NOTE: Guesses in italics are only guesses;
guesses in blue are a link to the solution or substantial
clues
1.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 01/01
This comedian is known for his comic skills, but his fans would be shocked
if they knew how he really behaved. He treats his wife horribly. He fights
with her in front of their kids and out in public. He is a disgrace. Sources
say his Asian wife is very unhappy with the way she is being treated.
Dave
Chappelle
2.
NY
POST 01/02
1. WHICH 40ish actress has finally gotten pregnant for the first time? Her
rep is denying it because she's only a month into it, and has suffered
miscarriages in the past. Said our source: "Watch for her to get bangs and
start wearing hats to hide her sagging face because you can't be on Botox
when you are pregnant."
Nicole
Kidman
2. WHICH gorgeous daughter of a foreign-born billionaire had a fling last year with Prince William? While their families don't get along, and she could never marry the future King of England, the hookup between their clans was not unprecedented. Camilla Al Fayed
3. NY
DAILY NEWS 01/02
Which Las Vegas mover and shaker is having a very public affair with a beauty
queen who wears the name of a neighboring state on her sash? "It's so out
in the open, but the photographers know they're not allowed to take a picture
when she's sitting on his lap," says a snitch.
4.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/02
This black male celebrity is considered a very good actor although he has
never won an acting award. Like so many actors before him, there have been
complaints about his arrogance and attitude, but he's still respected for
his craft throughout Hollywood. What few people know, it's heavily rumored
that he's a functional cocaine addict. People on film sets were wondering,
why is he always sniffling with a runny nose, twitching and somewhat irrational?
He doesn't have a cold but he does have a cocaine habit that sets him back
a couple of thousand each week. His nose is like a vacuum cleaner when it
comes to this drug and he can't seem to stop snorting despite nasal problems
(tissue). When he's at home, he likes to use coke in a darkened room and
often closes the curtains beforehand. No one can understand, why is he blowing
this opportunity with drugs? Because, it's so hard for blacks to make it
in Hollywood, period. He gets an opportunity and goes buck wild, like he's
making up for lost time. The public, especially urban communities would be
surprised and shocked that this particular black actor is an cocaine addict.
It's only a matter of time before everyone will become aware of his
addiction-because at the rate he's going, he will be in rehab soon.
Terrance Howard
5. LONDON SENTINAL 01/02
1) He may have been the devils own, but it hasnt been enough to keep
this actors career up to speed. Maybe that is why his closet door is
less firmly shut than it than it used to be in the past. Recent weeks he
has been seen cruising through town and partying at nightclubs with his striking
young boyfriend. Keanu Reeves
2) This legendary Hollywood director does not only have billions to the bank he also has his heart in the right place. When his wife overheard a local animal shelter was in financial trouble and feared it had to close its doors he not only donated one million dollars, he also prompted his friends to pick up some of the most needy pets and offered a severely battered dog a new loving home. Steven Spielberg
3) This not so usual actor showed his gallant side at a recent party in London. When a member of the British elite displayed aggression and rudeness towards his girlfriend the actor confronted the distinguished gent about his behavior. When the notable then turned his aggression towards the gallant actor, he was silenced by a swift left corner. The gallant actor proceeded to offer the damsel in distress a ride home. He did not return to the party. Gabriel Byrne
4) Will this actor ever learn? His behavior is spinning out of control, drugs, booze, violence, rudeness, and now he even badmouthed one of his female fans when she asked for his autograph at a recent social gathering. The actor was so high his boyfriend in disguise even intervened in fear things would get out of control even more.
5) This actor loves the ocean. He likes the ladies, but .recently he met someone he really seems to have lost his heart to, his biggest problem may be its not someone of the opposite sex. The pressure is high for him to keep his secret, but some think he may be getting tired of it. George Clooney
6.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/02
#1 Lots of fights during the holidays among family members. Fights during
the holidays are not the exclusive domain of Tyra Banks staffers. Well during
one family fight outside the restroom of a bar, a female singer who does
some acting from time to time, got her wig pulled straight off her head.
She's bald. Completely, without a hair on her head bald. I so wish there
were a picture. It would be the most popular photo ever.
Whitney
Houston
#2 I guess she is an actress. I am trying to think of something she has been in recently, but can't. Now she is known more for just making headlines. She made a recent one, and could make another if anyone ever finds out that she took a guy she met one hour earlier into the restroom at a party she was hosting and f**ked him on the couch there. I wish men's restrooms had couches, but we would probably just lay on them and wait for our dates to leave and wish we had a remote control. Tara Reid
7. NY
DAILY NEWS 01/03
Which still-young-but-past-his-prime TV star has been trying to ditch his
actress fiancee? He already made her terminate a pregnancy when she was just
17. Chad Michael Murray
8.
HOLY
MOLY 01/03
A certain singer from the British Isles is well aware that his fan base is
mostly made up of middle-aged women and strict Catholics, hence his image
is so squeaky clean that even the sight of him leaves a taste in the mouth
like accidentally drinking washing-up liquid from a badly-dried glass. The
man is such a saint that he even keeps his charity work in Eastern Europe
close to his chest. Also close to his chest are some of the younger male
residents of the orphanages he patronises, though they are usually closer
to his balls. It's amazing what a few signed CDs and a handful of Euros will
get you in the former Eastern Bloc countries. And on the bright side, such
gifts are tax-deductible! Which is important if you're nipping over to those
countries three or four times a year for your 'charitable donations.'
Daniel O'Donnel
9.
TED
CASABLANCA 01/03
One Fagola-Addled Blind Vice: Oh, sex and drugs and rock n roll,
what else is new in T-town, right? Just homosexual sex, drugs and rock
n roll, thats what. (Like this is a news flash, but hey,
Im just the goss messenger here, kay?) Sally Sedate Me has hooked
up with her latest man. You saw that, didntcha? Yep, sure ya did. This
latest guy is simply divine, so delish, much more so than the last loser
the sweetie star hung out with. Indeed, fans are so relieved SSM has found
herself a he-man worthy of her luscious locks, winning smile and utterly
adorable personality. Its a tabloid team made in heaven! Why? Well,
because New Guys also got a killer grin, a fab sense of humor, a total
do-me coif andbest of allabsolutely no desire whatsoever to make
love to Sally, just like she likes it. See, Sally-Sweets lives for getting
high, not orgasmic. But she likes the company, and she knows her career will
suffer if shes seen manless for too long. And New Guy, course,
wouldnt even have a job if his homo ways were known. Or so he thinks.
Sally really should get over her habit, already. Doesnt she see its
whats marginalizing her career, not her male companionship (or lack
thereof)? Its a good flick thats hard to find, not a fella or
a fix. AND IT AINT: Alicia Keys; Reese Witherspoon; Beyonce Knowles
Jennifer Aniston/Jason Lewis; Heather Locklear/Jack Wagner
10.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/04
This white actor's racism (which has been reported before) never ceases to
amaze me. In his presence, you get an immediate racist vibe. He can't make
eye contact with black men or women and appears very uncomfortable when he's
in the company of blacks, so much so, it's noticeable. This is the same actor
who we reported on last year. He told a black playmate at the Mansion. "You
sure are beautiful but you look mixed, you're not mixed with black are you?
I hope not!" A white female he once desired was dating a black NFL player.
When he saw the athlete at a club, he broke through the crowd and confronted
him, "You haven't slept with her yet, have you? The NFL player looked at
him like he was crazy. This actor also got upset, when he was on a series,
a black stagehand was visited by his white girlfriend and her best friend.
When the stagehand went to the men's room, he overheard the white girlfriend
tell her friend, "What a great endowed lover he was." The white actor was
infuriated and after that day, he made the black stagehand's life miserable
on the set. It's even been rumored, when he goes to high-end department stores,
he will tell security that blacks entered the store before him and they may
want to keep a eye out in case of shoplifting. A few years ago, he dated
a olive skinned woman who he thought had Native American blood in her. When
she informed him that her mother was white but her father was bi-racial.
He went ballistic and broke off the relationship, threatening her, "I have
to let you go or I might commit a hate crime against you." He also made his
recent significant other get rid of a close black female friend. It's rumored
that this actor allegedly produced porn under a alias when he was practically
destitute between acting jobs. When he did get a job on a series, he hardly
spoke to his black co-star despite being friendly to other cast members.
Hints: He's appeared on two TV series'.
Scott
Baio
11.
JANET
CHARLTON 01/04
Gay insiders are familiar with a porn movie from a few years back called
"Three Brothers." It actually starred three real-life brothers who were Mormon
missionaries as teens. The rumor has been circulating in West Hollywood that
the youngest brother is now the top secret boyfriend of a Hollywood A-list
actor. The general public assumes this handsome actor is a ladies man because
he's had lots of hot girlfriends. But he's leading a double life with his
pornstar boyfriend on the side. "Three Brothers":
Hal,
Vince
and
Shane
Rockland
12.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/04
Which wholesome pop-star crooner demands that bags of blow be presented to
him following his concerts? Michael Buble
13.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/04
#1 - I almost didn't even write this one because I am so tried of writing
the word pregnant. I hope it is the last time for awhile. Anyway, this one
hit wonder female singer is pregnant by this married celebrity.
Kimberly
Locke/"Celebrity Fit Club's" Sgt. Harvey
#2 - This married has been of an A list singer/teenage heartthrob was seen making an absolute fool of himself at a NYE party at the Playboy Mansion. She was probably 21, but looked about 16 and he followed her around all night promising the world if she would just go home with him. Touching her, kissing her, and even trying to grope her, our singer even offered to leave his wife. Now we all know he was probably joking about leaving his wife, but when she finds out about it, she might leave him. David Cassidy
#3 - This aging owner of a hot LA restaurant is having trouble finding new women to drink with him. Seems like whenever he does, they wake up the next morning only to find themselves in the guest bedroom of his house. Alone, but undressed. He then calls each woman repeatedly. Up to 15-20 times a day, and does so until they change their number or break down and agree to see him again. "Les Duex" owner Lonnie Moore
#4 - This female celebutante did a little striptease for her pro athlete boyfriend. Nothing blind item worthy in that. But, when you find out that three of his teammates were also in the room, then it becomes blind item worthy. Kim Kardashian/Reggie Bush
14.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/06
Which train-wreck celebrity's right-hand man is rumored to be peddling
compromising videos of a certain other train-wreck young star? The handler
has had his name in the press for selling out "friends" before, and is said
to be looking for a third party to handle this transaction.
15. STAR MAGAZINE 01/07
Which actress broke things off with her man of a year because he isn't ready
to get engaged? She took him back after he promised to prove his love for
her -- but he still isn't ready for a walk down the aisle! Jessica
Alba (pregnant, but not married)
16.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/07
In the past, we have reported on this very pretty black female celebrity
who missed her calling. She should have been a porn star or call girl because
her sexual deviance is out of control! Back in the day when she was first
making a name for herself in Hollywood, she attended an industry event. She
surprised everyone when she took the dance floor with a high powered music
executive and proceeded to do a strip/dirty dancing routine. She also got
down low and was in the midst of unzipping his pants until she realized where
she was and pulled up. She once dated one of the sexiest black men in the
industry (not an actor, athlete, singer or rapper). They broke up, Few people
knew why, until now. She had to many sexual girlfriends on the side and was
paying less attention to him. She moved on to an black actor (considered
unattractive by industry and society standards). The actor thought he hit
the jackpot until her sexual demands became out of control. She wanted it
at least five times a day. She then got involved with a 'secret lover." He
is a world renowned sports superstar. At first, he was turned on by her looks
and sex appeal but she made a sexual request so vile during intercourse,
that he immediately stopped, got up, looked at her strangely, put on his
clothes and stormed out, slamming the door in the process! She realized quickly
that she was letting her jackpot get away. She tried to unsuccessfully to
call him the next few days but he refused to turn her calls. This relationship
was so brief that few people knew they were together until now! Despite her
good looks and conservative demeanor, this woman in a wild cat in the sack.
She immensely enjoys sexual acts considered "sick" by many. Allegedly, she
can't get off unless she performs sexual deviance. Hints: It's not Halle
Berry, Nia or Stacy Dash and our sports superstar is not Kobe Bryant and
you don't have to follow sports to know who he is. The high powered music
executive is not Quincy Jones.
black female celebrity: Salli Richardson
high powered music executive: Suge Knight
sexiest black men in the industry: Tyson Beckford
black actor: Glenn Plummer
renowned sports superstar: Shaq
17.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/07
Which highbrow talk show host telephoned a female massage therapist from
the Pierre hotel last week and requested she perform intimate acts with his
lady-friend, while he watched? Sadly, the answer was "No." Donny
Deutsch
18.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/07
#1 This stud male tennis player who has been linked with several female
celebrities in some very high profile relationships over the past few years
was spotted opening his hotel room door in the nude to this male reality
star who does his very best to make sure that everyone thinks he is Mr.
Heterosexual.
#2 This celebutante is seriously considering a contract where she would marry or at the very least get engaged to this famous daddy celebudude. (Not Kevin Federline) Paris Hilton and Larry Birkhead
19.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 01/07
This guy is hot
.and right now, he is the hot comic of the moment with
his standup routines and movies. Unfortunately, this young comic/actor likes
to get high, and its affecting his performances. At a recent show in
the Midwest, he performed so bad he offered to give concert goers their money
back. Katt Williams
20.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/08
Which breakout young male star uses - gasp - fake eyelashes to get his trademark
gaze? Dammit, Hollywood, stop toying with us! Zac Efron
21.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/08
#1 What talk show hostess made it perfectly clear to several producers that
she would be willing to do anything, and I mean anything to be considered
for a starring role in a film.
Chelsey
Handler
#2 Don't believe the protestations of this married A+ list male film actor when he says that his crabs were the result of a stay at a hotel in Europe. The more likely cause is the hooker he brought into his hotel room. Sean Penn
22.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/09
She acts on a show with other black actresses. What few people know, she
likes the girls on the sly. Female reporters have complained in the past
how flirty she is during interviews. She has a habit of looking into the
eyes of women without blinking and she holds her gaze. If she's attracted
to you, she indirectly lets you know-she doesn't have a problem hooking up.
She's only popular on the show, like the other actresses on the program,
she hasn't succeeded in outside projects. She only dates men who don't have
a problem if she has a girlfriend on the side (like the majority of industry
men) and she's attracted to men who are open to threesomes. Who Is She?
Persia White "Girlfriends"
23.
NY
POST 01/09
WHICH former presidential daughter is on the "Anna Wintour facial refreshment
plan"? Before she went on a book tour last year, she paid a visit to her
dermatologist to get Botox, restalyne and collagen injections so she could
face the public looking like her old self. Carolyn Kennedy
24.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/09
Which distinctively named member of a chart-topping pop group swings both
ways? He surprised his male talent escort at a recent Hollywood red-carpet
event with an invitation back to his hotel room. will.i.am of Black
Eyed Peas
25.
NY
POST 01/10
WHICH political candidate showed extreme bad judgment in the woman he picked
to have an extramarital affair with? The New Age hippie, who friends say
"mooches off other people and sleeps on their couches because she doesn't
believe in money," tells anyone who will listen about her fling with the
good-looking guy. She recently walked up to a Page Six pal she'd just met
and said, "Oh, I'm so stressed out. I've been having an affair with [a
candidate]."
Rielle
Hunter/John Edwards
26.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/10
Which small-screen starlet has a penchant for leather and lace whenever she
hooks up with a new guy - despite the fact she's supposed to be dating a
co-star? Hayden Panettiere/Milo Ventimiglia; Vanessa Hudgens/Zac
Efron; Blake Lively/Penn Badgley
27.
DIET
SECRETS 01/10
1. Which A-list actress' recent stint in rehab was a smoke screen for a stint
at a fat farm, where she tried to shed 20 pounds before going off to film
a love story with an even hotter and thinner leading man?
