November and December 1998

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When that wacky, aging sexpot and that youngish, talented screwup were eating at a posh Beverly Hills watering hole recently, they managed to send every other diner into a tizzy. Seems the indiscreet couple was laughing hysterically, schmoozing nonstop and flirting to no end. But that's just the beginning. She later caused a sensation on her way out when she, completely unbeknownst to her guest, tried to exit without paying the tab -- and was caught at the door. Then, while waiting for the valet to round up her car, she slipped her startled dinner companion the tongue. that's not all - she did the same to the valet, to whom she passed her phone number before fleeing in her convertible without bothering to pay the parking fee or a tip. Her kooky, mortified friend covered them both with a $100 bill. Farrah Fawcett and Robert Downey Jr. , Demi Moore and Leonardo DiCaprio

Just how hated is that icy, terrifyingly ambitious, marginally attractive young leading lady? So hated that many likely male costars have practically told their agents they'd rather do Sally Struthers infomercial than go near her. Why? Because she's very quickly earned a reputation of being a blatant user and social climber who sleeps, eats, drinks and dreams stardom and publicity opportunities 24 hours a day. Gwyneth Paltrow, Minnie Driver, Mira Sorvin, Winona Ryder, Helen Hunt

Mr. Super-famous TV and film star is looking pretty svelte and suave these days. Although he's always photographed in workout togs, he really got his great bod from massive rear-end lipo. Now only if he'd lipo his ego. Dean Cain, Tim Allen, Don Johnson, Bruce Willis, William Shatner

4. MOVIELINE/NOV..... #4
Mr. Box Office is on a roll with his latest string of hits. Unfortunately the success has turned this usually cool guy into a hothead. On the set of his new film he's been throwing tantrums and telling his director where to shoot and what angle to use. Everyone's afraid to tell the jerk that not only are his ideas lousy, but his acting's getting sloppy, too. Harrison Ford, Nicholas Cage, Matt Damon, John Travolta, Bruce Willis

Child's Play. What is it with Hollywood's obsession for young (and we mean young!) boys? Two of our town's best-known, 50-ish gay directors are famous for rarely bothering to look twice at any guy older than 30. Whatever. Then there's the 50-ish mogul and all-around shit-heel who insists his endless parade of rent boys be hetero and under thirty. Or how about the much-younger, hot gay director who turns up his nose at any prospect who's turned 20? Yet none of these guys have anything on that sometime actress, the ex-wife of a once-hot international name, who indulges her voracious appetite for the under-12 set--several of whom have been rumored to be the non-English-speaking, third world kids of her hired help. Insufficient number of guesses made on all four parts of this blind item.

Mind Your P's and Q's. The mad obsession Hollywood stars have always had for food, drink and drugs seems to be growing wilder by the instant. How would this screen funny guy’s legion of rabid fans feel knowing their favorite hunk can’t reach his erotic peak without two partners? Why two? Oh, don’t be silly. One to which he’s actively giving his hunk o’ burnin’ love, the other hovering behind him, fizzing-up a cold soda bottle and then, at the magic moment, thrusting it … uhm … where the sun don’t shine. But he’s got nothing on that married celebrity couple notorious for raiding Manhattan’s best delis and specialty food shops in order to return home where they smear delicacies all over each other, then lick and munch to black-and- blue ecstasy. (Isn't that why she often requires pounds of body makeup?) And what’s this about that wildly talented wild guy addicted to those wild porno tapes of people getting creamed in the kisser (among other places)? In time, watching wasn't enough -- now this bad boy gets off by having pies flung at him by nasty dial-a-studs! Insufficient number of guesses made on all three parts of this blind item.

7. GLOBE...11/03
This handsome actor, who's the boyfriend of a top TV sitcom beauty, recently was dropped by his Hollywood reps because he kept turning up for for meetings drunk or stoned. Guess his secret is out of the closet....

8. STAR MAGAZINE...11/03
An instantly recognizable TV and movie star often strolls around Universal Studios although he has no current business there. He's handsome, married and graying. He likes to strike up conversations with new young men working at menial jobs on the lot - especially if they have muscles. He gets right to the point and propositions the guys, promising he'll use his influence to get them a promotion. If starstruck guys agree he takes them behind the tour-tram sheds for a quickie. Eventually they catch on that he's notorious for cruising new male employees - and makes promises he doesn't keep.

