal of time in an economically distressed Caribbean destination. The legal age of consent in that destination happens to be 2 years younger than his native California. Recently, this destination was devastated by a natural disaster. Very recently, our former child actor has bought himself some favorable press. He claims to bring new wealth and charity to this island from his recent business dealings. This favorable press makes no mention of his shady past dealings. He is trying to remake his public image. This will not succeed. For one thing, our former child actor has secretly been in touch with many of the same bad people from his past for many years, via a secret social media group. He has also been involved in many shady dealings in his recent business ventures. He was close to a major fraud scheme a couple years ago, which caused a company to collapse, as well as a mysterious suicide.
Former Child Actor - Brock Pierce
Distressed Caribbean destination: Puerto Rico
A-list director - Bryan Singer
Serial child molester - Marc Collins-Rector
Mysterious suicide: Autumn Radtke
GOSSIP LIFE 02/15
Some fitness experts say you should only exercise on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, taking a break on the days in between. Others say you should exercise as much as you can and take a break for the weekend. This B lister has a very different regime. She only exercises when she wants to post pictures on Snapchat. Maybe its just part and parcel of the modern era. Ariel Winter ("Modern Family")
LAWYER 02/15 **#1**
This HGTV star once got wasted and tried to have sex with his wife's sister. That is one part of their life they don't share with the public. Chip (Joanna) Gaines
LAWYER 02/15 **#2**
It was just a music video, but this former tween star was all about the casting couch when he cast his latest music video. Drake Bell
LAWYER 02/15 **#3**
This very rich part-time reality star who has been on many different shows is treating his significant other so poorly now that he is bringing women he is cheating on her with to the home they share whether the significant other is there or not. He knows she won't leave. Mohamad Hadid (Shiva Safai)
LAWYER 02/15 **#4**
This permanent A/A- list dual threat actress who is more well known for an iconic television role is ticked off because she was supposed to be on the cover of at least one tabloid next week. Instead, they are devoting the cover to the school shooting from yesterday. Sounds about right for her. Sarah Jessica Parker
LAWYER 02/15 **#5**
Another woman is set to come forward about her experience on the set of this former syndicated show and with the actor who was the star. She says he pursued her even though he knew she was underage. Josie Davis or Tiffani Amber Thiessen/Scott Baio ("Charles in Charge")
LAWYER 02/15 **6**
This former former Disney actress turned future porn star says she was six weeks pregnant by a very recent ex. When he told him about it, he punched her in the stomach. She ended up having a miscarriage. Bella Thorne/Mod Sun (whose real name is Derek Smith)
LAWYER 02/15 **#7**
This former A- list dual threat actress from back in the day who used to be in all the tabloids is going to die within months if she doesn't get help. I have also heard she is being forced on almost daily basis to have sex with other men her husband brings home. Lara Flynn Boyle/Donald Ray Thomas
LAWYER 02/15 **#8**
Lots Of Audio And A Little Bit Of Video: Want to hear this permanent A++ list icon discussing on the phone what he did or wanted to do with children? Want to hear him telling parents their children are liars for accusing him of doing those same things? Want to see a short 30 second video of him where he appears to be naked in front of a tween boy wearing a striped short sleeved shirt looking up at the icon? Well, if you have at least seven figures, then you can own it according to the middleman shopping it around. Michael Jackson
LAWYER 02/15 **#9**
Apparently this B list celebrity/former reality star/part-time porn star wants to do a reality show overseas but her controlling boyfriend is refusing to let her. At this point, I'm not sure she is allowed to leave the house alone. Courtney Stodden
LAWYER 02/15 **#10**
This former A+ list rapper is off his meds and are worried for his own personal safety. Kanye West
LAWYER 02/15 **#11**
This foreign born A list mostly movie actress who is an Academy Award winner/nominee has been hooking up with a married elementary school teacher. Charlize Theron
LAWYER 02/15 **#12**
This foreign born A list host was her usual diva self at a recent talk show appearance. She also snapped at a production assistant who touched her arm to get her attention. Padma Lakshmi ("Top Chef") ("Watch What Happens Live")
LAWYER 02/15 **#13**
This foreign born last name loving A list celebrity in her own country and probably B/B- over here is back to popping pills again. That means of course it is also time to move on to the next love of her life. I expect a split announcement any day now. Cheryl Ann Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini/Liam Payne (and just a few days later it happened)
LAWYER 02/15 **#14**
This one named A- list actress is closeted. Apparently she wants to come out. She might just be forcing the issue at this point with her public makeout session with a model at NYFW. Zendaya
LAWYER 02/15 **#15**
I once watched this non-traditional A+ list athlete leave his then girlfriend at a table with friends while he got orally serviced in the garden at Chateau Marmont. He had excused himself to go to the restroom after a female dinner companion said she was going to look at the garden. The guy is not nice. Shaun White
LAWYER 02/15 **#16**
The Eternal Order Of Elvis Presley Pallbearers - A Himmmm Blind: We four Himmmms (and our occasional cronies) have all decided to take turns with sharing one special story from each of us. One person will write them all up for you, but each person takes a crack at their best memory (that they legally can share anyway). Since I'm the "scribe" of the class, I go first. It was easy to choose, as one great night shines above others for me. A legendary Hollywood night for me, and the others who lived through it. Yes, it's totally real and most of those involved are still alive. I normally apologize for the length of the blinds, but in this case it may be pointless. If you think this blind is long you should've experienced that night. After nearly 22 years (!), I can still recall every word spoken, every smell, sound, bodily fluid and hairstyle. I blame PTSD, but probably it is because it turned out to be a night that cemented lifelong friendships, business partnerships, and even love. It's a very personal story.
I'm sorry if it is a departure from the normal blinds of scandal, evil abusers, or cheating/drugs/whatever. Although it does have celebs in it, this is not some major mystery to CSI-out. It's just about sharing a story that is very special and very crazy. Real life usually is. I'm sure you may have survived crazier nights than this, but probably not with such an amazing group of people. Some who were legends then, and others who have become legends since. So, for you my friends here at Crazy Days and Nights I share my memory of my crazy night.
Let's set our DeLorean time machine back to the mid-90s. This was a time when the internet was young, social media and reality television didn't exist, AOL, Netscape, and Microsoft were kings, and a cell phone was for talking. YouTube, iPods, and Google didn't even exist; and Yahoo! and Miramax did. Boys still wanted to play football for Penn State; and college MBA students wanted to work at Bear Stearns. Neither Viagra nor the Dept. of Homeland Security had been rolled out; the Twin Towers stood tall; and MTV showed music videos.
In the sweet days of late 1996, there was a bar/pub place on Sunset then called The Cat and Fiddle Pub. It was a English-style pub with a large outdoor patio area and they had the best alcoholic Ale and warm cider that would knock you flat-drunk-da-fark-out. This bar was a Mecca for many British ex-pats in Hollywood, and especially with musicians. It was no shock to sit down and see Robert Plant at the next table when he was in town. The "young" hipsters in those days like Drew Barrymore, Winona Ryder, Johnny Depp, etc. were often there too. Best thing was that it wasn't on the radar of tourists, paparazzi, or leeches. It was a familial haunt for celebs dating back to The Who and Rolling Stones but open enough to just be a place to meet and hang out. It has since moved across town, but at the time it was on Sunset Blvd. here in Hollywood. My friends and I usually would go swing-dancing at the Derby, or drinking at the Dresden room. But sometimes you just need to relax and take it easy.
I had received a call from a crazy friend of mine, a legendary British rocker (singer from legendary band) who wanted to go have some fun that night. We will call him LC. I'd been spending lots of time working with friends in movies and music, even trying to prod LC back into new life making music again. Meanwhile, he'd occasionally make himself home at my house. I was living in the artsy BoHo-chic area of L.A. called Silver Lake; in a big Old Hollywood Mediterranean-style mansion built in the 1920's for some dead silent screen star up a hill. We'd installed a top-rate recording studio and film screening room inside the old house, so it attracted lots of musical friends from the neighborhood. Down the street lived Flea, Jerry Cantrell, Kirsten Dunst, and many others. Best of all it had a clear view of the Griffith Park Observatory and the best view in Hollywood.
This particular night I had been down at Paramount Studios helping a friend with a project, and watching crews refill the parking with the huge blue sky backdrop to shoot a movie about a boat in the ocean. I needed to unwind. But hanging out with LC was never relaxing, because he was sort of ADHD you could say. He said he'd talked to another pal who wanted to have a drink that night. This other guy was more legendary than LC, but possibly less known in this period unless you were a folkie, hipster, or alcoholic. This older guy (Rock and Roll Hall of Famer/Oscar nominee/winner) we will call RW. I was all for it, so we planned to meet at the Pub around dark. (Our rule was first there saves the table/seats, and last to leave pays the tab).
Whenever LC says he wants to go out, you cancelled your plans for the next day and put your attorney on speed dial after pre-authorizing bail money. His idea of pub crawls could take you to another country if not careful. Seriously, we wound up in Tijuana once. Ever see a "Tijuana Donkey Show"? Uggh. Just don't. Anyway, LC was also the world's worst driver, and had a habit of losing his cars. Yes, "losing" his cars. Forgetting where he parked them, and waiting til a towing company called for him to get it out of impound. In L.A. that's crazier than anything. But that's LC, in his lovable hyper-lost puppy dog way. So he said he'd drive over to the Pub to meet us, and I knew it would be a crazy night. I just never knew I'd end this night by falling in love.
Another friend of mine had stopped by my house and I invited him to join us for drinks too. This guy (A list director with more than a handful of Oscar nominations/wins) was a young filmmaker who had directed some small/indie things but not yet had his big break. We'll call him DK. At this time he was working hard on putting together a movie that would become his first big hit, and become a legendary film that kicked off his incredible career. I'd helped him edit a short film previously, and we'd have these nights where we'd spend hours and hours creating the story for this one project that he obsessed over. A very dedicated filmmaker. At the time we were going out drinking he couldn't even get into a club or elite restaurant by himself. He was kind of a shy "Hollywood Kid" like I was, growing up inside the entertainment biz, so we had much in common.
DK and I met up and arrived at Cat and Fiddle and found RW already there, sitting by himself and drinking. No LC yet. I wasn't that close to RW but he knew of my family and knew any friend of LC was cool. So RW was very gracious, and welcoming and had already secured our table. I introduced DK, who was awestruck by RW. We made small talk until a woman walked outside to our patio table. This lady was middle-aged and breathlessly gorgeous. The kind of beauty that takes your breath. It didn't take but a moment for me to recognize her and WOW! I was stunned. It was (back in the day all around A- list actress/singer/celebrity). We will call her BN, and in the years since her peak of pop-music singing fame she had gotten even hotter. Plus, she still had that amazing voice. RW introduced us, and said she got bored with her date and was going to join us for drinks my pleasure.
As we all four got to know each other better, I realized not only was I in the midst of two true legends but two of the most legendary voices (whether talking or singing) to ever exist! The patio there at the pub was starting to get more crowded, and a few people were giving that "Hey, isn't that ?" look over at our table. Both DK and I noticed a table next to ours full of lovely young women who were looking over and whispering to themselves. We pretended not to care, but one short-haired brunette young lady was just too pretty not to notice. It took a gruff laugh from RW to break my stare.
When RW spoke, you pretty much gave him your undivided attention. Not just because his voice and presence commanded it, but because everything he said seemed like some powerful nugget of truth from a wise man's lips. Him asking for a cigarette held the same gravity as reading the Ten Commandments. It truly did seem like most of what he said ended up in lyrics for a song. However, other things were just the most bizarre non-sequiturs relating to absolutely nothing that you could ever imagine. Timing was not exactly his strong suit either. When BN asked if we all thought maybe there was "a cure for cancer somewhere but was being held back for money reasons?" We all sort of pondered it a moment.
He just nodded his head, and replied: "Never get caught in bed with a dead woman or a live boy". Apparently thinking his contribution to the conversation made ANY sense whatsoever. DK was trying to suppress his laughter and frequently spewed cider on the patio. Otherwise I tried to keep a stone face with RW. We all did, except for BN. It was not in her nature to ever patronize, coddle, or go with a flow. As we'd all stare at each other quizzically, saying "mmm-hmmm", not wanting to offend our Jaegermeister Yoda, BN said: "That makes no fu#k%ng sense at ALL. What the f*#k does that have to do with cancer?" And RW, being RW just shrugged. "I don't know, and I didn't say it did". BN rolled her eyes and went to the bar for more drinks. Lots more drinks for us all. A whole lot.
Still no sign of LC after we'd been there a good 2 hours. I told RW that he's probably been outside for two hours trying to park his car. RW nodded, but BN called B.S. She swore that even a kid could figure out how to drive and park in L.A., since (she claimed) the streets were lined out in a grid pattern to help bimbo actresses get from audition to audition. Cute. She wound up betting with me. If LC said he'd been struggling to park? She buys the next round. Otherwise? My treat.
Finally, not long after, our lost sheep comes slinking through the growing crowd. Completely undetected by the throngs of hipsters, young executives, and kids. In fact, if you'd put one of his hits on the sound system I doubt half the crowd could sing along. To say he was at somewhat of a loose end was mild, and I often got calls from his terrific wife asking if I knew his location. He even called this period, his "wilderness years". From the looks of his hair and beard he meant it as a fashion description.
LC rolls in, looking like he was hiding from a bookie, ducking under his jacket collar. I stood to give him a welcome, and he plopped right down in my chair. (No that's okay, go ahead and sit there, I wanted a new chair anyway). LC didn't do these things to be rude or egotistical it was just him. Like the thought never crossed his mind that I may want to sit back down, in my chair. After saying "hey" all around, he explained his anxiety thus: "Do you have ANY fu#k%ng idea how hard it is to park the curbs in this fu#k%ng town? I been out there like an hour like trying to park a lorry in a Mini's stall". We all burst out laughing. I won the bet, and BN grudgingly bought the next round.
When I got up to search for a chair, the only one I saw was sort of near a table that held the pretty brunette I'd been staring at. Along with her pals, an extra female, and what looked like a grunge refugee from Seattle. All their attention was turned away, so I figured I'd get that pesky chair away from their area for them. Didn't want anyone to trip. As I was pushing the chair in between DK and LC (who was yammering on about the dammed parallel parking), BN says: "Hey buddy you're busted." Huh? She said my "girlfriend" the stunning brunette I'd been eye-stalking was trying to figure who stole her chair as all her pals were pointing fingers. Right. At. Me. Oh shit. "Dude, she's sooo hot", said DK. I decided to be honorable, and return the chair.
Before I could even pull it from our table, she was there in front of me. Those warm hazel-brown eyes shooting daggers, steam exhaling from her ears. Horns starting to sprout from her head. "Excuse me, f#%khead that's my chair. Which you know, because you've been staring at me for half-hour. I know it's America but even American guys must have some modicum of decency here."
I froze, tried to stutter out an apology. BN snorted loudly. LC says: "Holy hell man, she totally owned you." RW (being himself), says: "Yep, and that's the problem with technology these days." (which, of course, made no sense whatsoever). I was offering my apologies and excuses and for the first time, the beautiful brunette noticed my assorted lunatic friends. She looked to my side and said: "Are you wait you're HO-LEE-S-H-I--Z! Are you?". Recognizing LC, she gasped, covered her mouth and stared straight at him. I said "here's the chair" and she took her other hand (without ever taking her eyes off LC), and gently pushed my arm downwards toward the chair. I sat. She sat on my leg. All without looking away from LC, or even blinking.
"Oh heavens, I'm so sorry. Where are my manners. I'm (foreign born A- list mostly movie actress)" who we will call QT.
"I'm (LC)", he said.
"Yes, I know. I'm a huge fan. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to be rude to your friend, of course you can have my chair for your friend". The always on-point RW then says, "Hey doll, you may not notice but you're actually sitting ON his friend." BN says: "Yeah but I don't think he's complaining."
At which she apologized profusely, and continued sitting on me. From my leg, to my lap.
LC asked her about her accent, and she explained her home in England, and that in fact a relative of hers (A- list mostly television actor in his own country) knew LC and his former band mates. Stunned, LC couldn't get over the coincidence. We all went around the table, introducing ourselves. Our new guest QT remembered BN from the 80s, had no clue who or what RW was, and ignored both me and the quietly shy DK at first. But the longer we sat together (literally) the more we talked. When I spoke French to BN about QT's attractiveness, and BN who is American but speaks French replied, it was then that I learned QT was totally fluent in French. She lived in Paris recently, and was shocked at my comment to BN. This wasn't my best night for impressing a beautiful young lady.
Turns out that QT and I did get along rather well. She told me her life story, about her parents (famous acting couple in her home country), and that she was also an actress. She'd recently done a couple of prestigious-type movies in her home country, and had been trying to break in to Hollywood. Just this month she'd wrapped both a film back home, and another costume movie for television back there. She was in town now staying with pals, and had auditions for a few films one she hoped would break her through in America. I told her about me, and my nutty friends and nuttier family. We had much in common, and she'd attended a very impressive college recently and studied abroad.
Best of all, it felt like we'd known each forever. I was glad she was sitting and drinking with us. Actually, sitting ON me. In fact, she'd decided to hang out with us when her pals all headed to a club down the Strip. She said her gal pal fixed her up with some preppie douchebag type guy who looks like a date rapist. She'd rather hang with us. After some discussion, BN suggested that we should also head down there. They were having some 80's night thing there, and she also had pals going. She also knew the owners, so we could go hang in the VIP area if we wanted. Sounded great. I paid the huge bar tab, and LC said he'd meet us there. I figured with him and cars? We'd see him next week if ever. RW volunteered to drive. He said that as the oldest alcoholic, he probably had a higher tolerance, thus able to drive his car safer than the rest of us. Why not? It was only the other end of the Sunset Strip anyway.
We all ambled out to the sidewalk, and there sat the ugliest pile of crap clunker car I'd ever seen. Ev-er. This was RW's car. He called it the "death wagon", and it certainly smelled like it. It was like some junkyard mechanic on LSD welded four clunkers together. Made the Blues Bros. car look like a Bugatti. But not wanting to insult a legend, we gave in (and sort of side-eyed each other). Climbing into RW'S car- this battleship-sized 1960s-era behemoth (which got about 4 mpg and had the original tires still on it), we piled in like condemned prisoners. Myself, QT and DK in back and BN and Commodore RW up front driving. Even the radio seemed sad to be in this car, as it belched out classic songs on FM to barely hide the noise of the skipping motor. DK looked over at me, grinning like a kid, and said "this is so cool!". QT just looked at me in disbelief: "Sure, riding in the Manson Family Truckster". (Catching the National Lampoon's Vacation joke cemented my love for this lady). The radio played Men At Work's "Down Under", and we debated the Aussie term "chunder" as it applies to puking, and how being a "chunder-cat" sounds cooler than "yelling for a Buick". Down the Strip we cruised.
Alas the club came into sight. This neon-draped venue with an outside Jumbotron had formerly been the legendary Gazzarri's rock club. Former home of many 60's-era rock groups and dancers, it was where Van Halen and many hair metal bands called home. Now, it was The BILLBOARD LIVE and was a hot, hip, new place to be and was packed with lots of club kids and young celebs of the moment. Crowds snaked down the sidewalk, and paparazzi were out on the curbs looking for celebs. RW parked the Tank of Doom behind the block, facing down the cross street. He said "Never know when you gotta make a break for it". Uhhh, okay, thanks for the insight Confucius.