2. What super-hot young star is known for going into the infamous Jerry's Deli in Beverly Hills and ordering their super three-story chocolate cake? She doesn't dig in with a fork. She orders the cake just to look at it, drinks some water, then pays her bill with a hefty tip. Ashley Tisdale
3. Which famous young Hollywood actress swears that because she has larger pores, her skin and body absorb more food? To lose weight, she's been having extra facials and skin-care treatments to work on her pore size. Science swears it has no idea what she's talking about.
28.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/10
This celebutard is using some security camera videos of his current B list
film actress girlfriend taking drugs and having sex with at least two different
men other than the boyfriend in order to keep her in a relationship with
our celebutard. It's not so much the drugs that are keeping her in the
relationship, but rather the two men she is having sex with. Does it sound
like she did the two guys at once? Good. Because she did. An actor no matter
how lame he has become lately is not a celebutard for purposes of this
item.
29.
TED
CASABLANCA 01/10
One In-the-Closet Blind Vice: Surprise! Gotcha babes, didnt I? You
probably think this Vice is gonna be about some sexually repressed, hugely
successful TV sitcom actor from the '90s who got caught servicing some random
model in the walk-in closet of some Hollywood mansion, right? Well, for a
rare change, this little walk-in wondering youre about to experience
is not about fellating some random fella, sorry. Nope, this sordid storys
about something quite grotesque and hideous. Have you eaten yet? No? Then
please, close this item, go get sustenance, wait at least 20 minutes (maybe
30) and then, only then, give things another try. Ya see, Ellen DeGeneres
canine catastrophe is chopped liver compared to todays Blind job. First
off, our source is one of the myriad personal employees reporting to one
Slurpa Pop-Off, the bitch who serviced that dude in the bathroom of that
Sunset Strip eatery, if you remember, and were sure you do. Now, many
times our lady of the Slurpa has brought a brand-new pooch home as a new
pet, which she fawns all over until it dawns on the dummy shes now
in charge of a living, breathing animaland not a stuffed Pound Puppy.
And, gosh, responsibility is not our go-to girls strong suit. Therefore,
upon leaving her house, she often locks these pups in one of her many closets,
supposedly to prevent them from making messies all over her expensive pad.
But, uh, sometimes SPO would be gone for hours...days...weeks...and not tell
anybody about the dog in its wardrobe dungeon. The animals existence
would simply slip from her mind! Oh, doesnt that happen to everybody?
While cleaning the house, Pop-Offs staff havereportedly more
than onceopened a closet to discover a tiny, dead dog. Beyond hideous.
I swear, I may have to out this bitch. But Pop-Offs employees just
may have beaten moi to the punch, as animal services have been alerted. And
just why the hell is this woman still allowed to purchase pooches? Please
neuter and spay your pets, otherwise their offspring might one day meet their
maker in Slurpas closet captivity. AND ITS NOT: Tara Reid; Katie
Holmes; Whitney Port. Britney Spears
30.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/11
This rapper hates being a downlow bi-sexual. He hates everything that gays
stand, similar to a racist being attracted to blacks. He has swagger, arrogance
and bravado with a scowl and he talks about gays like a dog at every opportunity
with his homeboys. Calling them "disgusting trash" yet he secretly patronizes
a online male escort/shemale brothel which takes less than five minutes to
order up a male hustler or transvestite (pre-op) escort in your area. When
he isn't ordering up male hustlers like Chinese food, we've also been informed
that he also likes the "low rent" looking transvestites, the trashier looking,
the better. His type is: Transvestites who you can physically tell-were once
men. He doesn't patronize transsexuals, he only prefers pre-op transvestites
who still have their male genitalia. What's even more surprising, our rapper
is "the bottom," in the encounters and according to our sources, the scenario
has to be rough and somewhat painful. Hint: He's not a mogul and he isn't
married. Busta Rhymes; Chingy
31.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/11
When I say "Friends Edition", I don't want everyone to think that a cast
member of "Friends" is in any of these because they are NOT. When I say cast
member, I mean one of the six regulars. Not that any other cast member who
ever appeared on the show is in here either, but I just don't know. When
I do say friends, I mean such as from AP, so let's start with her.
#1 Like all good AP stories, they take place in a bathroom. But unlike in
the past, this one takes place in a men's room. Yes, AP was in a men's room.
She says because the line was too long for the women's. I don't know. For
all I know she could have been having sex with a total stranger. Kind of
like the B list married film actor she saw in the men's room making out and
reaching in the pants of another man. The B lister was in 2 of the top 25
films last year. John Travolta ("Wild Hogs" and "Hairspray")
#2 As tax season slowly trickles in, I am hearing from our accountant more, and hopefully the stuff will be as good as last year. Seems that there is this recently married male singer who is running a call girl ring. Our singer has ten condos leased in three different cities all under a corporate name. Checks go out to the leasing companies for the condos, and each day the accountant is getting money orders from people living in each of the condos. Now, I guess the tenants could be paying daily rent, but since the average amount sent in each day is $3000, that would be some expensive rent. Usher
#3 Which spouse of a Presidential candidate is having an affair? (Not Bill. Would that really even be a shocker anyway?)
#4 Which married A list television actor was kissing his girlfriend at a supermarket last week, when he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see it was his in-laws. Thomas Gibson ("Criminal Minds")
32.
JANET
CHARLTON 01/12
We thought this much-loved actor had put his predilections behind him but
he seems to have relapsed. Although he's now happily married, he's been cruising
Craig's List for gay sex. A guy who placed an ad for anonymous sex was surprised
when this actor turned up looking high as a kite and thrashed. He explained
he'd been partying for a week and "didn't do this very often" but did not
identify himself. Even with his facial hair and messed up looks he was easy
to recognize. Let's hope he gets a grip before he goes off the deep end
again. Robert Downey Jr.
33. STAR MAGAZINE 01/21
Which famous sitcom star has fallen off the wagon after managing to stay
clean for years? He hasn't shown up to any support groups or AA meetings
in weeks and pals say he is back to his pill-popping ways.
Matthew Perry
34.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/13
Which hero-athlete, who has had two recent forays onto the small screen,
has a private thing for cross-dressing? It is said to be the reason for his
first divorce, although the current wife doesn't know. Bruce
Jenner
35.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/14
Rewind: We told you last year that he only married her because she had name
status. He tells friends, he's not really attracted to her but her perks
allow him to go to industry events, eat in fine restaurants and meet his
favorite celebrities. He started going to swinger clubs to add spice to his
marriage, at least this is what he told his wife. One evening, she decided
to accompany him. She was devastated, despite her fame, no one at the club
wanted to swing with her because they considered her too unattractive. Meanwhile,
hubby disappeared and couldn't be found the entire evening. It was assumed
that he was getting his freak on in a private room.
Fast Forward: Things haven't gotten any better. Hubby is now more open and brazen with his numerous indiscretions and our female celebrity recently complained to her friends that she keeps receiving hang-ups on her land line. Her friends try to make her see the light but she refuses to even consider divorce. She doesn't want to be alone. Hubby considers himself a kept man and he spends what money she has, entertaining his other women. Hubby has also gone buck wild, openly flaunting other women in person and trolling internet sites for sex hookups not to mention his sex club and swinger appearance from coast to coast. He seems to be sleeping with everyone but his wife. She has become really depressed regarding his embarrassing and disrespectful behavior. Hubby has her so brainwashed that she's convinced, no one else wants her but him. Hubby was once overheard telling a friend, "I'm not married, she is." Our female celebrity has burned so many britches in Hollywood in regards to bouncing checks to her hairdresser, publicist, stylist, etc., that some people are happy that hubby is putting her through this public humiliation and shame. Whenever her family tells her to divorce him, her constant reply is: "Divorce is not an option," he will have to leave me first." Sidney Hicks/Mo'Nique
36.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/14
Which candidates daughter recently went on a date with an ardent Ron
Paul supporter? "The date became all about him trying to convince her about
Paul," laughs a friend. Finally, she said, "You know my dads running
for President. Youre not going to change my mind!"
37.
BILLY
MASTERS 01/14
Could it be that a certain globetrotting guy has been getting messy in public?
The cute coverboy has told everyone that he wants to find a sugar daddy "while
I'm still young and pretty." Honey, that ship may have already sailed. Anyway,
it's an odd stance given his hefty reality show win. First, he was spotted
chatting up some patrons at one of NYC's best places to pick up a rent-boy.
Then he disappeared in the men's room with a significantly older daddy type
at a recent Las Vegas concert. I guess that would make him SLUTTY SPICE!
"Amazing Race" Reichen Lehmkuhl
38.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/14
#1 This B list film actor from some all-time biggest hit films has a new
mentor and daddy. And when I say daddy, it really could be a granddaddy.
There is an almost 40 year age difference between the couple. Of course our
actor keeps insisting he isn't gay.
#2 This A list actor's daughter was recently spotted by dad making out and groping some random guy in a corner of a bar. Dad went over and scared the guy off. Not to be outdone, the daughter got back at the dad by repeatedly walking up to him and crying whenever he was engaged in conversation with another woman. Rumer and Bruce Willis
39.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/15
Which acting legend in a current release once offered a national beauty queen
a vial of cocaine during a daytime golf round? While the lady declined, he
seemed not to realize his coke had been clogged with moisture and sticky
globs fell out of his schnoz the rest of the afternoon. Jack
Nicholson
40.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/15
I was at dinner about six weeks ago and people were talking about this and
that, but nothing gossipy per se. At one point I asked the waitress if she
was an actress which is always a yes and asked her what she had been in.
She told me and it was actually a pretty impressive list and probably made
her wonder why she was still waiting tables. Someone at the table overheard
what the waitress had worked on and immediately talked about the A list star
of the hit network initials drama and how even though he was married he was
always hitting on her. The waitress jumped in and said that the guy had actually
made many passes at her and one time wouldn't let her leave his trailer until
she had kissed him and agreed to have dinner with him. Then when they went
to dinner he said he wanted to eat it in his suite and not in a restaurant.
After dinner she thought she was going to have to beat the guy off, but the
phone rang and it was his wife and when she figured that out, she spoke up
really loudly so the wife would hear, said "thanks for dinner, I'm going
to go now, " and got out. Well that story led to another and another about
when this had happened before and by whom and to whom and it went on for
twenty minutes. In those twenty minutes I had enough blind items for a week.
They don't usually come that easy and that plentiful, but almost any question
can lead to a blind item.
41.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/16
Not long ago, he was king of the hill. He charged six figures for production
and beats. He rolled around town in exotic whips, (Lambos, Ferrari's, Hummers).
He also lived in a few mansions and had a harem of women on redial (black,
white and Latino). It all came crashing down when he developed a taste for
cocaine. He currently has a $2,000 per day cocaine habit. When he does open
his curtains and comes out of his dark room, his new tracks lack creativity
and are sloppy at best. Lyrics and beats are no longer a priority. The only
thing that matters is his next hit. He is beginning to look homeless. People
are wondering, what the hell happened to him? He also becomes easily agitated
and he's obnoxious. He is in debt to a East Coast drug dealer for $40,000.
Rumor has it that he owes nearly $50,000 to a West Coast drug dealer. His
cash flow is so low, he's trying to borrow money from former artists he produced
to cover his drug debts. He's hit rock bottom. You don't have to be a fan
of music producers to know who he is.
Scott
Storch
42.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/16
Which doe-eyed young TV star is attracting attention for his indiscreet way
with cocaine? "He will do it absolutely anywhere," says a source. "Don't
tell anybody! Chance Crawford. "Don't Tell Anybody" --->
Gossip----> Gossip Girl
43.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/16
On one of his recent benders it seems as if our former A list film actor
picked up a present that isn't the kind you really want to bring home to
your wife. The problem is that you can expect those kinds of presents when
you are picking up strange women every night and not using protection. No
word on whether he actually tried to give the present to his wife, but chances
are that is a big no, and he will be very lucky to ever get to visit that
special place again. Word is also that his most recent bender included his
very first effort with a needle.
44.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/17
Who would have thought that the death of a Japanese tycoon could have an
effect on a Hollywood marriage. About two months ago a Japanese tycoon died.
About two weeks ago the husband of our gorgeous, foreign born, B list film
actress answered the phone to discover that the tycoon had left his actress
wife almost $5M in his will. The husband had never heard of the guy and assumed
there had been some mistake. Yes, his wife was a famous actress but no one
just leaves that much money to someone they have never met. Well, when he
mentioned it to this wife he could tell she did know the tycoon. How did
she know him and what made him leave his wife $5M? Turns out that the wife
had met the tycoon when she was just starting out in the business and had
spent some time with him on several occasions. When I say spending time,
I think you know what I am getting at. Apparently our actress must have left
quite an impression with her interpersonal skills. The husband wasn't really
that upset about his wife's past. He may have been more so if he knew that
she had seen the tycoon once or twice after her marriage.
Catherine
Zeta Jones
45.
NY
POST 01/17
1. WHICH slave-driving producer of a morning TV show was ordered by the network's
legal department to cease and desist offering staffers tequila shots on Friday
afternoons? The grinch-like suits were worried about liability.
Michael Gelman "Live with Regis and Kelly"
2. WHICH talented singer/guitar player seems to have forgotten he's married with children? He's been spotted entering and exiting a building in Battery Park City where he spends the night with a beautiful record company executive. Eric Clapton
46.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/17
Which rising actor with a celebrity girlfriend has been sending "dirty, flirty"
texts to a slew of young ladies in Hollywood? At least that's the gossip.
Chace Crawford (Carrie Underwood)
47.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 01/17
1. The jig may be up for this pied piper. Poor tickets sales and his jealousy
of other artists are dooming his concert tour. R. Kelly
2. Since revealing his tears, will this sports superstar finally reveal the truth about himself? There is a reason he is so emotional. Terell Owens
48.
TED
CASABLANCA 01/17
One Remind Us to Never Sleep Over There Blind Vice: Well, we were going to
blab all about pee-happy Super-Duper Coopers nasty-ass demand that
his (ex) blondie ditz dame get an abortionmost men are simply hideous,
straight and gay, all there is to itbut after last weeks pooch-offing
Blind left us in a very bad mood, just had to offer up something, uh, a tad
more festive to ponder this week. Hope you dont mind. Promise, back
to the desultory trash soon! So, remember Bravado Boom-Cocks, the star with
the overly loud, potty-mouthed manners who chewed out a poor party host?
Hes just gotten himself a fabulous new mansion. Aint entertainment
money just devilishly over-the-top? The pads as huge as the boys
rumored endowment, promise. And he was bragging about the spreads size
to an amigo recently. And said amigo was quite aware of BBCs fondness
for masturbation. So, he asked the award-winning celebrity if he had yet
autoerotically christened the new mansion yet. "Are you kidding?" bellowed
the outspoken pisser. "Every room." Jeez. He hasn't even moved in to the
joint yet. That sex addict works fast. AND IT AINT: Kevin Nealon; Kevin
Costner; Kevin Spacey
49.
PEREZ
HILTON 01/17
What buxom blonde is planning to get an abortion? The semi-retired actress'
soon-to-be ex-husband was said to be livid when she was pAArtying on New
Year's eve. Coke and unborn babies don't go well together! Pam
Anderson
50.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/18
She loves the high life, the streets and the bright lights. Despite this,
she's not well put together, although she thinks she is. She is ghetto fabulous
at best. She is very materialistic, although she can't afford it. She has
no ambition to invest or better herself. She has always relied on others
to support her spending habits. She has always tried to align herself with
ballers, rappers, pimps and dope boys. She loves this lifestyle, it's
intoxicating to her. She's even had an occasional sugar moma. Everything
is borrowed. From nice cars, to designer bags to expensive bling. She loves
to give the illusion of wealth. It's an compulsion for her. Her little name
status is fading fast and she's getting older. She can no longer compete
with the younger honey's on the scene. She's desperately looking for security
in the form of an monthly allowance and various credit cards. To keep up
the appearance of wealth, she'll have her publicist release a fake statement
saying: She has numerous ventures on her plate. None of these ventures have
ever come to fruitarian. A source informed us: "We have a mutual friend,
when we all went to lunch, all she did was drop names and front. When the
bill came, she made a big show of telling us she was paying it. She gave
the server her credit card, she was embarrassed when the server came back
later and told her 'your card declined.' Our friend paid for her, I paid
for my meal and left the tip. As we were leaving, out of the corner of my
eye, I saw her trying to pocket the tip until I busted her out." This black
female celebrity is sinking fast. If a sugar daddy doesn't come along soon.
