March and April 2001

To have blind item guess considered send it to: agcblinditems
or post to agcblinditems

#1 - Which ubiquitous rapper performs a unique "dance of seduction" loosely based on his forefathers' tribal moves whenever he's fixin' to sexually hypnotize a potential bedmate?

#2 - If you're wondering why you've never seen a published photo of a certain surly rocker's newborn baby, it might be because the real father ain't the surly rocker. We hear the kid's ethnicity makes the rocker wife's infidelity impossible to hide.  Noel Gallagher (Oasis); Nikki Sixx and former Baywatch babe Donna D'Errico

2. MOVIELINE/MARCH **Blind Item #1**
This sexy stage and movie actor may have a shock awaiting him when he finally slogs home from starring in that epic that's been in production for several months. It seems his sexy stage and movie actor girlfriend hasn't exactly been keeping the home fires burning during his long absence. Oh, sure, she's been working her tail off in a couple of projects of her own, but she's also been getting her tail worked over by one of the hunkiest and most in-demand private fitness trainers on the the planet. Her boyfriend will definitely notice how buffed and toned her body's become, but won't he also notice that deeply contented smile and faraway gaze a woman can get when she's so deeply in lust with somebody else?
Stage and movie actor:
Stage and movie actress:

3. MOVIELINE/MARCH **Blind Item #2**
She's a sexy thing on the big screen, all right, but off screen, she's way more complicated and wild. Just ask her brawny boyfriend, who's finding it hard to keep up with her insatiable desire for doing the wild thing in dangerous public places. It's already legendary how she and an aging, insecure superstar were caught on camera having sex in the dressing room of one of New York's fanciest clothing stores a couple of years ago. But more recently she's been known to get it on with her stud in such locales as a movie palace on Hollywood Boulevard, her boyfriend's convertible parked one night along the Pacific Coast Highway and the parking lot of a red-hot Beverly Hills restaurant. Is she secretly hoping her father will catch her and give her the parenting she never got? Flagrant public displays of affection are one thing, but get a room, will ya?
Actress: Liv Tyler
Aging Superstar: Bruce Willis

Guess which Big-Time Star Couple may be the latest to join the overcrowded Ditched Ditch? That is, if the male half of this union continues his public extracurricular canoodling in such a bald fashion.

Aspen's glittering types were shocked recently when the accomplished partner of an award-winning babe was making hands-on time with a little blond chickadee--not the boy's honeypie.

Please, Mr. Perk-Up Pants, you think folks don't gossip in Colorado? Think again.
Ted Danson and Mary Steenbergen

5. NY POST/PAGE SIX...03/04
--WHICH influential gay pundit's favorite pastime is having "rough sex" with strangers he locates in the underground leather scene? The clean-cut scribe doesn't require that his partners use condoms . . .
Matthew Drudge; David Brock

--WHICH super-rich socialite was once caught by her maid watching one of her young male studs having sex with another man? . . .

--WHICH womanizing former pol is said to be having an affair with a Manhattan divorcee? The tryst was recently rekindled after one of them relocated. Bill Clinton and Patricia Duff

6. Filth2Go...03/05
--Could it be that a certain singer/actress/entrepreneur has a trick up her sleeve? Actually, it's more like a vine. The wholesome songbird was changing clothes backstage at a concert, minding her own business, when a stagehand noted a long, vine-like tattoo that went up her back and down her arm. When asked why the flora (with a stray butterfly or two) had never been seen before, the bewigged one laughed and said, "I know a thing or two about make-up!" Dolly Parton

--Could it be that a popular gay icon has a secret? Believe it or not, the decidedly homo-sapien had a recent fling with a lady! This wasn't even a case of boy meets drag queen who ends up being a real lady. Nor was it the old "God, was I drunk last night" scenario. No, this rough-and-tumble bloke picked up this gal on the set of his recently completed flick. After their encounter, she commented, "I thought you were gay." He laughed and said, "And I thought you were a dyke!" Rupert Everett

7. STAR 03/06
Two famous faces -- a past Oscar winner and a nominee -- were seen soaking up the atmosphere at an after-hours club. We can't tell you the name, but this sleazy dive in a rough LA urban neighborhood is open from 2am to noon. Everybody's frisked on their way in -- no weapons or cameras allowed. Not only is liquor served after hours, but all sorts of drugs. Cocaine is delivered to the table on a tip tray covered with an open matchbook. Drugs are ingested openly in the dim booths. Actors who ordinarily wouldn't be caught dead in such a dump figure they can slip in and indulge unnoticed.