Which Hollywood sex symbol has a serious foot fetish and won't date a gal until he checks out her feet? Before they can do the wild thing, he makes her get a pedicure. And after sex, there's no agony of de-feet cuz he gives his lucky partner hour-long foot massages.

10. Sportin' Blind Item, donated by Anonymous 10/23
Which member of a baseball team that just won the World Series has blown his chance to be back with the team? It seems that the manager caught him doing more than just a little chewing tobacco.

11. STAR MAGAZINE....11/10
This big-time Hollywood star is out of his mind at the thought of losing his beautiful trophy wife. He's been scrambling without success to avoid an up- and-coming divorce. He certainly doesn't want to be seen dating because he still hopes to save his marriage. To ease the pain and loneliness, he's keeping company with high-paid hookers. He pays $3,000 for an overnight date and the gals rave that it's easy money. The sex only lasts about three minutes and the rest of their evening is spent listening to him talk about his marital woes!

12. GLOBE....11/10
These two Hollywood stars have lived together for years but they're hiding a dirty little secret. She once caught him with a hooker in their bed and kicked him out, but later took him back. Surprisingly, she still puts up with his dallying as long as he doesn't go overboard - and doesn't bring his bimbo bedmates home anymore.
 Goldie Hawn/Kurt Russell

13. NY POST/ PAGE SIX..11/01...#1
WHICH elderly billionaire who owns his own bank has been traveling around the globe seeing specialists to find a cure for what ails him? No luck so far ...

14. NY POST/ PAGE SIX..11/01...#2
WHICH drug-ravaged runway walker was so high at the Vogue/Fendi fur fashion show the other night that even her biggest detractors felt sorry for her? I can't believe they actually let her go on, said one aghast witness.

15. TED CASABLANCA...11/05
Oh, what a salacious boudoir it is here at celeb-sex central, where I feel like one of those professional smut-sniffers Kenneth Starr is so fond of employing (and really is himself, of course). But, darlin's, don't forget--you opened my door fer the dish. And it's a well-worn threshold, I assure you. You see, famous folk are just like you and me: They have romances, fantasies, deceits. Some get caught, some don't. So, let me clue you in and tell you that one unlucky soul mentioned somewhere in this column was blackmailed by his or her lover. A very big and very celebrated favor for the blackmailer followed, much to the regret of the one who was being blackmailed. See if you can guess who it is (since my lawyer won't let me specify, natch--one big door-slam to him!).

HERE'S WHO'S MENTIONED IN HIS COLUMN: Cameron Diaz, Matt Dillon, Donald Trump, Madonna, Carla Bruni, Mark Wahlberg, Calvin Klein, Demi Moore, Bruce Willis, Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Leonardo DiCaprio, John Glenn, Naomi Judd, Bernadette Peters, Neve Campbell, Rupert Everett, Ben Stiller, Richard Dreyfuss, Robin Williams, Jennifer Aniston, Reese Witherspoon, Jared Leto, Pam Anderson, Michael Bolton, Richard Greico, Vince Vaughn, Matthew Perry, Liz Smith, Martin Landau, Aaron Spelling, Candy Spelling, Warren Beatty, Garry Shandling, Jenna Elfman, Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, Andie MacDowell, Charlton Heston, Bill Maher, Ronald Reagon, Michael Reagon, Harvey Fierstein, Carson Daly, Rosie O'Donnell, Jewel, Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston, Puff Daddy, Ewan McGregor, Liz Taylor, Rod Steiger, Marilyn Manson, Gwyneth Paltrow, Martha Stewart, Faye Dunaway, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Liza Minelli.

How badly are things going for that once-hot movie hunk for whom so many in town were making Big Predictions? After a string of bland performances in big-studio and independent flicks, the ludicrously pompous guy turned down a role on an ensemble TV show and a juicy part in a Broadway play, both of which made full-fledged stars of the actors who took them. Then, after seeking spiritual enlightenment from every quack known to man, he found his true calling: producing and funding (very anonymously) porno and fetish videos. Friends say it's just a matter of time before he shows his all in one of his own porn flicks.