She's contemplating being a runner for a local drug pusher who she scored
drugs from in the past. If it wasn't for the generosity of family and friends,
it's a possibility she would be living in a sleeping bag under a overpass.
Lil Kim; Trina
51.
POPBITCH
01/18
1. This ex-pop star proudly showed off mobile video footage to his mates
of his then girlfriend, a fallen teen pop idol, giving him a blowjob while
singing one of her classic pop songs?
2. Which royal hanger-on has been overheard making a lurid claim about a female royal, stables, a rather fine stallion and an enthusiastic hand-job?
52.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/18
#1 For some reason known only to them, this site is very popular in India.
So, as part of the Four For Friday I am going to go ahead and post one of
maybe two blind items I know about Indian stars. One of India's biggest actors
_____________, had an affair going on with one of India's most famous beauty
queens turned actress ________________. However, after some time, the actor
convinced his son to marry the actress - which he did, and the father now
tags along to almost all the events with the son and mistress/daughter-in-law
with the son looking like the third wheel. Our actor's wife, was an actress
in her own right back in the day and acts as if she knows nothing. To make
this even more interesting there are other rumors that the son has something
on the side going on with another actor, who is the son of the chief minister
of one of the Indian states. Got it? Yeah, but in India it's gold baby.
Amitabh
Bachchan & Aishwarya Rai
#2 Here is another one from the perverted dad's file. Our father who is just a regular guy has a daughter who is a B list television actress/"singer" who plays much younger than she really is. In the back of the house is a hot tub. Our actress has been known to have her girlfriends over and whenever they use the hot tub, within five minutes dad comes out in his bathing suit and gets in with them. Somewhere along the way, he adjusts his suit so that when he stands up to get out, the girls in the tub get an up close and personal look at Mr. Winky who is standing at attention and waving hello. This is not a one time event. Ashley Tisdale
#3 Mom's aren't perfect either. Do you recall our actress who drinks the bottle of vodka a day and has it delivered by the same guy everyday. Well that guy is now renting out the guest house. At least that is what she tells her friends and the father of her child(ren). In actuality he spends every night with our actress in her room. Hopefully he is getting some very big tips or is half blind because no one would want to wake up next to her in the mornings. Kim Delaney
#4 This B+ list award winning film actress has been sleeping with her agent. It was slimy enough that he kept taking his 10% of her earnings, but now he wants to just manage her, and all for the low discount rate of 15%. In order to make as much money off of her as quickly as possible he has convinced her to sign up for roles that are totally opposite anything she has ever done before, just so she can get a bigger paycheck, and him. I wonder if she knows about the other actress he sees when our B lister is out of town. Hilary Swank
53. TV GUIDE 01/21
Try to guess the newly minted movie starlet whose scathing remarks about
her own character in a very popular recent film probably just cost her a
nomination for a major award. How's that? Get this: The ballots for the prize
were dropped in the mail around the same time the publication containing
her rant hit newsstands. And from what I hear, voters figured if she wasn't
going to support what she did, why should they? So, any guesses?
Katherine Heigl/Golden Globes "Knocked Up"
54.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 01/21
The recent embarrassment and exposure has not deterred Cheese from cheating.
When his much better half is in town, he of course is on his best behaviour.
Especially since she seems to have forgiven and forgotten. Or perhaps shes
much less savvy than weve all given her credit for. But a return to
the road means a return to the rocknroll lifestyle. Only now
his predilections seem even dirtier. Whereas before the philandering was
concentrated on one girl at a time, with an insistence on cleanliness and
then accompanied by a camera, these days, hes graduated to multiples
plucked from the crowd during his shows, two or three at a time, always
very young, they end up in a giggling heap in his bus or in his room, plied
with alcohol and other intoxicants until theyre good and ready to get
nasty. At which point he pulls out the trusty camera and commemorates the
occasion. Stupidly however, he also lets them do the same with their phones.
So far its been 4 cities and counting the same routine, the
same debauchery
only on one of the stops, he hit up someone a tad too
young. As in 17. He was kind enough to single her out. Poor thing believed
him when he promised her the world. And she has pictures. Of course shes
too sweet to do anything about it
at least not yet. But what is it
they say? Hell hath no fury like a girl who waits by a silent phone
Michael Buble and Emily Blunt
55.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/21
This is a B lister. I almost think of our actress as the epitome of a B lister.
She has done television and films and is probably more of a B lister for
the television, but she does have some great film roles. Anyway, this week
at Sundance. Oh, I guess that will narrow it down some huh? At Sundance this
week, our actress was walking down the street and spotted a teenage girl
who was sitting on a backpack, shivering and didn't have anything on but
a sweater and jeans even though it was after dark and well below freezing.
Turns out the girl had come out to Park City to hang out with a guy she barely
knew but he blew her off for some other girl, so she had no room and no place
to stay and didn't have the money to change her return airline ticket which
was for three days in the future. Our actress didn't really believe the girl
at first but then the girl showed her the airline ticket and her i.d. That
was enough for our actress. She took the girl to a store and bought her a
jacket, and then took her back to her hotel for food and fun. The actress
called some friends over to cheer the girl up, got her some dinner and then
had everyone take turns calling the jerk who traded her for another girl.
Our actress changed the return date on the ticket, paying for the change
and even upgraded the girl to first class for the flight home. She let the
girl spend the night, got her out to the airport the next morning and gave
her a few hundred bucks.
Eliza
Dushku
56.
AUSIELLO
REPORT 01/22
Film Biz to Idled TV Star: Don't Call Us, We'll Call You: Gimme a young actor
who's satisfied working in TV and I'll give you a half-dozen who'd rather
be doing films. For the performers who fall in the latter category, the current
writers strike has proven to be something of a blessing, as it's given them
the kind of free time to pursue their movie-star dreams that their ironclad
multi-year contracts never afforded them. Unfortunately, a certain star on
a hit show hasn't had the best of luck capitalizing on the sudden hiatus
and his/her costars are dancing a jig about it. You see, this particular
thesp has for years been bitching to anyone who'll listen about how his/her
current TV gig has been preventing them from being the next Tom Cruise/Julia
Roberts. The chip on said actor's shoulder became considerably more pronounced
when he/she was forced to turn down a lead role in what would eventually
become a $100 million-grossing film. The reason? Scheduling conflicts at
their day job. Suddenly, a show with little or no behind-the-scenes drama
had "Crazy Young Actor" on its hands. Cut to November '07, the writers drop
their pens, scripted programming grinds to a halt, and you-know-who is free
to go after any film part he/she wants. The result? Crickets. Despite hitting
the audition circuit hard, Cocky McCockerson can't land a film to save his/her
life. Next thing you know, Mr./Mrs. I Oughta Be in Pictures is singing a
different tune: I Oughta Be Thankful I'm a Working Actor. So, who's the star
with the big-screen 'tude and nary a credit to show for it? Place your bets
in the comments section below. Josh Holloway ("Gambit" in X-Men:
The Last Stand!); Chad Michael Murray;
Josh
Duhamel
57.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/22
Which legendary singer is being kept on a tight leash by her producer as
she works on her comeback album? She was not allowed to attend a glitzy weekend
celebrity event over fears for her sobriety. Whitney
Houston
58.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/23
She was an underage hottie who showed up at all the major sporting events.
She eventually caught the eye of a professional baller, several years ago,
before he retired. She was petite and still a virgin when he painfully deflowered
her. Her parents found out about their discreet relationship and threatened
Mr. NBA with jail and media exposure. He paid them nearly $1 million dollars
to keep quiet and he agreed to stop seeing their daughter but the damage
had been done and despite the big payout, it's doubtful that the girl received
any type of therapy. The girl is now of age but she is a stone cold freak.
Whenever a celebrity couple needs a second woman, they call her. Whenever
there is a Hollywood party where the guests participate in sexual voyeurism,
they call her and she happily performs sexual acts in front of the guests.
She is on redial for black Hollywood and white Hollywood. She once moved
in with a famous dysfunctional crack couple who often referred to her as
their "third wheel." She did every sex act imaginable and frequently participated
in 3-ways until the wife got tired of her pressing up against her husband
in bed and putting her hands down the front of his pajama bottoms. She was
kicked out of the house. She then moved on to a popular black female singer
(with a downward career) who wanted to watch her perform sex with a male
relative so she could get tips to use on her celebrity boyfriend who without
her knowledge would make a sex tape with her using her new skills. She also
serviced a rap mogul and his girlfriend on a frequent basis. She makes a
lot of money from her sexual escapades but she spends it on foolishness,
example: $1,500 dollar shoes, expensive bling, etc. And, she likes to brag
about her conquests by dropping their names. Mr. NBA is still nervous about
his "underage scandal," eventually leaking out because it would ruin his
new lucrative career away from sports.
underage hottie: Meagan Goode
Mr. NBA:
famous dysfunctional crack couple: Whitney Houston/Bobby Brown
black female singer/male relative/celebrity boyfriend: Brandy Norwood;
brother Ray J
rap mogul/girlfriend: T.I. and Tiny; Diddy and Kim; Jermaine Dupri
and Janet Jackson
59.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/23
Which wholesome TV star snubbed the tweenager who played her onscreen relative
during a recent visit to NYC, sending her back to Texas in tears?
60.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/23
Celebrity lesbian couple: If you can't handle kinky, then you better close
your eyes right now and either ignore this, or perhaps have someone read
it to you in very small doses. As with any couple, there are two people.
In this case, there is an actress and a non-actress. Could be a celebrity,
could be not, but is definitely not currently an actress. Anyway, the non-actress
of our couple has a serious need for kink. The way this need is met is by
bringing a man into the bedroom every so often. Not frequently. A few times
a year at most. The non-actress enjoys being forced to be with men and do
things that she would normally never do or think about doing with a man,
or anyone actually. Our actress is in charge during each of these sessions
and enjoys it thoroughly. She enjoys being in charge and making the non-actress
as uncomfortable and as miserable as possible because it doesn't happen often
in or out of the bedroom. The more misery the better as far as the non-actress
is concerned. One sure way to see when one of these sessions has happened
is a very long vacation for the couple almost immediately thereafter.
61.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/24
Which TV star and his (female) publicist's nicknames for each other are "old
velvet nose" and "the baldheaded champ"? I can't decide - is that sweet or
not?
62.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/24
So a little change of pace. After I saw that The Time was going to play the
Grammy Awards it got me thinking about a time when I was just starting out.
I used to promote concerts to get through school. This was when little guys
still could do it and corporations had not swallowed up every possible venue.
I had promoted The Time two or three times and made some money. I had got
to know some of the group and once we happened to be in Las Vegas at the
same time. They invited me to their show and to a party they were having
after. I want to say they were playing at the Riviera, but I can't remember.
I think it was because this was when Frank Sinatra was still alive and I
remember thinking I had seen him play in the same room a week earlier and
how crazy Vegas is that two totally different acts can both pack in a crowd.
Of course Sinatra tickets were three times the price of The Time tickets.
Anyway, after the show, we went to a club or two, but this was still the
older Vegas. Excalibur was the only big new hotel. Everything else was still
to come. The clubs were still very rough around the edges. Very rough. So,
after seeing a possible stabbing death at the second club we went to, we
decided to head back to the hotel and one of their suites. I don't remember
anyone calling anyone but all of a sudden the place was absolutely packed.
Packed like it took you five full minutes to make your way across the room
from one side to the other. There was one clear area though and it was this
big glass table. It was probably seven feet long and three feet wide. Sitting
around the table were people basically two deep. The top of the table was
covered in coke. I had seen people do coke before and thought I had seen
a lot on a table before, but this was the most ever. None of the guys from
The Time were touching it. I do remember that. BUT, I do remember that there
were two people from this brand new television show called Beverly Hills
90210 who were sucking coke down like someone was trying to steal it from
them. Most people were being very patient and chatting in between lines.
Not these two. One female and one male were all over it. They were outdone
in their zest for the drug only by this actress from Saved By The Bell. I
honestly thought they were going to fight for it. Later, after the crowd
had thinned I saw the male from 90210 and the actress from Saved By The Bell
getting it on in a corner. She was pretty hot, I have to tell you. The guy
I remember was very sweaty. The actress from 90210 never left the coke. Ever.
Not until it was all gone. Then she got up, and left. Didn't say goodbye
or anything. Just walked out and left. Hell of a night.
Male
BH 90210: Jason Priestley
Female BH 90210: Shannen Doherty
Saved by the Bell: Lark Voorheis
63.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 01/24
1. Someone needs to tell this up and coming football star that you cant
turn a ho into a housewife. Will he come to his senses before its too
late? Reggie Bush (Kim Kardashian)
2. This former Supermodel wants everyone to think she is lonely and in need of a man. What a farce! She is far from lonely. Not only does she have a man who is much older than her, but she rearranged her life to be closer to him. Tyra Banks
64.
TED
CASABLANCA 01/24
One Pooftah-Patrol Blind Vice: Slurpa Pop-Offs pups may not always
escape their closets, but her exes are frolicking out one by one. One of
Slurpas old boudoir conquests obvs needed something a little more in
the sacklike eight inches more, as hes been known to tryst with
transvestites since bustin up with sexin Slurpa. Another one
of SPOs past and most precious "dating" pets, Purcell Poke-Me, is spotted
regularly at a hole-in-the-wall gym on Beverly Boulevard. (Not mine, you
heathens!) PPM lives to tone his totally taut bod with personal training
seshes early in the ayem. Boy looks completely cut and coiffedall for
naught, perhaps, since the once superpoppy PPOs poster-boy days are
pretty much dunzo. Or so it would seem. Nevertheless, Purcell puts on quite
the show, stretching out on the mat oh-so-intimately with his equally arduous
and good-looking trainer as the gym bunnies gawk 'n' gawk. Smell-it-all mattress
word reveals that Slurpas former flame boffs the dudes right 'n' left
and hits the bars in Boys Town (and their mostly man-filled gyms) when visiting
this coast, throwing drinks back with WeHos finest in a way most straight
men are not exactly wont to do. Is Purcell going to be the next Lance Bass
to come pirouetting out of the closet? His well-manicured mane says yes,
but his well-known mucho macho aggression suggests otherwise. Slurpas
been known to toe the bi-line herself. Maybe these two should replay the
charade all over again? AND IT AINT: Justin Timberlake; Kevin Federline;
Jared Leto.
Paris
Hilton/old boudoir conquest: Jason Shaw/Nick Carter
65.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/25
1. She's considered a superstar by many and extremely famous by others. Her
lifestyle includes private security, private jets, yachts, limos, sky boxes,
mansions, exotic cars and penthouse suites. Despite a modest background,
she has done extremely well for herself but she's hiding two dark secrets,
never revealed before, until now! She's a former prostitute who freelanced
and later worked through an escort agency. She averaged 3-4 tricks per day.
Throughout the years, her escort agency rep/madame has been paid off to maintain
her silence. When she first came on the scene, a story was concocted on how
she was discovered. In reality, the person who discovered her was her most
powerful client. Her fixer has gone to great lengths to prevent this story
from reaching the masses. Numerous people have been paid off including big
payments to someone who is very resentful of her success. The pay offs over
the years are rumored to be over a $1 million dollars. Over this lifetime
to maintain the silence: Several million dollars, easily. Another secret
being kept undercover: She had an abortion by her non-black famous boyfriend
because she was committed to her career. She now regrets that
decision.
superstar: Mariah Carey
powerful client: Tommy Mottola
non-black famous boyfriend: Luis Miguel
2. Another black female star paid a fixer to round up every single copy (East Coast/West Coast) of an adult film she had a cameo in. Initially, she didn't expect her album to go multi-platinum. When it did, a fixer was called in. He was able to retrieve all the copies via various pay offs. He was also paid six figures for his effort by her record company. Lil Kim
66.
