September and October 2005

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1.  3 A.M. GIRLS 09/01
WHICH Brit actress harbours a secret penchant for Class A drugs? The beauty gets through several grams of cocaine a week and her habit is the source of constant rows with her on-off lover.
 Sienna Miller

2.  3 A.M. GIRLS 09/03
WHICH pop star has ordered flunkies to ring up journalists in a bid to stop them from describing him as a "pint-sized pop flop"? Surely there's some other way for you to pass the time these days, mate?
Mark Owen/Jamie Cullum

Which young singer has a lesbian lover in Miami she shows no sign of giving up now that she's engaged to be married? Pink; Christina Aguilera

4.  3 A.M. GIRLS 09/05
WHICH celeb shocked onlookers at a recent photo shoot? This Brit was so pleased with one of the models he showed his appreciation by indulging in a sex act with her for all to see. David Walliams of Little Britain

WHICH REALITY television hubby has been warming up to his wife's best friend? The two have been spotted getting awfully cozy, even as wifey looks on.
 Nick Lachey/Jessica SimpsoN/CeCe

So, just had a lengthy convo with a pal who works on a certain well-known, fairly highly rated show. Seems one couple on this show is AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS in real life. Won't talk to one another unless absolutely necessary, and uses a mediator whenever possible. The cast and crew are getting more and more miserable by the moment ... And word is, it's far more HER than him who is so difficult. A bit of a raging diva, I'm told. I'll rule out a few for you. This blind riddle is NOT: Gilmore Girls, Yes Dear or Desperate Housewives.
CROSSING JORDAN/Jerry O'Connell and Jill Hennessy

7. POPBITCH 09/09
Which newsworthy Brit actor has had a number of secret sexual encounters with other famous actors, including a pretty-boy American chick-flick favourite,who is married to a feisty blonde actress?
Brit actor: Jude Law
pretty-boy American: Ryan Phillippe
feisty blonde actress: Reese Witherspoon

Pinchy Pepper can have whatever she wants. Indeed, when she was in the heyday of her four minutes of teenybopper fame, she never let us forget--not even for an over-mouth-lined minute--that she was all about the money. Then she hooked up with someone who rakes in more cashola than most hunks dream of possessing in Hollywood. Oh, and the partner-unit's hot, too. Okay, that's an understatement. He's the anti-Federline: handsome, hardworking and independent. And to top it off, said hubby reeks of the right stuff (sweat), not wrong crap (fag smoke). So, Pinchy has it all. Such a couture gal, P.P. would never be seen anywhere near a sale rack. But this skinny mumsy does have an economical streak--when it comes to her two blessed babies. What a surprise in celebrity-dom, huh? Here's the deal: Double P.'s been on the hunt for a nanny to tend the tiny ones. A real headache when your guy is known for his roving eye and you've got visions of Jude Law's antics splashed across your (starved) noggin. Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice)

Which starlet amuses friends by carting her cocaine around town in a simply darling little Hello Kitty change purse? Lindsay Lohan

10. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/10
WHICH actress is making enemies among the cast of her current project with constant attention-seeking? Several complain the Brit babe expects special treatment from the director.

Face it, he's one of the better (let alone best) looking young actors on the international scene. The guy has women flocking to him, but he sure has some mighty peculiar personal habits in the bedroom. Perhaps highest on the list of his freaky behavior is his penchant for lovingly undressing his partners but, just when he should be getting busy, he seems far more intent on pleasuring himself all on his own by sniffing their clothes while the women have not much else to do than twiddle their thumbs. No wonder he doesn't hold a relationship for more than a couple of dates.

When it comes to her career, this hot and crazy young star is rising just as fast and furious as they come. She's making money hand over fist on TV and in films, too. That's why it's so hard to figure out why an entire massive walk-in closet in her fab new Hollywood home is stacked from top to bottom with booty she has swiped from hotels around the world while on press tours. Insecure much, honey child? Michelle Rodriguez

13. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/13
WHICH swivel-hipped singer has recently invested in a fetching set of hair-plugs? The balding star tried every treatment under the sun to look good for his big come-back but when all else failed he had to go under the surgeon's knife. Ricky Martin

14. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/15
WHICH Hollywood starlet has designs on another woman's man? The teen babe is sending seductive texts to the hunky actor - much to the annoyance of his older girlfriend, who's banned her beau from talking to the girl in question.
Hollywood starlet: Lindsay Lohan
hunky actor: Ashton Kutcher
older girlfriend: Demi Moore

15. POPBITCH 09/15
This American film actress likes to spend much of her time in UK - but doesn't know her husband is shagging half of London behind her back. A conquest claims that as he climaxed he once shouted, "I love you, my dick love you, I wish I could rip my dick off and give it to you."