8. GLOBE 03/06
This hot, young starlet is still in the closet about her much so that she scopes out parties and clubs for sexy gals she'd like to spend the night with -- then has her rocker beau approach them! The unsuspecting 'groupie' usually ends up in a hotel suite with the guy, and the actress later joins in the fun.
Liv Tyler, Claire Danes, Kate Hudson

There's a svelte songstress whose career just keeps getting bigger and bolder and brighter. All good things.

But the beauty's backstage life is a dissonant disaster. She has forklifted megabucks on cosmetic surgery to combat a sagging self-image. Her seemingly "happy relationship" with a marketable man? Totally orchestrated as a PR thang. The sordid goings-on have led this lady to start actively calling and contacting her ex, who's perfectly pleased in his married-with-kids kinda life.

Now, her record company is encouraging the gal to undergo treatment for bulimia before it completely destroys her valuable vocal chords.

So sorry to say, this sad song sounds far from its final refrain. Janet Jackson; Shania Twain †see below

HINT: 03/10
From tanique33: Give us a hint on the singer. We're trying desperately to figure it out, but we need a clue. You can't let your loyal gossip children down!

Alright, my little curious kitties. She's almost too eerily attractive and slightly otherworldly as well.

HINT: 03/22
Dear Ted:
Knock knock. Who's there? It's Dolly Parton, your Blind Vice from March 8.

Dear Meredith:
Why did the chicken cross the road? To tell you you're wrong. (You're in the right section of Tower Records, though.)

10. NY POST/PAGE SIX...03/11
--WHICH divorced, middle-aged designer promised a modeling career to a blond go-go boy at Stella's Bar on West 47th Street? The dancer quit on the spot, put on his clothes, and left the joint with his new sugar daddy . . .

--WHICH Hollywood legend has a thing for her leading men? She had an affair with her single co-star on her first American film. The next two leading men she nailed were married. And she's currently working on her fourth co-star, who is separated.  Penelope Cruz

11. Filth2Go...03/11
For our next story, we turn to Ed, a fan who wanted a shot at writing his own "Could it be" item:

Could it be that two hunky brothers, who have played brothers on the small screen (until fate intervened), are spending an increasing amount of time together in real life? Although they are only a year apart in age, they are virtually inseparable around Hollywood, and, in fact, they just moved in together. You can check them out at the gym or at parties together, where they often have their arms around each other's waist or shoulders. Says one source, "If you didn't know they were brothers, you'd swear there was more going on. Almost like you'd expect one of them to just slide it right on in."

When I'm handing a blind item over to a virtual stranger, we've definitely come to the end of yet another column. You know what I just realized? Blind items are hard! I had a devil of a time figuring this one out, so I did you a favor - I snuck a little extra clue in there just for you (sorry, Ed)! Jerry O'Connell was born 7/17/74 and his brother Charlie was born 4/21/75, and they were both on the show "Sliders."

12. STAR 03/13
This youngish actor is getting lots of acclaim for the first time this year and all eyes are upon him. He seems like a sweetheart and the girls just love him. If they only knew about his addiction: He's crazy about hookers. The prettiest call girls on both coasts are acquainted with this guy, who's known as a steady customer and a great client. He was once quoted as saying, "I hope I don't get famous -- it'll ruin my lifestyle!" Sorry, fella, but the girls for hire are already starting to talk.  Joaquin Phoenix
, Benicio Del Toro

13. GLOBE 03/13
This aging, 'happily married' rocker still has the young-boy stamina he had when he toured with his band back in the 70's and 80's. His wife tries to keep close tabs on him, but obviously can't be with him 24/7. While she's out having "hours of beauty" at famous spas, he's out having "hours of fun" with gals young enough to be his daughters. Steven Tyler; John Mellencamp; Sting

14. NY POST/PAGE SIX...03/14
WHICH sex bomb actress recently dumped her magnificently hunky boyfriend because she caught him in bed with a man? The goddess immediately rushed to her doctor for an AIDS test . . . Pam Anderson/Marcus Schenkenberg

Sunset Boulevard has always been a favored cruising spot for many a hottie, but the number of famous faces flittering down this thoroughfare seems much higher than usual these days.

You're all aware of the driving dude who eyes the guy candy on the Strip. Now, another accomplished actor is using the exhaust-filled environment for his own flirty pursuits.

This scruffy sports-car owner has earned many an accolade for his appearances in fab flicks.

On a recent day when it wasn't pouring precipitation in the basin, the fella hung in the Sunset Plaza parking lot, right near the hipster restaurants where so many famed types ingest and digest.

No grub in sight, but lots of drool as the dapper dude proudly flaunted his shiny German toy to two sexy young admirers of the male persuasion.

All right, all right, I can hear you whining for more clues. Scrutinize and you'll spot at least one.

(Drive safe.) Tom Cruise †see below

HINT 03/29:
Dear Ted:

Your humor reminds me of Oscar Wilde and my favorite play/movie, An Ideal Husband. The scruffy sports car owner you were talking about: Tom Cruise?
Washington, D.C.