17. MOVIELINE/DEC.... #2
She's multitalented, has a coterie of fans and, what's more, is totally, irrefutably bonkers. On the set of her latest extravaganza, the young thing dropped to her knees to pray to her personal muses and burned sage sticks to purge the set of evil influences. (It would have been wiser for her to have driven a stake through the heart of the film's satanic director and producer, but never mind.) What really frosted her costars, though, is the acting advice she foisted on them, which she claimed claimed came directly from long- dead movie icons such as Louise Brooks, Montgomery Clift and Vivien Leigh.

18. MOVIELINE/DEC.... #3
Missy young top movie star is really a pill. After buying an exclusive, luxury condo, she had the building management send a letter to all her neighbors asking that they not make direct eye contact with her in the hallway, stairs or lobby. Jeez, maybe she should have bought a house.

19. MOVIELINE/DEC.... #4
Missy young TV/movie star who sometimes models has certainly put on a few pounds. Perhaps they're from all those late-night dinners-for-two that she's been having in her hotel with a certain special beefcake dude during the press tour for her new show.

20. GLOBE....11/17
This Melrose Place hunk stunned a couple arriving for a bash at his Hollywood Hills home by answering the door wearing only a towel. But he was overdressed compared to his galpal, whose T-shirt barely covered her bare bottom - and their other guests were buck-naked. Some party!

21. STAR MAGAZINE.....11/17
This serious newsgal has a serious problem - she can't hold her liquor! The stress of trying to break the hottest stories and competing in a predominantly man's world has finally gotten to her. She seeks relief from her new best friend - the bottle. She's careful not to let her addiction affect her work but she's getting sloppy after hours. At one high-brow Hollywood event she got so bombed that her embarrassed date had to carry her out. Maybe that's the reason he's been distancing himself from her lately.

22. NY POST/PAGE SIX....11/98..#1
WHICH filmmaker notorious for his profligate budget overruns on his movies is also known as a stingy tipper by the staff at a major Los Angeles hotel? He thinks that attaching a pittance to his restaurant bills enhances his superstar image ...

23. NY POST/PAGE SIX....11/98..#2
WHICH Florida-based CEO has been getting hypnotized by the husband of a former '70s sitcom star who endorses his products? ...

24. NY POST/PAGE SIX....11/98..#3
WHICH morning TV hostess publicly known as a sweetheart is so hard to get along with that secretaries come and go with astounding regularity? She's a control freak who hates being upstaged by anyone on or off the air ...

25. NY POST/PAGE SIX....11/98..#4
WHICH popular athlete who was for many years on a very successful team prefers being with guys more than gals? He looks like the All-American Boy.

Elvis Lives. Doors are slamming all over town on the surgically enhanced puss of that ego-bloated, ridiculously overpaid, past-it star famous for how his agents milked studios and producers for big dollar salaries, even though he's lately graced more flops than hits.

His longtime detractors are thrilled to see that everyone in Tinseltown is finally over the guy -- and his demands for all sorts of extra star perks like his bloating of movie budgets by insisting on do-nothing jobs for his white trash friends, putting on salary his quack gurus and masseurs, and requiring his fave foods-of-the-moment to be flown in at his whim from global dives.

What's next? Don't be surprised if he signs, with great fanfare, for a TV series for which he'll be paid much, much less than the astronomical salary his agents will tout. Steven Segal , Val Kilmer, Kevin Costner, Patrick Swayze

Didn't that pair of much-photographed, international movie stars realize everyone in line at that all-night gourmet grocery store knew exactly what they were up to when they staggered to a checkout line to purchase a couple of freakishly huge cucumbers and a bottle of baby oil? Maybe it wasn't so cool of him to try and pay with his credit card (which was rejected) but, then again, weren't they too boozed up to give a damn?

Yes, another wicked whisper, all about that crack-happy mother and son act... by Murgatroyd

Crackers. It can't be true about the cocaine addiction of that famous, glamorous movie and TV mom and her handsome young son, can it? Or...can it? Rumors are whizzing around town that this very schizy mother is more than aware of her young son's cocaine abuse: she shares the same problem! Often, insiders say, the parent and the kiddo -- who live out of state -- go on coke- buying sprees together, buying the drug in large quantities from dealers in trendy Santa Barbara and Santa Monica. Can’t help but wonder what the boy did on his own when his mama got admitted to an out-of-state hospital when her nose bled so uncontrollably she seemed an almost certain candidate for a brain hemorrhage? Also, can’t help but wonder when the boy's going to finally be taken out of this sicko's hands and put into protective custody (and enforced rehab)? It sure won't be in the hands of his dad, who's got drug and money problems of his own. Farrah Fawcett and son Redmond, Cher and son Elijah Blue, Goldie Hawn and son Wyatt.

