September and October 1998

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FOREVER YOUNG? That vain, getting-older-by-the-second leading man turns a deaf ear to all the negative press talk about Hollywood's icky habit of pairing pre-geriatic male heroes with young, pretty things. Don't dare tell him that the "age thing" can be partially blamed for huge audiences shunning Blood and Wine, A Perfect Murder, Bulworth and Six Days, Seven Nights. Casting the all-important female role for his latest opus, this clueless star refused to even consider working with, among others, two gorgeous, gifted Oscar nominees and another gorgeous Oscar winner because, as he put it, I don't work with forty-year-old actresses! Shouldn't someone tell Mister Youth and Vitality how many gifted young beauties turned down the lead in one of his recent bombs because they were repelled by the thought of romancing him on-screen? Michael Douglas; Warren Beatty

2. STAR  MAGAZINE....09/01
This hip Hollywood couple are no strangers to scandal, but their private life is more twisted than anyone would ever guess. Beneath her subdued exterior lurks a whip-wielding disciplinarian, and although their romance has never been short on thrills, she's ready to ditch their relationship. She's fed up not only with his sloppy philandering, but also with his penchant for lounging around the house all dolled up in her sexiest dresses!

CHERRY PINK. He's handsome, hot, in demand and, for public consumption, at least, he constantly stakes out the moral high road and never budges. But just to the media, as it turns out. All Hollywood is taking bets on just how long it'll be before the guy cracks his own carefully-maintained veneer by getting himself exposed as the private sleazoid he is.

When he's not shooting somewhere around the globe, he can often be found not saving the manatee or the rain forest but whooping it up with his low-life, hanger-on friends at the strip clubs to which he's addicted--and from the talent pools of which he often finds "dates."

Then there are the doctors making small fortunes from keeping quiet about the nasty little social diseases he now and then contracts from screwing virtually anything that casts a shadow. Does his girlfriend-of-the-moment know or care, or is she just using him to further her own highly unlikely career?

GILDING THE LILY. Things appeared to be coming to a bad end, career-wise, for this unconventional-looking, well-respected actress who was just plain over those offbeat, independent prestige projects that put her on the map. Hell- bent for bigass fame and a seven-figure salary quote, she decided to take matters into her monstrously ambitious, oh-so-capable hands.

How? By huddling with her big-time agent to target a list of powerful, big- time directors who are, off the soundstage, pathetic loser horndogs who couldn't get a doll to look twice at them were it not for their Hollywood clout. That's a long list, honey!

So far, this lass already worked with and bedded one of our town's most overrated young "genius" directors, and she will be announced any instant as the star of yet another mega hyped director's big show--a director to whom she reportedly gave a hummer in his Beemer on their drive back from a Malibu restaurant business meeting.

But what, you ask, about her purported boyfriend, a very big wheel in some showbiz circles? He's happily bisexual and currently has his hands plenty full with the hunky leading man in his newest project. Lili Taylor, Chloe Sevigny, Elizabeth Berkeley, Courtney Love, Jennifer Lopez, Illeana Douglas.

5. STAR MAGAZINE...09/08
He was the sexiest member of one of America's hottest alternative bands - millions of girls swooned over his model looks and he was poised for superstardom. But just when his success skyrocketed, reports of his public heroin use spread like wildfire in Hollywood, where he was seen shooting up in the hippest nightspots such as SkyBar and the Whiskey Bar. Suddenly, his world came crashing down. He was thrown out of his band, he lost his trophy girlfriend, and he squandered his fortune on drugs and failed rehab attempts. Even more shocking, one of his best drug buddies was one of the hottest teen idols of the '70s!

6. GLOBE...09/08
This a.m. talk-show star is so paranoid about leaving behind odors in the ladies' room that she sets fire to a whole book of matches to cover her tracks! Co-workers always know when the gal's used the bathroom because it's filled with a sulfurous cloud of smoke!

7. NY POST/PAGE SIX....09/04...#1
WHICH mighty Hollywood starlet - reared in a Catholic home - came up with a highly imaginative way of technically keeping her virginity throughout college?

8. NY POST/PAGE SIX...09/04...#2
WHICH married, West Coast publishing powerhouse has been giving new meaning to foreign relations with a top European pol?

9. NY POST/PAGE SIX.....09/04...#3
WHICH recently retired football superstar now hangs around a trendy Left Coast restaurant to pick up the prettiest waitresses? The mother of one of the serving wenches disapproves ...

10. GLOBE...09/25
This pop singer is paranoid about her live-in help tattling tales about her wild family - so she's installed a high-tech phone system at home that code-numbers all outgoing calls, making it easy for her fingers to walk straight to the caller.