PEREZ
HILTON 01/25
What bad boy actor, who spent some time in rehab not too long ago, was openly
doing cocaine in the back seat of his chauffeur-driver car while in Sundance
for the film festival??? Get over your Vice! And shower! And trim your
pubes! Colin Farrell
67.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/28
1. Although he recently gave the impression of turning over a new leaf, nothing
has changed. He was recently spotted with a group member at a Texas airport.
He was sweating, twitching and bumming lucy's from fellow passengers-stuffing
them in his raggedy jeans pocket, like he was saving them for a rainy day.
He looked homeless and unkempt with a strong body odor. He's obviously on
crack or meth. He just can't seem to kick his habit. He's been through
foreclosures, repossessions and bankruptcies. At the height of his career,
he loved to front in the limo's, whips, rented cribs and penthouse suites.
Unbeknownst to him, all the money for these material objects were deducted
from his royalties by the record company. This is why he never got ahead,
financially. When his career dried up, all of the royalty money had been
pre-spent for the above items and advances. There was nothing left. All he
ever knew how to do was sing, there was nothing left for him to do and then
he started using his faded status to live off star struck women, over time,
they kicked him to the curb because he wasn't contributing to the household.
He's also a sexist and was overheard making the following twisted comment,
"If I were a woman, things would be different, at least I could sell my body
for quick cash or get knocked up and have a kid to go on welfare and Section
8." Who Is He? Devante
2. This guy also belongs to a R&B group. They have a few hits but one of those hits was massive. Like a lot of groups, they are broke and he supplements his income by slinging rocks and meth. Often, after he performs, he doesn't retreat to the dressing room like group members, instead, he can be found in a nearby alleyway selling drugs to fans between signing autographs.
68.
NY
POST 01/28
1. WHICH beautiful movie star/model of a certain age is dating a married
man? She conveniently showed up to the Self magazine/Origins "Green" party
at the Sundance Film Festival just moments before her rock star guitar-playing
boyfriend did. Isabella Rosselini/Edge from U2
2. WHICH daytime gabber should be nicer to her staffers? She snipes at them all day long, particularly if they bring her the coffee she endorses - she prefers Starbucks. Rachel Ray (Dunkin' Donuts coffee)
3. WHICH celebrity publicist has her hands all over one of her clients, a married hip-hop star?
69.
NY
DAILY NEWS/RUSH AND MOLLOY 01/28
Each gay mogul breaks up with his boy-toy in his own way. Years ago, a famous
corporate titan agreed to a formal palimony payout. Another velvet mafioso
gave his stud-muffin the customary black Jeep Cherokee. The discarded lad
apparently thought he deserved more: he's said to have parked the vehicle
in the mogul's driveway and set it on fire.
70.
NY
DAILY NEWS/GATECRASHER 01/28
Which legendary older funnyman has never worn the same pair of socks twice
since becoming a millionaire at age 18? Jerry Lewis
71.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/28
#1 - This cable B list actor who is now getting a shot at the big time wanted
everyone to believe that his separation from his wife was all about not getting
along and not making their schedules work. The actual problem was that he
couldn't get away from his boyfriend enough to make his wife happy.
Michael C. Hall
#2 This C/B- film actress and only film. Big films at that. Is not quite of the legal age of consent. This might explain her father's concern when she brought home her 35 year old boyfriend she met on her most recently completed film. Emma Watson (I probably wouldnt call her that low now, even though it is probably a more accurate reflection of now rather than in early 2008.)
#3 Spot the delivery boy. They were both at the SAG Awards last night.
72.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/29
Which reality-show clogged network had to change its casting procedures after
a racist internal policy was leaked? Producers had an informal ban on considering
cast members who were "too black." They claimed it was because darker skin
tones were hard to pick up on camera. Bravo
73.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 01/29
I will always love that part in Bridget Joness Diary when Mark
Darcy tells her at the bottom of the stairs that shes a mess but still
he likes her "very much
just as you are." And that little song is playing
in the background, cut to Jude and Shazzer contemplating the profundity of
his words
Sigh. Some men are perfect. And many find this man perfect.
Dashing, debonair, scandal-free, which is why some of late have been questioning
his devotion to his wife, baffled by the attraction. Still
he remains
happily married and committed, he loves her just as she is, but it turns
out, what she is is a girl who likes other girls. With his permission. A
classic marriage of convenience... their commitment runs deep, they care
for each other dearly, but they just dont sleep in the same bed. As
for his preferences oddly enough, he doesnt seem to have any.
The easy assumption would be that hes meanders about like John Travolta
at a massage parlour, which isnt the case. Not even close. No affairs,
no gay hook ups, nothing. Just happy that his wife is happy
true love
indeed. And before you go there, its not Colin Firth. Pierce
Brosnan/Keely Shaye Smith
74.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/29
#1 This A list actor/actress married couple. How does the couples thing work?
I think that if one is a B+ lister and the other is probably a B+ lister
but formerly A list, and they both have A list name recognition, that they
should be an A list couple. That was a long way to go for telling you that
it seems that our actor recently got the actress pregnant. I think it does
usually work that way except in the movie Junior. Our actress miscarried,
and since then our actor has gone off the deep end. It looked like he was
headed off the deep end before the miscarriage, but he has been using it
as an excuse to justify his behavior and his absences.
Ashton
Kutcher/Demi Moore
#2 He is an A list actor by definition, and he is certainly paid up towards the top of the acting list. It is a good thing he is getting paid a lot because he is not getting laid a lot. Oh, he tries, but our funnyman has a real problem getting the party started so to speak. The women usually try their best, but our actor inevitably sends them on their way with an apology and gets back to doing what is causing the problem in the first place.
75.
PANACHE
REPORT 01/30
One project put him on the map. He had dreams of becoming a Hollywood big
shot, behind the scenes but his plans didn't turn out the way he expected
due to his massive ego. On the surface, this man appears likable and sweet.
In reality, he has left a trail of broken hearts in his wake. Once, a girlfriend
wanted to test his faithfulness, she had a close friend call his hotel room
while he was on location and pretend to be a "local" groupie. When the friend
got him on the phone, within five minutes, he was trying to lure her to his
hotel room. His girlfriend was devastated, later she said he allegedly gave
her a (non fatal) STD but she may have been disgruntled. This man is also
known for procuring hookers while on location. Needless to say, this man
eventually got married. Over time, he became bored and disappeared from his
family without a word. He is now divorced. He's known for hiring the cheapest
talent so he can pocket as much budget money as possible. Hint: Very well
known in the black community. Robert Townsend
76.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/30
Which model-turned-actress, who is on her second actor husband, relaxes between
shoots with a bong made from an enormous two-liter plastic soda bottle?
Rebecca Romijn
77.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/30
#1 Our HIV+ singer was asked by her local health department who she had sex
with so they could be notified. There are some rumors that this list is up
for sale. Britney Spears
#2 This aging Academy Award nominated actor is really starting to show even more signs that he may not have all his faculties. Lately he has been trying to make purchases with gold coins instead of cash. No one knows if he is truly crazy or a genius since the past few times he has attempted to use the coins, the owners of the store just let him have his purchases for free after he threw a fit about how he didn't believe in cash or credit anymore and that he was returning to the past. Uh huh. Gary Busey
#3 This diva of divas singer and sometime very bad actress spends a great deal of money at one particular store. No problem there. She always goes after closing. No problem there. The problem lies in the fact that she will only shop at the store if a certain person is working there and waits on her. Right before Christmas the salesperson was on vacation in Europe with her family when our singer decided to do some last minute Christmas shopping. When she was informed the salesperson was on vacation she threatened to never shop at the store again. Not wanting to lose our diva as a customer, they flew the salesperson from and back to Europe in Business Class just to wait on our diva. Mariah Carey
78.
NY
DAILY NEWS 01/31
Which recently launched gossip Web site can't keep staff? "Our new editor
went partying in Miami a few weeks ago and just sort of never came back,"
complains one insider, who now has to cover her 6 a.m.-3 p.m. shift. "It's
awful."
Page
Six
79.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 01/31
#1 This aging, but not old, former Academy Award nominated actor and serious
award winner who has been known to do theatre, left his wife to be with his
girlfriend. No big deal, but it is when he broke up with the girlfriend to
be with her daughter. He now lives with the daughter of the girlfriend and
has done so on the sly for sometime. It does make sense in a way.
actor:
Ralph Fiennes
wife: Alex Kingston
girlfriend: Francesca Annis
daughter:
Charlotte
Wiseman
#2 This current Academy Award nominated actress/supporting actress is cheating on her significant other. If she wins will she thank them both? Not Ruby Dee. Tilda Swinton
80.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 01/31
1. This Actress/Comedienne may have made a big mistake by opening up about
her marriage. Everyone doesnt need to know your business because it
could overshadow your career and accomplishments.
Mo'Nique
2. This Singer is trying to move on with her life now that her fairytale marriage is over. Now that she is no longer caught in the rapture, she is determined to move on with her children and enjoy her life. Anita Baker
3. The children of a famous singing superstar wish their mom would take a break with her Diva antics. They know her as a loving mother, but when she takes the stage, she acts a fool. At a recent island festival, she started acting like the boss and the crowd started booing and heckling her. Her children were in attendance. They were so horrified that they ran from the venue. They couldnt stand watching their mom get embarrassed. Diana Ross
81.
TED
CASABLANCA 01/31
One Pigskin-Poked Blind Vice: Über-Cool Unzipped is a feted filmmaker,
romancer and Hollywood figure whose film finesse, more often than not, figures
out how to please the critics and crowds alikenot to mention the college
set. Way to score every demographic, dude! Now, dont you know, just
to keep it cute n collegiatelike, Über likes to spend the
successful movie weekends of his trademark flicks (not to mention other,
less celebratory windows of horny opportunity) not by sipping a champagne
flute with the Hollywood elite, but by throwing back a plethora of red plastic
cups at a mostly frosh beer bash or three. This is how our guy unwinds when
off set. Although, for the tautly toned and well-bosomed record, Ü.C.
always seems to surround himself with a like-minded staff. Appropriately,
Mr. Ü knows his way around one California campus in
particularhes been patrolling the hallways there for quite some
time. Jeez, who needs H-town patting you on the back when you can pat the
backs of two 18-year-old students in a ménage à trois? And
myriad other such barely legal, delicious, salacious delights! In fact,
Unzippeds so supersuave (and still rather semistudly) no one seems
to mind his taste in ingenue gentlemen. AND IT AINT: Mel Gibson; Zack
Braff; Sean Penn
82.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/01
He grew up dirt poor. He was sports inclined, even as a small boy and he
knew this would be his ticket out of poverty. According to a childhood source.
He often wrote his dream down, in the following order: Millions, fame, mansion,
exotic cars and a white wife. He was always attracted to Latin and black
women, but he considered white women as a sign of "making it." And, no matter
what, he was going to marry one. His childhood friend says, he did date a
black and latino girl at the same time and developed strong feelings for
both, when his friend suggested he marry one of them, he said, "I just can't
marry a minority woman, I can't do it." Despite the fact he is a minority.
As a young player, coming up the ranks. He went out with his teammates one
evening. The club was packed with Latin and Black women but when a white
woman and a female friend entered the place, our sports athlete damn near
lost his mind. Although she was far from being the most attractive woman
in the club, it didn't matter, he couldn't see past the color of her white
skin. He immediately made a bee-line in her direction. She ignored him at
first until he told her he was working his way up the ladder in sports. She
gave him more attention but was still nonchalant until he told her, if you
date me now and I become a star later, I will lavish you with wealth. He
now had all of her attention. As he worked his way up the ranks, they became
an exclusive couple. He married her just before he reached superstar status
and lavished her with material objects. But, he still couldn't control his
attraction to black women and started creeping with a black supermodel who
rocked his world sexually. While his wife was making the rounds on TV talking
about their perfect marriage he was laying up in bed with his supermodel.
Who is the sports star and the black supermodel? Hint: You don't have to
be a sports fan to know who he is. Alex Rodriguez
83.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/01
#1 This B list maybe C list now primarily television actor was mainly famous
for who he was with rather than his acting talent. Although publicly straight
and with definite heterosexual relationships in his past, it is odd now to
see that he is more than willing to play the casting couch game with male
producers if it will get him a part. It seems to be working.
#2 Another B list actor, this time a former television actor who only works in films now. He is B list by virtue of his work, but definitely does not have the name recognition of #1. You would recognize our actor, but would be hard pressed to come up with his name. His recent marriage ended in a quick divorce because of domestic abuse. Never hit his wife until after they were married. No signs at all until after the wedding. After he got done beating her for the third time she decided to leave. Now for fun he is trying to work his way through every woman he can find in LA. Bradley Cooper/Jennifer Esposito
#3 For this one we are going to have to go to the other side of the world. Not to India this time, but to Australia. There was already the infamous sex tape or not of Kate Ritchie. I don't think anyone can really tell who that is in that video. This time though there can be no doubt as to the identity of the actress. No, not Kate Ritchie again, but instead a sex tape featuring a different female Logie nominee. Rachael Carpani
#4 Although she has been an actress for what seems like forever, our aging, still very attractive B list/C list everything actress made her fame and fortune from one television role. Seems as if she and her 17 year old neighbor have a hot little thing going on. Luckily for her, the age of consent in her state is 17. But what if this all started when he was 16? Fran Drescher
84. STAR MAGAZINE 02/04
Which athlete, adored by Hollywood ladies, is more concerned with how he
looks in bed than pleasing his women? A source says he insists on getting
busy with the lights on so he can watch himself in the mirror.
85.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/04
Which famous New York athlete who used to date a pint-size actress is still
shaking his head about how she would never remove her shoes during sex?
86.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/04
#1 You definitely go to rehab when your addiction costs you your baby.
Eva
Mendes
#2 On Friday night this star pro football player was not recognized by any of the women he was hitting on, and so on Saturday night he brought a stack of trading cards and offered to autograph them for women when he gave them one. This time it worked and he got some action. Too bad he left his wife home. I'm sure she would have understood. OK, OK, he is a quarterback. That is all you are getting. Joe Montana
#3 You would think after the 2nd or 3rd abortion he has paid for this B+/A- cable television actor would stop using the line that he is sterile to women just so he doesn't have to use a condom. Jeremy Piven
87.
PEREZ
HILTON 02/04
What pregnant singer was recently dumped by her boyfriend after she [insert]
and now she's not with child. Frown!
Lily
Allen
88 NY
DAILY NEWS 02/05
Which husband of a daytime TV fixture - who has been in trouble for his
proclivities before - has lately been patronizing a midtown dungeon?
Rachel Ray's husband
89.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 02/05
Good Help is Hard to Find: Celebrities dont always have it easy, you
know. As is the case with Britney Spears, a competent assistant is a valuable
commodity, especially one who wont sell you out and will still pick
up your dirty undies. But picking up panties is one thing
picking up
your drugs is another matter entirely. Whats a highly regarded actor
to do when he cant pay someone to pick up his drugs??? Especially when
he has such a voracious appetite? Given recent events, youd think
hed know better
and while I can certainly sympathise with a serious
addict, how can you sympathise with someone who would rather compromise an
employee than risk getting caught? At least own your own sh*t, you know?
But its all about the image isnt it? He is an acclaimed artist,
who is involved and informed and aware, idolised by some for his impish good
looks a selfish junkie isnt usually what comes to mind. Those
in the industry however have surely seen him openly spread his blow all over
the dinner table, at any given party, and put half of it into his brain.