29. STAR MAGAZINE....11/24
This happily married guy is one of the most popular actors in Hollywood. He struck up a conversation with a brawny extra on a movie set and the guy told him he was also a masseur. The actor took his card and called him for a massage at home at 10 p.m. The masseur was happy with the $200 tip and he didn't mind dropping everything to rush over when the actor called later and later at night. The actor's wife and kids were always in another part of their big house and eventually he made it clear he hoped for more than just a massage. The masseur aims to make him happy - he'd like to be masseur on the actor's next movie.

30. GLOBE...11/24 #1
This late-night talker was speechless when he sauntered out of a kinky porn video store - and got caught on camera by a team from a local TV crew investigating the sex shop! Luckily, the local station was an affiliate of the star's network - and a few choice words to his bosses got his mug cut out of the broadcast.

31. GLOBE ...11/24 #2
Which tarty temptress and star of a current movie has been putting so much powder up her nose that she's bound to blow it all? Pals are worried sick because she's coked out of her mind most of the time, but refuses to go into rehab.

32. SOAP OPERA BLIND ITEM....From (Billy Masters)
Could it be that one of the most famous daytime divas is hiding just a little something in her closet – like a female lover? Don't let that dutiful wife and mother story fool you – this lady's definitely a better actress than you ever imagined. No one on the set of her popular sudser would ever whisper a word of the truth for fear of getting a tongue lashing by someone who's been known to speak in tongues. I'd tell you who it is, but I'm afraid that this name would send your head spinning.

33. STAR MAGAZINE...12/01
After getting abruptly fired from her TV job, this gal took out her frustations in the kitchen. She ate her way through three dress sizes! She took off for Hollywood looking for work but was so bloated no one would hire her. Desperate times call for desperate measures she she went on the cocaine diet. The drug killed her appetite and she's slim again. Now she'd love to kick the habit, but she's terrified she'll gain all that wieght back if she stops snorting the drug.

34. FilthToGo....11/23
Could it be that a certain well-known entertainment contributor will be surfacing in a gay porn film? That was the buzz at this year's GEVAs. Rumor has it that said entity is in hush-hush negotiations with one of gay porn's noted drag directors to leave his behind-the-scenes position and get into some compromising ones on camera. But don't expect to recognize him – rumor has it that he will either be in drag or will simply supply the "stunt dick".

35. Datalounge....11/24
Found these items on the Datalounge ( site today in the gossip section.

Speaking of Keanu, which fast-travelling co-star in the last hit for either one of them has an unusually styled hair cut beneath her bikini? Like what little is there is trimmed in an unusually suggestive manner? Ew! I almost threw up!

Which recently humiliated pop star can't get enough of dangerous public sex and, though steering clear of certain stomping grounds, is particulary fond of steam rooms? We're told he still gets plenty of action owing to his vocal celebrity and other renown oral accomplishment, but that it's really a waste of time bothering to locate or fiddle with his bits. Community service your way out of that one!

And which boat-faring co-star of Brad Pitt several years back -- an almost but not quite a name in his own right just yet -- has only one where there should be two? Ew! I almost threw up again!

36. NATIONAL EXAMINER.....11/25....
Which happily married Emmy-winning TV star tells his wife that he's out playing pool with the boys a few nights a week, but is actually a frequent visitor to the Playboy mansion? The dramatic actor enjoys randy romps with the leggy lovelies, and his unsuspecting bride is none the wiser.

37. From the Filth2Go....11/30...
Could it be that a certain former TV heartthrob is cruising guys publicly? I don't wanna be accused of spreading gossip, but this hot boy (who was pretty damn super in his younger days) was making a public appearance recently at a DC convention and stuck around until it was virtually deserted. Why? All the better to approach the cute boy he'd been cruising. Perhaps he was just being friendly with that typical line straight men say to other straight men - "You've got the bluest eyes I've ever seen." (which is funny because our hero used to have blue eyes too.) Anyway, I'm told that nothing happened and that this particular object of his affections left after a few awkward moments, but I trust our hero didn't go home alone. After all, the photos he was hawking of himself in that tight Speedo made it clear where his talents lie.