In kindergarten, we all learn to treat others the way we want to be treated, correct? I'm gonna guess that Bigmouth Bruce was absent that day. He musta been. Why else would he walk into a cable network that is so not about the gossip and proceed to pitch a scandal-driven gossip show? Yep. B.B. (who has been nominated for an Academy Award, mind you) flashed his Joker-esque grin as he greased up his pitch to execs: "I'm friends with everyone in Hollywood, and I can tell you all their secrets!" The development folks nearly peed in their corduroy pants--and I'm not talkin' good involuntary urination release, either. Plus, Big-Mouth showed up for his meeting alone, which is highly unusual in pitch land. Now, I know you babes roll yer eyes when I mention nose candy in these Blinds, but this is a special occasion. B.-M. Bruce was wired. Eyes buggin', hands flailing--he was more fired up than the insane characters he's played (and Bruce has had some amazing roles), saying he'd even be outing some folks. How very charming. Executive Row was not interested. They declined, probably too politely. But Big-Mouth finally got the hint and took off. Wonder if his "friends" know he's peddling their sorry asses for his next gig, huh?
IT'S NOT: Alec Baldwin, Joe Pesci, Nick Nolte
Burt Reynolds

17. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/17
WHICH A-list actress has sparked rumours of an eating disorder on the set of her latest film? The rail-thin pouty babe orders enough nosh for "at least three people" in her trailer at mealtimes and spends "four times longer on bathroom breaks" than other actors and crew. Angelina Jolie

18. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/20
WHICH actress isn't as squeaky clean as she pretends? This blonde could give Kate Moss a run for her money, snorting lines of cocaine when partying and when pals pop round.

19. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/22
WHICH rock star's offspring has turned into a bit of a bunny boiler? After a one-night stand the lady in question bombarded her hunky chap with over 30 text messages making him think he was stone mad to have gone anywhere near her in the first place. Jade Jagger; Leah Wood

20. POPBITCH 09/22
Back in the 80s, just as his career was taking off, which Hollywood megastar was paid $1 million and a sports car by a Saudi Prince to have sex with him?

Picture it. The Emmys. The red carpet. Media outlets flown in from all over the world. Flashbulbs blinding you, the common folk. Every journo trying to outscream his neighbor: "Hey, Teri! Over here!" And no place are celebs more mindful of their tongues and eyes (and other bod parts) than this overly recorded spot, take it from me. Ask a TV star what she's wearing, and she'll look at her publicist for permission to answer. The carpet is not a place for people to flap their gums. Well, unless you're Limp Chance. So, Limpy's more celebrated wife is busy muggin' for the cameras. God knows Missus Chance can never get enough press. Red carpet etiquette, mind you, calls for less famous hubby to stand aside and smile while he waits on the wife-unit in silence. Apparently, Limpy--who's also known for stirring up stories of same-sex shenanigans away from his spouse--didn't get the memo. A reporter chick is feeding batteries into her tape recorder. She sets her purse on a bench, throws a press release on top. And that's where Limpy comes teetering over on his high heels. Like a trend-seeking missile from W, L.C. bum-rushes the reporter's personal space, ferreting out and grabbing her bag. "Oh my God!" he screams. "This is Baby Phat! This is from the new line! These just came out--these are really so gorgeous." And before anyone could ask a single question, Limpy's bride came a-wranglin' and toted her purse-lovin' man on down the carpet. We've all heard the rumors about Mr. Chance. But now I'm convinced. I mean, I'm all for style. But I can't imagine blowing my wad in public over a handbag, can you? IT ISN'T: Jerry O'Connell, Ben Affleck; Bradley Whitford
AL REYNOLDS/tar Jones; Peter Hermann  (he's a purse designer)/Mariska Hargitay

22. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/23
WHICH A-list star has been told she can't breastfeed because of her botched boob job? The US starlet had her milk ducts cut when she had the ill-advised op several years ago and is now devastated that her baby has to be bottle fed.
Britney Spears

23. NY POST/PAGE SIX 09/23
--WHICH hot-tempered leading man is being protected by New York's Finest? The cops kept secret the Asian call girl in his hotel room.
Russell Crowe

--WHICH arrogant actor angered a powerful movie studio chief who had arranged for the star to meet his adoring son? When the star learned where the boy went to school, he denounced the place as "sub par."