So brazen is he that he used to carry his stash on his body while travelling,
tucked into a coat pocket, cavalierly going through security. Over the last
three months or so however hes suddenly become a lot more paranoid.
And so the task of transporting his happy across borders has rested on his
personal assistants. It took her three carries before she finally put her
foot down and refused. And got fired for it. The girl who took her place
made it only once before quitting herself. Hes still looking for a
replacement. Substance abuse is one thing. Allowing someone else to take
the fall for your addiction is another. Selfish prick.
90.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 02/05 #2
Cheesy Cheating is Allowed: Remember him? The unfaithful
cheese
dick who still hasnt curbed his philandering in spite of scandal
and who strayed a bit too far on the underage side recently? As of press
time, the photo evidence has yet to come back to haunt him but youll
be happy to know hes since moved on, and hes managed to stay
away of late from cheating with 17 year olds. Still
his particular
proclivities remain: the insistence on a shower, the camera action, the drugs,
the alcohol, and the acknowledgement that yes, he does have a girlfriend.
Hence the resulting question from all of us what is she doing? What
is she thinking? Why is she sticking around??? Well, he says she knows. He
says she knows and she doesnt care. Because shes doing the same
thing. Apparently its allowed and its arranged. He cheats, she
cheats, everyones happy, and somehow between them it works. Thats
his story, anyway. And I actually kinda believe him. Crew on the set of her
latest are buzzing that shes had at least 2 different euro cast members
into her trailer for a little noon time nooky but tells everyone else that
she "really, really loves" her boyfriend. Monogamy is dead. Michael
Buble and Emily Blunt
91.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/05
OK, this one could get confusing, and so I may need to make things more clear
at a later point. This involves two actresses and one actor as well as a
dude. Not a dude as in Big Lebowski dude, but just a guy. He actually does
things, but no one will know what he has done, so it is safe to call him
a dude. So, actor #1 who is a well known B list television star on a hit
network drama was dating this major award winning B list actress (#2) who
has been as successful in television as she has in films. They were dating
for about a year, and things were going really well which made a nice change
from her previous relationship which the world never stopped talking about.
Anyway, she thought things were going well until her boyfriend hooked up
with this B list actress (#3) who used to be A and is quickly dropping to
C. This B list actress like someone last week is known for one role, and
one role only. No matter what she does it will be this one role everyone
remembers. #3 is also married which kind of complicates things. #2 got out
when she heard about #1 and #3. #1 and #3 have kept their little thing going
despite the marriage that #3 is in.
actor #1:
actress #2:
actress #3:
92.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/06
Our friends at "Entertainment Lawyer," reported last week that a HIV+ white
pop singer was asked by her local health department who she had sex with
so they could be notified. Last week, allegations persisted, on the backend,
there was a media frenzy bidding war for the list because it contained identities
of some of the most famous and richest men on planet earth. This week we
are hearing, this whole story has been swept under the rug, similar to the
Heath Ledger video cover-up. Fast Forward: Sky Villa has unearthed similar
data. We have also been informed about a white pop princess with the package,
we're not saying it's the same celebrity but the similarities are astounding.
This is what we uncovered: One of her reps asked that the few black men she
had been intimate with - be moved to the top of the list to take the focus
off the white male celebrities who dominate the list. This way, a black man
can be set up to be the "fall guy," if and when this sensitive information
ever leaks - and be accused of infecting one of America's Sweethearts with
the deadly virus. I guess her rep didn't realize, it doesn't matter what
order your name is in. It's just devastating to be included on a list like
this, regardless of order. The Truth: If this is the same woman, she could
have gotten infected by anyone. One of our sources walked in on her at a
industry party, in a bedroom, while she was bent over snorting cocaine, an
anonymous sex partner was pounding her from the back without a condom. He
was her dealer and she exchanged sex for drugs although she can afford to
buy her narcotics but she's addicted to the thrill of anonymous sex. Who
Is She? Britney Spears
93.
NY
POST 02/06
WHICH former teen television star was too blitzed to hold it in and peed
his pants at The House of Hennessy inside Tao in Scottsdale over Super Bowl
weekend?
94.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/06
Wow a kindness at Fashion Week. B list actress who does television most of
the time. She might actually be C list but she has a fairly unique look and
had one show which gives her staying power for a little longer. Plus one
very memorable episode on a great show. Didn't actually happen at a show
so I will save you the time of wading through all the actual shows. This
was a party. Happened in the restroom. Our actress was standing at the sink
with another woman and chatting with her. The woman said she was leaving
on an international flight and was already running late. The woman left.
A minute or two went by and as our actress was leaving she saw a purse on
the sink. She knew from her chatting that it belonged to the woman she had
been chatting with. She grabbed the purse and made her way back into the
party. The place was packed and she couldn't see the woman. She remembered
that the woman was leaving to go catch a plane and so went outside to look.
All of the cabs were about a block away all lined up and she saw the woman
about two people back from getting into a taxi. Our actress took off down
the street. After about three steps one of her heels broke and she went tumbling
down onto the pavement in her designer dress. She took off the other heel
and went running down the street yelling the entire time. If this were a
movie she would have only caught the woman at the airport or something, but
the reality is that everyone waiting for a taxi looked up including the owner
and she actually realized at that moment she had forgotten her purse and
headed back to the actress. Our actress had a ripped dress, no shoes, and
a scraped hand but delivered the purse to the woman. The woman was extremely
grateful and said the flight could wait, and that she wanted to make sure
our actress was ok. They took a cab back to the party where the woman made
sure our actress got her hand looked at by someone and made sure she got
back with her friends okay as well. The woman offered to pay for new heels
or dress, but our actress declined.
Alicia
Witt
95.
POPBITCH
02/07
Which Brit-born US TV star once left his UK TV handlers to pick up the bill
from a hotel room he'd vacated, leaving a urine-soaked mattress, shit wiped
on the walls, and curtains ruined from the ties being ripped off for use
in an S&M game? Johnnie Lee Miller
96.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/07
#1 This A list couple consisting of a B list film actor and B list film actress
were spotted in a corner each taking one pill last night. No, they weren't
vitamins, because if they were, why all the secrecy and trying to find a
place where they wouldn't be seen. Also, vitamins don't usually glaze your
eyes over 30 minutes later.
Justin
Long/Drew Barrymore
#2 How much does a wife cost? No, not in spending and shopping and food, but rather, how much would you pay someone to be your wife? Whatever this former teen A lister, and now has been is paying, it must not be enough because his wife keeps threatening to walk out unless he comes up with more dough each month.
97.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 02/08
1. The tension is in the air between two female legends. The two used to
be close, almost like a mother and daughter bond, but now their political
differences are putting them at odds. Sources say trouble between the two
started a couple of years ago when one legend couldnt deal with the
others uppity attitude. Oprah Winfrey/Maya Angelou
2. Will this celebrity ex-wife lose her champion football player? He hooked up with her after losing a ton of money during a nasty divorce. The celebrity ex-wife was loaded, and he stuck to her like glue. Now, he has won his first championship, and hes started to get offers to do major endorsements. If he starts making his own money, will he still need the celebrity ex-wife and her money? Nicole Murphy and Michael Strahan
98.
TED
CASABLANCA 02/07
One Muscle Matchmaker Blind Vice: Furrowed Frank is such a mainstay in
contemporary entertainment, visible everywhere on screens big and small.
Course, many a pop culture aficionado insists what F2 does is definitely
not entertainment, but it is. Indeed, the dudes whole life is as
meticulously written as his hair is coiffed. And that aint just my
big-hair Texas exaggeration shootin off, trust. Heres how F2s
love life plays out, for ince. Oh, and need you even guess? Yes, bien sûr,
F.F. is a closeted gay man, do they not make any other kind in this biz any
more? I swear, I really do think were regressing since the time of
Rock Hudson and that ersatz marriage to his secretary. I mean, get real.
Andy Dick and his dubious hangers-on are practically the only friggin
tier of boy-swingin guys to come clean, save a few souls like T.R.
Knight, who was forced outta the closet, anyway. Look, Furrowed had a b-f
for a while, all fairly discreet 'n' stuff, never really got out there that
much in the gay-sniffing zeitgeist thats so increasingly prevalent...our
apologies if this Vice departments only expedited that dynamic, but
I think it would have happened anyway. Now, F2 and his man have busted up.
And since since Frank is under such tremendous pressure to perform before
his mouthwatering public, Franky-poos needs must not go unmet, correct?
Furroweds trainer sure seems to think so. The big ol cut and
ab-perf hunk has taken it upon himself to procure dates for Furrowed. And
the damn guys straight! But that doesnt stop him from interviewing
potential exquisitely muscled men on the floor of the gym where he trains
F.F., usually beginning with a query such as, "How would you feel if a big
celebrity found you attractive and wanted to go out with you?" Initial response
is key here. If the boys dark eyes (as they almost always are, as Mr.
F loves him some Latino lovin) light up instantly, thats usually
a signal to go to the next step, which is either making the intro right there
on the gym floor, or an almost immediate dinner or coffee setup. See, F
aint got much time. We could blame it on his pressing and highly visible
work schedule, s'pose, but that wouldnt really be accurate. More to
the nooky-crazed point would be that Frank is much more interested in moving
on to the next bulging find his trainer procures for himrather than
getting to know any of the fixed-up fellas, at all. How long will it be before
one of the quickly discarded dudes gets supersteamed and goes to the tabs,
we wonder? Not very. AND IT AINT: Justin Timberlake; Ty Pennington;
Alec Baldwin
99.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/08
These are the reasons behind the divorce of a black female celebrity and
her husband that will not be mentioned in their divorce papers. She found
out that her husband was an ambivalent hustler/con man. He usually got the
the attention of gay men outside clubs. Once he had their attention, one
of his buddies would ease up behind the man and mug him for his wallet and
bling. It's also rumored that hubby may have indulged with gay men for money
but that has yet to be proven as fact. After they married, hubby couldn't
let go of his street hustle. Rumors also persist that he slept with rich
women for money throughout the marriage. For extra cash, hubby also sold
his used underwear (on a regular basis) to a famous white actor who had a
fetish for underwear worn by younger men. He was quite busy and like a lot
of men, he used his myspace page as a place to lure naive and insecure women.
He often boasted that he cheated on his wife with 28 women he met off myspace.
On the sly, without his wife's knowledge, hubby hooked up with a pimp and
learned the craft. He recruited two prostitutes and put ads in smut papers
advertising their services. He also acted as a security guard for several
low rent porn stars and provided transportation for them to rented homes
where they filmed X-rated films. After filming, he received a cut of their
profits. When his wife found out about his notorious past, along with the
pimping and numerous infidelities, she hit the roof and filed for divorce.
Dawn Robinson/Dre Allen
100.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/08
From Fashion Week...
#1 This celebutard/reality female was spotted not, once, not twice, but three times this past week with different aging men who had paid a substantial sum to "spend some time" with her. Considering she hasn't been able to get a new tv gig, this is probably not a bad way for her to make a living. Britney Gastineau
#2 This barely 20's male B list television actor who is the "in" person right now was great in the afternoons, but was a complete ass by midnight because of his 12 hour a day constant coke habit. That's two from this group now. Ed Westwick/"Gossip Girl"
#3 This couple consisting of a guy and his B list quickly dropping to C list actress wife with the B+ name recognition spent their first time together in months as a couple. She is not the nicest person to her husband or to their child, and so he had walked out. She made the rounds quietly with a couple of guys, but realized she missed her husband's money so has been kissing his ass in attempt to get him back. The thing is she had never really been nice to him in public before, and this week was acting like a Stepford Wife, so it was pretty obvious what was going on. Elizabeth Hurley
#4 How do you describe this guy without giving it away? Actor, barely. Oh, he thinks he is, but in reality is known for one particular role. Spooky? You bet. Arrogant? Absolutely. Straight? 100%, or so we all thought. Seems though that his fondness for a certain act is not limited to women as he was spotted in a restroom getting some attention from a guy. Vincent Gallo
101.
NY
DAILY NEWS/JO PIAZZA 02/09
Which hard-partying and over-sexed young starlet's signature move is leaving
behind her panties at her paramours' houses? Tail-chasers all over L.A. have
a collection of lacy things to remember her by. Lindsay Lohan
102.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/11
When he first started out in rap, he indulged in 2-3 female groupies per
night despite having a significant other - who he has never been faithful
to. Soon, he got tired of the female groupie love and wanted to experiment
with something else. He would venture out in his tinted SUV to red light
districts and from a distance, he would park and stare at the male hustlers
and shemale's working the corner but he refused to patronize them, it was
too risky and he was too recognizable. Instead, he started cruising the internet
for hookups. He went after married closeted men who had just as much to lose
as he did if information of their liaison's leaked. He met with a few F2F
(offline) and had sex but it wasn't exciting and dangerous enough. He decided
to up the ante and started booking former male porn stars off the internet.
This was just what the doctor ordered for him. They were uninhibited, freaky
and could go all night. When both became spent, they would switch to dildo's
to keep the party going. Now, our rapper is addicted to booking male escorts
and porn stars. But, like he feared, dealing with escorts and porn stars
exclusively has been instrumental in leaking his business because they all
talk among one another about clients. They refer to him as a "easy trick"
who needs his ego pumped. You have to treat him like a God due to his past
accomplishments in the rap industry and refer to him as sir or you won't
be tipped. What makes this hip-hop star so unusual - he switches up. With
feminine male escorts he plays the 'top' role but with muscle bound bodybuilder
types, he is the power bottom. This rapper has become so brazen with these
men, he no longer attempts to hide his "new friends" from his significant
other. A few of these men have even accompanied him and his family on family
vacations. His significant other is so emotionally and financially dependent
on him, she's in denial and will never leave him. L. L. Cool
J
103.
NY
POST 02/11
WHICH teenage TV cutie was sharing cocktails with her permissive mom at a
fashion party in New York? The mom - who favors short shirts and wears her
hair just like her daughter - needs to grow up.
Hayden
Panettiere; Miley Cyrus
104.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/11
Which director shouldn't be in such a rush? Last week, he asked a young lady
at 1 Oak: "Are you Asian?" When she said, "No, I'm Native American," he replied,
"Bye," and sharply turned his back. Brett Ratner, director of "Rush
Hour"
105.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/11
#1 This A list director has come full circle. Unable to find anyone he hasn't
screwed, our director managed to convince his old flame and very in shape
celebrity to go home with him. Obviously she has some extreme self esteem
issues to go back to this well again. It also goes against everything she
presents to the public.
Brett
Ratner and Serena Williams
#2 This female singer/ male celebrity betrothed will have some more convincing to do after they spent time apart last night. She spent the whole evening pissed and alone and he spent the evening pissed as well at a party in a different state with lady after lady coming up to him and spending time with him. He never turned any of them away and never indicated he was still married. Pink and Corey Hart
#3 At London's Fashion Week, these two daughters of separate rock icons got into a shouting match about a boyfriend of one icon's daughter and how the other daughter managed to steal him away. Peaches Geldof/Kimberly Stewart
106.
BILLY
MASTERS 02/11
Could it be that the Super Bowl made for some strange bedfellows? So say
sources who ran into two cozy cuties - one who's allegedly dating a female
co-star and one who's been long-known to be of the homosexual persuasion
(and, trust me, it doesn't take much persuading). Intriguingly enough, I'm
told the young California boy was the aggressor, much to the chargrin of
the older (by two years) gent. But what happens in Arizona stays in Arizona.
Bottom line - the youngster might have enjoyed the flirtation. But he's a
vegetarian, unlike his prey who we know is not adverse to eating some meat!
107.
PEREZ
HILTON 02/11
What recently rehabbed starlet was seen pAArtying it up at the new Thompson
Hotel early Monday morning at an after-hours Grammy suite party???? She's
back to her roots and her old habits!