Thankfully, BN had called ahead from the Pub, and a manager met us and escorted us through the crowd past the velvet rope. Lots of confused young clubbers on the concrete. We could go downstairs to the secret VIP den if we wanted, but I suggested hanging in there a while. Have a few drinks, and enjoy the fun. That place was packed. Some of QT's friends from earlier were just waiting to get in, and had lobbed some confused shouts at her as we blew by them. Now they were inside too. QT pointed and showed me this one big douchebag guy who had been bugging her. It was the date she was supposed to have been on at that moment. He looked like a Fraternity snob from Animal House and a born date-rapist. Popped Izod collar and all, with a sport coat (even if it was a retro 80s night this was still the 90s!). I told QT it was fine, that he'd never get near her much less spike her drink and roofie her.
The first person I saw inside was an old friend of mine, another up-and-coming Director (A list director great at action movies). Back East our families were close, and I'd known him forever. He'd not yet hit the big time but would soon. We chatted and I introduced him to QT, and he confirmed my instincts as a quality choice for a date. He returned to his group and we made our way through the throbbing club full of music, lights, and sweaty drunk people. The manager led us to a reserved table close to the bar, and everyone was having fun. At the table next to us was an odd group of foreign-looking people who seemed to be sitting very close together and taking turns leaning over their table. Then whipping their heads backwards. Maybe they had sinus problems? Yeah, that's the ticket.
BN introduced us to several other 80's era stars, and the whole vibe of the place was great. After a drink, QT and I went to dance. I discovered a secret sweet spot high on the nape of her neck, and she really enjoyed the massage I was giving her. Her skin tasted like sweet peaches. It was all good until Mr. Roofie and one of QT's friends came over to us, playing 20 questions. QT said she was fine, having fun, and would see her pal later that night. The Roofie douchebag guy didn't seem to like that, and being drunk, started talking trash. To both of us. QT and I just ignored him, and made our way back to the table.
Waiting there was our lost friend LC, who miraculously made it and even made it inside and found us! He'd ordered several hyper drinks for us all, including flaming drinks. We drink this FLAMING alcoholic soft drink with a Whiskey shot dropped into it. Ugggh. They make one and it is great. But then LC orders them for everyone. QT drinks hers and turns green. You could see the puke bubble up her throat, but she held it down. LC starts drinking his second one and while on fire from nowhere Mr. Roofie Douchebag drunkenly barrels into us, knocking QT into me, and LC's flaming drink goes EVERYWHERE.
I leap up and SAIL over the table onto Mr. Roofie, punching his adam's apple and then his nose, repeatedly. The other flaming drinks spill and spread. I hardly notice his coat is literally flaming on FIRE in the middle of a BRAWL. Three of Mr. Roofie's no-neck pals have jumped in, pulling me off him, as LC throws punches at them. QT jumps up and VOMITS LOUD AND HARD all over me and the now-bloody/gasping Douchebag. I turn back to QT, and she's sick but she's okay. LC is beating some big guy's fist to death with his face. DK jumps in to help him. People fighting, pushing, and Security coming. As this typhoon of chaos swirls around, I catch a glimpse of RW. He's sitting there, calm as a meditating Buddhist, sipping his drink and looking at the action.The fire spread from Mr. Roofie's coat, down his pants, as someone pushes that hyper-pituitary Goliath towards RW. So RW politely extinguishes the blaze. By pouring an entire pitcher of beer on him. Instead of thanking him, the guy swings at RW which is caught in mid-air by the back of LC's head. BN and DK both are trying to help QT. Another body flies past me, sailing onto another table and POOF! a cloud of white powder blasts up into the air from that table. Apparently it wasn't powdered sugar for their sinus problems, because the group at THAT table got super pissed and started gang-punching the drunk who'd blasted their cocaine everywhere.
I feel someone smacking my back it's BN because I'd also caught on fire. I swear I saw BN throw a bare-knuckle punch straight into a guy's face. The entire fight blows up into a ruckus, which blows up into a bar-brawl, which blows up into a total riot inside a packed nightclub on the Sunset Strip after midnight. Security comes barreling in with fire extinguishers. People trying to run away outside, as others push their way sneaking inside. People yelling, fighting, throwing drinks and THUMPING 1980's Duran Duran reverberating. Total third-world epic chaos. Dogs and cats living together in sin, I mean total mayhem.
RW points to an emergency exit, and makes a quick departure amidst the carnage. The music is still BLARING. We follow RW and shuffle out of the emergency side-door fire exit which triggers fire alarms. RW hoofs it down the sidewalk to grab the car. QT is on the sidewalk, puking and retching all over my shoes and everything else. In between heaves and coughs, she's yelling "HOLD MY HAIR! I'm PUKING IN MY BLOODY HAIR". I do. BN comes busting out the door saying "we gotta get the hell out, now. Cops are coming and those frat boys are blaming us for this." She pauses only long enough to say, "What's wrong with you? Can't you see she's sick? Hold her HAIR!", and rolls her eyes at me.
Like a deranged Batman scene, RW comes roaring down the side-street, and halts the clunker right at us. "GET IN KIDS!". Just as we're throwing open doors and piling in, DK and LC explode out of the side door, laughing, falling, and yelling drunk. Both covered in white stuff (either from extinguishers or the cocaine explosion next to us). Somehow, LC had ripped off Mr. Roofie's popped collar. He actually had the guy's shirt collar in his hand, laughing. "GET IN" we all yell. They do, and with a belch of smoke from the exhaust, RW'S death wagon car skips, lurches, and knocks its way out into the street. Hitting the horn and sailing through traffic nearly sideways until we're clear.
I look back and see Fire Trucks and Police cars all racing to the front of the Billboard Live club. Holy hell. People running across Sunset like a bomb went off. Then I look over at QT - this beautiful brunette British goddess, with her short, mussed hair, streaked makeup, alcohol, and various bodily fluids around her mouth (and on me). She focuses her heavy leaden eyes at me and says: "I'm soooo sorry. You're such a gentleman and I chundered on my gentleman. Can I have some gum? I got a bit of yak breath."
Always prepared for any crisis, (like a deranged den mother from hell) BN opens her bag, whips out a travel bottle of mouthwash. "Drink up sweetie" she says. I see DK with his head now in BN's enticing lap, grinning, and LC is riding shotgun with our brave pilot RW roaring us down Sunset through traffic. He yanked the wheel hard, shooting us down a cross street, and then down another street to avoid the Sunset crush. All of us escaping the melee at the club (which actually made the news the next day about a group of unidentified ravers starting a fire and brawl. It honestly was on KTLA).
QT gave me the mouthwash, which I drank. Bad idea. This all-forsaken car had a very nasty smell inside. Like any good diplomat, LC belted out: "Tha hell IS that bloody smell man??". LC kept swearing it was sewage, but RW said it was probably from dead bodies. RW swore he only paid $100 for it, because a pal bought it from a funeral home. It wasn't a hearse but was used for "other" transport. BN and I looked at each other, eyes wide. DK, who was cramped in between us, asked RW if he'd ever checked the trunk?
"Nah man. Don't really dig what may be back there", he quipped. And kept on driving.
I asked, out of courtesy, "Do you care if I smoke in here?". LC said, "Care? Dear God man! PLEASE SMOKE! Smoke, fart, or do SOME-THING to get that fu#%in' rank stench outta here!".
QT and I lit our cigarettes, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her. Just staring. Maybe it was the alcohol, or the elation of the crazy night. But I couldn't stop staring, until I caught DK's gaze too. He shot me a smile and a nod. He knew it too. Saw the same thing in her. Probably thought the same thoughts too as in, this young lady is going to be a massive star one day. Not just her looks, or her smile. She had a glow. An aura. A charisma that I doubt even a movie camera would capture. She was transcendentally incandescent. Didn't matter how well she even acted, she had "presence". I'd spent my whole life growing up around glamorous old era movie stars, from Liz Taylor, Ava Gardner, to Natalie Wood. I'd known them all and even have a photo of me as a kid in the lap of Greta Garbo. I know what that presence is, and means. Even sloppy drunk. DK knew it too. If justice exists? She'll be an Ava Gardner, or a Liz Taylor. A throwback to glamorous actress of the old days. The world will notice her. If not? I'm in the wrong business.
Out of the front seat, came an very loud eruption of that unmistakable voice:
"We need us a name man!", said RW.
We all kind of looked around at each other, but had long since given up hope of making sense of anything he asked. "Like the Hell's Angels?", was DK'S reply.
"Nah man, nah. Like there was the Rat Pack, and the Hippies, and them Yuppies shit, we need US a name! You know like Jarmusch and those guys got that Lee Marvin club." He was referring to director Jim Jarmusch whose resemblance to the actor Lee Marvin spawned a group of pals called "Sons of Lee Marvin". Where Hollywood actors and musicians resembling the famed icon all get together and I don't know. Sit around and look alike maybe? But hey, the RW wants what the RW wants.
But he did have a point. We wanted something we could us to identify ourselves. A name with dignity, class, and honor to fully reflect the success and brilliance of our combined existences. (Yes, we were drunk). Then LC chimed in, "Hey? How about the Knights of the Diarrhea wagon??".
QT exploded with laughter, and mouthwash all over me. Better than her vomit. Like a shower of peppermint. Probably the best that car had smelled since it was new. DK said, "Classy name." RW, without considering the insult of his car, continued on. "How about something with Elvis? Because, you know, he was the King right? But he had to fight too."
Then DK suggested "Elvis' Pallbearers". LC brought it all home for us: "I know I got's it! Got's it here THE Eternal Order of Elvis' Presley Pallbearers." A long hush fell over the car. Only the whop-whop of the tires, low hum of the FM radio and one of QT's occasional hiccups echoed through the interior.
"Perfect! Man, that's PURRR-FUCT!!", said RW. Oddly enough, everyone agreed. And thusly, a true Hollywood legacy was born. We decided then to meet back every year, no matter what, to reunite and live out our adventures. Without flaming alcohol this time. RW asked about if we would have to be a dues-paying membership club, like the Friar's Club or something, or if we'd have uniforms or a secret handshake. We agreed not to, since we were all likely too drunk to remember a handshake. "Good", he said. "'Cause I've already paid my dues, man." Which may have been the most relevant, lucid, and meaningful thing he'd said all night long.
We finally made it back to our cars near the Cat & Fiddle on Sunset, but I was in no shape to drive. QT asked if I could run her back to her pal's place later maybe? Uh, sure. BN told RW he was obligated to take her for early breakfast. House of Pies, baby! So I asked RW to point the death wagon towards Silver Lake and please, drive us home.
Do you remember in the Hangover movies, the scene of the morning after? Or Sixteen Candles when Farmer Ted wakes up with the prom queen in the parking lot? All those scenes of half-drunk, fully wasted, exhausted, dirty survivors of a party war straggling onwards? Well, that is what we were at that moment. Not one of us untouched, or not reeking of some awful foul substance. We were all either burned, wet, bloody, dirty, and very tired. Even Queen BN didn't escape with her crown un-tilted and those sexy fishnets un-ripped. Yet we survived. There, in that car, hardly speaking a word. The chug-a-bang-thud of the death car and the feeble droning of the radio is all we heard. Minus ringing of the ears and QT's eternal hiccups. Cruising towards an epic walk of shame, slouching towards the curse of twilight waiting in our immediate future.
Just about that time I didn't think this bizarre night could get more bizarre, a true Twilight Zone moment occurred. Call it Synchronicity, coincidence, or the mighty hand of God playing around with us it was some very odd stuff. Just as we'd all settled inside the "death wagon" LC turned up the radio. Amazingly enough, the radio still worked, picking up that classic FM station. More amazingly, a song had just started playing. A song written by RW, which had become a huge hit for another singer (permanent A+ list foreign born singer). The song was in the first verse. BN said: "Whoa isn't that your song?". RW said, "Well, it used to be. Guess it's his though. He did it good and I made enough to buy this luxury automobile." (He wasn't joking he really did write it, and it was a huge hit for the singer. No clue how much he earned in royalties but I hope it was more than $100.).
Without any prompting, or planning, RW began singing. Talk about a private concert! Then BN joined in. Then LC pipes in too. It was only then that it dawned on me the true epic-ness of these three legendary singers and now all three singing this big song of RW's which, even drunk, was incredible! Even DK begins to come in on the next verse. QT looks at me, eyes WIDE OPEN at me like "oh God is this really happening?". I just grinned, nodded, and even she started to hum and sing it too. Then, when the epic chorus hit we ALL were singing it, loudly. VERY LOUDLY.
All chiming in, cruising down the eastern ends of Sunset Blvd., at 3am together. An earth-shattering, life-defining moment that shall live in my personal history eternally. (Or until my dementia hits. Either/or). With that final rousing chugging beat kicking in we did too. All of us yelling, singing, laughing and making bark at the moon noises. THIS is what the true Hollywood dream is all about. Vomit, clunker cars, and surviving flaming epic party fights! By the song's end, we were all laughing, coughing, and having a great time. All the burns, puke, fights, and everything else were forgotten. Well, mostly anyway.
We'd made it back down Sunset and over to Silver Lake. Not really sure if RW's tank-mobile would make it up the hill, and it dragged the ground going uphill. A cloud of smoke trailing us that could've put L.A. on a next-level smog alert all by itself. Heading up Micheltorena, passing the old houses, I directed our driver where to go. Coming to the driveway, he didn't want to go up to the house. We said our goodbye at the curb, and LC got out with us. BN tried to invite LC back with them to eat and to get their cars. He declined. She then said: "Yeah but do 'ya think maybe they wanna be alone? Huh?". LC just stared at us, and back at her. Like somebody just asked him to do long division or calculus. "Look at the size of that f*#kin' house man! You think they'd hear me? Besides it's like my home too."
He was right. He stayed there. A LOT. I wanted to claim him on my taxes by now. I came around to the driver's side window, and RW stuck out a hand. We didn't really say much, just a wink, nod, and a big scary grin. "Thanks old man it was a blast. Thanks for everything." He shook my hand, and said: "You bet. It was for me too. I think it was one for the books, Kiddo. Best time I've remembered in years. Via con Dios!" Coming from that legend, there's hardly a compliment to compare. And...he called me Kiddo!
I stepped away, as he rolled up the glass. No electric windows. Hahahaha. Love it. After hugs and goodbyes, and a pledge to reunite next year I led the way with QT and LC following up the drive. Up to the old Mediterranean-style house that was popular with movie folks in the 1920's, I led QT on a little tour around the outside and the pool. LC helped himself to my fridge, and was nice enough to play the answering machine. I still don't know why he did that all the time as if anyone assumed him to be there. Maybe he expected a psychic to know he was crashing there? But we all loved him, and our casa was his casa. Mostly, anyway. After many, many, many hints that it was getting late or early he agreed and asked if I was going to lock the door or if I wanted him to do it before going to sleep. Uhh, sure LC, you're always welcome. Anytime. He went down the hallway to one of the guest rooms, and retired for the night I think. "Elvis has left the building", he shouted loud enough for people at Graceland to hear.
I took QT on an extended tour of the old house, and she talked about her plans, dreams, and what she hoped the future held for her. She was now more sober than was I, and after a bird bath wash-up in the bathroom, was radiant. She told me she'd been dating another actor back home, but kinda on-again/off-again. I didn't mind that it was now off-again. I was less occupied with what the future held for her and more occupied with holding her in my future. When we arrived to the master bedroom, she wouldn't let me turn on the lights. I told her I had a CD she'd enjoy hearing, and flipped on the stereo and took her out to the balcony. Said she wanted to see the city glow.
A mix CD I'd played the day before came on, as Jane's Addiction "Three Days" began. The balcony doors wide open, and the linen shears over double French doors did little to conceal the gorgeous view across Los Angeles. Maybe only the Chateau Marmont has a better view. She was speechless. The Hollywood sign, Observatory, all of Hollywood all lit up with the haze of the night sky reflecting it back. She stood there on the balcony, and it was possibly the most beautiful view I'd ever seen. Not the city, or the lights but her. In the reflected glow of the city. "I can't get over this. This view. This night. Your friends you. This place, it's all so so so...perfect."
She turned, neither of us said a word. A long very long kiss.
The music played and she asked with a soft whisper, "What about your friends? What about Elvis?"
"Elvis is dead. He won't mind."
We resumed that kiss. The balcony doors stayed open.
Several hours later she arose from the bed, wrapping the thin gauzy sheet around her. She lit a cigarette, and appeared to almost float out to the balcony. Dragging the sheet beneath her. The song "Fade Into You" by dream-pop band Mazzy Star was playing. That song, with Hope Sandoval's breathy vocals it was perfect timing with what was in front of my eyes. A song and a vision that's forever seared in my mind. Unforgettable moments. Just perfect.
I sat propped up on the edge of the bed for the longest time just staring at her figure on the balcony, the linen barely shrouding her tan figure. The pink light of the sun was threatening to peek up over the opposite side of the house, just enough for a faint purple glow bouncing off the hazy sky. The lights still all bright below, all reflecting off her flawless face. She looked like she'd just walked out of a makeup trailer, even her messed short hair looked stylish. That warm California wind blew across her face, her hair, the linen shears, and the sheet all gently dancing in the breeze. Her back, neck, and shoulders all exposed to me as she held the sheet to her chest. Smoking, staring...totally blissed.
"I never want to leave", she said.
I walked behind her, wrapping my arms around her and joining her stare. "Then don't", I replied. She asked if I had thought about anything beyond this minute. I told her all that I knew was that I wanted to feel like this minute forever. She smiled, and agreed. But we both knew it would never be more than this. Reality. Commitments elsewhere. Plans, futures, and responsibilities. But then and there, everything in the world was perfect. If I'd died at that moment? Life would've been well spent. Especially after a night like that. I asked her if she wanted breakfast and I nuzzled into the nape of her neck. She was perfect. She still tasted like peaches.
She laughed and simply said three words: "No. Just lunch."
We didn't leave that bedroom or balcony for nearly six hours. Even then it was only for the shower. She cleansed my second-degree burns on my back. I made sure to gently wash all the alcohol off her body. Pore by flawless pore. It was a very long shower that probably caused the L.A. drought of 1996.
When we finally did leave the house it was around 1pm, and I promised to take QT to the Polo Lounge at the Beverly Hills Hotel for her first "Hollywood lunch". I knew the staff there well, and she'd never been. She reminded me my car was still at the Pub, or maybe towed. Damn I was turning into LC. We took my other car but before we got out of and down the driveway to the street, LC came roaring in. He parked at the end of the drive, half on the curb and half on the street. I rolled my window down and invited him to join us for lunch. He declined, saying he'd left after we'd gone upstairs and been out drinking with another pal (back in the day A+ list mostly movie actor who is probably A- list now) and other friends until sunrise but finally retrieved his own car. An epic hangover. I told him to make himself at home, and I'd return one of these days. He smiled, wished QT well telling her to look him up back in England. He said "You two crazy kids invite me to the wedding okay?", and with a laugh he stumbled up the driveway to the house.