11. STAR MAGAZINE...09/15
This actress grew up in front of our eyes - we watched her transform from tombody into a striking and talented beauty. Unlike other child stars, she avoided scandals and still has an impressive career. But she's not as squeaky clean as she looks. Although she has a steady boyfriend, she's a practicing bisexual and hosts monthly all-girl orgies at her home! She invites the most glamorous closeted Hollywood lesbians for an everything-goes sex party that lasts all weekend. Her only rule - no drugs or boys allowed!

12. STAR MAGAZINE....09/22
He's a Hollywood hunk who has it all - a beautiful wife, a loving family, and a TV show that made him a star around the world. In one interview after another he brags about his clean-cut show and his personal family values - but don't believe it! When the cameras aren't rolling, he and his wife indulge in some hardcore swinging. They swap mates, hire hookers and hold sex parties at their L.A. mansion. Their sex lives are so kinky that even world-weary hookers are astonished by their bizarre fetishes!

Over the Labor Day weekend, a certain celeb found herself stranded in the rented home of her married and even more famous boyfriend - the papparazzi were outside his waterfront home in a boat. Her boyfriend called HIS WIFE to come bail them out, AND SHE DID!!! She flew in in the early morning hours, where the cheating couple greeted her like she was expected, and like she knew this lady would be there with her husband. The whole escape plan was to quash the potential damage a story of this magnitude would do to the careers of all three, not to mention protecting their children from such shenanigans.

What big wedding will take place in an estate in a Malibu Canyon within the next six weeks?

What loyal reader of AGC will be there?

And no, it's not PK

15. WILD CARD BLIND ITEM ....09/22....
Tequila and limes have taken a new twist with this hunky respectable family man celeb. Seems he and a certain barmaid played their own version of body slam! The first directive was that there be NO CAMERAS in this bar. Then, they sprayed each other's necks (maybe more, who knows?) with water and sprinkled on the salt. While one held a wedge of lime between their lips, the other took a shot of tequila and then sucked the lime from their partner's mouth. For about six shots worth. Mr. Celeb left on his own power, but word is there was a rendevouz later with same barmaid. I wonder if his wife knows?

Team Players.

Some of the most eligible babes in town are finally comparing notes, wising them up to the sex antics of those too-cool hotties who tend to show up in each other's flicks. Both drunk on new-found success and attention, and, Murg predicts, short-lived money, they appear to be cutting a swath through the town's population of gorgeous, on-the-make women unlike anything since the '70s glory days of Jack and Warren (Jack and Warren who? Ask your mother). Their m.o. is simple. One guy works his considerable charms on the doll of the instant in a trendy club, bar, or gym, entices her to his fabulous rented home in the hills, and just when things are getting very intimate, surprise! surprise!, the other guy pretends he just happens to drop by in hopes of a cozy threesome. The big question among their conquests, though, is when are the guys going to dispense with the middle man? Or, in this case, middle woman? The answer is, they already do, whenever they damn well feel like it. Vince Vaughn and Joaquin Phoenix, Jack Nicholson and Warren Beatty, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon

17. MOVIELINE/OCT.....#1
MR. HOT NEW DIRECTOR of that hot new film was arrested recently for a nasty domestic disturbance with his spoiled live-in boy toy. The director got out of jail in no time and hushed up reporters pronto. But his toy is still in the pen and plotting revenge. No gueses found.

18. MOVIELINE/OCT..... #2
MISSY FUNNY GAL couldn't understand why she wasn't getting many laughs at a private party. Maybe it's because seeing a mommy-to-be dancing on tabletops like a wild showgirl is far from a pretty sight. Get a clue, doll. No guesses found.

19. MOVIELINE/OCT...... #3
We had voices then. It's been way too long between hit movies, TV specials and records for this former giant, but still rich and talented star. Maybe that explains why neighbors rarely see her leave her gated mansion before dark. And why when neighbors hear her drive by they hear the songbird playing her old hit records over and over again. Some who've worked with her in the past say they would pity her if they didn't despise her so much. Cher, Diana Ross, Barbra Streisand, Liza Minelli, Doris Day

20. MOVIELINE/OCT.... #4
Lost. Legendary, award-honored stage and screen appearances won her the sort of respect most performers only dream of. So why has she virtually disappeared? Perhaps it's because of her loony behavior, which was on full display recently when a megastar went to bat to cast her in a scene-stealing role in a TV special. Sadly, she was so out of it that her cameo role was cut down to smithereens. Seems that the legend is so riddled by her personal demons that she can't function under that kind of pressure. Which is probably why she's making ends meet by working at a department store.