Lindsay
Lohan
108.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 02/11
Love hurts. Her pride hurts. Betrayed and humiliated, shes taking a
break from her relationship woes and has decided to dash off on holiday with
friends. Fun in the sun and a boozy vacay perhaps what she needs to
put things in perspective. But upon arrival, she decided alcohol was apparently
not enough. And neither is marijuana. This kind of heartache requires the
hard stuff. Cocaine is the magic solution. Which is why shes been blowing
the pain away through her nose, a side of her thats anathema to the
squeaky clean, anti-drug image thats been played out in the papers.
Jennifer Aniston
109.
TV
GUIDE 02/11
Heather Locklear may not have had a hit series since Spin City went off the
air in 2002, but she remains a hot commodity in the TV biz not to
mention a major threat to insecure actresses everywhere. In fact, the mere
possibility of her being cast in a highly anticipated '07-'08 network pilot
caused one of the show's spotlight-hungry divas to channel her inner Cybill
Shepherd. Here's how it all went down: Last winter, Locklear was in talks
to headline a new drama that bears a striking resemblance to a certain iconic
series about four single gals living and loving in New York City. But when
one of the program's lesser-known actresses caught wind of the former Melrose
Place hell-raiser's possible participation, she had a hissy fit the likes
of which would've made Paula Abdul's assistant cower in fear. Said prima
donna worried that Locklear's towering presence would overshadow her
C-list frame informed producers that if Locklear came aboard, she'd
hit the road. The only thing more shocking than the size of her no-name cojones
was the number of figures in her per-episode asking price: six! But wait,
it gets better. Instead of showing Brazen Betty the door, they showed her
the dough! Coincidentally, days later, negotiations with Locklear broke off
and producers started looking for another, less imposing actress, to fill
the lead slot. The unofficial official explanation? The show's budget had
swelled to the point where they could no longer afford someone of Locklear's
stature. But insiders suspect producers wanted to placate their third-tier
star, and if that meant losing Locklear, than so be it. "For some reason,
they really wanted [Brazen Betty], which didn't make sense to anyone," says
my spy. "It was almost like they were scared of her." Ironically, the big
winner here is Locklear, who, by all indications, dodged a big bullet. Although
the pilot was picked up, critics swiftly dismissed the series as nothing
more than a glorified rip-off of that other show, and insiders expect it
will have about as long a life span as Locklear's last turkey, L.A.X. OK,
now it's time for the audience participation portion of our little show.
Think you know Brazen Betty's real name? Considering the unprecedented number
of clues I've given you, I'd say the odds are in your favor.
Miranda Otto "Cashmere Mafia"
110.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/12
This aging Academy Award winning actor was seen doing shots of tequila with
a female who couldn't have been more than 21 and possibly younger. He met
her at the bar of his hotel, got her drunk and then took her back to his
room. When she started getting sick in his room, he called the concierge,
asked to be moved and left her in there to be sick. When told that our actor
would be charged for two rooms if she stayed in one room and he was in a
separate room, our actor told the staff to give her the equivalent of $20
and send her on her way. Our actor didn't actually provide the $20 either,
but made the staff provide her with cab fare home. He also said he would
not be responsible for any damage she did when being sick on the bed.
Benicio
Del Toro
111.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/13
Her personal life was mostly discreet until now! Rewind: She was once involved
in an affair with a world famous and extremely wealthy black man. His then
wife became very suspicious and he asked another famous man to pretend like
he was dating "his celebrity mistress" to throw his wife off. His friend
was paid six figures for the deception but he didn't need the money because
he's also rich. He was so in love with his famous mistress that he had to
be near her and he arranged double dates (with his wife) and her "fake" love
interest but our wealthy man didn't expect her to fall in love with his friend.
She went so far as to marry his friend. New hubby also has a sister who only
dates rich and a brother who also dates rich. They are able to snag wealth
because of their looks. But, the couple would eventually divorce. Fast Forward:
This woman has worked on a sporadic and somewhat consistent basis over the
years but between gigs, she has never been broke. She even had several horses
which are very expensive to maintain and she continues to flourish financially
despite her family obligations. Rumor has it that she got stock tips from
successful businessmen (fans) and that a very rich man overseas recently
gifted her with a $190,000 exotic car. Allegations also persist that she
has hidden offshore and swiss bank accounts and a immediate annuity that
pays her a monthly five figure fee. She continues to be successful and low
key in Hollywood. Hint: It's not Sable (lol). Michael
Jordan/Vanessa
Williams/Rick Fox
112.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/13
Which recent mom is already bored with her new accessory? Despite pimping
herself out to the celebrity mags as a loving parent, she is constantly finding
reasons to leave the baby and "escape."
Nicole
Ritchie
113.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/13
#1 This too old for her anyway actor has been making the most of his separation
with this actress girlfriend by enjoying the affections of a more age appropriate
brunette. The brunette was wearing a wedding ring and our actor is up to
his eyeballs in one he probably wishes he could get out of, but it didn't
stop them from spending some time at his place one night, and a hotel two
nights later.
#2 This one is really interesting, but I don't know if you will ever be
able to get it. Both people involved are foreign actors. One is an actress
who is about 16 years old. Definitely a B lister on the European circuit
but probably an unknown to many of you. In one of her recent films she and
her co-star fell in love. He is closer to A list in Europe, (television and
film) but again, here in the States, probably unheard of. No big deal that
they fell in love except that he is well over twice her age, married and
left his wife for this ingenue. The parents of the actress know, but don't
see anything wrong with it and the soon to be ex-wife has also agreed to
keep quiet for now. Don't know if it is because of money or because she doesn't
want to be known as the wife who got left for a 16 year old. Everyone is
keeping this as quiet as possible until our actress reaches 17 which would
be more publicly acceptable.
16 year old actress: Sarah-Jeanne Labrosse
recent film: "Eastern Promises"
A list actor: Vincent Cassel
wife: Monica Bellucci
114.
JANET
CHARLTON 02/14
This famous lesbian movie star is successful and very popular but she's afraid
to come out of the closet. She has too many conservative fans and bosses
who have no idea she's gay. She quietly lives with her girlfriend but once
in awhile she can't resist hitting the lesbian clubs. Recently she was seen
at a once-a-month after hours sex club for women where anything goes. And
it did. Her highly recognizable face was the TALK of the orgiastic femmes.
115.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/14
Which rival young actresses on the same hit show are forced to pose together
at PR events, even though they hate each other? One resents the other for
having knocked her off her "star of the show" pedestal. Leighton
Meester and Blake Lively
116.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/14
#1 Out of the spotlight and out of the country, this B list or maybe C list
film and television actress has been back to her old ways. Full of remorse
here doesn't necessarily apply overseas as our actress proved by drinking
until puking and doing more pot smoking than an entire audience at a Cypress
Hill concert. She has been enjoying her freedom so much, she is planning
on staying overseas permanently. Yay!
Mischa
Barton
#2 This married, aging C list comedy actor with the B+/A- name recognition has been doing some press for his new film. Maybe his wife should have come along to keep him from running up his credit cards in a sex fueled hooker orgy that he plays out every night on the road. Martin Short
117.
TED
CASABLANCA 02/14
Death-Mint Myrtle is the successful star of small and big screen. But its
her addicting show, At Home with Hate, thateven though some jealous
bitches say is past its prime, à la DMMits really put
Deathy back on the glossier maps. Hate is still a ratings force to be reckoned
with on prime time, no BS. Now, Death-Mint might be enjoying the spotlight,
but shes still got a slew of secrets up her size-zero sleeves that
are slowly slipping out. This actress apparently hideous eating habits
are getting to be such a prob, not only for her feeble frame but for her
fellow coworkers on the hit show. See, the crew is quite inconvenienced whenever
DMM has a scene, since it takes an extralong time to stage the camera angles
just soso that Ms. Myrtles obvious dubious health isnt
so noticeable to the naive TV viewer at home. "We have to make it look like
she actually has a chest, sometimes," bitched one totally in the know Hate
worker-bee, and he wasnt talkin boobs, honey-pies. Howev, Myrtle
might be battling an unfortunate mastication sitch, along with some unfair
double standards. Despite her skinny skeleton, our girls handling the
aging process quite welloffscreen. But in TV land, normal lifelines
dont fly. Wrinkles and creases in Myrtles forehead, due to her
wilting frame, are blurred out in postprod of the show, since makeup sure
cant cover every little unwanted bit. The question to ponder is why
the shows producers are even trying so hard, when DMM is always being
upstaged by her cuter costars. Oh, of course, guess they like the tension
on camera. What a doofus question. Forget we asked. AND IT AINT: Joely
Fisher; Mariska Hargitay; Tina Fey.
Terri
Hatcher
118.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 02/14
1. There was a lot of backstage drama at the Grammy Awards including an aging
Diva who refused to perform with younger singers, then later lashed out when
another legend was given her title.
Aretha
Franklin
2. The Young Singer who realized she has to stop with the country bumpkin act if she is going to succeed. Her career has stalled, and now its time to step up her game.
3. The Pint sized legend who still holds a grudge against his former bandmates. When the two crossed paths the lil legend refused to speak. Its been over 20 years, get over it. Prince/The Time (Morris Day)
4. The music mogul who realized his jump off cant be kept quiet. Shes in a fake relationship with a younger singer, but the truth came out on Grammy night when she won an award and openly showed her affection to the mogul. Jay-Z/Rhianna/Chris Brown
5.The music legend who ruined his big comeback when he suffered a panic attack and wouldnt go on stage. Michael Jackson
119.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/15
The "Trapeze," club is the most prestigious and elite swingers club in the
world. Millions of dollars was invested into the Trapeze establishments.
The club has two locations, in the ATL and Florida. In 1997, the Florida
club suffered $500,000 in fire damage. This club has a waiting list for VIP
candidates. On-site features include: Private lockers and showers and a private
lagoon. For Valentine's Day, they were not accepting reservations and the
menu included filet mignon and lobster tails. No single men were allowed
entry on Valentine's Day, the club was reserved for couples and single women
only. VIP candidates have to be approved by a governing board. Like law
enforcement, all swinger communities operate with a "wall of silence." A
reader once sent me a book on the swingers culture. When word leaked out
that a prominent black female doctor and her equally prominent husband were
swingers, she lost her practice and her husband also lost his job, they had
to relocate and start a new life. Trapeze like other swinger clubs-don't
discuss members. The source for this story is a former swinger who attended
Trapeze weekly. She has now turned to religion. This is what she told us
about the black celebrities in attendance. Blind Item: "I was there one evening
when a black crack head celebrity came in, he reeked of alcohol and his eyes
were red. He was holding his private parts as he leered at the women. His
ego was demolished because nobody wanted to have sex with him. He got loud
and tried to grope the women and dared any man to look at him. He was promptly
thrown out." "Another night, a rap mogul strutted in. Women were surrounding
him because of his wealth. He retired to one of the private rooms and engaged
in group sex with several women." After he left, a few of the women complained
that he really wasn't a good lover." "I engaged in sex with a male radio
personality, known in the black communities across the country. He is a proud
swinger and he was a good lover."
black crack head celebrity: Bobby Brown
rap mogul: P. Diddy
male radio personality: Michael Baisden
120.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/15
Dont panic, but which pint-size actress who recently sucked face with
her celebutard best friend is being romanced by an equally tiny emo rocker,
whom she met at a disco during the Grammys?
121.
HOLY
MOLY (a British blog) 02/15
Which member of an inexplicably successful comedy act enjoyed a light S&M
session with a mole recently? We aren't sure what they class as a heavy S&M
session as she said he punched her (whatever turns you on I guess), but described
his schlanger as "largish". This lady sounds difficult to please as even
though she got punched and shagged by a relatively famous comedian she also
described him as "pretty boring, not funny at all". Jesus. Some women eh...
David Walliams, Little Britian
122.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/15
#1 This B- list film actress is someone you may have never heard of but you
have heard of most of the movies she has been in. From Academy Award winners
(at least 3) to huge summer blockbusters. She recently broke up with her
boyfriend not because they had grown apart but because she found a tape of
him at a rap video servicing one woman after another with a bunch of the
other guys on the set.
#2 This C list film and television actress by body of work but with A+ name recognition likes to have the world believe she is Ms. Happy Wife and mother. Then why has her husband been living in a hotel the past 3 months since he left her.
#3 This B list married couple who are known for television and really bad made for tv movies belong to an exclusive, web cam swingers group where they perform for other couples in the nude. Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin
#4 This greasy celebutard is trying to sell a sex tape of himself with two different celebutantes. No takers so far thank goodness. Brandon Davis/Paris Hilton/Kim Kardashian
123.
PEREZ
HILTON 02/15
What star, who just spent some time in the hospital, has been a permanent
fixture at 25 Degrees lounge at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel the past few
days, boozing it up???? Time to go to rehab! And get some "sleep."
Justin Chambers
124.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/17
1. Which TV and big-screen star has been such a pain in the (bleep) at photo
shoots that stylists and mag editors are refusing to work with her?
2. Which songstress pal of an Academy Award-winning actor is running around L.A. telling folks her friend is living on the down-low? Ledisi/George Clooney
125.
NY
POST 02/18
1. WHICH recently divorced fashion editor is rumored to be spending more
time in Los Angeles these days? Word is she's taken up with the recently
jailed Kiefer Sutherland. Anna Wintour
2. WHICH movie star recently suffered a miscarriage? The heartbroken actress is now talking about adopting. Gwyneth Paltrow
126.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/18
Which celebrity sibling who can't stay out of trouble has a girlfriend-of-record,
but also a much-talked about romantic incident involving a same-sex pal in
the Hamptons last summer? Barron Hilton and Skye Peters
127.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/18
These A+ list female film actresses (when I say A+, there is no wishy washy,
they are A+) are really different, but they do have one very big thing in
common. A woman. That's right. While one of the A+ listers is no stranger
to women, the other A+ lister is, or would have the world believe she is.
However, each of our A+ listers separately spent several months with a woman
who must be magnificent or beautiful or extremely talented in the bedroom
to attract the interest of these A+ listers. The only thing these two A+
listers have in common is the huge amount of money they get for making films.
The fact that these two completely different personalities and looks could
both fall for the same woman just boggles the mind. That, and the fact that
at least one of the A+ listers has never shown a propensity to spend time
with the same team. This one blew me away.
Angelina
Jolie HINT: I previously revealed one of the women to
be Angelina Jolie. The reason I am bringing this up now is because there
are rumors that the other actress is going to be outed by the woman during
the process of a lawsuit. The woman does not want to but might be forced
to depending on the questions that are asked. Our unrevealed actress is still
A+ and is still paid a ton of money. Reese Witherspoon; Charlize Theron;
Sandra Bullock
128.
NY
POST 02/19
1. WHICH D-list TV star, who's famous for getting paid to party, distracts
skirted ladies by pouring liquor down their throats as he gropes them?
Brody Jenner
2.WHICH fashion designer is lying to her actor beau? While she proclaims her love for her man, New York insiders say she really prefers "butch Mexican and Latino women." Kimora Lee Simmons and Djimon Hounsou
3. WHICH sweetheart Oscar winner doesn't always have a heart as golden as her locks? She's known for introducing her best friend for 10 years as "my assistant" when around other Hollywood types. Reese Witherspoon
129.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/19
The sobriety of which troubled starlet probably isn't being helped by the
fact that her uncle deals weed out of the spare room in her mom's house?
Lindsay Lohan
130.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/19
This early 20's Italian film and soap opera actress is probably a B list
in her own country if not a C. Then why the hell am I even writing about
her? Well, she has a certain look and ability that enables her to transform
almost seamlessly into almost any leading lady working today. Although it
might be good for her if she wanted a career as a stand in, what she uses
her talent for is something much more bank account enhancing. Her ability
first became noticed on one of her first projects when she was teamed up
with this British/Italian actress who found our actress mesmerizing when
she basically turned into Scarlett Johannson right before her eyes. Soon
our actress found that producers and directors who had always wanted to sleep
with Scarlett were beating down her door and paying her large sums of money
to act like Scarlett. Now, our actress when not working has a huge list of
very happy directors and producers from Italy, the UK, and the US who gladly
await her quarterly e-mail which identifies which character she is portraying
for that three month period. Her portrayal often includes erotic scenes from
films or movies to make everything even more of a fantasy. For the first
three months of 2008, she is portraying Ali Larter. A night with our actress
currently costs about $20,000, and if you think that is too high, she has
a waiting list.