Dear Allie:
The importance of being earnest requires me to say no. But the happy Hollywood prince in question is rumored to have a portrait in his attic that reveals histrue aging attributes.

16. NY POST/PAGE SIX....03/19
--WHICH teenage songbird is more perforated than she lets on? She not only had her nipples pierced, but her nether regions as well . . . Christina Aguilera; Britney Spears;
LeAnn Rimes

--WHICH daughter of a star, a legend in her own right, has secret sapphic affections for her burly lesbian chauffeur? The diva had a four-year affair with her driver and still keeps the woman on as a confidante . . . Natalie Cole; Whitney Houston; Liza

--WHICH supermodel's marriage is near the breaking point? After she suddenly flew back solo from a family vacation on her (also married) lover's jet, her mogul husband arranged a three-way conference call to convince the infidels to call off their affair. Stephanie Seymour/Peter Brant

17. Filth2Go...03/19
Could it be that a certain lovely lady is torn between a few love interests? I’ve heard no fewer than three names being bandied about from the East Coast, and while they all may be on shaky ground, one of the gents is definitely in the running. One is a gay song-and-dance man on Broadway, so he’s out (of the picture – not the closet). One is in the midst of a messy breakup and has his own trials to deal with. The last is also a Broadway babe and is definitely pursuing our heartbreaker eagerly – most likely with a Trojan. You can catch him on the Great White Way, where he shows the goods. How do you think he got her in the first place?
lovely young lady: Jennifer Love Hewitt
gay song-and-dance man: Craig Bierko
messy breakup guy: Alec Baldwin
Broadway guy with the goods: Patrick Wilson, who stars in Broadway's "The Full Monty"

18. STAR 03/20...
This guy was a nobody until he got involved with a famous actress -- now he's a fixture at Hollywood parties. He's broke, so he relies on his galpal for cash. Given her unstable history, insiders fear she'd go psycho if she knew how he's spending her money. While she's working in front of the camera, he occupies his time in the company of hookers, sometimes spending a thousand dollars a session to fulfill his fantasies. His sweet looks hide a dark side -- he's into hard core bondage and kinky fetishes, including spanking!
Anne Heche

19. GLOBE 03/20
This lovable actor thought he'd conquered his gambling addiction, but it's now back with a vengeance. His out of control habit is eating away at his income and has gotten so bad that his business manager has put him on an "allowance."  Pals are worried for his safety because he's constantly getting threatening calls from bookies who want their money.
Norm MacDonald; Ray Romano

Playacting's a bitch. Or at least that's what you could call one provocative actor who's making many a head turn while in the middle of filming his latest formulaic flick.

Some on the set say this fella is losing his acting edge, as he has been forgetting his lines and his ad-libs get hardly a giggle.

But even more distressing demeanor abounds after hours. The honey recently hired two dancers from a local exotic nightclub to swing by after their joint closed.

The guy didn't even ask the ladies to undress--just preferred to simply slam them with insults like "Your ass is too fat" and "Your tits are saggy." Class-ay.

Guess hiring women is the man's only option these days. Apparently, another such hangout booted the bad boy for the exact same berating behavior. How pathetic that this actor can't even live up to the so very strict (not) standards held by strip clubs.  Eddie Murphy; Martin Lawrence; Robin Williams

21. NY POST/PAGE SIX...03/25
--WHICH founder of a famous men's clothing store chain imported three $3,000-a-night hookers from Switzerland for the weekend - then declined to fork over their fee because he "wasn't satisfied"? The hard-to-please garmento did make good on their airfare and hotel suite . . . George Zimmer

--WHICH unmarried Oscar-winner may be preggers? The blond beauty was seen buying a pregnancy test kit at the Duane Reade at Hudson and Charles . . . Jodie Foster

--WHICH white-haired philanthropist and patron of the arts is having trouble with his young wife of one year? He is spending his nights at SoHo hotels while she is barricaded in their sumptuous apartment.