As much as I wanted us to spend every moment together, I knew we couldn't. So after lunch, QT and I went our separate ways. We had one last kiss goodbye, fittingly just off Sunset Blvd., when I took her back to her friend's place. We each had obligations that were unbreakable, and we both felt a long, hard tug at our hearts as we parted. "One for the record books, Kiddo". She said to me, laughing in her impersonation of RW. "Always, kiddo", was my reply. She went back to her friends, to her auditions, and then returned back to England and her life there.
It was a few months after her return home that she called me out of the blue. I could tell she'd been crying, and she finally told me the news. Turns out something from our night together was going to bind us together forever. But a physically dangerous problem arose. It was not to be. I offered to fly over, or fly her here but she didn't want that. I respected her enough to not push anything. We talked for hours and hours, and I truly felt more love for her than ever before. But some things work out, and others don't. Time marches on, and we made our own private vows that night to each other and she bravely went on with her life, relations, and dreams. A strong woman whom I will forever love, admire, respect, and protect.
I went on with my life too, and about a year later had a "reunion" of sorts of the group of friends from that night. Our gang reunited at Cat & Fiddle Pub one night, and had another great night. Sadly, QT didn't make the return trip. She was still in England, still with her on-again really nice boyfriend. Her career was gaining full steam, and in a few years she'd be expecting her first child with her boyfriend. I was happy for them both. Although I missed her horribly, I knew we had our own lives. When we see one another in times since, we always smile and often share a hug. No matter the miles, years, or anything else between us I'll never forget that night, and the image of her on that balcony. Some things remain truly magical. She always calls me "kiddo" in a low, gruff voice and I call her the same.
The night of our reunion at the Pub would be the last time our group of friends all got together in one place. Time marched on from then until now, and people went different ways. Even the Cat & Fiddle Pub moved. Although still around, they were forced from home on Sunset and now are at a new place off Melrose down the corner from the Paramount lot. I still pop in on occasion for a warm cider, but things have changed. I sip my warm, non-alcoholic cider. Things have indeed changed. My buddy, friend, brother, and favorite loony named LC died not long after from a health problem he never knew he had. A hard funeral to get through, and I love his widow and family as if my own. It's not like he's dead, because I still expect to hear him staggering up the driveway any given morning asking if I'd seen his car.
Good old RW made the epic album of his career shortly after our adventures, and made it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Lord knows, he deserves it. The eternal lovely Queen BN made it back to performing, re-igniting her band and her incredible singing (all while marrying an entertainment lawyer and having kids!). My upstart shy buddy DK really hit the big time. He soon made the defining big movie of his career, which shot him to the instant A+ list where he's been ever since as one of the greatest living directors (and that rare good guy in Hollywood). Happily married to a great woman and they've got a hundred kids.
Yes, my QT - the brunette goddess who stole my heart and body that night? She also got her big break in America and proved me, and DK, and LC, and everyone correct who predicted her success. She became a franchise star, hailed as one of the most beautiful women alive, and married a different guy in the biz although that one didn't work out exactly either. She's spread her wings doing art films and indies and is a true evergreen. A talented actress and a talented human being. A lady in every respect. Of course things change over the years, but if one day when our paths cross and we've had the right amount to drink, hear the right song, and live through a bar brawl? Who knows? Maybe she'll chunder upon me once again. One never knows down which path or aisle such things may lead.
I'm sharing all of this with you not only to share (with you my friends) the events of a crazy night. But also because that silly drunken promise we all made that fateful night to remain as a group...well, it may yet come true in a special way. The events of that night (plus a few others) may be made into a small little indie film in the near future. With all the participants from that night on board, except for one (R.I.P.). It won't be a summer blockbuster or a franchise mega-hit. There's no superheroes (except for RW's car), and probably won't make a blip in the awards. But it'll share with the world the crazed, chaotic, and eternal moments that bonded a group of friends together in a crazy night in Hollywood.
It may even be called: "The Eternal Order of Elvis Presley Pallbearers".
And it'll be one for the record books
LC: legendary British rocker (singer from legendary band): Joe Strummer ("The Clash")
Another pal (back in the day A+ list mostly movie actor who is probably A- list now): Johnny Depp
Died not long after from a health problem he never knew he had: December 22, 2002 in his home at Broomfield in Somerset, the victim of an undiagnosed congenital heart defect
RW: older guy (Rock and Roll Hall of Famer/Oscar nominee/winner): Tom Waits
Tom Waits cars: "I never spent more than $150 - $200 for a car. It's just against my ethics, although I did invest $300 in a 1954 black Cadillac 4 door sedan I bought at a place called Jerry Lee's Autos, from a crooked car dealer, that was just recently, I paid cash for it..."
Song written by RW, which had become a huge hit for another singer (permanent A+ list foreign born singer): "Downtown Train" recorded by Rod Stewart
Epic album of his career/made it into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame: "Mule Variations"
Oscar nomination: Best Music, Original Song Score and Its Adaptation or Best Adaptation Score "One from the Heart"
Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame: 2011
DK: A list director with more than a handful of Oscar nominations/wins: Paul Thomas Anderson (his father Ernie Anderson an actor who was the voice of ABC and a Cleveland television late-night horror movie host known as "Ghoulardi") (grew up in San Fernando Valley) (married to Maya Rudolph)
Defining big movie of his career/instant A+ list where he's been ever since as one of the greatest living directors: "Boogie Nights"
Short film: "Cigarettes & Coffee"
BN: back in the day all around A- list actress/singer/celebrity: Terri Nunn ("Berlin")
QT: foreign born A- list mostly movie actress: Kate Beckinsale
Lived in Paris: her third year at university was spent at Oxford's study-abroad program in Paris, France, immersing herself in the French language, Parisian culture and French cigarettes
Parents (famous acting couple in her home country): Richard Beckinsale and Judy Loe (England)
Film back home, and another costume movie for television: Film: "Haunted"; Television movie: "Emma"
Attended a very impressive college recently and studied abroad: French and Russian literature at New College, Oxford
Actor back home: Michael Sheen
Franchise star: "Underworld"
Married a different guy in the biz: Len Wiseman
Up-and-coming Director A list director great at action movies: Doug Liman
Huge hit for another singer - Downtown Train by Rod Stewart
(British blog) Which ageing rock star - seemingly unperturbed that so many of his contemporaries got wrapped up in Operation Yewtree - has been dating his goddaughter?
LAWYER 02/16 **#1**
This foreign born B+ list mostly television actress who all of you know and has been in the news a lot is apparently drunk by 2pm each day and is sleeping with a guy a third of her age who she has to pay once a week. Rose McGowan; Kim Cattrall
LAWYER 02/16 **#2**
This B+ list mostly television actress is on an almost television hit. She is also someone who is now being constantly harassed by an organization after accusations made against an A- list mostly television actor. It is things like this that make women reluctant to speak up and why the head of at least one company is afraid to take action against any member of that group.
LAWYER 02/16 **#3**
This foreign born A- list mostly movie actor who used to have a franchise couldn't handle the level of partying this A list singer does. He is pretty much just a drinker so the coke use was over the top. She would probably be better off with her other foreign born A- list mostly movie actor ex. Robert Pattinson/Katy Perry/Orlando Bloom (and they did get back together)
LAWYER 02/16 **#4**
This very old permanent A list mostly television actor who most of you know from his movies has always been a bit of a closet racist but as he has aged it has been more overt to the point where several caregivers and others have walked out and quit. Bob Newhart; Dick Van Dyke; Carl Reiner; Mel Brooks
LAWYER 02/16 **#5**
I don't think anyone ever wishes someone would die, but lately it seems that has been the case. Another example was yesterday, when for a brief moment, a staffer at a production office overheard this permanent A+ list television producer say, "So close," in an excited way over learning of the near death of a former A- list "employee." That "employee" has a ton of dirt and has been getting paid to keep it quiet. Mark Burnett/Jenna Morasca (winner of "Survivor: The Amazon" in 2003 and participated in the 19th season of "The Amazing Race")
LAWYER 02/16 **#6**
This permanent A+/A list mostly movie actor has a differing problem than the aging racist mentioned earlier today. This actor, who is also old, but not nearly as old as the actor earlier was going through staff at a record pace because he was always asking for sexual favors. They would quit and he was writing checks and then finally just arranged for a "masseuse" to come over every day. Burt Reynolds
LAWYER 02/16 **#7**
This A+ list mostly movie actress with a new movie coming out says she has not been feeling right since a coke binge a few days ago. She says she feels permanently hot now and numb and that her heart is beating differently. Jennifer Lawrence (Amy Schumers wedding)
LAWYER 02/16 **#8**
The Old Hollywood Con Has A New Name: It is said that history doesnt repeat, but it often rhymes. In over 100 years of Hollywood history, once every couple decades some person, or company, has been able to swindle enough cash from investors to even attempt this brazen scheme. Almost every major studio has attempted some form of this scheme, on a smaller scale, at one time or another in its history. The most recent example is back in the early 90's, when Sony paid through the nose for Columbia and TriStar Pictures. Sony lost billions of dollars in the following years. Each and every single time, the scheme has ended in miserable financial failure for the investors who were left holding the bag at the very end. Many decades ago, RKO drove itself into receivership, and Warner Brothers almost went bust. The scheme goes like this: Buy up as much talent in town, as quickly as possible, and itll all pay off later. Doesnt matter how much you have to pay. Trust us, the financials will work out very nicely in the future. Because we will simply chase everyone else out of the game. Just give us a lot of money, so we can make sure that everyone else will go bust - before we do. It will only take us a few short years to make that happen. Then, well be the only option in town. We will control everything. We will be able to squeeze the amount of money paid for talent back down, while charging our customers a ton of money. We will be the last man standing, rolling in dough. In recent years, an almost TV-network has made that age-old scheme the centerpiece of their corporate strategy. This almost-TV network will pay at least twice what anyone else will for original content, whether you are selling a TV series, film or even a stand-up comedy special. The modern version of this scheme is enabled by a very unique form of accounting hocus-pocus, used by the almost-TV network. This accounting magic allows the company to claim that it is generating a "profit". The reality is that this company burned through about $2 billion of cash last year, and will burn through another $3-4 billion in 2018. This almost-TV network simply depreciates the value of all these films and shows over a far longer period of time than everyone else ever has. The company claims that their definition is legit, because the content is in their own "library". This almost-TV network is the 1st to deliver its content in a unique way, using relatively new technology they were the first company to do it this way on a large scale. This means the Feds presently have no basis to challenge the almost TV-network on its suspect accounting, because the new "definition" has not been proven wrong. Only the ultimate financial collapse of the company will do that. In the meantime, the accountants and auditors go along for the ride and happily collect their fees, as they always do. The almost-TV network tells its stockholders that it can taper down this spending spigot in the future, to generate actual cash. This is an obvious lie, in 2 ways. If the almost-TV network ever cut spending and new content, many subscribers would drop them like a hot potato. Second, the company is making many big public commitments to spend money like drunken sailors, for several years into the future. The huge deal they made this week that is just to the head guy alone. It doesnt count a penny towards what it will cost to make his shows. This almost-TV network also doubled down on a sequel for a very expensive recent film. They literally doubled the bidding price for the original, which was a disaster. Lets call these Films A1 and A2. A1 isnt still worth most of its massive production cost, which is the value the almost-TV network uses for its accounting - just because A1 is part of their "library". Everyone knows A1 is worth pennies on the dollar. The company claimed that millions of people watched A1. Maybe, but A1 was so bad that many of them probably turned it off part-way through. Most of those who watched the whole thing thought it was a lousy film - and wont bother to watch A2. Recently, the almost-TV network just bailed out a struggling once-major studio, and bought their awful film for big money. Lets call this Film #1. Film #1 would have completely flopped at the box office, as the reviews were about as terrible as they can possibly get. Critics have called Film #1 a total mess. Film #1 is the 3rd film in a sci-fi series, but it is missing the main actors and director from the successful original film. Very recently, the almost-TV network bought yet another film, which a major film studio had put on the shelf - rather than bother losing even more money releasing it in theaters. This film stars the lead A-List actress from the original in Film #1s series. Lets call this film #2. Stockholders in the almost-TV network are flying high right now. In the next couple of years, they will see these heady gains evaporate. This almost TV-network has a rapidly growing mountain of debt, which is getting much more expensive to finance.
Almost TV network: Netflix
Huge Deal This Week: Ryan Murphy
Film A1/A2: "Bright" and sequel
Film 1/studio/amount: The Cloverfield Paradox/Paramount/more than $50 million
Film 2: "Extinction"
Original to Film 1: Lizzy Caplan; Matt Reeves
Actress: Lizzy Caplan
LAWYER 02/16 **#9**
Just like on that Friends episode, this A- list mostly movie actress still not old enough to drink from an acting family is out of the country. She tried to watch television in her suite. She has a television in the living room, bedroom and even one built into the bathroom mirror. None of them will stop playing porn. For some reason it is locked into the on demand porn and keeps playing the same feature over and over and over. She was going to put it on social media but her people said it would make the hotel look bad and just to let it go. Elle Fanning (Berlin Film Festival)
LAWYER 02/16 **#10**
Speaking of hotels, this A list mostly movie actor who had a long run on an iconic cable show went off on a publicist with him from a studio. He made her cry because she set up more interviews than he wanted to do. He only wanted to spend one hour promoting the movie and she set him up with two hours of work. He ended by telling her he was walking out of the interviews after exactly one hour. Bryan Cranston ("Isle of Dogs")
LAWYER 02/16 **#11**
Don't believe the hype. This A+/A list mostly movie actress who is an Academy Award winner knew exactly what she was doing when she took a recent role. She knows everything about every role she is offered. She decided the paycheck was worth any backlash. Natalie Portman ("Annihilation")
LAWYER 02/16 **#12**
If I were this permanent A- list rocker from a permanent A list band, I would probably get someone to taste test my food before I ate it. One of his girlfriend's exes claimed she tried to kill him twice and tried to make each time look like an accident. Everything was great until he named her as a beneficiary on a life insurance policy. She tried twice within a week and he was out the door and never looked back. Why didn't he leave after the first time? He believed her story. Tommy Lee/Brittany Furlan (Randal Kirk)
LAWYER 02/16 **#13**
The lesser known offspring of this former A list mostly television actor who had two long running hit shows is thinking of filing a police report against him for what he did to her as a teen and which I wrote about here a few weeks ago. Robert Wagner ("It Takes A Thief" and "Hart To Hart") (Courtney Brooke Wagner)
LAWYER 02/16 **#14**
It looks like that once a year fake charity sell off thing is back from this reality family. Oh, they probably do give money to charity, but they keep 90% of it for themselves but make it look like all the money is going to charity. The tabloids complicit in this should really indicate it is a sponsored post because that is what it is. They are promoting a business which is trying to make money but passing it off as some good deed type "article." Kim Kardashian
LAWYER 02/16 **#15**
This late night talk show host has been feeding as many negative stories to the press as he can to try and support one of his best friends in her current fight. Andy Cohen/Sarah Jessica Parker
LAWYER 02/16 **#16**
Hiding In Her Closet: It is not that long ago that this singer was A+ list. The songs from his band were everywhere. They seemingly came out of nowhere to blanket our airwaves. It was long enough ago that MTV still showed some videos and numerous from the group were in full rotation. The singer always pretended to be pious and religiously pure whatever that means. It was about that time, long before I started the site that I ran into a friend I had not seen in ages. Just randomly we started talking where she went to college and something clicked and I said something to the extent of the singer went to school there. She said yes and then said she had a story to tell. Something you have to know about this college at that time when she and the singer attended. Female students being allowed to wear pants was earth shattering. It was still frowned upon. Hair had to be long. No public displays of affection. If you can imagine a college where the Duggar family would feel comfortable, this was it. There was a big scandal at the school involving the singer. Apparently there was a party off campus. Booze was there and of course consumption of that was not allowed at the school. Our singer got one of the female students drunk and raped her. He picked her because he knew she wouldn't report it. Daughter of a preacher. Drinking. Premarital sex. All of that would equal getting expelled and disowned from her family. A month later the singer raped another student after getting her drunk. The same reasons again, she said nothing. Even though the women didn't report him, they did share the information between each other. Just prior to Christmas break that year, the singer showed up at a party late. He found a student who was drunk and grabbed her and dragged her into a bedroom. She started fighting him and he ripped her clothes off and tried to rape her. She screamed and people came in and pulled the singer from her. He didn't care. He knew she wouldn't report him. He was wrong. It turns out she wasn't a student. She went to a different school. She lived in the town though and her father owned the bank that held many loans the school had taken out. She told her parents who told officials. Apparently they tried to victim shame for all of about 30 seconds before the dad said his bank would call in every loan the school owed and send out a letter to all of the clients of the bank explaining exactly why they were doing so. Many of the clients of the bank were donors to the school and did business with the school. School officials went looking for him and found him in the closet of his girlfriend. Yes, he also had a girlfriend. She was expelled because she was naked and he was naked.
Singer: Scott Stapp (wife Jaclyn)
College: Lee University (honorary Masters degree in Church Music)
LAWYER 02/17 **#1**
This talk show host has known for ages about the cheating done by this B+ list actor/writer but never told his now ex who is a permanent A lister. Ellen DeGeneres (Justin Theroux/Jennifer Aniston)
LAWYER 02/17 **#2**
This former A+ list tween turned A/A- list adult singer was wasted out of his mind yesterday at a big event. His current girlfriend needs to run away before she ends up dead of an overdose. Justin Bieber ("NBA All-Star Celebrity Game")/Selena Gomez
LAWYER 02/17 **#3**
He Tried And Failed - Mr. Hedge: As a young actor, he played a supporting role in a small-budget horror film, about 4 decades ago. Lets call this person C, and the film Film #1. Film #1 was financially very successful for its time. It became a cult-classic, and launched the career of its director, who we will call F. F became A+ list for the rest of his long career. Several years later, C became a director himself, while in his early 30s. The 1st film C directed for American audiences was a low-budget teen comedy. Lets call this film SB. During SB, C attempted to molest one of the young actors. Thankfully, the young actor was able to escape his attempts. Unfortunately, this was because the young actor had been abused before. The horrible experience scarred him enough to vigorously fight off Cs attempts. C was good friends with a couple of serial child molesters. One of them finally went to jail about a decade and a half ago. A short time later, C won his first major award as a director. Although C was only about 50 at that time, he suddenly retired from the business. It probably had something to do with his past. It is highly unlikely that this unsuccessful molestation attempt was Cs only misdeed. If anyone knows anything more about C, you know who to contact.