131.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/20
You can't deny his talent but this black male celebrity also has a very dark
soul. He's kinky and bizarre to say the least. Call girls have said, "He's
even too freaky and deviate for us." His favorite fetish: Spreading peanut
butter on the backside of call girls and slowly licking it off. He also dons
a leather mask on occasion and thinks of himself as the ultimate slave master
as he barks out orders while slapping women around. Foreplay consists of
forced sex (rape) videos. His manhood is considered extreme by sex workers
and he sometimes he uses it as a weapon with violent sex acts. Ladies of
the evening have complained, "He leaves us so sore, I can barely walk for
a few days after being with him." If that's not enough, the sex industry
is buzzing that he has just constructed a dungeon in his mansion where he
can hoist women up and humiliate them before raping them. With each call
girl encounter, he's becoming more brutal and unpredictable. He can't use
the excuse of being high on drugs and alcohol (even though he indulges on
an irregular basis) he's just crazy behind closed doors with a taste for
the bizarre and deviance. Hints: Extremely well known by blacks and whites.
It's not Michael Jackson or Will Smith. R Kelly
132.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/20
Which DUI-ed director/actor - goes this ridiculous but too-good-not-to-share
story doing the rounds in Hollywood - wears a fake nose to avoid being recognized
in public? It is said he lends it to his closeted actor buddy, who wears
it when trawling for men. Mel Gibson/Robert Downey Jr.
133.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 02/20
Heterosexually attached for a long, long time, he recently faced his inner
gay and admitted the truth. His partner apparently took it well. As well
as any woman can under the circumstances. She felt much better when she found
out how much of the bank account she was entitled to. And given that he was
the one walking, and he is the one whos famous, hes also the
one who has to pay. A lot. So now hes broke relatively speaking.
In Hollywood terms, I mean. Lost his job, no work on the horizon, he seriously
considered coming out as a way of "reinventing his image", not for gay rights
but because he needs the money. Only problem is, he was told over and over
again that "no one will care if youre gay". On the flipside, a fake
Hollywood romance with a famewhore like Denise Richards for example wont
fly either since the ex will flip her sh*t and out her himself, preferring
to be passed over for a mo over another woman. Me too! He was encouraged
to do Dancing with the Stars but pride got in the way. If things dont
turn around, itll be a last resort next season. Dylan McDermott
134.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/20
I love the C list. Seriously, they are the best. I would write more of them,
but I want you to be able to at least have a chance at guessing. Speaking
of guessing. She is an actress who has done what I like to call this and
that on television. A little of the one time thing and a few two or three
episode arcs, mixed with a starring role in a tweener show. Now our C lister
who is older than your typical tweener has branched out into some nice
respectable B films with nice respectable B actors. Well, respectable for
the most part. For now, lets go back to the tweener show where our actress
introduced several other cast members to the wonderful world of meth. Although
only 3 or 4 fellow cast members took her up on her offer, one of those who
did now has a serious problem. Our actress was also known as the "stress
reliever" to whatever guys wanted to spend some time with her. Or girls it
turns out as well. No girls on the tweener show that I have heard of, but
in her latest film she did manage to find a has been celebutante who got
a role and slept with her. They also traded coke for sex with the comic actor
who was in this very space not too long ago. C listers are the best.
C lister: Christina Lankin
cast member with meth problem:
has-been celebutante: Paris Hilton
comic actor: Dane Cook
135.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/21
This B- list actress with the A list movie resume. When I say A list movie
resume I mean summer type popcorn flicks that do well. Well she was at a
premiere recently and decided that she didn't like where the limo driver
was going to drop her off. She opened her door and saw that he had missed
a spot by about five feet. God forbid she was going to walk the five feet.
With the door halfway open she unleashed a verbal tirade against the poor
driver that included every four letter word known to man and to Xenu. (not
a clue, just thought it was fun to write) After she made him move up the
five feet, she opened her own door and then went around to the drivers side
and then let him have it again. The guy drove away leaving her there in the
street. She then put on her happy face and made nice for the red carpet.
Megan
Fox
136.
NY
POST 02/21
1. WHICH pop diva goes to great lengths to keep her entire body glowing?
When she spray-tans, she demands her nether regions get the treatment as
well. Jennifer Lopez (her fragrance is "Glow")
2. WHICH producer who's well known for his voracious appetite for women has a funny modus operandi? He asks actresses seeking roles to come up to his hotel suite, then excuses himself to go use the restroom and comes back wearing only a robe? Brett Ratner
137.
MICHAEL
MUSTO 02/21
1. Who once generously gave a gentleman something during a charity event
for an organization in his late mother's name? (What he gave, actually, was
a blowjob in the bathroom. Ma would have been so proud.)
2. What couple almost split up during the making of that movie because she was on fire with jealousy that he got to show his actual talent? (No worries. It totally bombed.) Jennifer Lopez/Mark Anthony
3. Which young Broadway leading lady has for several years fallen in love with every guy who plays opposite her, even thoughor maybe becauseit's always a gay?
4. Which top anchor is a bottom? Which pop star is a top? (Or so goes
the legend; actually, he and one of his hot boyfriends switched positions
and loved it.)
top anchor: Anderson Cooper; Shepard Smith; Keith Olbermann
pop star: Lance Bass
5. Which same star did it with that married but gay male socialite?
6. Which female politician once slept with a rabbi's sister, according to an American Idol personality who's a friend of the rabbi? Condoleezza Rice
7. What male comeback star (in movies and mostly TV) is known as a completely cold, unpleasant fish to work with, though he can certainly turn on the charm when he needs to? Alec Baldwin; Patrick Dempsey
8. Which charismatic pit bull is described by some who've worked with her as a monster off-camera as well, someone who took her assigned role a little too seriously and became quite power-mad in the head? Halle Berry; Charlize Theron; Jane Fonda
9. What lovable showbiz relic is so needy that if you show her a little kindness, she'll start calling you at two in the morning for lengthy chats every night for months? Liza Minelli
10. What much younger songstress has very little actual chemistry with the husband, probably because she's a big old lesbo? Celine Dion
11. What transforming young movie star already seemed problematic last year when, in the middle of a press junket, he would snap at underlings, "Where's my cigarette?" then would rudely bolt for a puffing break when he got one? Shia LaBeouf; Josh Duhamel
12. Which modeling dynasty scion left her dog at a spa and never bothered to pick it up? (They didn't really mind. She paid for it to be there.) Kimora Lee Simmons
13. Which reality star can be seen being fisted by an admirer in a kooky video that's making the underground rounds? Should we give him a hand?
14. Which movie star who seems so brooding and enigmatic actually doesn't speak much because he doesn't have much to say, swears an insider? What model he was once aligned with also maintains much glamour and mystery by keeping her dumb trap shut (except to open it for drugs)? Johnny Depp and Kate Moss
15. Which legendary black singer was spotted at a store, where she was screaming into her cell phone, "Doesn't anyone read in your office? Don't you understand English? I told you to arrange that flight!"? Was it perhaps a flight on a broomstick? Diana Ross
16. Which beloved Broadway diva was supposedly the girlfriend of grande dame Judith Anderson all those diva years ago? Carol Channing
17. What comic in his sixties concerned onlookers when his speech at a roast last year was punctuated with loud snorts and grandiose nose-wiping? George Carlin
18. Which black funny lady admits she can't even hit the stage without being tanked, skanked, and totally blotto? Wanda Sykes; Mo'Nique
19. Which porn star has no detectable accent when he answers his cell phone, but then seems to remember to lay one on once he realizes who you are? Jeff Stryker; Michael Lucas
20. Which '70s star ingeniously turned a recent memorial service into a giant photo op for himself?
21. Which swiveling tartlet's people brutally Tasered a young fan who simply wanted to tell her he loves her? At this point, shouldn't they Taser all the people who don't care? Miley Cyrus (Hannah Montana)
22. What female politico's daughter looked so bulimic at her wedding that friends considered staging an intervention? Nancy Pelosi
23. What cute, young guy, who's Hollywood royalty, recently had a heartwarming experience peeing into a trannie's anus, only to have all kinds of shit shoot out? Jealous?
24. Which seemingly passive half of that design duo can actually be a tempestuous spitfire? (He threw a drink at a Barracuda patron, whose friend chased him out the door, hoping for a showdown.) Dolce and Gabbana; Badgley/Mischka; Traver Rains from Heatherette - Richie Rich is the more outspoken one
25. Which CBS personality sits in his car telling passersby that he's doing so to watch Katie Couric on the news, but it's actually to stall until 7 p.m., when his parking there can become legal?
26. Which exotic, young hotshot designer has been supposedly doing it with that black rapper with many children? Zac Posen/P Diddy
27. Which cute-as-a-button Broadway performer who's gone from leads to supporting roles is actually straight? (No, I'm serious. There's one Broadway male who really is a hetero, and this guy is it.) Patrick Wilson
28. Which other always-working Broadway type continually talks about a hot girlfriend who never materializes, for obvious reasons?
29. Which aged TV-theater diva has apparently gone lesbo? Betty Buckley
30. Which Best Actress nominee is rumored to be one too? Ellen Page
31. What actor/rocker calls his dick Lucifer and more importantly is a big wee-wee himself? Jared Leto; Gene Simmons
32. Which hot female singer's facial surgery photographs so weirdly that sometimes entire photo shoots come up empty? Ashlee Simpson
33. What 19-year-old TV star is an attitudey c-word? Hayden Panettiere
138.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 02/21
1. This new mommy is ready to party, and she is partying along with her baby
daddy-where is her new baby? with the nanny. The kid will probably grow up
thinking the nanny is her mommy. Nicole Richie
2. This Fashionista loves giving her exs girlfriend grief. Despite having a new man and a possible bun in the oven, She cant resist humiliating her ex-husbands new girlfriend. She regards the young girl as weak and dumb. Kimora Lee Simmons
139.
TED
CASABLANCA 02/21
One Do Not Go There Blind Vice: Yep, its yet another fagola Blind tale.
Get used to it, is all I have saythis towns friggin filled
to the brim with boy-lovin boys who dont exactly want the world
to know thats how they swing. Except perhaps when their sexuality
supposedly prevents them from employment. Take the case with Cress Finesse,
one of those hybrid dudes who does it all at one of the studios, including
directing films known for their mucho classy ambition. Howev, Cress
deal (C.F. has other gigs elsewhere, to be sure) was not picked up at that
par-tick place of employment. Understandably, this did not please Cress.
In fact, Cress, a handsome enough guy who knows his way around fine-tuning
his appearance, felt especially uglied by the unfortunate sitch. So much
so that Mr. F went to the powers that be who dismissed him and threatened
legal actionsexual-orientation discrimination, to be exactfor
not picking up the big entertainment deal at hand. Cress employers
were more than taken aback. They claimed they just wanted to start moving
in a "different direction" than the type of work Cress was famous for. But
both parties knew the score: C.F.s frolickingand sometimes
messybedroom habits did play a part in the end. It remained a fella
fact the studio higher-ups just werent too kosher with, such fools.
And even though the reticent execs never thought C.F. would follow through
suitwise, they did settle. Which pleased Cress enormously. So would he have
sued? Prolly. After all, Cress is getting on a bit. Hes growing tired
of the facade. Gosh, must be the only homo in town who is. AND IT AINT:
Ron Howard; Mel Gibson; Daniel Futterman George Clooney
140.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/22
This black male celebrity hates being gay. He refuses to identify with being
gay despite having sex with men. His explanation, "Yes, I sleep with men
and I prefer men but I am not gay because I am the top." According to friends,
he has entertained thoughts of suicide and at one time he consulted a therapist,
trying to get "cured," of his gay urges, to no avail. Friends also say, he
complains that straight porn doesn't arouse him at all but gay porn turns
him on completely. Friends say, one night they surprised him with a female
groupie. She left the room quickly, allegedly, our celebrity could not get
aroused to have sex with her. At the top of his game, he had his pick of
the finest men on the planet. Male models, famous jocks, etc., but since
he fell off, he's upset that he can no longer pull the cream of the crop,
instead, he's left to frolic with "low rent" call boys. He was once in a
relationship but after his career hit the skids, his boyfriend bolted. Our
celebrity is suffering from major depression because of his stalled career
and his sexuality. He has become belligerent and unapproachable which is
not helping his career. There is no hint of femininity in his appearance
and mannerisms. He is a step away from has been status. Maxwell;
D' Angelo; Busta Rhymes; Mike Tyson; Jaheim
141.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/22
The great thing about today's four items is they all come from the same apartment
building in New York.
#1 The summer this B list film actress who I love to rag on as of late was in Shakespeare in the Park, she lived in the building. The building is in Manhattan that was home to many celebs on a permanent basis or just while they were doing a stint in a play or something. So, our actress lived in the building that summer under an assumed name because she didn't want to be bothered. Fine...who cares. No one in the building really cared about famous people living there. There was no mail room at this building, but rather a concierge who gave out mail. All of the mail was in pigeon holes and generally, the concierge knew you and got your mail as you came to the desk. Sometimes there were a few people there so you had to wait. Fine...well, not fine for our actress. Once, while a person was getting their mail and chatting with the concierge for a moment, he got the mail and told the person they had a package in the back so he was going to get it. Before he went to get the package, our actress came up and asked for her stuff. She was told to wait since there was another person there ahead of her. She didn't like that at all. So she said, I can't wait and I want my stuff now. The concierge ignored her. She was so steamed and unfortunately, the person ahead of our actress in line had to ride in the elevator together. She had previously asked the security guard if she could have the elevator to herself. He promptly told her that that is not how things work in the building...but in a really nice way. Natalie Portman
#2 This former A list child actor lived in the building. He actually got kicked out of the building. He was renting...spending about 14k a month on rent. That included a studio apt that was made into a gym. This is when he was married. They rescued a lot of animals but never took them out...they also smoked pot incessantly so the halls reeked. That's why they were asked to leave. He NEVER held the door for anyone. There was a fire in the building where his mom and siblings lived...well, they all moved in with him. There were siblings ALL over the place. They would run down the halls banging on the walls. It was annoying as hell to say the least. Macaulay Culkin
#3 The Paper was also filmed in the building. Ron Howard was scouting out the location so everyone on the floor which was used for filming got to see him. A few days later, he was back and invited several residents to see what was going on. He was incredibly nice. One of the male stars was not friendly at all. Apparently he was being stalked at the time so he had an armed guard, who was really nice, but our actor was an ass. He refused to take the elevator if anyone was in it. He also refused to talk to ANYONE. Michael Keaton
#4 Here's another ass. This involves an Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress. The building was set up such that there was a doorway that went from the elevator bank to the hall. One day a resident was going from the elevator to the hall and our actress was going the other way. Well, they didn't see each other and our actress bashed through the door and hit the resident in the head. Ok, mistake...fine...well...not so fine..our actress said "get out of my way." Yeah, not ok. So, the resident told her to watch it because the resident lived there etc etc and the resident thought that our actress was really rude. The woman with her apologized profusely. The resident told her there was NO reason for her to apologize because she didn't do anything. The resident pointed to our actress and said "She's the one who should be apologizing." The resident kept being ignored by our actress while the assistant just kept apologizing. Marisa Tomei
142.
PEREZ
HILTON 02/23
What model, who recently rekindled her romance with an A-list actor, should
probably know that he's not being faithful to her? He's been hitting the
bars a lot! Leonardo DiCaprio/Bar Rafaeli
143.
NY
DAILY NEWS/JO PIAZZA 02/24
Which recently rehabbed actress has been sneaking around with other ladies
for years, explaining why her onscreen chemistry with her male leads is always
so limp? Kirsten Dunst
144.