24. NY POST/PAGE SIX 09/26
WHICH sexy actress - known for dating a crazy rocker and a media man - is now in a full-fledged affair with a successful Latino director? Problem is: He's married and has no plans to leave his wife.

sexy actress: Rose McGowan
crazy rocker: Marilyn Manson
Latino director: Robert Rodriguez

25. Filth2go 09/26
--Could it be that a certain star of a new show was under strict orders to leave his boyfriend at home? Imagine the looks on the faces of the network brass when they saw said boyfriend sitting two rows behind our prodigious pup.
Neil Patrick Harris ("How I Met Your Mother") and boyfriend, David Burtka

--Could it be that a certain hunky host was ever-so-slightly dismayed at a chance encounter with moi at the Emmys? He smiled as he  introduced me to his female companion and prayed I wouldn't send him regards from the boys online - especially the ones with open-toed shoes. Probe as you like, my lips are sealed. Jeff Probst of "Survivor"

26. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/27
WHICH rocker was heard sniggering over model Kate Moss's plight? Pete Doherty

27. 3 A.M. GIRLS 09/28
WHICH actress's daughter is spreading rumours that her stepdad has been coming on to her?

All across America, celeb watchers are wishin' and hopin' that Fudgy Poof and Diandra Dope are an item. Oh, how cute they would be! Folks can hardly talk 'bout these two without damned exclamation marks!!! He's so real--how has he remained unattached for so many years? And she's so...well, she's Diandra, and that's good enough for most. True, I'm starting to feel like all the world's an all-boys theater camp in the Catskills and I'm the one hiding in the bushes with the binoculars. Yep, here we go again. Fudgy does go a-courtin'. But not for ladies. Not even if they're all hot 'n' taut like Diandra. Oh sure, there have been whispers about Fudge-stud. But this week, he propositioned one of the manliest men I know. In public. Why so bold? Well, he's had that mopey Ms. Dope hangin' all over him. Now she's off his back, and it's his turn to do the mounting. Too bad he's not my type. But really, he's, um, not. At all. Even a little bit.
IT'S NOT: Nicky Hilton, Kevin Connolly; Orlando Bloom, Kate Bosworth; Jermaine Jackson, Janet Jackson

Jennifer Aniston/Vince Vaughn

29. NY POST/PAGE SIX....09/30
--WHICH soon-to-be-divorced celebrity carries on a secret life in the apartment above his garage? His wife put up with his same-sex philandering for years, but she finally got annoyed with his long-term relationship with a singer staying above the garage. Eddie Murphy/Johnny Gill

--WHICH handsome reality TV host rudely insulted two young ladies at the bar in the W Hotel in Times Square with ungentlemanly remarks about the girls' chests? He then called an escort service and was partying with a Russian call girl 20 minutes later. Simon Cowell

Which fill-in for a popular talk-show host will slag off the guy he subs for to anyone who will listen?
fill-in: Jeff Probst
talk-show host: Regis Philbin

Which big New York director steps out on dates when he's at film festivals away from his wife? Martin Scorsese

32. NY POST/PAGE SIX....10/06
--WHICH TV comic with a dismal record dating hot chicks tried to ingratiate himself with a "typical, off-the-truck L.A. model/actress" by buying her a month's worth of "pole dancing" classes? The strategy backfired when the cheapo wouldn't pay for her second set of lessons . . . WHICH Italian fashion designer has a hard time keeping his p.r. directors because he has a bad habit of sleeping with them? Let's hope his gorgeous model girlfriend doesn't catch on. Rob Schneider; David Spade

--WHICH surgically-enhanced starlet ate Ex-Lax every day on the set of her recently-canceled TV show in a desperate bid to stay svelte?

33. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/06
WHICH brooding actor may not be as manly as his new, young girlfriend likes to think? While he might lord it on screen, an ex-lover has spilled the beans to pals about his need for chemical assistance in the bedroom. Viggo Mortensen; Sean Bean

Ya think Toothy Tile is the only dude out there doing high jumps over the sexuality fence? Uh-uh. Chump Dump is up to his girlie hairdo in politically motivated mushy goings-on. See, C.D. had a red-hot career at one time. Making the real girlies go gaga over his supposedly boyish charm (little did the screaming fans know it was their older bros at home whom Chump would have preferred see squealing with wide-eyed delight). Now he's notsohotso. But wait! New projects are in the works! So, new honey-pies are required. Don't worry, faster than you can say "devil's food cake sale," said significant other has been arranged, photographed and properly publicity-spun. Only probs being the following: Dump's got better hair (bad move); and Chump's boyfriend is fit to be (un)tied. Expect trouble. It's not: Tom Cruise, Tobey Maguire, Jerry O'Connell. Lance Bass

35. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/08
WHICH catwalk model stunned fashionistas by openly snorting cocaine backstage at a Paris Fashion Week show? With the amount she was seen hoovering up her nose, it's no wonder she's lost so much weight.

36. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/11
WHICH Hollywood starlet has been raving about her wonderful "new best friend"?

37. POPBITCH 10/13
Which hugely cool US rap legend gets his road crew to pull out handsome young men from the audience at his show, and bring them backstage to hang out. If they fail to deliver,one of the road crew has to strip naked and crawl across the dressing room floor and administer oral attention to the sweaty star. LL Cool J

Which leading man on a popular cable series came between another cable starlet and her husband? It's not what you think. Unbeknownst to the young beauty, her hubby and the hunk used to meet for sex-fueled weekends in Las Vegas.

Fie upon the actor, co-starring in a top, top HBO series, who gets Sneed's award for awesome avarice. Consider. Sneed is told the jerk offered months ago to donate his services pro bono to a highly respected local [Chicago] charity conducting a benefit earlier this month. Then at the last minute . . . upped his fee to $10,000. The charity reluctantly agreed. Consider. Sneed hears after the charity's promotional materials went out . . .the actor upped his fee to $20,000! And got it. Consider. # The Star treatment: And while he was in town for the event, the star required the charity to procure him a suite at a lakeside hotel for the four days he was here and a personal limo driver to be at his beck and call daily. Consider. # The Czar treatment: And to top it off, the nitwit made a diva move by deciding he wasn't ready to hit the stage after his introduction . . .and left the audience hanging . . . waiting . . . for another 5 minutes. Get the hook. Jeremy Piven

One Hirsute, Hellraising 'n' Horny Blind Vice: It's not like there's anyone alive who doesn't wish they could get a little nooky on the job. (Well, except maybe Laura Bush.) I can hear the yell over the cubicle now: "Yo, boss, I'm gonna head downstairs for some coffee and a little whoopee! Back in five!" Yeah, right. But, hey, it wouldn't be such a salivating dream if you were to spend a day in Barker Kümeselot's boxers. Perhaps you've heard stories about this dirty dawg before. Yes, he gets around. And how. Oh sure, B.K. has made more than a few trips to the Playboy Mansion. Yeah, he's lost his cherry more than once in the grotto. (I knew I should have worn a wetsuit when I filmed there last for E! News!) But look, bros 'n' sisses, Barker is talented. So, we call him "eccentric." It's a nicer word than pervert, doncha think? I mean, he's so special that without Barker K., Three and a Half Pricks, his superhot TV show, would stink, bien sûr ! It's time to knock on woody, though. Ya see, Barker still hasn't signed a new deal, which is up sooner than it takes Paris to change stalls, I mean, men. And Barker's friggin' barkin' for a bigger trailer, blah cushy this and blah oversize that. Duh. Maybe because it's hard to have an orgy in a twin bed? And it ain't Kiefer Sutherland, Josh Duhamel or Matthew Fox. Look, here's the bottom line: Most everybody who toils away on Three is getting downright grossed out by how many extras Bark bangs his way through. No discretion. Whatever. His most pathetic excuse while his coworkers are made to wait during B.K.'s trailer-rockin' rompings? "I was getting a pedicure." Must have been one helluva toe job. Sir Kümeselot, please learn to keep it in your pants at work. At least until that new gig is sealed up--the little screen would just be too, uh, unsubstantial, without you. Jeremy Piven

Which actress' assistant (who shared her NYC apartment while in town from L.A.) quit after her boss, who had been mixing party drugs with anti-depressants, roughly shook her awake in the night, making delusional accusations?

42. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/15
WHICH award-winning rockster got so off his face on drugs at a recent showbiz bash he scared other revellers? The floppy-haired singer was like a demon when, after powdering his nose in the loos, he came out and hissed at some poor party-goer. Daniel Johns from Silverchair

43. Filth2go 10/17
Speaking of the new televison season, I've waited a long time to see characters that remind me of my gay friends, and at long last, two are in new shows. However, these characters are supposedly straight, although they are both played by gay actors. A prescription for a blind item, si? Freddie Prinze Jr and Brian Austin Green/"Freddie"; Wentworth Miller from "Prison Break" and Neil Patrick Harris from "How I Met Your Mother"?