Film #1: "The Hills Have Eyes"
F: Wes Craven
C: Robert Houston
Cs friend / serial child molester: Bob Villard
SB: "Bad Manners" (also known as "Growing Pains")
Academy Award: Best Documentary, Short Subjects "Mighty Times: The Children's March" (2004)
LAWYER 02/17 **#4**
This A+ list mostly movie actress who is an Academy Award winner/nominee is doing her best to try and get back at this A+ list singer by trying to out the singer in a very roundabout way. Jennifer Lawrence/Taylor Swift
LAWYER 02/17 **#5**
This former stripper turned reality star turned celebrity turned give me some money and I can do what you want me to do is really spinning a success story. Yes, she is getting some money from a company but the only way she gets the maximum that she leaked to the tabloids is if a not going to happen sales number is achieved. Very very very low six figures is probably what the deal will end up paying. Blac Chyna
LAWYER 02/17 **#6**
This former music video actress turned author turned reality star turned frequent abuser of men has got her meds completely wrong and is not listening to her doctors. She is going to end up killing someone or herself unless she starts taking her doctor's advice. Tawny Kitaen
LAWYER 02/17 **#7**
This former cable reality star in a franchise wants everyone to know that she hooked up with a former reality star who is A++ list now when they were on a show together. She just can't say it out loud for legal reasons. Omarosa Manigault/Donald Trump ("The Apprentice")
LAWYER 02/17 **#8**
So, working out the timeline, the boyfriend is not the father of the upcoming baby of this Teen Mom. I would say the odds are 70% it is the deadbeat ex who would LOVE to get his hands on some child support money and 30% it is the random stranger from Twitter. Amber Portwood/Andrew Glennon/Matt Baier
LAWYER 02/17 **#9**
This former B list reality star who is the celebrity offspring of a permanent A lister in his corner of the entertainment world. The former reality star got into trouble awhile back and is apparently boozing and abusing drugs again and refuses to go to rehab. Nick Hogan (Hulk Hogan) (car crash that left John Graziano, a marine, with permanent and severe brain damage)
LAWYER 02/18 **#1**
The last time we saw the new husband of this A- list actress he was hooking up with a closeted A list mostly movie actor. Jessica Chastain/Gian Luca Passi de Preposulo/Tom Cruise
LAWYER 02/18 **#2**
This B+ list mostly television actress last seen in a show that was a big miss by this A+ list producer is now making smallish movies. She is not rich but is writing child support checks for a guy she just met. If he has his way, he will get our actress pregnant so she can be writing him checks for the next 18 years. Keke Palmer/Elvin Jackson
LAWYER 02/18 **#3**
This A- list mostly movie actress from an acting family had sex with her possible future sister-in-law while being watched by the boyfriend of the actress. Yes, the boyfriend was watching his sister and his girlfriend have sex. Rooney Mara/Joaquin Phoenix/Rain Phoenix
LAWYER 02/18 **#4**
This foreign born former singer turned oft married reality star train wreck of epic proportions who basically burned herself out five or six years ago and blew a chance at a massive fortune with her actions is using drugs again. Honestly, I don't know if she ever stopped, but she has begun over the course of the past few months using heroin. The crazy thing is she takes it by having it inserted anally. Now, I have heard everything. Cheryl Ann Tweedy-Cole-Fernandez-Versini
LAWYER 02/18 **#5**
This foreign born A- list actor has had his best success in television. He will tell you though that his drug and alcohol abuse issues that have plagued him for two decades are the result of a movie. A movie which starred two actors who are now above him on the list. Both, also foreign born. The subject of our blind though says he had to have sex with multiple men to land the part. Our actor says he was raped three times by one of the producers of the movie during filming and that he was told he would never work again if he said anything. That producer is a permanent A- list singer.
Movie: "Velvet Goldmine"
Actor: Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Actors above him: Ewan McGregor and Christian Bale
Producer: Michael Stipe
LAWYER 02/18 **#6**
This closeted very well off best friend of this married A list mostly movie actor with the very interesting sex life is the sugardaddy to this closeted B+ list mostly movie actor who is in a movie that is odds on favorite to win Best Picture next month at the Oscars.
A list actor: George Clooney
Best friend: Rande Gerber
B+ list actor: Lucas Hedges
Movie: "Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri"
"The Front Row At Calvin Klein At NYFW"
LAWYER 02/18 **#7**
This B+ list mostly movie actress is an acting family. Last year she was in a movie reboot of a tv show that crashed and burned. During the filming and promotion of it she was really mean to this model turned wannabe actress who is the "ex" of an A+ list actor. Anyway, the B+ list actress was hooking up with a guy during the movie and dumped him. The next thing you know he is dating the model turned wannabe actress and they have been sending photos to the B+ list actress. They also have been taunting her about the married A+ list singer she has been seeing on the sly.
B+ Actress: Alexandra Daddario (brother Matthew Daddario)
Model Turned Actress: Kelly Rohrbach
Model's Ex: Leonardo DiCaprio
A+ list singer: Adam Levine
LAWYER 02/18 **#8**
The real reason this reality show couple split on that southern reality show is because the girlfriend kept catching her boyfriend in bed with other guys. As much as she liked the story line about their relationship, she just couldn't handle it anymore and bailed. Naomie Olindo/Craig Conover ("Southern Charm"); Bella Clark//Shep Rose ("RelationShep" spin-off of "Southern Charm")
LAWYER 02/18 **#9**
The story this weekend is that the collapse of this team last year in the playoffs where they were supposed to advance at least to the final four is because their A++ list star player started drinking sizzurp again after a long absence. He just wasn't the same and the team made a very early exit in uninspiring fashion. James Harden ("Rockets" vs. "Spurs"); Lonzo Ball (UCLA NCAA tournament)
LAWYER 02/18 **#10**
This Game Of Thrones actress was wasted out of her mind before, during, and after a very big event last night. Emilia Clarke
LAWYER 02/18 **#11**
This foreign born A list mostly movie actress who is having a good award season had a miscarriage a few months ago and her husband blamed her. That has been the beginning of the downward spiral of their marriage. Margot Robbie/Tom Ackerley
LAWYER 02/18 **#12**
This A- list mostly movie actor who is a current Oscar nominee is even more of a jerk than usual because of his drug issues. Gary Oldman
GOSSIP LIFE 02/19
You might see this reality show talked about quite a bit on the internet, but that isnt going to save it from the chopping block apparently because the major reality TV network that airs the show has reportedly had enough of the bad ratings.
LAWYER 02/19 **#1**
Quite a remarkable coincidence that this former A list athlete headed out of her sport had a camera right next to her to take photos with the guy she calls her boyfriend. Perfect position to take staged photos. Danica Patrick/Aaron Rodgers
LAWYER 02/19 **#2**
This serial cheater is doing what he does best - cheating. The B+ list mostly television actor who has had some high profile cheating incidents in his past is cheating on his foreign born A- list mostly movie actress girlfriend with a woman at the doctor's office where he gets his botox. Norman Reedus/Diane Kruger
LAWYER 02/19 **#3**
Speaking of cheating, this actress is A list despite having to share the screen with a dozen other people each week. She is cheating on her long time significant other with an intern on the show.
LAWYER 02/19 **#4**
This dadager is charging a ton of money for a product worth about half that at the most. He knows it is a ripoff, but doesn't care because he knows fans will buy it anyway. Joe Jackson (new book)
LAWYER 02/19 **#5**
This A+ list mostly movie actress says she took a beta blocker and a Xanax or two prior to a big event last night which is why she seemed out of it. Jennifer Lawrence (BAFTAs)
LAWYER 02/19 **#6**
If you are wondering how this one named A- list singer got a recent gig, it wasn't because she casting couched, but she did offer up her 20 year old friend for the casting couch and that apparently secured the gig. The guy who was in charge of the casting so to speak might be looking for a new job though. Fergie ("The Star-Spangled Banner" at 67th NBA All-Star Game)
LAWYER 02/19 **#7**
This one named rapper/producer/former reality star pulled a gun on a bouncer who tried to ask the teen he was with if she had any identification to get in the club which they were trying to enter. If the girl was a day over 16, I would be shocked. The bouncer backed down and let them enter.
LAWYER 02/19 **#8**
Pedophile Connections - Mr. Hedge: Just under 4 decades ago, this pedophile photographer was convicted of interstate transportation of obscene materials. At the time of his conviction, such records could not be easily accessed, especially when the conviction occurred in another state - and the punishment was disgustingly light. Lets call him D. D remained based in an East Coast state his entire life. D became a professional photographer, and broke into the business as the official event photographer for many youth diving and baseball competitions. D wanted to get involved in Hollywood. Initially, D became a prominent and active member of early internet Teen Fan Idol communities that fetishized young male actors. D somehow became good friends with another pedophile, who lived on the opposite coast, and had many more connections in Hollywood. Lets call that pedophile NS. You ALL know NS. He was convicted of raping one of his clients for years. A celebrity you all know has accused NS of raping his now-deceased friend. NS worked a great deal with a certain child actor awards show. Lets call that Show #1. Through his friendship with NS, D at one time became the official photographer for Show #1. D also created websites for many young Hollywood actors. A little over a decade ago, a mother accused D of taking an inappropriate picture of her son while at another awards show. Lets call that Show #2. Through the vigilance of many parents, D was banned from Show #2, and the parents kept pressing the issue to the other shows. Several months later, while at home, D doused his video cassettes and DVDs in gasoline, and lit them on fire. The fire began to consume the house. While the fire raged, D turned his gun on himself, and committed suicide. Nobody knows for sure how crimes D may have committed against children during his life.
D: Michael "Max" Grassi Jr.
NS: Marty Weiss
Client: Evan Henzi
Celebrity/deceased friend: Corey Feldman/Corey Haim
Show #1: "Young Artist Awards"
Show #2: "Care Awards"
Bonus Item - What does NS stand for, and why does it describe him?
Nickelodeon Studios or medallion from "The NeverEnding Story"
LAWYER 02/19 **#9**
This A list model/wannabe actress all of you know just by the sheer volume of posts she does each day has a new boyfriend. Apparently he is one of the larger drug dealers around. I'm not sure she knows this yet because he does have a legit business in the industry too. Emily Ratajkowski/Sebastian Bear-McClard
LAWYER 02/19 **#10**
Guess The Athlete: There is another athlete out there whom is similar to one of the athletes discussed a while back. "Real" sport. Fairly popular sport worldwide. Very popular popular sport in certain parts of the world. Big money sport. Big money athlete. This athlete is currently the best at their sport, has been for sometime and it isnt particularly close. This athlete is active and just getting better. This is a big money athlete. And of course extremely big money athletes play by the rules, right? This athlete strived for big things at a young age with moderate success. Enter pro-hormones. Available over the counter in their country at the time, these pro-hormones have been banned by every athletic organization for some time. These are the supplements that can turn an athlete into the type of athlete that makes the people with the stopwatches and notebooks drool at the potential. A big money athlete. This athlete quickly rose up the ranks, went professional and started to get in the public eye. Professional sports have drug tests. Very, strict drug tests. Many people at this point were concerned. And a solution was agreed upon. This athletes continued success was good for EVERYONE. Luckily there were no whispers of any wrong doing. This athlete is revered by all and has a sterling reputation. Since the athlete had experimented with pro-hormones at such a young age, their endocrine system was severely compromised. The corrective measure for this was to allow a series of specialist to "prescribe" (legally) anything they felt necessary to keep this athlete going. Hormones, research chemicals.. anything. SERMS, SARMS, IGF.. you name it. Since these items are "prescribed" by medical professionals due to an endocrine imbalance (or, "undetermined illness") it was agreed upon that this athlete could legally use them without any threat of recourse from the governing athletic organization. Its in the best interest of everyone, including the governing athletic organization, to keep this athletes sterling reputation in tact for the future. The problem is, as great as this athlete is in their respective sport, they arent yet a household name. And the pressure is on to change that. You need an athlete to be marketable to the masses and the need to turn big money athlete into a money making machine was on. So, another plan was agreed upon between two athletic organizations and a fairly interesting move was made. This move raised more than a few eyebrows at the randomness of it. Most people disagreed with this plan or opposed it all together. Not our big money athlete.. this move is going to give them all of the exposure they need on an international stage to become the one of the most marketable and beloved athletes on earth... and the people behind the scenes counting their money wholeheartedly approve.
LAWYER 02/19 **#11**
That meth use has doubled or even tripled for that alliterate rocker in the past week. This is going to lead to a death or spectacular breakdown. I wonder if he will bring down that A+/A list mostly movie actor with him or spill some dirt on that former A- list mostly movie actress to whom he was once close. Marilyn Manson/Johnny Depp/Rose McGowan (I guess we know after yesterday why he has been on edge the past two weeks)
LAWYER 02/19 **#12**
This permanent A+ list singer got turned down by several guys over the past week. She says that has never happened to her before and locked herself in her room for a few days muttering about getting older. Then, she went out to try and prove she was still young and that didn't really work out well. Madonna (topless selfie)
LAWYER 02/19 **#13**
This A- list mostly movie actress who doesn't really act any longer (thank goodness) because of her lucrative side job staged her most recent photo op to make it look like something it wasn't. It was planned long in advance and done to ensure her largest buyer stays happy. Jessica Alba (breastfeeding at Target)
LAWYER 02/19 **#14**
This A+ list mostly movie actor is supposed to film his next movie stateside after a long string of films overseas. The thing is though, he is trying to get the location changed to Europe so he doesn't have to deal with the same family question he always gets. The answers would have to be different if he was in the US. Tom Cruise (daughter Suri)
LAWYER 02/19 **#15**
This former almost A- list mostly movie actress turned escort tried to walk off with about $10K worth of clothes the other day from an event and tried to talk her way out of it by saying someone would bring them some money later in the day. Lindsay Lohan ("London Modest Fashion Week")
LAWYER 02/19 **#16**
First Kills: This serial killer has admitted to almost a handful of killings. They were pretty famous at the time they happened. The thing is though, those are not the only kills he is responsible for. There are at least two more. One of the kills was of someone who had a number one best selling book and the subject of a very highly rated made for television movie. The serial killer made it look like an accident, did a crappy job if it, but still got away with it. His second kill was of a relative who molested the serial killer. Everyone assumed the serial killer was responsible, but no one could admit it. Recently, the serial killer has been telling his story to a couple of inmates who have been sharing it to others and now new charges could be brought against the serial killer.
Serial killer: Cary Stayner
Author/television movie: brother Steven ("I Know My First Name is Steven") (died in a motorcycle accident in 1989)
Relative: uncle Jesse
LINE/MICHAEL AUSIELLO 02/20 **#1**
An extremely popular broadcast drama thats been on the air for less than three seasons is eyeing a season-ending plot that would find a pivotal character being diagnosed with terminal cancer. "This Is Us" (Beth or Miguel)
LINE/MICHAEL AUSIELLO 02/20 **#2**
A male series regular on an hour-long streaming series thats about to kick off its second season has made himself available for pilot season, which suggests his character is not long for the world. Eka Darville (Malcolm Ducasse - "Jessica Jones"); Max Minghella (Nick Blaine - "The Handmaid's Tale"); Justin Bartha (Colin Morrello - "The Good Fight")
LAWYER 02/20 **#1**
This A list height challenged mostly movie actor recently told his wife he was going out with friends. He did, but then went over to an apartment he pays for and hooked up with his latest mistress. Kevin Hart
LAWYER 02/20 **#2**
There were bolts still in the wall and camera outlets above them when the owner of this rental house took possession. He called police because he said it looked like the remnants of cages inside the house big enough to hold humans. It would be interesting to hear what this former A+ list singer turned child molester has to say about it. R. Kelly
LAWYER 02/20 **#3**
This former A- list tweener singer from a singing family is trying to recapture that tweener fame. He is also HIV+. Aaron Carter
LAWYER 02/20 **#4**
I think this MTV star from that MTV franchise should remember back to when he used to let men orally service him in return for money when he didn't have any women around. Interestingly enough, he is not the only man in that immediate orbit of a female MTV star who has also been with men.
MTV franchise: "Teen Mom 2"
Star: David Eason and ex-husband Courtland Rogers ("prison pals")
Female MTV star: Jenelle Evans
LAWYER 02/20 **#5**
This former A- list reality star who has spawned the careers of several other reality stars has been unable to sell a book she has been peddling or get another shot at a television show. At this point in time, no one wants anything to do with her. Caitlyn Jenner
LAWYER 02/20 **#6**
I have to give credit to this foreign born A list rapper for coming up with the best excuse to cover for her trip to rehab. Make yourself kind of look bad while also getting people to feel sorry for you and taking the attention away from what the real reason is you are gone. Nicki Minaj
LAWYER 02/20 **#7**
Apparently this couple is not just engaged, but has been married for some time, despite the reports to the contrary. The reason this former A+/A list singer from an entertainment family got married to her money laundering significant other is to avoid testifying against each other when they inevitably get busted. Toni Braxton/Birdman
LAWYER 02/20 **#8**
It is pretty messed up that the men closest to him in life whether it be through friendship or blood have all had sex with his girlfriend. This former A+ list tweener though thinks it is a sign of loyalty rather than anything messed up. Umm, the fact you have to drug the woman to get her to do it kind of ruins the whole loyalty argument. Justin Bieber/Selena Gomez
LAWYER 02/20 **#9**
Better Hurry Up - Mr. Hedge: This always-thirsty foreign born A list model has a checkered relationship history. Her husband is the CEO of a company you all know. Her husband recently raised some much-needed dough, by selling some of the stock he owns. Since their wedding, this was the first sale her husband has made to get more liquidity. Almost all of this CEOs eye-popping wealth is on paper. That will mostly evaporate. If he wants to ensure a lifetime of wedded bliss, he had better keep selling, and quickly. The IPO of his company was almost a year ago. The company was and is valued in an outrageous fashion, at far higher levels than peers. Despite this, it has done almost nothing but disappoint its investors, again and again. His company is not really much of a business at all. It does nothing but burn through lots of cash pretty quickly. For every $2 in sales they generate, they burn through over $1 in cash. At present rates, they have about 2 years of cash left. There is a great deal of competition from larger players already, and his customers really hate the recent changes he made.
A list model: Miranda Kerr
Husband/CEO: Evan Spiegel
Company: Snap Inc. (Snapchat)
Bonus Question #1 - How much $ did the husband raise last week? $50 million
Bonus Question #2 - How much of his $ is on paper in company stock?
LAWYER 02/20 **#10**
This foreign born A- list mostly television actress has never been a blind before. She stars on a very hit network show which has not been on the air long. She is also struggling with heroin addiction.
LAWYER 02/20 **#11**
KINDNESS: This A- list mostly television actress has never been in a blind before. At least one of her parents has. Our actress stars on a very big network hit. She also finds the time to volunteer almost every weekend, all weekend long for different groups. She says her goal every year is to volunteer at least 500 hours a year. Zoe Perry ("Young Sheldon")/Laurie Metcalf and Jeff Perry
LAWYER 02/20 **#12**
This foreign born A- list mostly television actor from a long running hit network show has never been a blind before. He is cheating on his foreign born celebrity wife which he is really going to regret if she busts him. He thinks people at work don't talk. He is wrong. They do. It is how his co-stars end up in this space so often. Kunal Nayyar ("The Big Bang Theory")/Neha Kapur
LAWYER 02/20 **#13**
This B+ list mostly television actress has been asked to leave multiple network shows. She is a great actress, but she says that she can't act when she is on the pills prescribed to her. So, she stops taking them which makes her extremely volatile. Her most recent husband left after getting a knife pulled on him when she had gone three days without her pills. Anne Heche/James Tupper
LAWYER 02/20 **#14**
This foreign born B+ list mostly movie actress is an Academy Award nominee who didn't win. It was probably her best chance too. Anyway, she has a long time significant other who has no idea the actress casting couched her way to her most recent role. The director thought she was too old to play the role, so she had sex with him to change his mind. Ruth Negga (nominated Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role "Loving")/Dominic Cooper/"Ad Astra" (James Gray); Naomie Harris (nominated Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role "Moonlight")/Peter Legler/"Bond 25"
LAWYER 02/20 **#15**
Just as I feared, this foreign born A- list model/part-time crap actress has this B+ list celebrity offspring using again. The offspring only ever seems to pick people in her life who use drugs. It will be her downfall. Cara Delevingne/Paris Jackson
LAWYER 02/20 **#16**
ON THE RUN FROM THE CHURCH: This is what happens when you are doing dirty deeds for The Church and their drug experiments. You have to run for your life. This employee had outlived their usefulness and had too much knowledge to spill. Apparently he found out about it and ran as quickly as he could from his high profile position in the government. It is interesting that he earned his current position because of some of the work The Church did that he was able to make his own. I honestly don't know what triggered The Church wanting him dead, but they generally get what they go after so I fully expect to hear that he has been killed and it wouldn't shock me if he was found dead a long way from his home.