NY
DAILY NEWS/GATECRASHER 02/24
Which Oscar-nominated actress is notorious for accepting multiple gowns for
consideration from designers then returning the empty boxes with tissue
paper, but keeping the dresses?
145. STAR MAGAZINE 02/25
Which hot TV star who is dating an award winning singer likes to play while
the cat is away? The actor has been making the rounds during NYC's Fashion
Week, trying to score with lots of ladies. Chance Crawford and
Carrie Underwood
146.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/25
When this non-black, non-white actor was struggling, he openly paraded his
beautiful black girlfriend all over Hollywood. She was also famous before
her career hit the skids. They were a striking couple and he was a nice guy.
Her behavior was the reason the relationship ended. Soon after, he got a
TV gig that pays him in the neighborhood of $200,000 per month. His show
is one of the most popular shows on television. Over the past few years,
he has had an assortment of beautiful girlfriends and he even had a live-in
relationship. All of these women were the same ethnicity as him. But, he
still can't control his attraction for black women. Few people know, despite
having a girlfriend, he allegedly had several sexual encounters with a very
popular black woman, who-like several other women in the industry (of different
races), is mainly known for her sexcapades. He's been informed that she's
considering putting him on blast because she feels-he only wants her for
sex, never takes her out in public and goes out of his way to hide her from
the public! He's worried on how this will affect his current relationship
with his girlfriend and network executives. Regardless, it will happen again
because he can't seem to control his compulsion for black women. This actor
doesn't seem like a nice guy anymore. When he was starving, he had no problem
flaunting black women on his arm but since he achieved success. He now creeps
with black women on the low.
147.
NY
POST/PAGE SIX 02/25
WHICH seemingly happy couple is hiding a horrible secret? The singer/actress
is beaten regularly by her controlling hubby, who demands that everything
go his way or not at all. Madonna
148.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/25
Which Oscars golden girl made her celebrity ex-boyfriend pretend to still
be in a relationship with her months after they broke up, because she was
afraid a split would look bad for her Academy Award campaign? It worked,
and they discreetly separated months later. Julia Roberts/Benjamin
Bratt
149.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/25
#1 - This female singer who was featured in this space once before who paid
for songs with sex was at it again this weekend. She thought she was done
with it all, but an executive from her label made it very clear that she
needed to take care of not just one but two very important investors in the
label. Oh, and she had to take care of them at the same time. The smile on
her face at the parties was definitely all for show.
Ashanti
#2 Who's the daddy? That's what everyone wants to know about this singer we don't talk about anymore. Britney Spears
#3 In what could quite possibly be the oddest hookups in the history of Hollywood hookups occurred this weekend between a married B- list/ C+ actress who also used to be a talk show host, and a married B- list film actor in this country and A in his own. Neither spouse was around and so dinner became drinks and drinks led to one night in his hotel room. I can't see how this would continue any further than one night.
150.
NY
POST/PAGE SIX 02/26
WHICH gossipeuse is about to get the ax? She probably should have told her
bosses she was shooting a reality show before just going out and doing it
on the sly.
151.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/26
Which recently single actor, who may or may not be mentioned on this page,
was celebrating Oscar night by grabbing any woman who walked by and enjoying
a big old joint in the corner of the party? Sean Penn
152.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 02/26
Eggs in Public: at an Oscar party on Sunday night, he's been drinking, she's
been nagging. Turns into a huge, embarrassingly loud argument about the most
personal of matters: she wants babies, he doesn't, and they proceed to yell
at each other about it in front of a large audience. Harrison
Ford/Calista Flockhart (verified by Lainey)
153.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/26
#1 This married B- list television and some truly awful films actress was
at an after party and would not stop hitting on this B list film actor/comedian.
When he asked her about her husband, she replied that he was out of town
and that no one would know. Our actor declined. Eva Longoria/Dane
Cook
#2 This 90% television C list actor that you would probably recognize but would not know his name brought along a "date" to one of the bigger parties of the night. When a friend of the actor asked our actor where he found her, he replied that she was an escort. Now, our friend is a married B list actor with A+ name recognition when it comes to his role. The friend introduced himself to the escort, got her number and made plans to see her this week.
#3 This foreign born C list actress here and A list in her own spent much
of the night at the after party she attended, with her finger dipping into
her purse and her stash. She would walk up to people and chat, and as she
was leaving them she would turn, dip and snort all at the same time. On one
of her turns she nearly ran into this foreign born actor/actress couple who
asked if they could partake. Our actress agreed and the three spent the rest
of the evening together huddled around our actresses' purse until it was
all gone.
foreign C list actress: Tilda Swinton
foreign born actor/actress couple: Javier Bardem/Penelope Cruz
154.
LAINEYS
GOSSIP 02/26 **#2**
Diva antics are rather pedestrian these days so it takes a super bitch and
her ass attitude to really push the envelope. A photo shoot with a major
artist. Much is riding on her new project. Everyone is busting their balls
to make her look good. But its hard with these instructions: Dont
talk to her, dont look at her, and
dont even breathe in
her direction. Dont breathe in her direction! Worse still not
sure if you know what its like at a photo shoot but the lighting, the
set, the hair, the makeup, the equipment, it can all get pretty technical,
especially for someone this important. Unfortunately, she couldnt pose
with people standing around. Girl has filled stadiums and she cant
have her photo taken with a room full of staff? Please. So after lining up
every shot, everyone but the photographer had to leave the room. Needless
to say, things need tweaking from minute to minute. Literally, he would take
one frame and have to call out to bring someone back in for an adjustment
before moving on. Imagine every move required another callback to
have someone else run in to make a quick fix only to dash back out. Needless
to say, this extended the shoot time exponentially. And under those conditions,
people are not going to be inspired to put out their best work. Why is this
such a mystery anyway? The nicer you are, the nicer you get back! Is it so
hard? Is is physically difficult to be nice? And seriously
who is she
anymore anyway? She needs it more than they do. The way shes acting
though, shell be staring another failure straight in the face.
Janet Jackson
155.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/27
1. She is the relative of a famous celebrity, her whole identity is based
on his past accomplishments and she is known in black communities. She pimps
her blood line for all it's worth although it's not worth much anymore. She
used her pedigree to date celebrity men, mainly pro ballers and rappers.
These men hit it and quit it, she was devastated. She was always a recreational
drinker but over the last 3-4 years her drinking has gotten out of control.
This once good looking woman has a swollen face and blood shot eyes and always
reeks of alcohol. She has become a spectacle and can been seen staggering
all over Hollywood when she's not driving under the influence. She can guzzle
the juice straight with no chaser.
Arnelle
Simpson
2. Over the years, some rappers fall off or they leave rap intentionally. This rapper falls in one of those categories. The real reason he became a ghost? Two of his friends were murdered over an extortion deal gone bad and he feared for his life by assuming he was the target of a murder contract. He hid low until he became assured the coast was clear and then he reappeared just as mysteriously as he disappeared from public view. Mase
156.
AUSIELLO
REPORT 02/27
Low-rated "Bubble" Show on Verge of Renewal! One of the original Big Three
networks is about to stun the TV industry no, make that the entire
planet by renewing a show that many believed was well into the first
stage of rigor mortis. But before you pop open the champagne, I should point
out that only a small fraction of the Aushole community actually watches
this show and I'm not even sure they'll be happy about this news.
"According to Jim" verified by Ausiello
157.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/27
This one might take a little explaining. We have a former A/B list award
winning film actress who was the thing about 15 years ago. A little resurgence
of late, but still probably a C list actress with her current body of work,
but still has that B list name recognition. She is single, but was married
once. Had an affair with another A list television actor who was also married
at the time. Both marriages. Done. Since then her love life has been pretty
quiet. Until now. On her latest film she got involved with another married
B list television actor, and a C when it comes to films. She worked her magic
and the next thing you know, he is leaving his wife. Well it has now been
a few months since filming ended and our actress is already tired of him,
and so has broken off their relationship. The thing is, his wife has no plans
to take him back and so now he is reduced to living in one of those hotels
where you rent by the month.
158.
OH
NO THEY DIDNT BLOG 02/27
Which reputably sweet actress and award nominee is a full-blown, carpet munching
bulldyke? She was seen with her current flame at an awards show last weekend,
and it looks like her dream of being viewed as ~alternative~ may finally
be coming true -- in a way she never expected. Ellen Page
159.
UNDERGROUND
BUZZ 02/27
1. Sometimes this Singers butt is big
sometimes its average.
Is this singer wearing padded butt implants? Beyonce
2. This young Actress is still playing the price for having an affair with a top Hollywood star. To avoid the stars wife, she was not allowed to attend several key events that could have benefited her career. There was one awards ceremony where they were all together: the star, his wife and the ex-mistress. But, after she made her presentation, she left the building. Sanaa Lathan (Denzel Washington)
160.
NY
DAILY NEWS 02/28
Which TV vixen, based in L.A., spent a lot of the writers' strike downtime
in New York City? Word is that she was cheating on her boyfriend with her
girlfriend.
161.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/28
#1 Sometimes a bad habit is a tough thing to shake. Sometimes an old relationship
can be too. This television actress/model who has a very well known face,
but is probably just a C+ when it comes to her spot on the list had one of
the oddest relationships on record with a B list television actor. Over that
she moved on and found something normal and stable with a movie industry
professional. Despite her apparent happiness and public loathing of her ex,
she was spotted not too long ago leaving the house of her ex at about 5am.
Now, I guess she could have been there to just drop him off some breakfast,
but that is a big long shot.
#2 This one is good and really bizarre, but you will need to put your thinking cap on for this one. We have a foreign born C+ film actress who once was B+. I say once, but she is not that old. In fact she is fairly young, but has already had a long career. Only one television appearance that I know of. All the rest is film. Oh, did I mention gorgeous? OK, she is the instigator for a live in 3some for a recent film she did. When I say live in, I mean these 3 all shared one place during filming including one bed. There was one other actress who was almost twice as old as our foreign born actress. The aging actress was never A list, but has always been right on the edge for her entire career. Known to be a little crazy, but always sexy, and 95% of the time in film roles. The third member of our 3some is a B+ list film actor who is good looking and talented enough to be A list, but because of personal problems, just never has quite got to A list. He generally plays the lead in smaller films, and is always the 2nd billed male in bigger films. Since filming ended, our actor tried to hookup with our foreign born actress but she told him she only dates people she works with. At least she is honest about it.
162.
TED
CASABLANCA 02/28
One Showered 'n' Deflowered Blind Vice: What did we say last week, that
H-towns full of nervous Nellies too fraid to come outta the closet?
Yep, thats what we declared. And now, darlings, weve got Chumpy
"Shepp" Impaled to prove it. Poor thing, he just doesnt have any idea
whatsoever hes helping us with our little goss class project. Too bad.
Now, Chumpys not predictably handsome, but he iswe assure
youwholly doable in the sack (not that many folks would know, really).
Terribly shy and certainly not out, this lad is. Kinda dorky, too. But like,
girlfriends, when you nuzzle that boys neck and work the tasty dough
down below just right, this babys slightly pudgy cookies are yours
for the taking, trust! Case in point: A terribly untrustworthy journalist,
who shall remain nameless in this already anon tally of salaciousness, befriended
CSI at a fairly small but awfully popular Hell-Ay gym. Chump-babe and the
journolets call him Schlong Wad, just for good
measurebefriended each other inget thisthe showers. How
romantic, eh? Lets leave the dropped-soap analogies (theyre
unnecessary, just read on) and mosey on over to the most fascinating fact.
Its that Chumpy, known for his lovable character work on the boob-tube,
had never before had sex with a dude, though hed always been curious.
Oh, who the hell isnt? (Shut up right now, B. Pitt, we so know you
are.) Next thing ya know, Schlongs workin overtime with the
compliments on Reds many talents, which are, to be true, average. What
a fabulous actor! How handsome! Such a gorgeous smile! All this poopy-cock
that you chicks have been seein through for centuries, but Chump
nevertheless totally bit, pickup line and sinker. Right into S.W.s
Hollywood Hills digs and onto Mr. Wads mattress, which is precisely
where Chumpy found out what its like to be the pea in Wads pod.
Ouch! But Yum-O, declared Chumpy, like some sort of Rachael Ray orgasmic
new naughty discovery. Such the shame that Wad, prick he be, is busy telling
everybody he can. AND IT AINT: David Schwimmer; Kevin Connolly; Jimmy
Kimmel. William Peterson
163.
PANACHE
REPORT 02/29
She made a lot of money early on. She celebrated by buying a relative an
expensive car. She was taken aback when the relative told her, she would
have preferred money, instead. Too much too soon could apply to this woman.
She spent recklessly and hooked up with the man of her dreams, or so she
thought. The beatings started right after the honeymoon. One evening, she
was scheduled to attend a function, a car service picked her and hubby up.
They got into an argument and he started punching her in the face, the driver
had to pull the car to the side of the rode and rescue her from a fury of
punches. Interestingly, the husband didn't stand up to the driver. She was
famous before she hooked up with him but for some reason, he credited himself
with her fame and often threw it in her face which baffled her. Over time,
he became very resentful of her success and set out to control every part
of her life. The violence escalated and got so out of control that she took
advantage of hubby's new found drug habit. To avoid nightly beatings, she
would shoot him up with heroin. He would nod off and she would have a nice
and peaceful sleep until he awoke in the morning and the cycle would repeat
itself. Once, he dragged her to the closet, forcibly put her foot in the
doorway and slammed the closet door on it, breaking it. He was also known
to lock in her the closet. This once pretty woman was stripped of her self
esteem and couldn't even make eye contact with people and her husband took
over her career and her finances. Despite being famous and respected in her
field, hubby was calling smut magazines behind her back, trying to arrange
nude layouts. She suffered horrific beatings at the hands of this madman.
Her family eventually rescued her, hubby didn't pursue her because the money
had ran out and he referred to her as "damaged goods." She's never been the
same and her career has never recovered. Hint: She's not a singer.
164.
ENTERTAINMENT
LAWYER 02/29
#1 So there is this sports bar at Times Square and it is Super Bowl Sunday.
At this bar you had to buy tables in order to get in (for the game), but
this regular person talked herself in anyway and hung out at the bar. There
ended up being an empty table, so she approached the guy who "owned" it.
(B- list film and television actor who used to be A list back in the late
70's early 1980's) She said from out of town and it's my birthday and I was
wondering if I could buy the table from you if you're not using it. The guy
looks over and says no problem, I don't need it but you'll have to arrange
it at the bar. The woman says thank you so much, you're so great etc - can
I tell the waitress your name? Guy stops and says You don't know who I am?
She says no. He says just for that you can't have it, Fuck off...turns his
back and that was that. No table. She ended up getting drunk at the bar and
calling him an asshole every time he walked by to get to the bathroom.
John
Schneider
#2 When the wives are out of town, things happen. So what happens when a married socialite who everyone knows gets drunk with a married B list film actress and model. Well turns out that they both liked the same guy they found at the bar in the hotel where they were getting drunk. Instead of fighting over him, they decided to share him for the entire night. And when I mean share, I mean share as in everyone gets naked and shares, not sharing like holding hands sharing.
#3 This foreign born A list actress in her own country and probably C list here in the US. English is not her first language and her only chance at an American film came as a result of her first language. The film was a blockbuster. She wanted to go to LA as she got lots of offers after that first film, but her boyfriend wouldn't let her. He has become so controlling and so jealous of her career that she is not allowed to own a cell phone, and he goes with her everywhere. No one understands why she stays with him, but she doesn't allow anyone to speak bad about him. Of course he has alienated most of her friends anyway. Ziyi Zhang
#4 This new mom who happens to be a B+ film actress shouldn't be counting on the father for the support. He is already choosing from a group of actresses and models and deciding who will get to be with him next. Lets just hope they don't get pregnant also. Salma Hayek
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Last updated: November 9, 2016