Which Hollywood honcho with an unblemished rep as a family man has regular tete-a-tetes with a young man at a New York hotel? . . .

39. NY POST/PAGE SIX....12/04....#1
WHICH white-haired Senator is said to be having a not-so-youthful indiscretion with an attractive widow who also works in Washington, D.C? ...

40. NY POST/PAGE SIX....12/04....#2
WHICH bachelor billionaire knew he would score during a romantic dinner at Le Cirque when his date slipped off her panties and handed them to him? The pair was soon in his limousine, and then in his bed. But now she's livid because that's the last she ever heard from him ...

41. NY POST/PAGE SIX....12/04....#3
WHICH major communications company has to lock up the liquor at their corporate 4retreats and restrict all employees to soft drinks because the chairman's son hits the bottle too hard?

42. STAR MAGAZINE....12/15
This gorgeous TV doll was a household name in the late '70s and early '80s. Her series and numerous made-for-TV movies were smash hits. Everyone wanted to be her. But those days are over and the '90s haven't been kind. She hasn't had an acting job in years and to fill her time she's turned to the bottle. Her stay in rehab did little to stall her addiction. She's drinking again, and her once amazing figure is bloated. It's so bad that her beloved husband has threatened to file for divorce unless she checks back into rehab for as long as it takes.

43. GLOBE.....12/15
This former TV cop got so smashed on margaritas while chasing girls at a Miami bar that he couldn't even talk! (Better learn some pickup lines in sign language, big guy.)

44. NY POST/PAGE SIX....12/06
WHICH young Hollywood actor who has bedded more than his share of models is now dating either the pock-marked lead singer of a hugely popular rock band, or the bearded young head of a record company - or both? ... WHICH TV talker has her cheating husband doing so many chores at home that her friends jokingly claim he's "under house arrest?" ... WHICH self-styled movie mogul made a big mistake when one of his secretaries knelt down to open a file cabinet? "It's good to see you on your knees where you belong," he joked. Now she's suing him for sexual harassment.

Chimes at Midnight. They're pretty, they're famous, they're such close girlfriends. Well, since they're in showbiz, only kind of, as it turns out.

It seems that the bigger-hearted, more generous doll of the two has been trying frantically to spice up her gal pal's stalled career as well as her futile love life. Why not combine the two, Ms. Generosity thought?

So, when the gal pal couldn't find a leading man willing to play opposite her in her newest sure-to-be-bomb, Lady Bountiful helpfully put in a good word for that sexy European actor who hasn't been seen much on these shores.

Now that the once-hot pal and the Eurotrash actor are making the movie and carrying on a torrid affair, is the helpful friend going to admit that she, earlier, carried on with the actor till one night when she returned to their hotel suite to find him in bed making ooh-la-la with two hotel employees -- one female and the other male? Gwyneth Paltrow and Winona Ryder, Mira Sorvino and ?

46. FilthToGo....12/07
Could it be that a certain high-profile former underwear model is dropping his drawers in public? Not only that, but this self-professed bisexual has been eschewing any female companionship lately and spending more and more time in the company of men. And not just any men - men in towels! This horny guy has been spotted in some rather compromising positions lately at a few gay bathhouses around the country. Although he is extremely friendly and approachable in public, when you see him cruising the halls in a towel, he's all business. How does he lure his men (who, strangely, don't recognize him until the act is well underway)? He simply lets the towel drop discreetly, picks it up with a sheepish grin, and returns to his room with the door wide open. What does he get into? Aside from simply wanting to be serviced, I'm told that he really likes to make out. That experience with mouth to mouth has really paid off!

47. TED CASABLANCA....12/10
Dear Ted: I've heard there are some celebs who either still do or used to wet their beds. Can you tell me who they are? R.D. Washington, D.C.

Dear R.D.:

I don't know which fact is more sick--that you're asking this stupid question or that I know the answer. In either case, it's of no benefit to you, because I'm going to tell you to go wet a life.