MAIL/SISTER OF DARKNESS 02/20
Smoke billows from a herb burner filling the Spirit Room with an eerie haze. A woman stands over Hollywood actress Megan Duffy chanting and shaking a rattle carved with a head inspired by shamanic art, as her client lies motionless on a narrow bed. The tension in the air is thick as the 'healer' places an ornate dagger on Duffy's wrist and, breathing deep, rapid breathes, summons 'higher beings' from the spirit world, asking them to rid her body of evil demons. The woman carrying out the 'working' is Rachel Stavis - the world's only non-denominational Exorcist. And in a television first DailyMailTV was invited to witness Stavis carry out a real-life Hollywood exorcism. We watched as Stavis worked on actress Duffy - best known for starring alongside Elijah Wood in 2012 horror movie Maniac - ridding her of an evil 'entity' that she believes has attached itself to her. Stavis says Duffy has a 'Clive', the name she gives to low-level, low energy entities or demons that have caused the actress to feel negative and down in the dumps of late. Stavis, dubbed the Sister of Darkness, has gone public with her extraordinary gift with the release of her new book: Sister of Darkness The Chronicles of a Modern Exorcist. The horror screenwriter and novelist has secretly been an exorcist to the stars for years, helping Hollywood's elite to get rid of their demons. She has cleansed thousands of tormented people from Hollywood moguls, actors and actresses to stay-at-home moms and politicians. Stavis, 39, has never advertised her services and works pro bono, first starting her hobby by helping 'possessed' friends and family in her spare time. But word soon spread around Hollywood about her unusual gift and now she has a waiting list of mostly high profile clients all desperate to be cleansed. 'My clients range all over the place, but I do see a lot of people you'd think of as famous,' she says. 'I see heads of studios, rock icons, Oscar winners, politicians, I see all kinds of people, I also see the girl next door and this grandma and regular people who are suffering as well.' Most people's knowledge of the subject comes from watching hit 1973 supernatural horror film The Exorcist. And Stavis says the movie, which sees a teenage girl possessed by a mysterious entity, isn't far from the truth. 'With The Exorcist, there's definite truth and the book is so amazing and it's one of my favorite books of all time,' she admits.
GOSSIP LIFE 02/20
Like it or not, Gossipers, but the Hadids are two of the biggest models on the face of the earth and their huge careers only make everyone involved with them money. Trust me, I find it annoying too. Regardless, it definitely isnt the same case with this nepotistic model, who actively costs her famous parents money with her need for designer clothes and constant promotion. If I just get this, the source quotes her as saying, then Ill get more bookings. Maybe youre just not that hot, honey. Sorry to be too real. Iris Law (Jude Law/Sadie Frost); Ava Sambora (Heather Locklear/Richie Sambora); Lily-Rose Depp (Johnny Depp/Vaness Paradis); Sistine Stallone (Sly Stallone/Jennifer Flavin)
LAWYER 02/21 **#1**
After initially being dismissed, the story of this B+ list mostly television actress most recently seen in a defunct middling television show and living with a guy she just met, of how she was sexually assaulted by this A list singer is now being investigated. Apparently four other women have told almost the exact same story of how they were assaulted too. Keke Palmer ("Scream Queens") (Elvin Jackson)/Trey Songz (new allegations)
LAWYER 02/21 **#2**
This former stripper turned celebrity turned reality star turned part-time porn star thought she would be boosting sales of the product she is being paid to sell, but instead is about to lose all of her contracts because of her most recent actions. Because she was getting paid per number of units sold, she thought her decision to do something dramatic would help with that. Not so much. Blac Chyna (sex tape)
LAWYER 02/21 **#3**
Now that money may be tight or completely cut off, look for this Teen Mom couple to release a sex tape for money. She previously looked into making one on her own but was denied the opportunity. I think within a year we will see a split and at least two arrests from the relationship. Oh, and if I were her, I would ask her significant other if he has been faithful like he expects her to be. Jenelle Evans (husband David Eason fired from "Teen Mom 2")
LAWYER 02/21 **#4**
I honestly thought this A- list singer would just offer up a vague excuse for quitting because of a lack of ticket sales, but she managed to get drunk and do something that will see her get paid more courtesy of insurance than she would have otherwise. Kesha
LAWYER 02/21 **#5**
This A-/B+ list mostly movie actor who is an Oscar winner/nominee and frequent cheater on his long time girlfriend was doing his best philandering with this foreign born permanent A list model/host/mogul who lately has not had qualms with whether or not someone is taken. Adrien Brody/Heidi Klum
LAWYER 02/21 **#6**
It looks like this foreign born A- list director has fully emerged from Hollywood jail. There was talk about sending him back to Hollywood jail even after last years release because of the #TimesUp movement. He had done too much bragging about having sex with teenagers when he was filming a movie outside the country and it caught up to him. There was also the A- list mostly movie actress who said he forced her to have sex multiple times when they were together.
LAWYER 02/21 **#7**
This production sure is getting a lot of press, but much like many of their other stunts, this was a made for tv stunt involving no other people to back up the story of the stars. Hey, but it will get you to watch which is what this franchise needs at this point. "Real Housewives of New York City" (cruise from hell)
LAWYER 02/21 **#8**
This studio should really spend some money and do some investigating about a star they want to attach to a really big budget movie. The Oscar nominee/winner has some really big skeletons in the closet that would probably have escaped notice prior to the times we are living, but one of the victims is a very good friend of the actor being replaced and he is encouraging her to come forward because the actor thinks he will get his job back. He won't because he has his own demons.
Movie: Untitled Joker Origin Movie
Oscar/nominee/winner actor: Joaquin Phoenix
Actor being replaced: Jared Leto
Very good friend: Scarlett Johansson
LAWYER 02/21 **#9**
Things between this closeted foreign born former boy bander turned solo artist and his athletic boyfriend have not been going well, so maybe this is a good time for this other athlete to make his move. Harry Styles/Xander Ritz/Adam Rippon
LAWYER 02/21 **#10**
I don't know if this A- list singer will ever be back to the 100% healthy, kind of pain in the butt, slightly annoying person she used to be. She literally is traveling with a therapist now and is trying to get better but she still has a lot of healing to do. Ariana Grande (Manchester terror attack)
LAWYER 02/21 **#11**
One closeted and one open. Both on that restaurant reality show. They have been hooking up for much of the past month. James Kennedy/Logan Noh ("Vanderpump Rules")
LAWYER 02/21 **#12**
KINDNESS: This foreign born A- list mostly television actress is on a very hit cable show and is still not old enough to drink. She met a family who was staying in her hotel and talked to them for about an hour. Later that day she presented them with $2000 in Disney gift cards so they could go to Disneyland and stay at hotel on the property for a couple of days. Maisie Williams ("Game Of Thrones") (in L.A. for Jimmy Kimmel show)
LAWYER 02/21 **#13**
This former Disney actress not named Bella Thorne or Zendaya is clean and sober now after a year of trying to kick meth. The problem for the B+ list mostly movie actress is the damage it did to her face and teeth. She got new teeth but is having trouble getting her face to look like her age. Vanessa Hudgens
LAWYER 02/21 **#14**
This former vampire is probably going to have to tell people soon that she and her boyfriend have split. They were going to get married, so it is going to be kind of awkward if one of them starts showing up in public with another person without that announcement. Ashley Greene ("Twilight")/Paul Khoury
LAWYER 02/21 **#15**
This older permanent A list mostly movie actor who has been acting for many decades was apparently walking around an area several miles from his house and had no idea where he was or how to get home or where he lived. After an hour, someone finally spoke to him and got someone to pick him up. Burt Reynolds
LAWYER 02/21 **#16**
Horror: I recently had a chance to talk to someone I have been wanting to speak with for sometime. The subject is painful for her. She says it is still raw. Her husband was an actor. Foreign born. She says it was something he always wanted to do, but from day one, he never had a chance to succeed on his own terms. She says that his spirit was taken from him on his very first movie and within a few years he took his own life. She blames two people in particular. She blames an A+ list director who is an Academy Award winner/nominee. The director, who did not direct that particular movie told all the young men on the set they were going to have sex with men and women and if they didn't want to, they would be fired. Almost all of the actors and actresses on the film were fresh faces or still very new to the business. I know one A- list mostly movie actress who was not even close to legal when she filmed the movie and she told me the director of the movie raped her every day of the filming. She had no control. She was brand new and wanted to be an actress. She was passed around to all the producers and she knows there are movies of her having sex because there were always cameras around. The director of the movie was having sex with every teen he could find and almost none of them were legal. The other person our wife holds responsible for the death is another person working on the film who forced drugs on to our actor because he was not being cooperative enough when it came to sex. The actor started abusing drugs afterwards and would often retreat into a shell for weeks on end. Whenever a reporter would ask about the movie it would trigger all the horrors from the movie. As a result, when our actor would have to do press for a movie he would start using a lot of drugs each time just to be able to cope with the questions he knew were coming.
Actor: Justin Pierce ("Casper") (suicide by hanging)
Wife: Gina Rizzo
A+ director: Gus Van Sant (produced "Kids")
Person who forced drugs: Harmony Korine
A- list mostly movie actress: Rosario Dawson (15)
Director: Larry Clark
GOSSIP LIFE 02/22
This movie studio has had to come up with a whole strategy to minimise the damage of their controversial A list star, who a huge part of the movie-going audience finds off-putting nowadays. It took almost three meetings to finalise plans, one person whispers.
LAWYER 02/22 **#1**
This former celebrity turned A- list reality star turned celebrity with a very lucrative side gig all of you know recently got married. Interesting considering her new husband was hooking up with someone other than her last week and she was hooking up with someone else three weeks ago. Kat Von D
LAWYER 02/22 **#2**
This former A+ list mostly television actor turned A+ list mostly movie actor who doesn't really do much of either lately has one big movie franchise under his belt. He also has been verbally and physically abusive to his significant other in recent months and it is getting worse. Martin Lawrence/Roberta Moradfar
LAWYER 02/22 **#3**
This flash in the pan former A list singer has been having one of his people call middle schools because the singer wants to do "charity concerts," at the schools. What he really wants is the chance to hook up with middle school kids. My guess is that he is about to be busted for what he did a couple of weeks ago to a neighbor who is about the same age as the middle schoolers.
LAWYER 02/22 **#4**
This A- list rapper has spent much of the past few years in jail. So far he has not been discovered laundering money or funneling it through a half dozen businesses he and his wife own. The money comes from terrorist organizations overseas. His wife has made a dozen trips overseas and the only reason this popped up on my radar is that someone mentioned she was hooking up with a wealthy man every time she went overseas for some yachting. Gucci Mane/Keyshia Ka'Oir
LAWYER 02/22 **#5**
This almost permanent A list singer has been mum on the state of her marriage after being beaten by her husband. He says things are fine between them and he is trying desperately to keep her from telling anyone what he has done. Carrie Underwood/Mike Fisher
ENTERTAINMENT LAWYER 02/22 **#6**
This group of producers told a reporter off the record they would never allow a black man to be the star of their long running franchise. "James Bond"
LAWYER 02/22 **#7**
This foreign born still one hit wonder passed out at a store the other day. Apparently she had not eaten in four days. Iggy Azalea
LAWYER 02/22 **#8**
This A- list talk show host has always landed on her feet through millions of battles on a show she shares with others. This time though, she is going to be headed for the exit. If she doesn't quit, the producers will not renew her contract. They want someone much much younger and want someone they can mold aka desperate for the job and do what they say. Joy Behar ("The View")
LAWYER 02/22 **#9**
This A list mostly movie actor is an Oscar winner/nominee and an a-hole. He also convinced his actress girlfriend to quit her latest job to hang out with him more and then dumped her. Casey Affleck/Floriana Lima
LAWYER 02/22 **#10**
This married B+ list mostly movie actress who seemingly only works on a very big franchise says her former brother-in-law, who is a former A list celebrity used to constantly hit on her, but she never told her sister until he became a former brother-in-law. Jordana Brewster ("Fast & Furious")/Isabella Brewster/Baron Davis
LAWYER 02/22 **#11**
What is never discussed is why this restaurant went out of business. It might have something to do with the hundreds of thousands of dollars this family embezzled from this A list rock star. The very first day on the project, they embezzled $100K by saying the architect was charging $110K when he was only charging $10K. They were the masters of the fake invoice. Chris Cornell ("Black Calavados")/Vicky Karayiannis
LAWYER 02/22 **#12**
This publicly traded company is signing an endorsement deal as quickly as possible with this A list reality star who has a lucrative side gig. Apparently they want the reality star on their side and are willing to pay whatever price the star wants to stop their stock from sliding. Kylie Jenner ("Snapchat")
LAWYER 02/22 **#13**
This A-/B+ list mostly movie actress who has been a small part of at least two movie franchises has a new movie out and a brand new face. Seriously, she looks completely different even from a year ago. Heather Graham
LAWYER 02/22 **#14**
To say this designer was ticked, would be an understatement. It was only when the very rich father of this celebrity offspring offered to invest $100K with the designer that the designer allowed the offspring to walk the runway. The offspring was wasted out of her mind which is why the designer was upset. Bella Hadid
LAWYER 02/22 **#15**
Much like most award shows (not ones that use accountants), just because you are overseas doesn't mean your award shows aren't fixed. The vast majority are and tell the winners in advance so they will show up which delivers higher ratings which puts more money into the executives of the award shows. Some are just more blatant about it than others. So, the former boy bander knew he was going to win which is why he made a point to be at the show. Harry Styles ("The BRITS")
LAWYER 02/22 **#16**
Dirty Old Man: This celebrity is old. Back in Old Hollywood days he was A list both as an actor and singer. Dozens of songs on the Billboard charts. At that point in time everyone knew he was just as bad as Jerry Lee Lewis when it came to having sex with tweens and early teen girls. He just didn't usually marry them and wasn't related to them. If you were in the fan club of our celebrity and were young and cute you were going to get invited to meet him when he was in town. You were also going to get kissed and groped and fondled whether you liked it or not while posing for photos. If you didn't pull away, you were going to see him later that night and be forced to have sex. Like most things in Hollywood, times changed and he slowly dropped down the list. Then, he had a very lucky resurgence which made him a star again for a year or two. Now, this resurgence was three decades ago, but all of you know of the resurgence or at least why he was popular again. That iconic movie of which he was a part. He had a whole new group of fans who were tweens and teens again. Granted, he was not as famous as he once was, but he still did the same things he did decades earlier. This time, some of the tweens and teens spoke up, but nothing was done to him. Fast forward to the present day and he still does the same things he has always done at least when it comes to the kissing and groping tweens and teens but now he gets a pass because everyone says he is old and that he doesn't really mean to be that way. Yes, he does. He always has. If anyone called him out on this, there would probably be hundreds, if not thousands of his former fan club members and other people from the street who would all tell similar stories.
Celebrity: Frankie Avalon
Movies: "Beach Party"; "Muscle Beach Party"; "Bikini Beach"; "Beach Blanket Bingo"; "How to Stuff a Wild Bikini"; "Back to the Beach"
Resurgence: "Teen Angel" performance of "Beauty School Dropout" in "Grease"
ABOUT THE TEA 02/22
A reality star boasts a wedding ring but her "husband" doesnt know that he once shared her with another man. The reality diva was keeping things hot with an old flame but abruptly cried foul and tossed him out, choosing pretense over passion. The reality queen was thirsty for a rock so her beau agreed to tie a faux knot, if she agreed to keep their romance under the radar. Her groom didnt know that he was playing with media fire and that the shady diva couldnt wait to play wife in the public eye. The old flame was slapped and discarded kicked out of bed by a woman intent on selling a fake marriage to the masses. Name the reality star, the old flame, beau/groom and reality show.
Reality star: Kenya Moore
Old flame: Matt Jordan
Beau/groom: Marc Daly
Reality show: "Real Housewives of Atlanta"
GOSSIP LIFE 02/23
This A list comedian, who is definitely in the top tier right now, might make a living making others laugh, but I highly doubt hes in the mood for jokes right now. A source tells me he and his non-famous wife are divorcing and theyre citing irreconcilable differences as the reason, but her affair is the actual truth.
LAWYER 02/23 **#1**
This former A- list mostly television actress from a very hit show is now a B/B- lister. She and her husband have done some shady business deals during their marriage and are always scrambling for money. With a reboot of her show on the horizon, she wants that money all for herself so dumped her husband so he couldn't touch it. Tisha Campbell-Martin ("Martin")/Duane Martin
LAWYER 02/23 **#2**
I guess this closeted A-/B+ list rapper hasn't learned his lesson. Two nights ago he was having sex with a boy who was nowhere close to 18.
LAWYER 02/23 **#3**
This permanent A- list actress who gets most of that A from the long running network television show of which she was a part did something I hadn't seen her do in a long time. Coke. She was getting chummy with that foreign born A- list singer who is known around town for having the best stuff. They shared some. Very interesting. Jennifer Aniston/The Weeknd
LAWYER 02/23 **#4**
This former A+ list mostly television actor has blown through his $200M fortune and is down to his last $10M. Since he probably won't get hired for much because of his reputation he is selling everything he owns off to give himself a specific monthly income for the rest of his life. Yeah, I don't know if it covers drugs and hookers, so he might blow through all of that too. Charlie Sheen
LAWYER 02/23 **#5**
The person who was being accused of inappropriate groping is best friends with the A list director who does a lot of inappropriate groping. The two have definitely engaged in some of this together. Brendan Fraser/Philip Berk (former president of the Hollywood Foreign Press Association)/Bryan Singer
LAWYER 02/23 **#6**
Police are investigating this initialed A list rapper/reality star because he is banned from owning or possessing any guns but was bragging this week about how many he owns. It looks like it could be back to jail time for him. T.I.