22. Filth2Go..03/26
Could it be that a certain colorful actor is a bit full of himself? On the set of his most recent film, the gallant one was such a diva that you might have mistaken him for Miss Ross. He skipped rehearsals, decided when it was time to wrap each day, and was rumored to be constantly smoking a pipe in his dressing room. Then the Nazi got out of control when he decreed that all water near him had to be bottled - including the water that he was to fall into during a scene. The plan boomeranged on him when the crew decided to fill five-gallon labeled jugs with water from a hose. Good thing the crazy guy never found out - he'd have probably pulled a gun on the crew! Martin Lawrence
read more

23. STAR 03/27
After a summer filled with hard core drug use and excessive behavior, this young and talented movie heartthrob finally go this act together. But that stint in rehab wasn't enough to keep him sober for long. The guy's no longer making druggie scenes in clubs -- now he's smoking crack and shooting heroin privately at home. But after one binge word leaked out that he was so spaced out, he left a frantic message on his former rehab counselor's answering machine asking the guy if he knew where he could score some drugs! Leonardo DiCaprio; Edward Furlong; Brad Renfro

24. GLOBE 03/27
This comedy star is notorious for cruising the streets of LA's seediest sections with pals and picking up male and female prostitutes. But he and his buddies don't get it on with the hookers -- they prefer to watch them engage in gay sex. Eddie Murphy; Drew Carey

Which married action star just sent a hush-money check to a twentysomething former girlfriend with whom he began an affair when she was 16? It's said the actor's wife doesn't mind his dalliances as much as you might think, as she supposedly prefers the company of women. ... Arnold Schwarzenegger read more

Catty Cathys abounded at all the Oscar pah-tays this past weekend--and, girl--were they ever chatting about a past Oscar winner who was making the rounds.

See, there has been a bit o' stinky tawk lately about this statuette owner's ownership of a certain body part. And all the partygoers were preening and poking (so to speak) to see if they could gauge what was genuine on the celeb's bod--or more specifically, what wasn't.

What to do? What a way to avoid all those little piggies in blankets. Not that this boinker has shied from such salivating barnyard bid-ness in the past.

In fact, this accolade-rich raunchy type has already set off a Hollywood animal alarm, as it were.

Moo power to ya as you figure it out, babycakes.

HINT 04/05
Dear Ted:Regarding last week's Blind Vice: Could it be Angelina Jolie and her fake-looking lips that had everyone at the Oscar parties buzzing?
Lauren C./Indianapolis

Dear Lauren:
Nope. Her pucker has always been plump, while the potentially faux bod part was conspicuously fuller on award night. You're right to ponder peculiar Oscar owners, though.

Dear Ted:
Okay, not only don't I know who you're talking about in your most recent blind item--I don't know what you're talking about. This is how my mind is working: Female bodies don't contain any singular body part that "pokes," so I'm guessing the celeb is male and we have a penis on the platter. Fake--as in surgically enlarged or surgically erect? That second choice has been delighting seniors in Florida for a while; it seems strange Hollywood would just now be giggling about it. (Every retirement home has that one favored dance partner who turns every tune into the "Hokey Pokey.") Or are we talking about the pumpable implant that can rise (or fall) to the occasion? In that case, who's stoking (stalking) who?

Dear R.G.R.:
How can I put this? Let's just say you've got a semi. Yes, the star of scrutiny is a he. Otherwise, my adorable dear, you're in the wrong bod region. (You should write retirement-home ad copy, doll--you'd make a mint!)

27. MOVIELINE/APRIL **Blind Item #1**
Shouldn't a certain Oscar-caliber looker keep closer tabs on her good-looking mate?  Lord knows how their blessed union is showing telltale signs of wear and tear, what with their ugly spats in public. But friends are warning the missus to switch her cheatin' radar into overdrive now that her sexy partner is hooking up on-screen with a sexy, curvy twenty-something hottie whose public reputation is all business, but who is notorious within the Industry for putting the heavy moves on her much older, very married coworkers. If a bitch slapdown breaks out between these two beauties, watch for major fireworks to light up the skies.
Tom Cruise/Nicole Kidman/Penelope Cruz; Kurt Russell/Goldie Hawn/Penelope Cruz; Antonio Banderas/Melanie Griffith/Angelina Jolie; Alex Baldwin/Kim Basinger; Jennifer Love Hewitt

28. MOVIELINE/APRIL **Blind Item #2**
That beautiful and gifted movie scene-stealer apparently can't get enough from her wild boyfriend. Dressed and coiffed to the nines, she pulled up in her expensive SUV at one of L.A.'s trendiest herb and tea gardens and politely asked the brewmeister to fix her a concoction that would double if not triple her already multiple orgasms. After taking a few sips of the hot blend, she ordered the staff to bundle her up a take-home kit of the same ingredients to the tune of more than $300. Sure, you can scoff, but who can put a price tag on pleasure between the sheets?  Kate Hudson

29. NY POST/PAGE SIX...04/01
--WHICH Brat Packer is up to his old tricks? The handsome actor is trysting with young female fans from the Left Coastal town where he lives with his wife. Rob Lowe

--WHICH Oscar-winner celebrated his victory by smoking some pot? After the official bashes were over, the star held a private party in his hotel suite where marijuana joints were the main refreshment. Russell Crowe

30. Filth2Go...04/02
Could it be that a certain female nominee was having a hard time maintaining her faux smile when her name wasn't called? I was within earshot of the petulant one, who muttered, "She can't act her way out of a paper bag" about the winner. Funny, I was thinking the same thing about the loser. At least this award went to someone who didn't sleep with her director - at least not that I know of!