P.S. (All right, all right. I'll take pity on you and give you a hint on one current bed-moistener: She's her daddy's little girl.)

48. STAR MAGAZINE....12/22
This easy-on-the-eyes Hollywood actor won our hearts playing the good guy on a long-running series. But his private life is nothing like his TV character's. He's a party monster with a big-time cocaine habit. Although he lives in Los Angeles, he's planning on a white Christmas. In the spirit of giving, he's ordered $10,000 worth of cocaine to pass around to his partying pals, and another $10,000 worth of the stuff as an early Christmas present to himself!

49. GLOBE....12/22
This music superstar vanished from the table during a recent dinner party in his London home, and his assistant told the 10 puzzled guests: "When he returns, it is very important that you act as though nothing is different." Moments later, the host swept back into the dining room - dressed in an elegant Cinderella-type ballgown!

50. Filth2go....12/14
Could it be that a certain adorable star of one of those nighttime teen soaps has been a bitless than discreet about his preference for other cute guys? It wasn't enough that he has been previously linked with his trainer (maybe he knows Brendan), with a teen heartthrob from a Saturday morning show, and even with an actress whose career has been charmed, I'm sure. Nope, this diminutive star must have dropped his paranoia when he showed up at a NYC gay bar, bought a beer, and flashed that trademark smile and dimples. Within ten minutes, the cutest guy in the place went over to him, and this newly-coupled party left together. Where did this bold youth take our star? Maybe there's a dwarf tossing night at some bar that I'm not aware of!

Scott Wolf

51. NY POST/PAGE SIX....12/15
WHICH recently divorced British billionaire - who's keeping a Russian beauty queen in high style on Fifth Avenue - employs a man in Malibu whose sole purpose is scouring the globe for long-limbed lovelies? The scout locates first- and second-mates for his yacht cruises ...

WHICH entertainment mogul has lost his partner-in-crime for his annual St. Barts holiday? They used to split the cost of the chartered yacht, the rented models, and the hired goons who provided security. But now his partner has cleaned up his act and soberly decided the party is over

Yes, another eyebrow-raising tale of plastic surgery run amok... by Murgatroyd

Breaking Point. Strains and cracks are becoming increasingly obvious every day in this much-photographed couple's highly improbable relationship. They'll doubtless yack about all the whys and wherefores if (make that when) they head for splitsville, but isn't plastic surgery a major source of tension? Whenever she claims the need to have quality time alone, he realizes this means one thing and one thing only: it's time again for her to fly off to Europe for yet another nip and tuck. Hilariously, she swears up and down to him (and anyone else who'll listen) that she's never been nipped or tucked. After all, he's in no position to complain; he does the very same thing with the very same docs and, yes, tells the very same lies about it. So what's the problem for this deluded duo? He's rightfully distressed that his latest surgery didn't turn out quite so well. Or haven't you noticed?

53. NY POST/PAGE SIX....12/19
WHICH fashionable blonde wife of one of the world's sexiest men was all over a hunky model/actor at a gala on the Left Coast while hubby stayed in Gotham working? ...

WHICH plastic surgeon went into the hospital for a bad back and came out with enemies whispering he had tried to commit suicide because his gorgeous wife was having an affair? It's all a crock ...

WHICH hot young British actress has been telling friends about the lesbian affair she had with her even hotter co-star on the set of their first big film? Apparently they were just dabbling during the downtime.

54. FilthToGo ....12/21
I have a pair of stories regarding celebrities engaging in male-to-male sex. No, not together but both in Canadian hotel rooms. I am cloaking these stories in blind items since, well, why end the year with a lawsuit? The first is about a film funnyman who is said to have enjoyed porn actor Claude Jourdan. Did they have fun? I'm told that it wasn't a single encounter and that there were many encore performances.The second item is far more seedy - which means that I like it more. One fan was telling me of his AOL chat with a certain rugged actor who was in Toronto hotel. This 41-year-old (who has done every sequel to his most popular flick) seemed to want my source to show up at the hotel with a friend and have a bit of fun. The actor, who is obviously method, had been partying and wanted to be in the middle. My source called the hotel to confirm that this actor was staying there (and you know I did too!) and went to the assignation. These stories never have happy endings, and this one is no different. Our swinger was far too high and not in any condition to stand up, let alone get it up. Could it be that a former soap opera hunk is tired of waiting for his next part and is now waiting tables? Oh, it's true, and the intriguing thing about this item is that it could fit several former hunks. But this particularly item is not about the soap actor now serving drinks,nor the other soap actor currently drinking them! Our story is about the one who has just had a bit of bad luck. Since he still needs to keep up with certain monthly payments, he's moved in with his much-lauded Mum and taken a job in a rather high-profile restaurant. All the better to audition, I suppose.