LAWYER 02/23 **#7**
As is his custom, this former A+ list tweener turned A- list adult singer in a group was recently cheating on his actress girlfriend. If she is not with him, he cheats. Period. Joe Jonas/Sophie Turner
LAWYER 02/23 **#8**
They are all saying one thing publicly, but these three Academy Award winners still regularly keep in contact with the disgraced producer. Two of them have hooked up with him in the past. The youngest of the three texted him as recently as Valentine's Day. Meryl Streep/Gwyneth Paltrow/Jennifer Lawrence
LAWYER 02/23 **#9**
This MTV star who makes most of her money yachting lost a very big potential customer because he is married and she told the paps where she would be. The guy freaked out because he didn't want his wife to find out. Farrah Abraham
LAWYER 02/23 **#10**
Very funny on a red carpet last night as the story told by this Housewife totally contradicts the story she was told to say about a recent experience that made the news. Ramona Singer ("Real Housewives of New York City")
LAWYER 02/23 **#11**
Everyone was made a little uncomfortable by the interaction of these two celebrity offspring siblings (not named Hadid) who were much more intimate with each other than most siblings. It was not quite Angelina Jolie and her brother level, but it still made you think and take a second look. Kaia and Presley Gerber (Kaias name tattoed on his arm)
LAWYER 02/23 **#12**
This talk show host got married not that long ago. I have written about her marriage before. She has no idea she was married just for her name. She probably also doesn't know her husband is cheating on her with someone who is a contract employee for him. Meghan McCain ("The View")/Ben Domenech
LAWYER 02/23 **#13**
This foreign born A list mostly movie actor had quite the year last year drama wise. I wonder if his new actress girlfriend who took a lot of heat I don't think she was expecting would enjoy the fact the actor hired an escort this week while out of the country. Ewan McGregor/Mary Elizabeth Winstead (and the day after this blind she leaked to the tabloids the couple split)
LAWYER 02/23 **#14**
Usually it is the models doing coke at a fashion show. In this case though it was this A- list mostly movie actress who just recently became old enough to drink who was doing the coke. She said she was doing it to pick her up after taking some pills which were making her numb. Chloë Grace Moretz (Fendi - Front Row - Milan Fashion Week)
LAWYER 02/23 **#15**
This married former reality star turned singer turned reality star of a different kind of reality show than the first turned singer turned talk show host is sleeping with the significant other of her boss.
Kellie Pickler (Kyle Jacobs)
Reality star: "American Idol"
Different kind of reality show: "I Love Kellie Pickler"
Talk show: "Pickler & Ben"
Boss/S.O.: Faith Hill (Producer)/Tim McGraw
LAWYER 02/23 **#16**
A Night At The Circus - A Himmmm Blind: (Part 2 of a 4 part series of Himmmms sharing their crazy nights. This is the second "M" and has been written as told to the group's writer who typed it all up for you. It's long so the TL/DR short attention span crowd can bookmark it and read it when you want. WARNING: Some NSFW adult language & events).
I'd been a good guy all my life. Truly. The dorky kid, kind of bookish and keeping to myself. I knew right from wrong, and was raised in a large family with a great dad who always steered me away from crazies and creeps. That's unusual growing up in Hollywood, at studios, and there is where I met a lifelong good friend who is the idiot who roped me into sharing this story on this amazingly addictive blog you call CDAN. He and I have a lot in common including bad car experiences and others' bodily fluids, and have shared many insane nights together. He wasn't with me on the one I'm about to share, but I still blame him for it. In fact, I blame him for everything crazy in my life. I still can't figure why I need crazy people around me all the time.
I'm going to start this story at the end. That's how I remembered the entire event all in reverse.
I awoke on the floor, staring straight up at the ceiling. The morning sunlight painted the room. Two faces were staring down at me, and I could barely move. My head felt like a steamroller was parked on it, and some wild animal used me mouth as a port-a-potty. I raised up and was covered in stains, and something smelled tragic. Yes, it was me. The two people hovering over me had a look on their face like they'd just seen a car hit by a train. Total disappointment. Shock, confusion, and disgust. I meant me. That's how I felt. Where was I? Who was I? What happened?
Slowly, the two people became familiar. Family members, two of my judgmental siblings and uggh. What a headache. I was in my sister's house, or maybe it was hell. No, because if I'd died and gone to hell there's be good music and strippers I'm positive of it. Worse than hell, I was at this Leave It To Beaver house here in the suburbs of Hollywood.
"It was nice of that strange girl to bring you home Mister Big Shot Hollywood. Good thing dad's not here or mom either or you'd be in the drunk tank young man. Or at Cedars. Are you on drugs? I thought you were in your writing cycle, hiding away somewhere. You were out with that crazy guy again weren't you? Hope it was worth it, whatever it was. Who WAS that gorgeous girl who woke us up at 4am and dragged you in here? Get up and get a shower because you're stinking up the house."
Nobody loves you like family.
How and why was I here? Why did I feel so off-kilter, and WHAT was that SMELL on me? Is that blood dried on my pants? Is it mine? Oww my hand really hurts damn, that's glass and dried blood in my hand. Oh no. No. Oh hell. NOW I remember. It's all coming back now. I remember Darth Vader. A crazy killer guy. Naked blonde goddess. What the Oh, Dear God. No good deed goes unpunished. Amen to that.
It began with a call from a beautiful young lady who was best friends with my current girlfriend. We'd been dating a while and my lady (#1 - flash in the pan A list singer who defined that heroin chic look of her time) was enjoying her musical success. She was sweet, but a little fruity young and mental like me. I too had found success in the movies and was unprepared for the explosion of life that came with it. I was too young. After all the craziness of that first big movie, I'd decided to hole up and write my next movie. It was a horrible time in my personal life, with a sick parent and feeling like I was going insane. So my girlfriend's friend, we'll refer to her as Saffron she wanted to drag me out of my pit of despair to give me a break.
"Be social, come out with me. Just a few hours it'll energize you and you can go back into your hole and write some more." Sounded good. My girlfriend put her up to it. Gee, thanks. Saffron wasn't a famous celebrity, but she worked for (#2 - follicly challenged A list mostly movie actor who has a franchise and is an Oscar winner/nominee) as an assistant. She was super brainy, graduated from London School of Economics, and she was related to the fallen Shah of Iran. A stunning brunette, tall and tan, and could probably kick my butt. She also modeled, and looked like a svelte image of Princess Jasmine. Saffron was raised in many of the same prep schools as I was, and though American she had a dignified royal sensibility about her. As well as a wild streak fifty miles wide.
Of all damn things, she wanted to take me to a movie premiere. But she pleaded, and since it was at my favorite theater, I agreed. It promised to at least be interesting, not my usual type of film or my crowd. I forced myself to get ready, and picked up Saffron in my new convertible. We drove over to Sunset to the legendary theater where I was shocked there was anybody even there for this premiere. People knew my name but not my face so we were safe from paparazzi and publicists.
We snaked our way up the red carpet to the legendary Cinerama dome. This rotund cinema on Sunset is a landmark, and even though this movie should've premiered on Cinemax they gave it the big screen treatment. It was dog sh!t. A real turd of a film. It starred (#3 - permanent A list daytime talk show host). About 180 degrees opposite what I liked or was used to in my own films, but hey it takes all kinds. It was a fun movie, and pretty wild. Funny enough? It had a lot of talent in it. The Director (#4) was a real sweet guy, very talented, and taking any gig he could to build to his career. He did some great music videos. Sadly, this movie nearly ended him in Hollywood.
The big star of the movie was another warm, sincere, and intelligent man totally the polar opposite of his persona. The movie had several in the cast who were destined for great things, including (#5 - former B/B- list actress who probably none of you will get), (#6 - A-/B+ list mostly television actress who has had two shows make it past the 100 episode mark), and (#7 - B/B- list mostly television actress who did have a recurring role in last year's big pay cable hit). It also starred a young tough guy (#8 - B list mostly television actor who will never shake a character name he played) who became a close pal of mine and who later had a role in an iconic film (#9 - one of the better superhero movies). It also had one that was there simply as a personal favor to a pal of the Producer. That producer had lots of pals, and I'd known him years before and he was quite a showman. The lady he cast, (#10 - it was her second to last movie) was a favor to her current man (#11 - permanent A++ list mostly movie actor). The producer behind it, had certainly had bigger hits (#12 - Starred Julia Roberts) and (#13 - Starred a sexual predator who made a sequel) and his commercial instincts were sharp. Sadly? They were dull on this one. Hey, it happens to us all in the industry.
The real, undisputed, breakout star of the movie was (#14 - A- list mostly television actress currently on a network hit). Let's call her Blondie. She was very sexy, very short, and very fit. She was just hitting the stride of her private life although her professional arc wouldn't peak for a few years until she landed (#15 - a show that didn't quite make it to 100 episodes). Although years later she'd go on to win a big award, at this point she'd mostly done some television, some modeling, and an erotic thriller (#16 - kind of surprising the names that starred in the first two) that put her face on the map. Well, honestly, not so much her face. Her body? Certainly. She was very in-shape, and her derriere looked like a bubble carved from granite. Least you think I'm objectifying, you should know this actress was very proud of her physique. She was no dummy, and knew it was literally her money maker, which she was happy to shake. Or show. Anytime she wanted. I doubt anyone complained, and combined with a great sense of humor, cursing like a sailor (and drinking like one too) made her fun to hang around. Tough lady. Hot too.
This movie wasn't winning any awards to be sure, but people enjoyed it. So at the after-premiere party everyone was in a happy mood. At the old Hollywood Palladium, it was a great place for a party. Strangely, the man starring in it was about the only one not partying. He spent most of the evening on a cell phone in the lobby. Probably cursing out his agent or seeing if Dr. Kevorkian was available. The actresses from the film were dancing, singing, and kicked off the party with many, many shots of alcohol. As did Blondie. It was evident that no man nor woman could compete. Until Saffron stepped up. They began doing Goldschlager bombs and tequila shots while the music blasted, people dance, and the party raged on. In fact the party may have lasted longer than the film's run in theaters.
Striking up a fast friendship due to commonalities in their lives, Blondie and Saffron were laughing, talking, and conspiring. Meeting me, Blondie said she wanted to talk to me about helping her career to survive this dumpster fire of a movie. But first - she needed my help in escaping her date. A guy she'd dated on and off who had become a possessive stalker, and she wanted to ditch him. Would Saffron and I help her? Uhhh, okay, I guess. So when he stepped out to smoke the two ladies jumped in back of my convertible. Both of them in the backseat. I told them to slide low in the seats (my convertible top was down), and we'll sneak out quietly. It was almost 1am.
We began to pull onto Sunset when Blondie yelled out at full volume: HOLY SH&T! HE'S BEHIND US!. Indeed he was, almost inches off our bumper. She yells that "he'll kill us all!". Adding, "He works with Steven Seagal and they're both crazy." She also said he had a pistol and would kill all three of us, because he was a total nut bag. Not the best time to be told the hot actress you just absconded with is the imagined "property" of a Steven Seagal acolyte/assistant/probable hitman.
I ducked and weaved through Hollywood traffic, trying to either draw a cop's attention to us or lose him. I knew we'd never make it back to my house so I started brainstorming. Saffron said we could get to a studio lot and he'd never follow us in. Paramount is closest she's digging through her purse for a pass. Amazing plan, and that's why even drunk she was smarter than me. Looking in the mirror, I could see Blondie turned facing the car behind us, with her rump sticking up over the headrest. Then I - and all of L.A. - could hear Blondie yelling: "F%#K YOU PSYCHO MOTHERF%#KER! YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME NOW YOU PU$&Y! I'M WITH A REAL MAN NOW AND WE'RE GONNA F%#K ALL NIGHT BABY!! WHOO-HOO!!!". Then she gives him the finger. Because, ya know drunken crazed actresses.
We're soooo gonna die.
I wonder if the DGA will honor me with a headstone? I could almost read it know: Here lies the short career of a promising young filmmaker. Snuffed out in the prime of his career by a jealous psycho steroid slayer. All to save the life of a big-mouth blonde with a motor-driven ass. RIP young filmmaker, walk with the angels.
Saffron is almost heaving from hysterical laughter, and I'm scared sh!+less. I'm darting through traffic and turning against the lights, anything to outrun him. We go sailing down Gower, nearly swiping a car, and blasting down the road. Just then Blondie yells "WE LOST HIM! HELL YAY-UH!!". Saffron says, "Oh hell, I think we did!". Between their laughing and dancing in the backseat, I was about to have a stroke.
Saffron said to still head for the Paramount Lot, and just as we took the turn onto Melrose approaching the gates I hear "NO F%#KING WAY???". There was Mr. Psychokiller approaching the other direction. Melrose, this time of night, was pretty empty and he could see us too. He pulled sideways facing wrong-way traffic, to parallel the curb near the gate entrance. He could cut us off, or shoot me when I used the drive-on pass at the gate entrance.
If my mind had been thinking logically instead of about fear, adrenaline, and clouded with sexy-actress influence then I'd have pulled in and had a gate guard help us. Or driven to a police station. But I was far too distracted for anything logical. Back then I had passes for several movie studio lots, as I had friends there and several were trying to get me to sign a deal with their different studios. So I knew we had options.
Saffron shouts "FOX!!! Go to FOX! To FOX! To FOX!" twenty times in a row. Like Rain Man on crack. "Fox!!! To Fox! To FOXXX!".
Blondie drunkenly bellows out: "To Fox! Release the HOUNDS! On the HUNT! Let the games BEGIN!", and making a trumpet blast sound. Both of the delinquents in the backseat explode in laughter, drunkenly singing. Like it was the funniest thing in history. Me? Not so much. Saffron reaches up over the seat and cranks the radio volume full blast on KROQ fm. They played one song to death, constantly: Harvey Danger's Flagpole Sitta. But it's a great song to drive to, so it was perfect when Blondie yelled: "Go !!!".
I did a bootleg turn and spun the car in the road. Saffron flies back, landing on Blondie. I go tear-assing down through Hollywood to hit Olympic Blvd., as we'd hit bumps in the road wide open. No cops in sight. Every time Blondie start singing at top volume we'd hit a bump and the two ladies in the backseat went airborne. I was more worried about the nutjob. Thankfully, I'd out-run him again. It seemed. This was a brand-new Mustang GT convertible and it would haul ass. I'd made a Luke Duke-worthy turn at the cloverleaf onto Ave. of The Stars, and had clear sailing. Blew the intersection onto Pico and was home free.
I could see our turn coming in sight. Approaching the FOX main gate we see you got it Steven Seagal Jr.'s car high-balling right up our ass end like a train behind us. I could never figure how the hell this guy could find us so easy. Did he have a lo-jack up Blondie's ass? I slide it in through the FOX gates and screech to a halt. Not a soul around. Sh&t. I got my drive-on pass out, and put it into the card reader (no ez-pass scanners in those days). The gates C-R-E-E-P open very, very S-L-O-W-L-Y. Like a team of elderly hamsters were pulling it or something. The killer screeches his brakes and leaves black marks and smoke as he overshoots the turn in driveway. Then he backs up. Come on, come on, HURRY DAMN GATE!!
That's when I heard it: "BAM! BAM-BAM!".
I looked back and saw Mr. Psycho holding a revolver. He was shooting at us. From the street, still inside his car. HOLY SH%T!! Thankfully he missed, but it was loud as hell and scared me to death. I punched it through the entry and the gates began to creep closed behind us. We managed to make it inside, just as the psycho pulled up to the closing gate. I didn't think to ask Blondie if he was an employee who may also have a pass. Thank you eight-pound baby Jesus he did not have one. We weaved through construction zones and spots on the lot until we got close to the stages.
Wanting to put buildings and space between us and the gate, I wheeled into one of the open employee lots, killed the motor, and just sat there. I was trying to let my heart slow; while my ears rang from all the racket. Mostly of the blonde variety from behind my head through the entire escape from witch mountain event. Looking over out in the distance around the big building, I could still see that guy's car sitting just outside the gates. Still running. Waiting for us to leave. Minutes, hours, days years. However long it would take, he'd be there. Persistent bastard. Waiting to shoot us. Let's find a phone and call the cops.
From behind me, a blonde cackle: "That was AWE-SOME! Like, seriously. I wasn't shittin' you guys he'd really killed us all. He was shooting at us! He said he used to be a cop. But ya know? We're here. Let's go do something fun". No, let's not.
"Come on stud! You got two hotties here with 'ya. Let's go sneak on a set and do somethin' freaky. Wanna?"
Hell no. But Saffron agrees. I don't. I just want peace, quiet, safety, and a time machine to un-do this night. And possibly a platoon of Marines to escort us home. But Blondie had other plans. "Lookie, lookie what I got guys. Am I just the bomb or what? Ohh damn. I gotta piss somethin' ferocious baby dolls. Yow! Like now. Let's go make a mud puddle!".
With that, my two companions drunkenly claw their way out of my backseat, with liquor bottles in hand. TWO liquor bottles. Full sized. Both ladies still dressed to the hilt, stiletto heels, and stumbling on shaking ankles. So I the now-anointed sole responsible adult in the group, followed. This was a new role for me actually, and I've not been accused of being a responsible adult before that time, nor since.
We wobbled and waddled our way, until I admonished the ladies to please keep the noise down. It was very late (or early) and the security guys here had to have heard the shots. They would throw us off the lot. Which would put us back out there on the road as chum to feed to Mr. 5150. So the girls decided the best way to calm me was with lots of physical contact. With one on the left, and one on the right, they used me as both a walking cane and plot of their jokes. In between swigs of booze, which was obviously affecting their agility, they'd kiss and tease me.
"Uhhh, not that I mind really, but you know I have a girlfriend. In fact she's your best friend."
Saffron giggled, and said it was fine. They "share everything" she assured me. Besides, it would be great inspiration for me to write another great movie. "Don't be such a total pussy" said Blondie. So somewhere between rationalization and inebriation I did what any young hetero man would do in this situation. I turned into a dog, and decided to go for it. Like Clark Griswold in a swimming pool, I lost all morals and decency. But holy hell they were gorgeous. Life's short. Go for it. That's my creedo. Thus, with two drunk and horny actresses, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad night. I thought that right up until Blondie announced to us that she's gonna pee. I looked around. Okay, but let me see I told her there weren't any bathrooms.
Hold this. She hands me her bottle.
Blondie hikes up her black designer dress. Then SQUAT.
Right there. Right smack dab in front of Darth Vader & Luke. She hiked up her dress, adjusted her undies, copped a squat and peed. RIGHT THERE! In the middle of the asphalt, there on the lot, facing a gigantic building-sized wall mural painting of Darth & Luke from Star Wars amidst their epic light saber battle. An iconic painting, of an iconic scene. Now it was background dressing for a drunken actress doing cop-a-squat as she let it flow. Good Lord. Blondie asks about Vader's dick. What color was it? Did light come out of it? Was it an evil penis? Could he give you an orgasm using the force? And on, and on, and on she asked. As she squatted laughing, watching the mural.
Speaking of watching, I didn't have the foresight or warning to consider there where probably a dozen cameras that could see this event transpire (which obviously hadn't registered to me but doubtful girls would've cared. Actually, Blondie probably would've liked the exhibitionism of it all). Meanwhile, I gotta go really bad too, so I turned towards a building and the flower bed and lost 20 rounds of fluid weight in seconds. Only then, did I raise my gaze to indeed see a security camera pointed right at me from the building's side. Not good.
After completion, I turned back around to hear the ladies both cackling again and Blondie cursing a blue streak. While squatting, Blondie peed on her dress. Not a little, but the entire back of her dress was soaked in the puddle. Ten gallons of urine. Wet, she drunkenly peeled it off and slung it over at me until I heard...THWAP!