31. STAR 04/03
This singer manages to have a career that's beyond hot in spite of the fact that she's a functioning heroin addict. She's been a user for so long, people around her are scared she'll accidentally overdose. Before a recent TV performance, an assistant went to her dressing room and found her with a needle hanging out of her arm! The assistant hastily yanked it out and rolled down her sleeve. Miraculously, the semi-comatose performer managed to get it together onstage and perform.  Macy Gray

32. GLOBE 04/03
This TV funnyman takes his weight problem very seriously. Instead of dieting and exercising, he has liposuction -- every six months! Everyone on the set has been sworn to secrecy. Drew Carey

A certain legendary producer, who has spearheaded some of the finest flicks to come out of this twisted town, has compiled a creepy collection from his various carousings.

The fella's known for being more than a little loopy, and this dude craves keeping mementos from his mattress conquests. And I'm not just tawkin' about misty memories.

The femmes he entices to his (exquisitely decorated) palatial domain should be prepared for some serious shuttering--the bugger preserves the performance by snapping a Polaroid of one particular part of his partners' bods.

Here's a hint: If you're guessing that it sits atop someone's scalp, you're not depraved enough to be reading blind items. Go eat your milk and cookies and don't think about it again. Robert Evans

34. NY POST/PAGE SIX...04/08
--WHICH surly actor has some bizarre pick-up lines? After being set up with a gorgeous young New Yorker, the star took the lady to the Mercer Kitchen and halfway through dinner asked, "What is the circumference of your cervix?" His horrified date didn't answer - deciding to pick up her bags and leave instead .
Russell Crowe

--WHICH closeted lesbian couple - a philosopher/writer and a portrait photographer - have convenient living arrangements? They are next-door neighbors with adjacent apartments in a big Chelsea building . . . Annie Leibovitz and Susan Sontag

--WHICH film critic left a slew of enemies behind in the last city where he worked? Many women complain about his love-'em-and-leave-'em style and trade stories about his unkept promises. Elvis Mitchell of the NY Times

35. STAR 04/10....
This male actor is on top of the world right now and wants to take full advantage of it. He has a voracious appetite for women, but he's working so hard it's difficult to find time to chase them. So he has an assistant recruiting potential dates for him when he's out of town. The assistant goes to nightspots and locates gorgeous girls who are his boss' type. He gets phone numbers and photos (scantily clad, in underwear if possible) from the willing babes. When his boss comes home, all he has to do is flip through the file and select a doll for that night. Russell Crowe

36. GLOBE 04/10
This TV sitcom star was so poor when he first came to Hollywood, he resorted to turning gay tricks on the side. His street hustling days came back to haunt him when he was introduced to a network exec on his show -- and realized the guy was a former regular client. Now he's worried he'll have to put out - or be out of a job.

37. Filth2Go....04/10
#1 - Could it be that a certain leading lady known for her well-publicized romantic entanglements is ready to tie the knot? My sources say that the pixie-haired gal was seen walking, talking, and trying on no fewer than twelve wedding gowns in that trendy Beverly Hills boutique, with her fiancé giving his comments on each selection (and most likely taking photos of her in each dress). I guess that this is one bride-to-be who doesn’t believe in superstitions – not this time around (and at least not while on Prozac). Anne Heche

#2 - Could it be that one of our favorite babes is receiving some help dismounting the white horse from an unlikely source? You’d think that the last person she’d want to talk to is the ex who left her for another guy, but I’m told that the pair actually get along swimmingly. He’s always cared about her, and when he realized that her drug habit was busting out of control, he took matters into his own hands and urged her to go to detox (he might have said it en français). Predictably, she denied that she even had a problem – something that she probably picked up from one of her television costars (not from the show which was cancelled). When she finally realized how bad the problem was, she did in fact go and get professional help. I just wonder if she started the drugs before or after he started sleeping with her other ex? That was surely the ultimate betrayal – or was it the ultimate deception? Yasmine Bleeth and David Charvet; Pam Anderson and Marcus Schenkenburg

#1. You're in luck, ladies (sorry, gents): There's an unmarried, macho, supporting-actor Oscar owner who isn't into having his people fax your people for a date. Nope, he has connected with past S.O.s like regular folk--even at bars, if you can imagine an award-worthy actor spending his Saturday nights like you usually do. (The game's the same, the venues just have pricier drinks.)

First important tip: If he doesn't write down your digits, don't despair. The dude's got an amazing memory for phone numbers.