55. GLOBE..12/29
This superstar singer had a talk show's staffers wondering if she'd make it through her guest spot - because she was clearly zonked on drugs! Our spies say the gal was jerky, talked a mile a minute and sweated so much she had to change her dripping clothes afterward! Looks like Betty Ford's in her future.

56. STAR MAGAZINE;..12/29
This megastar is outspoken but claims to be old-fashioned and wholesome when it comes to romance. She shocked Hollywood when she reconciled with her less-than-perfect husband. Despite dire predictions, they're happy as clams. Here's why: Three isn't a crowd in their bedroom. They've spiced up their love life by hiring expensive call girls to join them in kinky fun and games. Most surprising, the big star isn't just doing this to please her bored hubby she's more into it than he is!

57. TED CASABLANCA....12/31
Tacky little Tedbit here for your now-limp Xmas stocking: There's a thespian of sorts mentioned in this here column, babycakes (someone who, I assure you, adores crabcakes), who sorta yo-yos on the weight thang.

Wanna know what the dude says every time he passes a Winchell's Donuts? (A little hint: Think Sean Penn.)

Can I say it? All right, I'll go ahead. (My mother doesn't even own a computer.) The aroma of freshly risen doughy stuff gives our Mr. Actor Man something that rises as well, so he says.

I think you know what I mean. (Does that make me mean?)

Sean Penn Val Kilmer Danny Glover Jeff Goldblum Ted Danson Charlton Heston James Wood Elijah Wood David Schwimmer Leonard Nimoy David Boreanaz Gabriel Bryne Rupert Everett Sean Lennon Keanu Reeves Jack Nicholson Nick Nolte Woody Harrelson John Travolta Drew Carey

**Which dapper CEO of a new-media design shop called one of his female producers a "pussy" to her face in public?

**Which sexed-up Web editor, now pitching a TV show based on his own life (in script development in L.A.), first revealed his roaring self-confidence in a high school yearbook photo featuring him in Vuarnets, lounging in the sails of a Caribbean sailboat, with the lone quote: "'Life's been good to me so far'-The Eagles"?

**Which digeratus has made the health of his penis his most recent conversational gambit with both men and women?

**Which tony tech-publishing cynosure, recently adopted by a New York parent, bought the domain name

**Which interface theorist gets his facials at Bliss?

**What Brooklyn-based online pundit has such a virtual social life that he puts on a tie to eat alone?

**Which leapfrogging new-media executive, once a reporter in Iraq, has a "thing" for snakes?

**What boutique design studio has hacked into the Internet Archives and, using its own much ballyhooed applet, is on the verge of creating a map of all human traffic online (and doesn't even know it)?

**Which ambitious 21st-century philosophe consented to coverage of his "approach" from USA Today only if the paper promised to run the article "above the fold"?

**The creative director of what feminist e-zine was once asked to join Hole and turned the band down?

**Which nappy-haired designer for what online mag shagged a pouty Hollywood doll known for her horizontal acting and even picked her up from the hospital after she had a domestic dispute with a costar?

**What straitlaced D.C.-based policy wonk is also a committed innernaut and Burning Man acolyte?

**Which creative vet at a giant design outfit spent time as a member of the est-like Forum, empowering himself and his company's roll-up strategy?

**What homegrown million-dollar content project-a book, television show, and game partly underwritten by Microsoft-has vanished without a trace, even while its radio broadcast continues on NPR?

**Which monster publishing company recently segregated its old employees from the new hires, shuttling longtime staffers away from the windows and into cube farms?

**What married, male new-media journalist has the particularly... er... suggestive literary tic (observed by colleagues) of noting every gay man's sexual orientation multiple times?