I felt the sting of a flimsy wet dress plaster itself to my head, face, and shoulders. There I stood, covered in a black designer gown, dripping with rapidly-cooling human urine. Gross. My cohorts roared with laughter. I peeled it off, wringing it out, and trying to wipe off the liquid which covered what little dignity I had left. Not happy. Just as I was about to leave the women to fend for themselves against a murderous psycho outside the gates I turned to see them both. They were snuggled up to each other, standing right there in the dark lot.
All I heard, in a low, almost beckoning pair of voices, was: "Sorry will you forgive us?".
I didn't have to answer. No words could escape. All I could do was stare. Standing there in only her thong and bra. The blonde goddess body wrapping itself around the other dark-haired tanned body. Blondie did her little pout, and looked exactly like she did in that erotic movie. Wow. Saffron began a slow, gentle chuckle at me in my dumbstruck state. Blondie says in a low voice that she really is sorry, but drinking liquor makes her crazy crazy horny. Then she turns to Saffron and plants a drunken kiss on her I'm stunned to total paralysis. They start making out in a major way, hands everywhere. So hot. (I realize now I should've started this story out with: "Dear Penthouse this never happens to guys like me but "). This was really happening.
Lost in my daze, over the girls' shoulders in the back of the lot, I see tiny bright lights coming from way off. All I could think after the chase from hell earlier, was "OH SH!T! PSYCHO KILLER!". I step up and grab the ladies, and pull them as we start to run off towards a big construction dumpster to hide behind. The Fox lot was always under construction for years. So I'm pulling a confused Saffron under her arm, trying to get the bottle from her, as she tries not to drop the glass; and a nearly-nude confused Blondie is being dragged by Saffron's other hand. All while Blondie is running in only her skimpies and very tall stiletto heels (which still only made her five feet tall). She's cursing, yanking her hands free, and trying to reach down and unstrap her heels while running. Very drunkenly. I tell them that I think security is coming for us in a golf buggy. Saffron's got her heels and booze bottle already in her hands saying: "They're coming!".
And as sure as you're born Blondie falls. HARD. Splat, onto the asphalt, her head hitting as the topples over in a pile of tanned alcoholism.
Blondie's fall knocks Saffron down with her, and SMASH goes the glass bottle. Everywhere. They both lay there splayed out in a heap of tangled, half-nude bodies, limbs, and hair with broken glass, booze, and other detritus every which way. How they never got cut by the glass I don't know. We never made it to the dumpster. Seeing the lights getting closer, I turn, bend down, and try to pull them both away from the glass and booze. I got them clear about two feet away, when Saffron yanks me, and I too come crashing down on top of them both in the pile. Thankfully, again, away from the glass though the booze has run down the asphalt to begin marinating Blondie's hair. We wound up in a pile right there in front of the building (Darth Vader-adjacent), sprawled out on the asphalt like a carton of broken eggs. I was then able to bounce right up. Blondie was out cold. Saffron was groggy and now her dress was torn from falling on her heels previously in her hands. Saffron yells: "Sh*T!". At top volume. Blondie starts to mumble, and I'm one leg up and one down leaning over both trying to rouse them before this security golf cart arrives.
Too late. Do you remember that scene in the movie "Stripes"? When the MPs catch Ramis straddling Bill Murray at night while escaping? And the jeep lights make it appear very awkward? Yeah. That was this. Exactly like us at this moment, except I was on top. Of two nearly naked actresses.
One drunk, the other semi-conscious with a bleeding abrasion on her forehead. In a pond of booze, and broken glass. (And I still was damp and stinking of pee).
This wasn't gonna end well. The security buggy comes to a halt headlights blinding us. The first guard was Mean Joe Greene-sized-huge and all I heard was "Wha tha fahh?". Guard 2 (obviously too militant for Army Rangers) had his stun gun in one hand, and mace in the other. Pointed right at me as they slowly approached. Saffron, rubbing her head, groggily saying "Now my dress is ripped too! Thanks". Probably not the best words to utter in this moment. Blondie was just moaning in pain, a red nasty scuff on her forehead..half-awake and mostly bare-assed naked. With me fully dressed, mostly sober, and realizing the headlines tomorrow would read: Two heroic guards rescue actresses from bladder bandit, with me being charged with attempted rape, assault and contributing to public urination or something.
"Guys, this isn't what it looks like honestly, we all just fell down. Funny thing is "
Then they lunged. At me. Scooping me up, away from the girls, and over. I went down like a bag of rocks. Right on top of the pile of glass and booze. Oww.
Saffron was oblivious to the whole live drama of a Cops episode two feet from her, only smacking Blondie around and trying to wake her. It worked. She came to, focused, and started cursing out the guards. Saffron steps over and pushes one guard off me. The bigger guard is grinding me into the asphalt and glass. The other guard lunges for Saffron, who even drunk does a roundhouse kick to his chest and levels him. The big guard yanks me up in time for G.I. Joe to pull out his mace and let it go. All towards the other guard and me. Nice aim.
So I'm heaving, coughing, retching and spitting. Eyes dripping, my hands cut and bleeding with glass shrapnel. The big guard says: "Hold the hell on here! What's going on?". He too is coughing, wiping his eyes. Saffron attempts to explain, as Blondie staggers to her feet. Falling and trying again. I'm just there in a pile. Saffron explains, and tells the guards who I am and about the psycho. Mostly, they're more focused on Blondie, half nude, stumbling to life. After the guards realized who we all were they apologized to me, and began to call Paramedics, which Saffron and I begged them not to do. Saffron yanks Blondie quickly, to prove she was fine. Big scrape on her forehead notwithstanding, she did still look rather glamorous. And clothes-free. Which the Guards both continued to notice.
ISIS could've been "looting the Food King" and they'd never have noticed anything else. Then the full force of Saffron's violent yank of Blondie caught up with Blondie's equilibrium. Saffron hands her the urine-towel dress, which she carefully uses to wipe up her bloody head before throwing it again, right across my head. Uggh, really? Now I've got more of this actresses bodily fluids and DNA on me than I have of my own. But I too use it to wipe the crud from my face, blood from my hands, and hair.
The Guards finally gave us a ride back out to my car, and after serious side-eye from telling them about the crazy boyfriend chase they checked that all was clear outside the gates. It was. They said they heard no gunshots and asked if I was dreaming it? Great. I honestly may have surrendered to the psycho killer at that point. I just had enough. After a round of the Guards determining I was sober enough to drive (not a high standard for them I guess) and not a predator, they let us all go. I was gonna ask for the security tapes, but figured they earned it and didn't wanna push my luck. Because by that point? I'd had very little by way of luck.
I'd like to brag by stating that we all went back to my place, shared a shower and Jacuzzi and freaky circus-sex til sun-up but it wasn't to be. We poured into my convertible and the CD player began to play the most famous song of my girlfriend. ACK! I'm being haunted! I pushed eject, and slung the damned CD out of the car. I felt bad enough. I remember that we eased off the lot, and the psycho was gone. Then we slowly drove until we took Blondie to her condo, and Saffron was sober enough to drive. I climbed into my backseat, and it was the last thing I recalled. I surrendered and passed out. No good deed
Saffron knew where my sister's house was so she drove me there and took a cab home (she later said). Apparently leaving me in the walkway of the hall to my sister's house. Which is where I awoke when we began this story. I was just glad everyone lived. Mostly myself. But after cleaning up, getting rid of the gross smells contaminating my body burning my clothes I began to reflect on the night. I knew enough that I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, and felt relieved. That's the total sad truth. I retreated to my home and resumed writing my most personal film. I copped to everything and confessed the night to my girlfriend. She laughed, and said Saffron told her everything. She was only sad she missed it. We broke up not long after, and I found the love of my life. My ex and I still remain friends to this day.
Saffron got married not long afterwards, is now an amazingly hot mom, and possibly the coolest lady in the Brentwood Minivan Mafia carpool nowadays. We never got a do-over of that night, but I've seen Blondie several times since then over the years. She too settled down and married (even to an attorney so that should tell you she's got real issues). She also had a few kids, and by now has a few ex-husbands too I think, but probably still has a wild streak wider than Saffron's. I know that in the past few years every time I see Blondie, whether around town or at an industry event? It's always with a fond thought. Always with a shy smile, a look of "sorry", and a nod of the head.
All from me, that is.
When SHE sees ME? She cackles laughing, slaps my butt, and makes mocking
"snarling" gestures at me (as if she smells the bodily fluids which never
washed off). I just shake my head, remind her that both Darth Vader and I
have seen her cop-a-squat, and that she nearly raped me, got me killed, and
arrested - all at once. She always laughs, like it's a normal weekend for
her. Thinking back on her life? It may be. All in all, just surviving that
night was worth it and having a story to remember it by. No matter
who owns that Fox studio lot or what Disney does with it? I know a certain
patch of asphalt right there on that lot will always be mine. I still have
the scars to prove it.
Turd of a film: "Ringmaster"
1. Fiona Apple
2. Woody Harrelson ("The Hunger Games")
3. Jerry Springer
4. Neil Abramson
5. Tangie Ambrose
6. Wendy Raquel Robinson (Regina 'Piggy' Grier "The Steve Harvey Show") ("The Game")
7. Molly Hagan
8. Michael Jai White
9. Gambol "The Dark Knight"
10. Rebecca Broussard
11. Jack Nicholson
12. Gary W. Goldstein ("Pretty Woman")
13. Steven Seagal ("Under Siege" and "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory")
14. Jaime Pressly (Primetime Emmy Award 2007 Winner Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series "My Name Is Earl"
15. "My Name Is Earl" (96 episodes)
16. "Poison Ivy: The New Seduction" ("Poison Ivy" - Sara Gilbert, Cheryl Ladd and Drew Barrymore) ("Poison Ivy II: Lily" - Alyssa Milano, Camilla Belle)
LAWYER 02/24 **#1**
This height challenged A list comic/actor is scrambling to make sure all of his ghostwriters have NDA's signed. Much like that A+ list singer, he likes everyone to think he does everything himself. Kevin Hart/Drake
LAWYER 02/24 **#2**
This openly gay singer turned actor turned singer is cheating on his significant other. The significant other knows but was told he could leave any time he wanted but this is how it was going to be. Ricky Martin/Jwan Yosef
LAWYER 02/24 **#3**
With no job, no desire to get a job and time running out on those monthly checks, this former D list celebrity turned B list reality star turned D list celebrity is making a cash grab against his ex. Kevin Federline/Britney Spears
LAWYER 02/24 **#4**
This A- list mostly television actress who stars in a long running pay cable show which seems to require everyone get naked doesn't want a baby yet but has been telling her husband a whole different story. Emmy Rossum ("Shameless")/Sam Esmail
LAWYER 02/24 **#5**
The soon to be husband of this A- list celebrity who makes her money by boasting connections to A++ list celebrities is stealing money from his clients to not only finance the goals of his soon to be wife but also to make it appear he is as rich as she thinks he is. Tracy Anderson/Nick Riley
LAWYER 02/24 **#6**
After being a part of the destruction of two marriages and at least one person losing their job, this foreign born A list celebrity/singer/host who all of you know has a lot of enemies. Mel B (slashed tires)
LAWYER 02/24 **#7**
You have never seen anyone spend so much time at a place spending money as this A- list mostly movie actress. Three weeks ago while at the spa with her girlfriend she met a woman who works at the spa. They clicked and now the actress goes almost every day to have alone time with the worker. Kristen Stewart/Stella Maxwell (Shape House day spa)
LAWYER 02/25 **#1**
This weekend, this permanent A list singer who is really probably permanent A+ list and a permanent A list diva was asked whether she believes the abuse victims of this A+ list athlete/a-hole. The singer said, "The women were just trying to take advantage of him." She went on to say that since he has never been physical with her she doubts he would ever get physical with them. Mariah Carey/Floyd Mayweather
LAWYER 02/25 **#2**
This former A list internet star turned porn star turned reality star or was that the other way around. Anyway, she still has a name so I guess is a B list celebrity. She is still living in her own world which you never ever want to visit. She talks a lot of stuff but is hooking up with her married pastor. Tila Tequila
LAWYER 02/25 **#3**
It is officially being called one thing, but this foreign born B- list mostly television actress who you all know from a movie appearance died of an accidental drug overdose. Emma Chambers ("Notting Hill")
LAWYER 02/25 **#4**
This foreign born A list singer is showing his true colors. He always refers to an ex using the N word. He also prefers to hang out with other racists so he doesn't have to watch what he says. Shawn Mendes; Justin Bieber (Sofia Richie)
LAWYER 02/25 **#5**
If you see this B- list mostly television actress on your favorite show for a few episodes a season, there are two reasons why. She provides the best drugs and the producer of the show heard about her special talents as a dominatrix. She exchanges those talents for a part and then makes a ton of money supplying drugs to the set. She is a good actress too, which is a bonus. She is currently on two shows.
LAWYER 02/25 **#6**
That fake boyfriend of hers was nowhere in sight for our favorite foreign born B+ list singer/actress who spent this weekend yachting with a very wealthy South American here in the US. Rita Ora/Andrew Watt
LAWYER 02/25 **#7**
This former A+ list mostly movie actress who was really a very weak A+ lister is now A- or maybe even B+ list. She is an offspring and got a pretty good offer for a movie pulled because of some political comments she made which the producers think will be box office poison. Kate Hudson (doesnt support ban on guns)
LAWYER 02/25 **#8**
Speaking of offspring, this B+ list reality star offspring was so messy this weekend. She needs to learn to not use coke when people are recording her with cell phones. Same goes for the being topless and making out with two guys while phones were recording. She could have a long career making crap reality shows or she could be over in a second. Brielle Biermann (Kim Zolciak-Biermann) (turned 21)
LAWYER 02/25 **#9**
Selling her virginity in a PPV porn special, possibly live is what this MTV mom wants for her daughter when she turns 18. Mom is planning on retiring from the proceeds. She has already been talking to people about it and is 100% determined to make it happen. Farrah Abraham (Sophia)
LAWYER 02/25 **#10**
This permanent A list dual threat actor who has starred in some of the biggest television shows of all time and has starred in some very memorable movies too is near death. He has two caregivers with him all the time and only ventures out in public to visit his doctors.
LAWYER 02/25 **#11**
This married wannabe reality star who walks the streets each day looking for paps with her fellow D list friends, including one of the original D listers with red hair has a sex tape. That is not shocking. She actually has dozens. Apparently in one of them a dog is involved. Sophia Vegas Wollersheim/Phoebe Price
LAWYER 02/25 **#12**
I feel sorry for this B- list celebrity offspring who is probably getting a generous rating from me today because of what she went through this week while out of the country. She was out partying with friends. Lots of pills and coke and booze and she was a mess. Her friends let her go home with a guy they knew would force himself on the wannabe model even if she said no. That is exactly what happened. Our model says she says no and was so wasted she couldn't give consent but he did what her supposed friends knew he would do and then slapped her when she vomited on his carpet after. Hailey Baldwin
GOSSIP LIFE 02/26
Shes one of the most successful actresses of television and is considered by many executives to be "ratings gold" and yet this bona fide A list Actress cant seem to find a regular gig lately, despite her people putting the feelers out. Why? Bad reputation, says one source. Enough said. We love her, but we dont love her that much, another spills. We could make her good offers for good shows if she cleans her act up. Its rare for anyone to make Chevy Chase look like a delight. Julianna Margulies
LAWYER 02/26 **#1**
This A list commercial actor all of you know in the US is making life difficult for his recent co-star. The reason? She is way cheaper and he doesn't want to lose another sweet commercial gig.
LAWYER 02/26 **#2**
As I predicted, this foreign born A list model is already feeling the wrath of her new husband. She should get out now, but will probably think she can change him. Emily Ratajkowski/Sebastian Bear-McClard
LAWYER 02/26 **#3**
This foreign born A+ list singer took turns with other guests at this party having sex with one of two women hired for the night to entertain party guests for that purpose. Drake (Floyd Mayweather birthday party)
LAWYER 02/26 **#4**
This foreign born A list mostly television actress in her own country who started as a barely teen and is still in her teens is headed to rehab. If that ever got out, her career would be over in this country who prefer the old standbys like exhaustion. Kim Yoo-jung (South Korea)
LAWYER 02/26 **#5**
You would think they have a ton of money, but they don't. This A+ list royal was recently in town and hooked up with a guy for six figures. Princess Beatrice of York
LAWYER 02/26 **#6**
This A list mostly movie actress who also directs and isn't named Angelina Jolie looks like she is finally willing to take her marriage split public as she was canoodling with a guy at a very high profile public event. Elizabeth Banks
LAWYER 02/26 **#7**
This former A list rapper who has not seen a hit since she left jail is being paid by this disgraced mogul to say nice things about him. She was willing to do it for super cheap because she needs the money. Foxy Brown/Russell Simmons
LAWYER 02/26 **#8**
I have written about her and her precarious situation before, but this still not legal to drink actress/wannabe model/offspring is being used and abused by producers all over town and is coping by boozing and using drugs. Her parents could put a stop to all of it but are too worried about their own self interests. They want their own fame back. At one point two years ago, the mother of our actress said the actress should consider herself lucky that producers wanted to have sex with her and actually got roles when she did. The mom said she often had to sleep with dozens of producers before getting a role. Ava Sambora (Heather Locklear, Richie Sambora)
LAWYER 02/26 **#9**
This A- list mouse house staple who is old enough to drink is telling everyone that she is thinking of bailing on an upcoming franchise installment because she can't handle the constant groping and being hit on and the obligation she feels to have sex with the director. Sofia Carson or Dove Cameron ("Descendants 3") (Kenny Ortega)
LAWYER 02/26 **#10**
Another Chapter - Mr. Hedge: Very recently, this almost-television network released an original, big budget film. In recent years, the director had a couple big box office successes in the same genre. Hollywood directors say 1 or 2 things about this almost-television network. Either the company bought their film when nobody else would, or gave them the kind of money and freedom that nobody else would. This very recent film falls into the latter category. The almost-television network paid very, very dearly for the services of this director. The director called this very recent film a "spiritual sequel" to his 1st film. The 1st film was critically acclaimed, and turned a small profit on a limited budget. Almost everyone who has seen this very recent film seems to agree on one thing: that its terrible. Basically, nobody understood the movie. It stars a B+ list actor/writer who recently separated from his permanent A list wife. It also stars an A- list, foreign-born mostly television actor who always seems to save his best work for one channel. You all know the drill by now. The almost television network will tell its investors that another terrible film was a success. The company will carry the value of the film on its books, for much more than the film is worth, for many years. The almost-television network is burning cash at an extremely alarming rate. Later this year, they are due to borrow even more money. My prediction is that this will cost them very dearly.
Almost Television Network: Netflix
Director: Duncan Jones
Directors 1st Film: "Moon"
Very Recent Film: "Mute"
B+ list actor/ writer: Justin Theroux (Jennifer Aniston)
A- list actor: Alexander Skarsgård (HBO)
LAWYER 02/26 **#11**
It is always about money and this most famous member of a reuniting group wants the most money for agreeing to participate but wants to also do the least amount of work. Between her demands and the money another member desperately needs, there is a lot of fighting and things could still end up falling apart.