Behind boudoir doors, the primo performer has a couple of private penchants. Gets hot for high heels. Is not a fan of oral ac-shun. (Well, in his defense, clinically speaking, the mouth is a hotbed of bacteria.) One previous, um, recipient of his amorous attentions complained to me that the fantasy is better than the reality, but I could easily compile a list of hundreds of babes--given some time, thousands--who wouldn't mind evaluating the mattress maneuvers themselves.

Some sappier snippets: The fella's shockingly sweet, amazingly mellow and shows surprising signs of being just an ordinary guy--like living in a simple abode that could use a good carpet shampooing, for one.

I was going to leave it at that, but I'm particularly fond of you this week, so I'm going to give you a tip: If you suspect Jack Nicholson, you're so wrong. Benicio Del Toro

04/19 HINT
Dear Ted:
Your blind vices are drivin' this big-haired blond Dallasite krazy! Shug, can't ya give us more info?

Dear ByAnn:
Here's more clues: The Oscar owner is considered a private kinda guy, while Mr. Big pretends to be.

#2. Remember how we started off the column this week? Let's call this equation "Girl + Guy ÷ Ouch!"

One chatty chick has been heard yapping about a certain young Hollywood heartthrob and his hidden treasure, which made this chicka start throbbing herself.

See, the grand guy (who, ironically, has an affection for shorter sexpots) seems to be packin' heat in his Prada pants. Currently playing domestic with a new little boob-tube gal, the well-stocked stickler was just a little too big for his (and her) breeches.

The straight story is that Mr. Big was just too much man for his ex-flame to handle, and, try as they might, the perky pair could not play nice--in fact, the unlucky lovers could not play at all, if you get my kank-ee drift.

Obviously, this primal pairing did not last long; however, it does make for a huge helping of delish dish. The super-duper celeb may be just the right size for his current flame, since the two can hardly keep their paws off each other.

And now I know why. Can't blame 'em. Any giant guesses? Vin Diesel (voice of The Iron Giant) and for the short boob-tube gal, Carmen Electra; 6'1" Freddie Prinze Jr. ("luscious lineage") and 5'3" Sarah Michelle Gellar ("boob-tube gal"), stars of the upcoming live-action Scooby-Doo film ("can hardly keep their paws off each other")? ("Dismember" and "dissect" might allude to his and/or her horror roles), ex-girlfriend: Kimberly McCullough

HINTS 04/19
#1 - Dear Ted:
The Big Guy mentioned in your Big Blind Vice last week is Brad Pitt. Vrai?
* * *
Dear Anita:
Faux. Your training should come in handy to further dismember this one. Think diction as you dissect. And as far as rockers go, this ain't Rolling Stone, babe. I'm more of a moss-gatherer than a critic.

#2 - Dear Ted:
I, too, am a loyal and amused reader who's dying of breast cancer. You keep me laughing, which is the best medicine. Regarding Big Blind Vice: Jason Priestley? Your description was so vivid I was squirming in my seat.
Barbara C. Tyson
Arlington, Virginia

Dear Barbara:
Glad I could give you some chuckles. Keep on wrigglin', if for no other reason than to keep on guessing (more in the direction of luscious lineage). Best of luck, my sweet. Sorry to hear of your illness.

#3 - Dear Ted:
Your blind vices are drivin' this big-haired blond Dallasite krazy! Shug, can't ya give us more info?

Dear ByAnn:
Here's more clues: The Oscar owner is considered a private kinda guy, while Mr. Big pretends to be.

HINT 06/14:
Dear Ted: Do you have a problem with the British? You never answer any letters from us.Is the Big Blind Vice (Pun Intended) from April 12 Matthew Perry? Please tell me, as I will not rest until you do.

--I adore the Brits, and to prove it, I'll offer the following hint: This guy can handle an English accent about as well as he can act.

39. STAR 04/17
This eccentric actor is married to a gorgeous woman who's a bigger star than he is. She also works more than he does so he has time on his hands. When she comes home, she throws all the bums out and makes him promise, "No more." But the heartsick actress fears he'll never keep that promise because he's addicted to porn. Courtney Cox/David Arquette

40. GLOBE 04/17
This award winning actress tried to hit on another star's actor beau at a recent gathering, licking and tickling his ears, playing with his hair and touching his leg. He politely rebuffed her advances and got up from the table -- just as his honey entered the room. But that didn't stop Ms Forward from coming over to say goodbye and slipping her cell phone # in his pocket before she left.
Meg Ryan/Tim Robbins

41. Filth2Go...04/17
Could it be that a certain young celebrity reporter who was widely seen on the small screen during the awards season is family? I’ve gotten a slew of weekly e-mails about this entertaining young buck, and I did a bit of snooping (it didn’t hurt that I was in NYC, where our subject currently resides). While you’ll be happy to know that he’s gay, I’m sorry to also report that he’s taken. In an interesting twist, his mate is close to two decades older! You’d think that one of them would have paid to get that mole removed, but love is blind.
Anderson Cooper of  'The Mole'; Matt Drudge

There's a sometimes scruffy (in a good way) celeb who recently granted an interview to a major mag, and whose off-camera ac-shuns caused the scribe and other involved media folks to cringe.