Two Female-Trouble Blind Vices: Sex is pretty fun, right? We look forward to it. George Michael was so right when he described it as "best when it's one-on-one" (I think). But Petunia Pickle Pop seems to like it when it's one-on-one with an audience of five. It was a late, cool night in the City of Slippery Runways. P3 was positively exhausted from partying her nonexistent butt off (like that's a clue in this nourishment-starved town). Or it coulda been the booze she'd been guzzlin'. Regardless, P.P.P. managed to squish her tush into a packed limo. Her posh pals followed--hey, when don't they? You might say P. doesn't have an independent bone in her oft displayed bod. But anyway, it's what she did next that's so shocking (to me, anyway). Ms. Pickle Pop unzipped this random dude--who was just tagging along--and proceeded to slurp him up and down and up and...yeah, it was about that romantic. If I were P3, an almost mechanical sex toy of a gal, I'd market it. Like, maybe she could produce blow-up dolls bearin' her likeness. You laugh, but with this shameless lick-lass, it's hardly outta the robotic question. Then there's our friend Eve Envy, who's far less famous than P3 but kinda robotish in her own way. And E2 has somethin' I wouldn't wish on my fugliest foe: an extremely famous diva sister. I can't even imagine the pressure. Add to that her job--word around the office is that Eve's massively lackin' in the talent department. These could be the demons that drove E.E. to snort some blow in the middle of her super-high-profile workplace. Well, okay she wasn't exactly Kate Mossing--she hid in a stall. But when she came bustin' out with her trusty nose candy holder in hand, rubbin' her schnozz, the cover was, shall we say, blown. Good thing E2 and P3 travel in such different circles. Collectively, they could probably suck the souls outta this freakin' town. IT'S NOT: Lucy Liu, Kimberly Stewart, Mischa Barton, Nicky Hilton, Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen.

P3: Paris Hilton
E2: Linda Lopez, JLo's sister

45. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/22
WHICH moody superstar actor's marriage has turned into a total sham? The swordsman in question totally ignores his wife when they are with friends and acts like she is invisible. What a guy. Antonio Banderas/Melanie Griffith

46. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/24
WHICH singing actress once let people snort class A drugs off her boobs at a party?

47. Filth2go 10/24
Could it be that a certain well-groomed studser has gotten a bit too big for his britches? So say sources on the set who tell me that the diva-esque behavior from this lilting lad earned him a title we dare not publish in this family-friendly column. Let's just say that the ladies titter when referring to "him" as "her." And the guys on the set stopped letting him join in any reindeer games. Of course, that's no longer an issue.
 Stuart Townsend

One Step-by-Skanky-Step Blind Vice: If I were you, I wouldn't invite Jordache Junky to your son's bar mitzvah. She might lure him into a stairwell and do him. Now, don't get me wrong, girlfriends. Most boys would be thrilled to get into J2's prissy undies. I mean, she's been in, like, a million movies, many of which young boys just worship. That's why I can't believe what she pulled at a Hollywood bash last week. Gulp. There's no delicate way to put it, so here goes: J.J. banged a cater-waiter. And she didn't take him home in a doggie bag. Nope, J.J. jumped this dude's bones in the damn stairwell. If you think it sounds sexy in an Unfaithful kinda way, hold yer Trojans. She was wasted. And while most of the gals her age dig cocaine, J2's more of a, well, horse girl. Yep, she was smacked out. Poof. Oh, Jordache. I'm sorry 'bout all yer on-and-off relationship woes. I'm also sad for yer latest flicks--which fail on a lotta freakin' levels. But really, honey. A catering dude in a stairwell at an Industry party?! The above shoulda been the stuff on which porn movies are based--not some sad little episode that had the guy's colleagues nodding their heads in pitiful tsk-tsks. I hear nobody even broke a damn sweat! What kind of friggin' sex act is that--something George and Laura do? Now, I know you're not friends with Paris Hilton. But maybe you should be? IT'S NOT: Mena Suvari; Scarlett Johansson; Jessica Alba
. Brittany Murphy

49. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/29
WHICH anti-social actor is setting tongues wagging on the set of his new film by turning up stoned for work every day?

Vincent D'Onofrio

And which teen queen at the same location recently was loudly accused by an annoyed friend of "snorting half a kilo" after a handoff outside the bathroom door?

Which aging front man for a (recently returned) '80s pop band still unzips his trousers at photo shoots in an effort to impress the female assistants with his endowment?

52. 3 A.M. GIRLS 10/31
WHICH heartthrob actor has given up one addiction just to get hooked on another?

53. NY POST/PAGE SIX... 10/31
--WHICH swishy pop star who won't admit he's gay is dating a well-known interior designer? The decorator is recovering from his previous boyfriend's tragic death, while the pop star is equally despondent about his ailing career. Ricky Martin/Nate Berkus

--WHICH flashy European party boy is becoming infamous for drugging and taking advantage of the models he surrounds himself with at city nightclubs?

Last updated: August 28, 2009