Group: "Spice Girls"
Greedy member: Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham
Needy member: Mel B "Scary Spice"
LAWYER 02/26 **#12**
This A- list dual threat actress is seemingly only in her movie franchise right now. She is married, but everyone has long suspected she is just bearding for her actor husband. At an event this weekend, our actress was spotted making out with a woman so perhaps they are both covering for each other. Anna Camp/Skylar Astin ("Pitch Perfect") ("Make-Up and Hair Stylists Guild Awards")
LAWYER 02/26 **#13**
KINDNESS: This foreign born A-/B+ list mostly movie actress who all of you know used to be married to an actor all of you know. Anyway, our actress recently paid to upgrade a group of teens to business class on an international flight. When I say group, I mean there were about 10 of them. They were traveling on a school trip. Kate Beckinsale (Michael Sheen) (South Africa to London)
LAWYER 02/26 **#14**
This almost A+ list mostly movie actor was a no show at an event this past week. He was supposed to attend with his actress wife, but bailed. Things have not been going well for the couple at all. Channing Tatum/Jenna Dewan Tatum (honored at "12th Annual Los Angeles Ballet Gala")
LAWYER 02/26 **#15**
Speaking of unhappy marriages, this sham of a marriage looks like it is going to end. This A/A- list mostly television actress on a long running network drama is calling it quits with her husband at the end of the season when the show ends its run. Publicly calling it quits. In private, it looks like that has already happened. Kerry Washington ("Scandal")/Nnamdi Asomugha
LAWYER 02/26 **#16**
One And Done: This foreign born director probably reached A- list in his career. He also did many other things in media, including writing for newspapers and magazines, but is probably best known for directing. He liked to present one face in public, but when making movies, is probably in the top 5 most evil directors when it came to working with women. It has been said that he would only agree to take on a movie if there was a rape scene, preferably more than one. The rape scenes were as graphic and as violent as he could get past censors. What he couldn't get past censors was even worse. He is remembered for one franchise in particular where the rapes were generally gang rapes. The actresses who filmed them never worked again. The scenes often involved beatings and knives and the director encouraged the actors to make everything as realistic as possible. Instead of multiple takes of a scene he would try and do it all in one scene which would often last 30-45 minutes of which he would use 2 or 3 minutes. The actresses were generally cast based on their willingness to sleep with the director where he would tell them how bad they were in bed and degrading them as much as possible. In the second film in the famous franchise he yelled at the actors raping the woman for not being violent enough and personally went up to the actress and punched her in the face saying something to the effect of that is how it's done. The lead actor in all these movies never said anything. He had his own kink involving teen Asian girls so was not going to say anything about rape scenes, especially since he was not one of the rapists and really never had feelings one way or the other for most of his female co-stars including his long time wife.
Director: Michael Winner
Franchise: "Death Wish"
Lead actor: Charles Bronson
Wife: Jill Ireland
"Death Wish II" actress: PROBABLY Robin Sherwood
GOSSIP LIFE 02/27
This actress is one of the most famous in the world right now, but there are some things from her past that find her a little hard to recognise. She had an accent when we knew her, says one person. She seems to have lost that with the fame. Someone else insists she went to speech therapy during her ascent to fame. Jennifer Lawrence
LAWYER 02/27 **#1**
This reunited band that had its A list years well over a decade ago is thisclose to canceling their entire tour because ticket sales are abysmal. No one wants to play arenas that are not even half full. "Smashing Pumpkins"
LAWYER 02/27 **#2**
This weekly trade is doing their best to cover up for one of the largest talent agencies, especially people from that agency accused of #TimesUp behavior. Anyone who attempts to talk about certain people at the agency are immediately shut down by the trade. Variety or The Hollywood Reporter/CAA
LAWYER 02/27 **#3**
Apparently this A+ list news anchor who was in a very long term relationship met someone on his travels and dumped the boyfriend for a new guy. Our anchor was in the Southwest celebrating the birthday of the new boyfriend and things were to the point where get a room was heard at the party. Anderson Cooper/Ben Masiani
LAWYER 02/27 **#4**
This A list host/mogul is close to coming out and using it as a defense in a recent shakedown case. Ryan Seacrest
LAWYER 02/27 **#5**
This former child actress turned addict turned older teenage actress turned addict turned adult singer who is probably B list unless you follow a former rocker and then she is A list as to linkage recently relapsed and has had a lot of struggles since the death of the former rocker. Taylor Momsen/Chris Cornell
LAWYER 02/27 **#6**
This former A list mostly television actress who pretty much just makes bad movies now after a long run on two network shows has not only been defending one of her former co-stars who is not worthy of defending, but is also about to get exposed for her racist beliefs.
LAWYER 02/27 **#7**
This A+ list mostly movie actress made a statement about a relationship with an A+ list mostly movie actor, but there was one very big qualifier to the statement. Like most of the things she denies, people know the truth about what happened. Jennifer Lawrence/Chris Pratt (She says they did not have sex on the set of Passengers.)
LAWYER 02/27 **#8**
After getting another woman pregnant, this former A- list singer was told by his current girlfriend/future stalker that if he wanted to make things right, they need to be together 24/7. So much for that tour he was planning, not that anyone really was showing an interest in it anyway. Chris Brown/Agnez Mo
LAWYER 02/27 **#9**
This B+ list celebrity offspring of a former A++ lister says she gave almost $10M over the years to this organization that also knows a bunch of secrets she never ever wants to get out. It might seem like she is opening up, but it is nowhere close to what she is hiding. Lisa Marie Presley (Scientology)
LAWYER 02/27 **#10**
Nothing anyone says from this movie gets anyone more excited to see it. It will probably be the biggest bomb in the career of this A+ lister. Now, the studio is even trying a co-star are dating angle which is such crap. Jennifer Lawrence/Joel Edgerton ("Red Sparrow")
LAWYER 02/27 **#11**
This disgraced former A list actor is desperately trying to hide the payoffs made by a nonprofit to victims of teens he molested and raped. Kevin Spacey (Kevin Spacey Foundation: United Kingdom)
LAWYER 02/27 **#12**
Speaking of payoffs, this foreign born A list soccer player is hoping against hope no one will ask too many questions about his "entertainment expenses," or "training expenses," which is code for his escort payments. The tax man might not care too much, but his A- list celebrity girlfriend probably would. Gerard Piqué/Shakira
LAWYER 02/27 **#13**
This A list mostly movie actor from an acting family indulged in a 30 hour coke and booze binge prior to the premiere of his latest movie. I'm sure the studio and producers are thrilled at his professionalism. Joaquin Phoenix ("Mary Magdalene")
LAWYER 02/27 **#14**
This A list mostly movie actress is going to take the role as a villain, but had been previously told they were going to cast her as a superhero and give her a franchise. She wants to know who she ticked off.
Actress: Jessica Chastain
Movie: "X-Men: Dark Phoenix"
Superhero: "Jean Grey/Phoenix" (Sophie Turner)
Ticked off: Bryan Singer
LAWYER 02/27 **#15**
This foreign born B+ list mostly movie actress who should have been nominated for an Oscar this year is getting a consolation prize from the group instead. Anyway, she says that she went on a date recently and when she told the guy about her past, he beat her. Daniela Vega (starred in "Fantastic Woman" nominated for "Best Foreign Language Film of the Year") (Oscars First Openly Transgender Presenter)
LAWYER 02/27 **#16**
The Wrong Guy: This is about a murder. A very high profile Hollywood murder. Even though, the wrong guy has, up to this day, been the wrong guy attached to the killing, he was an awful human being. A rapist, child molester, drug dealer, woman beating a-hole. Still though, a guy got away with the murder and then was murdered himself later in life when he was going to spill the secret in a plea deal. The murder I'm talking about has been discussed in every possible media format since almost the day it happened up to the present day. From almost the very beginning of the case, the people in charge of running it knew exactly who the killer was. The problem is that one of the investigators was closeted. At that time, there were very very few, if any openly gay detectives and if he came out or word got out he was gay, he would be fired or forced to quit. The problem he faced was he was having a sexual relationship with a male employee of the killer so the killer had a lot of leverage. A lot. The detective's partner was able to be swayed by an employer of one of the deceased. That employer offered him his choice of woman from a group of about 20 women for an entire year and introduced them all to him at a party thrown at the employer's house. Done and done. It was no problem to blame it on a different person because that different person wasn't around to dispute it. Fast forward a decade or so. Our killer, who had multiple killings in his past, was facing serious jail time. He was also facing financial ruin. He knew if he was going to get out of jail or have a much shorter sentence he was going to have to trade something really good. How about a pair of detectives and the A+ lister who had offered up the woman. Word got to the detectives about it and the next thing you know, some guards at the jail killed the killer and tried to make it look like a suicide. They didn't do a good job, but no one was all that interested in looking too hard at it.
Hollywood murder: Dorothy Stratten
Wrong guy: Paul Snider
Killer: Somen Banerjee (co-founder of "Chippendales")
A+ list celebrity: Hugh Hefner
GOSSIP LIFE 02/28
A famous ex lover of Madonnas was reportedly shopping a book about their relationship and Madonna allegedly succeeded in shutting it down at the tenth hour with the help of connections in the publishing industry. The book went into sordid detail about Madonna, as well as other famous partners of [name omitted] and it could have caused great embarrassment to Lady M." Madonna infamously detests others writing about her and recently slammed a popular screenplay called Blonde Ambition that Universal have snapped up. Chris Paciello (Ingrid Casares, Daisy Fuentes, Naomi Campbell, Jennifer Lopez, Niki Taylor, Sofia Vergara, Erin Naas, Tacquira LaTouche)
LAWYER 02/28 **#1**
This permanent A list mostly television actor who everyone knows is a truly awful human being off camera had to settle a complaint by a guest on a game show that he groped her and kept trying to get to come to a private area on set. He said he would make sure she won if she would have sex with him.
LAWYER 02/28 **#2**
Apparently the transformation of this former A list mostly television actor to superhero is going poorly. The results have been awful and the studio is worried that as it stands now, the movie will be a huge box office bomb. Zach Levi ("Shazam")
LAWYER 02/28 **#3**
This A+ list mostly movie actress hired a couple of people to threaten a reporter in a very vile way when the reporter wrote something critical of the actress. This is another reason reporters of tabloids just kiss butt and keep their heads down and do as told by publicists. Natalie Portman ("Annihilation" Whitewashing Accusations)
LAWYER 02/28 **#4**
It didn't take long for this former A list mostly television actress from an iconic role to hook up with this ex of a former A+ list mostly movie actress who is an Oscar winner/nominee. The ex provides a certain discreet service to actresses who want the sex without the boyfriend. Jennifer Aniston/Gabrielle Aubrey (Halle Berry)
LAWYER 02/28 **#5**
Apparently this sham of a relationship between a foreign born A list (action movies only) mostly movie actor and the foreign born B+ list model/wannabe actress is on very thin ice. It was only a life event that kept the sham thing going and there is still a LOT of uncertainty about that whole thing. Jason Statham/Rosie Huntington-Whiteley (birth of a son)
LAWYER 02/28 **#6**
This former Teen Mom hooked up with a guy she thought was a rich Russian oligarch but was an Uber driver from New Jersey who can do a really good Russian accent. Farrah Abraham
LAWYER 02/28 **#7**
This A- list mostly movie actress is only that high in anticipation of her new movie. She was at lunch this week and was running to the bathroom every fifteen minutes on one coke run after the other. Not usually something you see at lunch. Amber Heard ("Aquaman")
LAWYER 02/28 **#8**
Metal, Misery & War - Mr. Hedge: There is a certain type of metal which is critical to many modern conveniences. Your cell phones battery contains some of this metal. This metal has recently become semi-precious. The price more than doubled in the last year alone. The supply of this metal is quite limited. Over ½ of the entire worlds annual supply is mined in one single African country. This country, and a couple of its immediate neighbors, are simply the only places on Earth with large supplies of this metal. Engineers see no technological design around the widespread use of this metal, at least for a couple decades into the future. This African country is ruled by a brutal dictator, who is the son of a now-deceased former dictator. Child labor is openly used to mine this metal. The people of this country live in some of the worst poverty in the entire world, and thats saying a lot. Why? As is typically the case, most of the windfall from mining this metal simply lines the pockets of the dictator, and the vast network of cronies keeping him in power. The dictators grip on power has recently loosened, if ever so slightly. While the massive theft and corruption represent ample justifications for his ouster, there are other forces at work. Recently, well-armed rebel groups have popped up in multiple corners of the country. They are financially backed in a not-so-stealth manner by large corporations in the Far East concentrated in 1 very large country, which also need a great deal of this metal. They are hoping to install a new regime, which would favor their interests. Ironically, this sort of arrangement is exactly how the dictators father got his start, and eventually took over the country, about 2 decades ago albeit with different corporate backers. The primary cause of this metals soaring cost last year - a certain type of automobile manufacturing requires a massive amount of this metal, relatively speaking. This is also yet another reason for which an A list CEO will not deliver on the many promises he has made to investors.
African Country: Democratic Republic of Congo
Dictator: Joseph Kabila
Dictators Father: Laurent-Désiré Kabila
A list CEO/Company: Elon Musk/Tesla
LAWYER 02/28 **#9**
Executives at this network are trying to find a replacement for this A lister at a very very big upcoming event but are afraid of being sued by the A lister because of previous statements they have made. They would love the A lister to drop out on their own. Ryan Seacrest ("Oscars" Red Carpet Show on E!) (publicists to steer stars away from Seacrest on Oscars red carpet)
LAWYER 02/28 **#10**
This deep in the walk in closet B+ list celebrity who owes his entire career to a reality family has found a new beard who is just as thirsty as him. Much better choice than the previous person who got tired of being yelled at and treated like crap because she couldn't understand why he wouldn't just come out. Jonathan Cheban (Kardashians)/Corinne Olympios or Lele Pons/Anat Popvsky
LAWYER 02/28 **#11**
This A-/B+ list almost television actress from a long running almost television show has several movies coming out this year. Shes trying to straighten her image so to speak and is glad to mention her new boyfriend to any journalist who will listen. But shes hoping her long list of female exes dont come out of the woodwork when they realize the actress has spread their secrets around town. Taylor Schilling ("Orange Is the New Black")
LAWYER 02/28 **#12**
This B+ list wannabe rock star made his A- list actress girlfriend carry the drugs they were going to use when they went through customs. Nice guy. Joe Jonas/Sophie Turner; Kate Hudson/Danny Fujikawa
LAWYER 02/28 **#13**
This A- list singer/part-time reality star who got her start in reality has always put up with the cheating done by her husband because she always thought he would still stay with her anyway. Now it looks like he found some woman who is barely old enough to drink and it looks like he is getting ready to leave the marriage. Kelly Clarkson/Brandon Blackstock
LAWYER 02/28 **#14**
This former almost A- list mostly movie actress turned escort had massive black and blue marks up and down her legs which were revealed when she was trying on a dress in a store. Lindsay Lohan
LAWYER 02/28 **#15**
This A- list mostly television actress has had two big television hits the past decade. She is currently stars on an almost television show. What most people don't know is that she is closeted. Some people who do know though, would out her in a second if she ever decides to cross them. Elisabeth Moss ("The West Wing"; "Mad Men"; "The Handmaid's Tale")
LAWYER 02/28 **#16**
Guess The Athlete: As of a couple days ago when I last checked, no one had correctly guessed the last Guess The Athlete. Guess the athlete time again. New athlete. New sport. There are many different versions of this sport. It is in the Olympics. It is also a professional sport. Many top professionals are household names on a global scale. Our athlete, however is not a household name. Our athlete only very briefly felt the need to compete professionally. What makes our athlete unique is their level of domination in their sport and their assumed level of drug use. Our athlete is one of the most dominating athletes within their respective sport in human history. Even the best of the best athletes lose a handful of times in their career. Not our athlete. At their peak, our athlete did not lose a competition for over 10 years. Think about that for a minute. Our athlete was so far ahead of everyone else it was almost laughable. Here is where things get interesting. Drug use in athletics is a constantly evolving cat and mouse game. Typically the top athletes in the world are quite a few steps ahead of the athletic organizations. They can use what they please and have absolutely nothing to worry about as far as being caught. Eventually, though, they get exposed. Their tactics get exposed. And large groups of athletes go down. (Much the case with Lance Armstrong) Our athlete has never failed a drug test despite being tested frequently and randomly. Our athlete never played "games" when being asked to provide a sample. Every time a new technique is discovered, our athletes samples are tested and pass. Our athlete is now retired. Recently a new technique for drug use was discovered. Most athletes and trainers dont know this yet. Many athletes will be exposed. Many big names will go down. Much like every prior technique before, the athlete we are discussing today was recently investigated for this. Their old samples were pulled and tested. And, much like every technique and drug that has been exposed since this athlete retired, the athlete tested clean. Never has a sport been so dominated by an athlete. And never has an athlete so dominated a sport in this way. Our athlete today did it without cheating and without drugs. Aleksandr Karelin (Greco-Roman wrestler undefeated from 1988-2000, only wrestled professionally once)
In her speech at ELLE's Women in Hollywood event on Monday night, Jennifer Lawrence shared some of the "degrading and humiliating" experiences she has had in Hollywood. After acknowledging that hearing about the sexual harassment allegations against Harvey Weinstein had been "harrowing," Lawrence recounted a story about the producers of an unnamed film, who asked her to lose weight. "One girl before me had already been fired for not losing enough weight fast enough," the actress said. "And, during this time, a female producer had me do a nude lineup with about five women who were much, much thinner than me. And we all stood side-by-side with only paste-ons covering our privates. After that degrading and humiliating lineup, the female producer told me I should use the naked photos of myself as inspiration for my diet." Lawrence is known for speaking her mind, yet she says that didn't make a difference on this specific occasion. "I asked to speak to a producer about the unrealistic diet regime and he responded by telling me he didn't know why everyone thought I was so fat, he thought I was perfectly 'fuckable.' The actress recalled that she felt "trapped" due to her relative lack of power: "I couldn't have gotten a producer or a director or a studio head fired. I let myself be treated a certain way because I felt like I had to for my career. I was young and walking that fine line of sticking up for myself without being called difficult, which they did call me, but I believe the word they used was "nightmare." "I didn't want to be a whistleblower. I didn't want these embarrassing stories talked about in a magazine. I just wanted a career," Lawrence said. But after she was cast in the Hunger Games films, things changedbecause she had become "a movie star," who had "the power to say no." "I worked out every day because Katniss is strong, but I would be damned if I was going to represent the ideal that someone who looks skeletal is a positive body image. I was not going to have young girls skipping dinner because they wanted to look like Katniss." The actress expressed her support of the commission proposed by Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy, adding that, "in a dream world, everyone is treated with the exact same level of respect. But, until we reach that goal, I will lend my ear. I will lend my voice to any boy, girl, man, or woman who does not feel like they can protect themselves." Given her own knowledge of the trials young women can go through in the film industry, she offered solidarity to others in a similar position: "I want you to know we're here for you. We're all here for each other. Together, now, we will stop this kind of behavior from happening. We will stop normalizing these horrific situations. We will change this narrative and make a difference for all of those individuals pursuing their dreams." "X-Men First Class" (producers Lauren Schuler Donner and Bryan Singer)
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Last updated: August 16, 2018
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