Photogs were shocked when the rogue showed up to his late-night cover shoot acting like he'd spent the earlier part of his evening imbibing. Granted, the boy's known for his unabashed interest in pah-tays (and for amusing himself solo), but that's just rude to editors who have to digitally remove imperfections like red-eye.

The boisterous babe's behavior isn't any better when the sun's in the sky. I hear he also made a move on his cutie cupcake of an interviewer.

Strictly professional, the gal scoffed that the only thing this fella should bare is his soul.
Matthew McConaughey; Eminem

04/26 HINT #1
Dear Ted:
Is last week's Blind Vice, Cuba Gooding Jr.? Sorry, no dead cats, terminal illnesses or lack of life. Just a pathological desire to be in on other people's business, I guess.

Dear Debbie:
So many Oregonians being so perky this week. Sounds like you woke up on the wenchy side of the Starbucks. Whatsamattah, did y'all just switch to decaf or something? Anyway, Cuba's hitched plus kids, making him far from the unmarried type. Try a double next time.

Dear Ted:
Last week's Blind Vice has gotta be Keanu Reeves. He looked like hell in the recent Vanity Fair photos.

Dear Heather:
I've got my copy of VF right here, and Keanu looks sleeker and chicer than he has in forever. You're not just wrong, you need to get your eyes (and mouth) checked, too.

Dear Ted:
Please tell me that after time and time again of feeling stupid, I have finally cracked Tedspeak. Is our Blind guest of honor Hugh Grant? If I am correct, I may have to go back and see what other delights I was too dim to catch!

Dear Catherine:
Sorry, sweetie, but your era of interpretation idiocy continues. You're in the right age bracket but wrong country of origin.

04/28 HINT #1
From lady_jane : Last week's One Blind Vice has to be J. Depp as the stoned interview for Movieline. Do you ever admit if we're right?--I'll admit this much, babycakes: You are way out of your depth on this one. Increase your vision, and you might see the larger light.

43. NY POST/PAGE SIX...04/22
--WHICH teenage son of a billionaire media mogul was forced out of his prestigious New England prep school for plagiarism? The less-than-scholarly student agreed to withdraw when threatened with expulsion . . .

--WHICH soon-to-be-divorced billionairess is breaking free? This well-preserved beauty was in a Chelsea lounge the other night downing shots and smoking pot with her daughter and her daughter's twentysomething pals. Sale Johnson

44. Filth2Go...04/23
Could it be that the lead singer of a certain northern band has been hanging around boy bars down south? So say my sources, who were shocked to notice the blond babe beaming with bemusement as his band’s video played in that Ft. Lauderdale hotspot. Within moments, patrons realized that the singer was in their midst and made a bee-line to his bar stool. However, he quickly abandoned the club, long before the video had faded from the screen. Next time, buy him some drinks and make him stay. You need another clue? His name is the same as the beauteous member of the Filth2Go family.
Trevor Guthrie of 'Soul Decision'

45. Ocean Drive 04/23
#1 - Which sporting pro, who scores more points for her looks than her skill, threw a fabulously childish fit outside South Beach's newest outdoor pafty palace? The nightlife novice, who recently made Miami home court, was apparently so overwrought by the saturated velvet-rope scene that she made an enraged exit, demanding her Porsche from the valet and blasting back home. Anna Kornikova

#2 - Which eminent hotelier has found a match in a much younger up-and-comer in the same biz? Soome might call them competition but we call them a cute couple == why don't they just come out already?

#3 - Which totally rad funnyman with multiple movie credits and a "steady girlfriend" doesn't know when to stop the jokes or the cheating? A recent mistress is spreading more than her legs, telling everyone in South Beach how the famous comedian told joke after annoying joke throughout the entire sex-capade.