21. NY POST/PAGE SIX...09/13...#1
WHICH former beauty queen will get a rude shock when she learns her boyfriend, who works in government, is under investigation by Federal authorities? The basic rap is influence-peddling ...

22. NY POST/PAGE SIX....09/13....#2
WHICH Sexgate headliner has twice stiffed the stylist at a trendy salon, showing up for a cut and then claiming she'd forgotten her wallet? Her mortified driver coughed up the dough on both occasions.

23. NY POST/PAGE SIX...09/17....#1
WHICH chart-topping songbird is busy denying rumors she recently had front-end realignment to make herself even perkier? Do I have to come over there and show you my breasts? she asked one journalist in exasperation. The gent didn't take her up on the offer ...

24. NY POST/PAGE SIX...09/17...#2
WHICH desperate D.C. spin doctors are spreading the malicious rumor that a legal eagle known for his high morals is having a homosexual affair with a top judge in the nation's capital? ...

25. NY POST/PAGE SIX...09/17....#3
WHICH delectable divorcee, who recently got involved in the restaurant business, was spotted in L.A. in a parked sports car in full canoodle with a top network exec?

26. GLOBE ....09/06
This big-screen hunk is nicknamed "Spank Monkey" by his friends, because he likes his bed partners to get slap-happy and give him a good spanking. Beats us.

27. STAR MAGAZINE....10/06
Four hours of the Emmy Awards show is enough to drive anyone to distraction. This actress appears on one of the hottest new series and she and her date had to sit through the entire ceremony without getting a single award. When their limo-pulled up to a party at Morton's they apparently didn't realize the interior light was on. Patrons outside the restaurant watched fascinated, through the tinted windows, as this actress finished up having sex with her date. The couple adjusted their apparel and walked inside, unaware of their stunned audience!

Barnyard. This megafamous couple is much loathed, but never more so for their grand entrances into restaurants which have been known to make maitres d' and servers want to bolt for the nearest exit. He may be the bigger noise in the biz thanks to his massive ego and hit-and-miss movies, but she is famously flat-out nasty, especially whenever she's frustrated by yet another of her showbiz flops. But what's truly made her the butt of jokes (even in a town blissfully ignorant of polite etiquette) is her jaw-dropping table manners. You haven't lived until you've witnessed her habit of shoveling food into her mouth using both hands, let alone her fondness for complaining about everything with her mouth full and at the top her lungs. Although she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, she apparently never learned to use one. Or is it simply that white trash with money is only rich white trash? Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffin, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, David Duchovny and Tea Leoni, Elizabeth Hurley and Hugh Grant

29. EXAMINER...10/06
Which music superstar disbanded his successful group because his galpal had slept with every one of his musicians and he was sick to his stomach every time he took the stage?

30. STAR MAGAZINE....0/13
This squeaky-clean teen idol had some lean years after he grew up, but he's currently enjoying a rousing comeback. Now that he's rich and famous again, he's not so devoted to his loyal wife and family. Like Bill Clinton, he's out and about wooing young women, claiming he and his wife have an arrangement and they're just "friends" now. He brags about his equipment and promises these girls the moon, but when push comes to shove he's only interested in gratifyng himself. These frustrated girls are insulted by his one-way Clinton-style sex and they're starting to talk.

31. GLOBE....10/13...#1
Pals are worried about this madcap TV funnyman because off-camera he's having bizarre in-depth conversation with HIMSELF....and even aruging with himself in different voices!

32. GLOBE.... 10/13....#2
This sleek supermodel was a stumbling, mumbling mess when she staggered into New York's Nikko Hotel in the wee hours hunting for a rest room. "She was weaving and slurring her words. No one could understand what she was saying," confides an eyewitness. "Her hair was matted and disheveled." Sounds like rehab time....

33. NY POST/PAGE SIX....10/09....#1
WHICH friendly TV star was so strung-out on drugs during a recent shoot for a major fashion mag that she could barely speak, let alone stand up? Meanwhile, her new and shamelessly degenerate boyfriend was passed out in the corner of the room ...

34. NY POST/PAGE SIX..10/09....#2
WHICH editor at a high-toned weekly was forced to resign after she had an affair with her editor-in-chief? Apparently they couldn't continue working together.

35. GLOBE....10/20
Behind closed doors, this sitcom funnyman becomes a funnygirl: He loves dressing in drag! Sounds like the guy could use a shrink.

36. STAR MAGAZINE...10/20
Maybe you didn't notice, but this gorgeous actress disappeared for a few months this past summer. Everyone thought she was off on location working, but actually she was committed to a mental instrituion. She and her husband are on the Hollywood A-list but theirs is a marriage of convenience. The stress of living a lie finally took its toll. Her advisers were worried that she'd spill the beans on her marriage and blab about some of the peculiar company she keeps. They had her whisked off to an isolated psychiatric hospital in the Midwest for emergency treatment. She's out now but everyone's watching for signs of a relapse.