**Which Alley heavyweight owns a poodle whose fur bears more than a passing resemblance to the master's hairdo?

**Which poison pen, now rumored to be dating NPR's This American Life host, wrote (as foreplay?) two different puff pieces on her slampiece-to-be in the pages of the West Coast magazine she edits?

**Which Alley firm just got a sweet deal worth $2 million from the mayor to stay put in the city?

**In desperation to stay afloat, which gi-normous "feminist" Web venture is now taking money from Kuwaiti investors?

**Which hyperactive pundit of the new economy is desperately trying to unload his high-profile investment in a finance-news company on the runway for an IPO?

**Which design firm CEO sat the entire company down, early on, and revealed the specifics of his salary, Japanese style? (Life's obviously been good to him so far.)

**Which spades 'n' sewing content site, which first placed its advertisements on Yahoo! searches for "blowjob," is preparing for a total meltdown? (Where are the Kuwaitis when you need them?)

**Which CEO of what online entertainment company smoked DMT with what new-media author, led by which moonlighting shaman, who works for what top interactive ad agency?

**Faced with the specter of layoffs (or transfer to humming Wayne, Pennsylvania), the engineers at which soon-to-be-merged megalith received checks for $25,000 to stay until they get officially downsized in February?

**Which CEO of what design outfit fired an employee and then invited the shucked staffer over to his place for bong hits? (Dapper, indeed.)

**Which Alley writer (male) has a "thing" for Hasidic men?

**Which perfectly coiffed content executive is rumored to have the biggest love-cable in the industry? (Alas, it's a dedicated line.)

**Which new-media-and-music mogul played bass in a punk band called Dung Beetle and now occasionally takes a Lincoln Town Car to work and occasionally lunches at Balthazar?

**Which new-media company, coming off a boffo IPO last year, just released a merchandising chotchke CD featuring the tactlessly chosen song "Pay, Pay, Pay"?

**Which $120,000-a-year CEO (the one with the reefer habit) packet-switches girlfriends-read: female employees-with surprising regularity?

**After his firm expanded to larger offices with two bathrooms, which founder of a consulting agency forbade employees from defecating in the bathroom near his office, reserving that particular privilege for himself?

**Which multimillion-dollar deal maker's now-partners were running around in October saying they'd never, ever invest with her because she's too flaky?

**Which one of a growing list of disgruntled former clients is on the verge of suing his new-media publicist for fraud?

**What editor at a print-and-pixel rag learned of his/her "lateral" move in the company not from the editor in chief or any staffer, but from a random reader who spotted the change in the masthead?

**Which hostess with the mostest dated what martial arts maven and milked a cartoon Web soap out of it?

**Which yogic guru (who inverts her crows with Madonna) once liaisoned with a celebrity Web diarist who then wrote about it for time immemorial on his home page?

**Which techno-pundit turned his private listserv into a direct mail advertisement for his new book?

**Which journalist, famed for reporting on a world-renowned ISP, is dating the female CEO content provider for the same service?

**A back-end technologist at which geographically expansionist firm quit in an argument over the company's highly inflated traffic numbers?

**Which cocksure design firm fired the company's head of human resources for his medical condition (narcolepsy)?

**During a top-level meeting at which multimillion-dollar black hole-part of a huge magazine monolith-did one manager suggest that if outside contractors charged too much for their services, she would start "jewing them down a little"?

**What executive accrues cell phone bills upwards of $15,000 a month?

**What "strategist" at which McDesign franchise is spending millions advertising his book about the profound influence of aliens on the history of human culture?

**What design genius moved out of his apartment rather than clean it?

**What Alley firm fudged its stock option clauses to guarantee that the employees' options couldn't be exercised?

59.. NY POST/PAGE SIX..12/31
WHICH highly-placed Washington biggie had a knock-down, dragout with his wife during a dinner party at their Connecticut home? The embarrassing row, which took place in front of several guests, started when the Mrs. complained about how her hubby is never home, and that his job leaves him no time for his family. Our spies say he wants to leave his post, but can't because of the ongoing Presidential foofarah ...

WHICH rising teenage star is carrying on a torrid affair with his agent? The woman, who's nearly twice her client's age, goes to therapy to try and curb her impulses but just can't stop sleeping with the cutie.


LAST UPDATED: April 12, 2008