46. STAR 04/24
#1. This talented actress is one of the most respected in the business, and has a squeaky-clean reputation. She's been nominated for multiple Oscars and has played a wide variety of character types. You'd NEVER guess that this oh-so-serious star had a long history as a cocaine dealer and drug user in her native city before she discarded her past and became a Hollywood name.  Unfortunately, most of the actors she worked with back home still remember. Glenn Close; Joan Allen

#2. This high-profile celeb popped up in a Gotham hospital at 2am and cried his eyes out while doctors treated his 16 year old daughter for an overdose of ecstasy. She recently was brought to St Vincent's Hospital in a near-comatose-state after a rave. The teen snapped out of it and was released to her compulsively private daddy, who left with her through the back door so he wouldn't be recognized by fans. Howard Stern

47. GLOBE 04/24
This former Hollywood heartthrob turned family man went to his local pot dealer to score a little reefer. While there, he smoked enough of the stuff that he freaked out when he passed a cop car on the way home and swallowed the rest of the bag. After he got home, he had to induce vomiting to avoid getting seriously ill. His wife was furious. Warren Beatty; Rob Lowe

Celebrity dating chains can be so complicated. You know how your seventh-grade health teacher told you you're not just sleeping with the person you're actually sleeping with, you're sleeping with everyone they've ever bedded?  I don't even want to think about the combinations that theory brings up in this town.

I'm just impressed with how one ethereal beauty has kept quiet her feelings--or lack thereof--about her very famed ex.

It has been a long while since this twosome has trotted together. He has certainly sweetened his way through a hive of honeys since. You're already jumping to conclusions, aren't you? You think this celeb uncoupling had something to do with his philandering?

 How wrong you are. Better give yourself a good snap of the Jockey strap as punishment, because this combustion had everything to do with the dude's diminutive assets.

Much as the guy exudes a fiery and feisty demeanor, his boudoir behavior left his amour feeling not even the slightest sensation, so the glam gal told her close confidantes. Oh, how tacky and Sex and the City can you get?

We could've tried to hook up this honey with the extralarge boxers buyer from last week's column, but she's already hitched to a not-shabby babe. All that's left is to hope his recent string of amorous associates haven't had quite such demanding standards.
Claudia Schiffer/David Copperfield
Gwyneth Paltrow/Brad Pitt
Gwyneth Paltrow/Ben Affleck

HINT 05/05
#1 - From eliza: In this week's One Bind Vice, is the inadequate Hollywood star George Clooney? He's Kelly Preston's ex, and she's John Travolta's wife. Makes sense to me.

--I certainly can't argue with a sleuth like yourself, deary, but I can tell you that you are off in more ways than one. Particularly dialect. Happy gumball-chewing, baby.

#2 - From meg: Diminutive assets from the Blind Vice? Hello!? Jerry O'Connell!
--Yes, who's calling please? Because I'm afraid I need to tell you you've got the wrong nookie number.

HINT 05/12
From shotrock: I've never guessed a Blind Vice before, but here goes: The ethereal star with the underendowed ex--Uma Thurman and Gary Oldman?
--You're warmer than you think but still wrong.

49. NY POST/PAGE SIX...04/29
--WHICH screen goddess recently separated from her hunky hubby was hitting on a cute, young waitress the other night in a downtown Italian restaurant? This leading lady is lucky too, because the waitress declined to talk to a nosy reporter who showed up a few nights later . . . Nicole Kidman; Meg Ryan

--WHICH top model is looking to spend $25,000 to get her teeth revamped in a hurry? The beauty is up for a lucrative ad contract, and her imperfect smile may cost her the job. James King; Kate Moss

50. POPSTITCH 04/30
--Which metal legend spent his Russian tour crying into the elderly bosom of the catering manager - who responded by giving him some smack? (The singer claimed he was missing his therapist)
. Ozzy Osbourne; Robert Plant

--Which pop queen spent 100 grand on post-production on one of her videos - because she wanted her crows' feet removed? Madonna

51. Filth2Go...04/30
Could it be that a certain television star got exactly what he wanted for his birthday? Let's make that "whom" he wanted. You see, ever since his show went on the air, he's been seen leering at his on-screen dad. And who could blame him? Dad's a hottie, and he's always known that his "son" has a huge crush on him. At sonny's birthday celebration on the set last month, "daddy" invited the young buck to take a private walk. They ended up in the elder's trailer, and well, you know the old saying - if the trailer's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'. I can tell you one thing - their tryst was most definitely not a flash in the pan.
James van der Beek and John Wesley Shipp

HINT 04/28
From Harrythecat: I know this week's One Blind Vice is Hugh Grant. However, nothing you can say will take away his recent hulky photos in Vanity Fair. No way, no how.
--Dear catty type: I'm afraid your meows are way off. Even though Hugh has spoken before about his very normal attributes, he ain't the one. Believe me. Think lady-killer, and you might scratch correctly.

From wordwrangler: I think this week's One Blind Vice was someone who dated either Sarah Michelle Gellar or Cameron Diaz. Am I right?
--The question is who hasn't he dated (not for long); hence, the item.

From jzwright: Blind Vices: Keanu Reeves (Sunset Strip prowler), Madonna (cosmetic surgery), Shania (looking for her ex) and Janet (eating disorder).Close? Warm? Cold?

--My faucet is mum.