Which editor hopes to have everybody reading her magazine by getting a venerable columnist to write for the first time about being gay? . . .

38. STAR MAGAZINE..10/27
President Clinton might (or might not) be surprised to learn that he shared one of his "girlfriends" with k.d. lang! This gal is friskier and more experimental than anyone realizes. Between boyfriends this kinky femme enjoys the company of women. She was often seen in lesbian bars and was considered quite a catch. Her biggest same-sex romance happened with out-of-the-closet singer k.d. They were quite an item for a while. They were frequently spotted zooming around in k.d's Harley and they did a lot of smooching in public places. They might still be together if k.d. hadn't caught her seeing men on the side.

39. EXAMINER....10/19
Which hunky TV star secretly wears a second beeper to take calls from ex-girlfriends and galpals because his jealous bride HATES when he talks to other ladies? His actress wife is clueless because he wears one beeper that she sees, but keeps the other hidden in his pocket, set on the noiseless "vibrate" mode.

40. NY POST/PAGE SIX....10/20...#1
WHICH NBA superstar with a squeaky clean image is having an affair with a former beauty queen/singer/actress while his lawyers negotiate with his wife's lawyers so they can remain married? Seems he's willing to fork over a few mil to the missus to avoid any unpleasantness that would decrease his value as a product endorser ...

41. NY POST/PAGE SIX.....10/20...#2
WHICH magazine publisher has had his large collection of Impressionist paintings reduced by a few canvases? He put the art up as collateral and then got behind on his loan payments, so the money-lender is holding the paintings now ...

42. NY POST/PAGE SIX.....10/20...#3
WHICH billionaire's son hates insects so much he cut short a two-week Hamptons vacation and tried to get the money back on his house rental by taking a Polaroid of the mosquito bites on his ankles? ...

43. NY POST/PAGE SIX....10/20....#4
WHICH troubled Hollywood actor appears in a graphic photo on the Internet in the throes of passion with a very well-proportioned young woman? One clue: he has a ring through his left nipple ...

44. NY POST/PAGE SIX.....10/20....#5
WHICH long-married pop singer-songwriter from the '60s (male) shared a cozy table for two at the Gotham Grill with a hunky pinup from Playgirl magazine?

45. TED CASABLANCA...10/28
So, there's this very successful recording artist who fell on hard times with her second career (since her warbling days walked on by a couple of decades ago). House gets repossessed. She then drives over to a chic furniture-supply business and asks them to go over and cut the chandeliers out of her house before they get taken away.

"No, we can't do that," the owner replies.

"What do you mean you can't do that?" snaps the bankrupt babe. "Do you know who I am?"

"Yeah, I know who you are," the owner snaps back. "You're broke. Go home."

And she did. (I wonder if she found her way.)

46. Filth2Go...10/19
Could it be that a certain high-profile lesbian couple has been captured on film? Well, sure, one of them has done nude scenes, but the other ain't known for her eroticism. These candid pics are just wrong, wrong, wrong, but you know I'll wanna look at them when they hit the pages of Hustler. Classy, classy, classy.

Could it be that a certain gay actor has been overindulging in wild sex and partying? Not nearly as much sex as he'd like – rumor has it that after he connects with his prey on-line (oh, you lucky AOLers) or via phone-sex lines, he has them meet him at the oh-so-seedy Dunes Motel on Wilshire Boulevard. The lucky ones get what I'm told is the ride of their lives, but more often than not our hero is unable to rise to the occasion – with all the drugs littered around the room, is it any wonder? Not to worry – the guys who visit him pretend not to even recognize him, which is funny since in his season premiere he lost his memory. Is art imitating life, or was that episode simply filmed on location?

47. EXAMINER...09/22....#1
Which gorgeous female rock star has been snapping porno pix of her various male conquests over the years, and now plans to publish 'em all in an X-rated new book? Eye know there are a LOT of famous guys who could be caught with their pants down!

48. EXAMINER......09/22....#2
Which sitcom actress made a complete fool of herself in a hot Hollywood nightspot, getting SO drunk, she offered to play "White House intern" for a couple of attractive male strangers?

49. FROM THE SCRIBE, 10/20
This Foxy young sit-com star carries an eyedropper full of "relaxer", to ease his eye strain after a day under the lights. Only problem is . . . it is liquid cocaine!

If he doesn’t stop dropping, his party may be over before you can say "cut" and print".